Sooo, ya I was bored, had waaaaaaaaay to much caffeine, and came up with this utter crack-fest of a fic

Sooo, ya I was bored, had waaaaaaaaay to much caffeine, and came up with this utter crack-fest of a fic. It is the heartwreching story of the unrequited love of Gwen and Ianto, Gwen and Jack, Gwen and Owen, Gwen and Tosh? Man can that girl love. Or maybe its about something completely different, who knows, MWAHAHAHAHA! Man do I need a nap. Basically, this has every paring under the sun so you'll be happy no matter what so, REVIEW! Oh, I've got no beta so, ya. You know.

Disclaimer: I've looked on eBay, and the cast of torchwood wasn't up so, I didn't buy them, and therefore, don't own them. Excuse me while I cry.

"HOW COME EVERY TIME YOUR COME AROUND MY LONDON LONDON BRIDGE WANNA GO DOWN LIKE LONDEY LONDY, WANNA GO DOWN LIKE LONDY LONDY LONDY, WE GOING LIKE-"

"ahem"

I spun around, almost falling out of out my chair.

OMG how long as he been standing there! He's like that creepy governess in that movie Rhys loves so much, I mean, he just pops out of nowhere! I bet he has secret trap doors all over the place so he can just pop out of nowhere and freak us all out. What is that movie called? Nurse MacPee? Nanna McTree? No Nanny- oh no I haven't said anything and he's looking at me weird, speak damnit speak!

"Um, yes Ianto"

"Do you by chance have that report done?"

REPORT! WHAT REPORT! I HAVE A REPORT TO DO!

"Almost I'll have it for you tomorrow Ianto."

He smiled that awful (adorable) overly polite 'at your service sir but you don't know what your talking about smile at me.

"That's what you said yesterday Gwen." Ianto said gently.

Look here you sharply dressed, um, person, I am busy being the moral compass for all you people, and that is very very hard! You pillocks are very messed up! So stop bloody coming after me about bloody reports and instead go and bloody see a bloody therapist.

"Oh no Ianto I'm so sorry I forgot, I will get to work on it right now and I'll have it for at the end of the day, I promise."

Insert adorable gap-toothed smile here.

He sighed "All right, but I will need that expense report by tomorrow Gwen."

EXPENSE REPORT!! WHY DO I HAVETO DO A EXPENSE REPORT! BUH-UH-HUH-WHA-oh. Honeymoon. company credit card. shit.

"Ok, report, tomorrow, got it."

He smiled his ever-so-gorgeous-it-just-went-up-ten-degrees-in-here-smile at me, said "Thanks Gwen." and turned to go back up to the tourist office.

"ohh, by the way…"

I spun around a second time from my computer where I had begun my unholy expense report.

"Yes Ianto?"

"Not that you have a bad voice or anything, but should I erase the last few minutes of CCTV from the system."

You are the most considerate, handsome, wonderfully thoughtful person in the world.

"That would be lovely Ianto thank you."

He smiled again.

Oh, smile, must…stay…coherent…nope, lost it.

"No problem Gwen."

He got in the elevator and I turned back to my Satanistic report.

"Oh and by the way-"

I hurt my neck as I spun around for the third time.

You spin me right round baby right round…no he's talking listen!

"I heard that song the radio this morning, Its stuck in my head to."

The elevator door closed.

My stomach flip-flopped.

Shit.

Not again.

Bloody Torchwood.