This fiction takes place several months after Exodus in the cannon, but everything beyond that point is AU. Leo's brothers and Master Splinter are able to help him through his anger issues after the showdown with the Shredder, so he does not have to go to visit the Ancient One in Japan. The Foot clan does not attack the lair, so the guys are still living in the Elentian lair. Karai does still hate the guys for what happened to her father, and engages them in battle occasionally, but she doesn't actively seek them out (yet).

Also, FYI the main character's name in this story is actually "Aniya", but she is normally called "Niya" by her friends and family, and will always be called that by the narrator in this story. She is only called by her full name by certain characters; so don't be confused if that name comes up in the dialogue every once in a while, it is still the same character.

Disclaimer: I don't own the turtles but I do own the OCs and the plot.

Chapter 1: Confrontation and Contemplation

The seasons changed quickly in the bustling city of Manhattan. Summer had barely ended and as the mild weather of autumn began to sink in, the people in the city were starting to prepare for the rapidly approaching series of holidays looming ahead. Pumpkins and nightmarish costumes filled the windows of many stores and alongside them various Christmas paraphernalia was being set up by eager salespersons. For one tiny family of four, however, life remained relatively routine and monotonous all year round.

At the end of a long, dark alley was a small, desolate, yet homey looking makeshift shelter. It was really only an 8x10 foot awning stretched between two buildings; these served as a roof and three walls. The front was covered with a thick tarp and was reinforced with boards, which served as a front wall; an opening was cleverly cut in the center to make a door which was sealed with various materials to make it as airtight as possible. The interior was cramped but quite ingeniously designed. A series of crates alongside of the brick wall on the left hand side of the room served dually as a table and a cabinet to hold the scarce amount of chipped and cracked crockery and a beautiful white tablecloth embroidered with tiny blue flowers. In the back of the room a thin curtain made from several different fabrics, which seemed to come from old clothing, was hung on a set of hooks that were drilled into the ceiling. Behind the curtain two young children were sleeping peacefully under several blankets. Near the table another teenage girl sat on a small pile of blankets; shivering slightly she glanced toward the center of the room at the stove, a small fire contained within a thin pail with holes cut out of it, this was the room's only source of heat and light. The glow of it cast shadows onto the far wall; she watched them darkly as they danced eerily in front of her. She sat lost in thought until the unmistakable sounds of someone walking up the alleyway jolted her out of her stupor. The girl turned sharply toward the door and as she did her long mahogany hair caught the light and shone like streaks of crimson fire falling around her shoulders. The door swung open and a small smile of relief crossed the child's face as she shifted on the blankets to make room for her younger sister.

"Oh Ny, it's just you. I was getting nervous for a second." The smaller girl padded over to the blanket, and settled down tilting her thin face up at her sister looking tired and impatient.

"Well who else would it have been, Aijah? We're the only ones who even come near this alley."

"I know but you never know…" Aijah seemed slightly embarrassed but recovered almost immediately. "I was just being careful."

Niya had stopped listening to her big sister and was now staring toward the curtain where her baby sisters Mikayla and Jordan were still fast asleep. Aijah, realizing that Niya was no longer paying attention to her, got up and walked the short five foot distance to the kitchen, which was no more than another assortment of crates topped with a pot of water and a couple of dishes of food. She picked up a plate off of the box and lifted a cloth off of it revealing a mean mixture of foods including a piece of bread, half of an apple, and a slice of ham.

"I'm sure you haven't eaten since lunch, so I saved you some dinner." Aijah placed the plate in front of her sister and watched her expectantly. Niya simply looked at the food but did not attempt to pick up the plate.

"Thanks but I'm not hungry, you should have given this to them." She said quietly as she gestured toward the two sleeping children. Aijah sighed and flopped down again; she had known this would happen just as it did every night Niya came home from work. For the past one and a half years the routine had been the same, Niya would go to work on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday while Aijah stayed home to care for their younger sisters; on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday they would switch. While both girls worked extremely hard to provide for their tiny family, Niya really threw herself into it. Every work day she woke up at 4 am to get to the small pharmacy owned by David Jamison by 6am, while there she spent the day stocking shelves, sweeping and mopping the floors, and doing whatever other odd jobs that her boss could think of for her. Mr. Jamison was a kind and sympathetic man who took pity on the desperate undersized thirteen year old that came to him a year before begging for a job. She spent the day from 6am to 9pm at the pharmacy, and often spent several hours wandering the streets alone. Needless to say, Aijah was often worried about the health and safety of her younger sister; however, while being completely cavalier over her own wellbeing, Niya was obsessed over that of Mikayla and Jordan. That obsession caused Niya to often give up anything over the basic amount of food and comfort to her baby sisters and that was the cause of many arguments between her and Aijah.

"Did you even actually eat lunch today?" Aijah asked her sister wearily. Niya just glared at her irritated.

"Not that it's actually any of your business, but yes I did. So can we please drop the subject I'm tired." To emphasize her point, she slumped down on the cushions and turned her back to the other girl. All was quiet for a few minutes, and Niya allowed her eyes to close, only for them to snap back open again as she was forcefully flipped back over and staring into Aijah's determined dark brown eyes. A furious and slightly haunted expression came over Aniya's face as she jerked backwards out of her older sister's grip, but it passed quickly and was replaced with one of annoyed stoicism. Aijah, for her part, stared at her hands horrified as she instantly realized her mistake in manhandling the younger child; seeing that Niya obviously didn't want to address that issue at the moment, she attempted to smooth over the awkward silence that stretched between them by jumping into a stern lecture.

"No Aniya, I will not drop the subject." She said heatedly. "I am sick and tired of your complacent attitude about your own health and safety. Since, I can't trust that you've actually eaten lunch at work because I'm not there with you, and I know I definitely haven't seen you eat at home, you need to eat your dinner, and then you can go to bed.

"And who are you to tell me what I should or shouldn't do? I told you before that I wasn't hungry, I'm a big girl now and I can make those decisions for myself, thank you very much." At those words Niya, not in the mood for an argument, got up and walked back out of the house with Aijah following closely behind her. "Excuse me, but I do not need an escort to go outside!"

"Yeah well I'm not finished with you just yet…" protested Aijah.

"The hell you aren't," Niya interjected quickly, "I'm not listening to this crap for a third time this week."

"Well apparently you need to hear it again since your skull seems to be too thick for the message to have penetrated before. I just don't understand you, I mean you are one of the smartest people I know but when it comes to things that may or may not be good for you, you're as thick as a brick." She sighed and tried to look imploringly into Niya's eyes. "Please, you're my little sister and I just want what's best for you."

"No, what you want is to be in control of me. There's a big difference there Aij."

"Is it so awful for me to want you to listen to me-"

"I do listen!" Niya snapped indignantly. "But I have no obligation to do whatever you tell me to, either."

"I never said you did!" Aijah yelled back, but huffed when her sister only raised an incredulous eyebrow. "Alright fine, I did, but I still only have your best interests at heart. I don't understand why it's so painful for you to humor me every once in a while." Niya didn't respond to that, so Aijah continued.

"Look little sister, I know that the last few years haven't been easy on any of us, but especially on you. It's alright for you to ask for help if you need it, I'm here and available to talk with you whenever you want; you don't have to roam around the city at night all night long to try and avoid your problems. I've done some reading, and I know that it's pretty common for people that have gone through things like you have in the past to stop eating properly. I understand why you can't really take care of yourself properly, but that's what I'm here for and I won't allow you to continue like you are. So for your own good I insist that you stop arguing and fighting against me and do what you're told, you may hate me for it now but it really is for your own good. Now, are we clear on all of that Aniya Cheyenne Warling?" Aijah's voice became increasingly authoritative as she continued the speech, and she finally finished and regarded her sister with an expectant glare.

Niya stared at her older sister with an expression of complete disgust for a full minute before finally speaking.

"My God Aijah, do you even listen to any of the crap that comes spewing out of your mouth? Don't throw out a bunch of psychobabble at me about being anorexic or depressed or some BS like that. This isn't even about the food, or how late I stay out at night, or any other stupid excuse that you try and use to have these fights with me every other night. This is about you and your compulsory need to have everything and everyone in your control. Why don't you deflate your ego for five minutes and actually open up your eyes? I am perfectly fine and healthy, and I got this way and am capable of staying this way all on my own. You've never given a crap about me before, so it's a little too late to start playing the concerned older sister, I don't need you now!

Aijah looked like she had just been smacked across the face, and her heart clenched painfully at her sister's words, but she decided to ignore that for the time being and attempted to pacify Niya, regretting that she had let the argument get so far out of hand. "Listen, I didn't mean to make you angry I'm just worried about you." Niya remained silent, and stared emotionlessly into her sister's face. "I know we've had our differences in the past, but couldn't we just put that behind us and start over…" she broke off and looked imploringly at Niya. "I just want to be able to take care of you; it's my job as the oldest to take charge of this family."

Niya finally let her eyes drop and turned away while saying quietly, "My mother died almost seven years ago, and I don't need another one." With that, she plopped down at the foot of the wall and refused to say another word.

Knowing that her sister was one of few words and quite stubborn, Aijah went back inside without trying to persuade Niya to speak to her anymore. Niya remained in her spot on the ground for another twenty minutes before feeling compelled to move. She hated losing her temper the way she just had; Niya really did love her sister, her family meant everything to her, but she never really knew whether Aijah really was worried about her or if she just wanted to be a control-freak as usual. With a heavy sigh Niya picked up a small backpack that she had carried outside with her and pulled out a notebook no bigger than her hand and a little pocket flashlight. The pages, like those in at least fifty other notebooks of various shapes and sizes that she had collected over time, were filled with her emotions from the past eight years; writing was the only way she could express many of those feelings since she sometimes had trouble with verbal communication beyond anger and aggression.

The golden tint of her caramel colored skin was illuminated and her hand seemed to glitter in the light as she flipped slowly through the pages, each filled to bursting with her neat, intricate handwriting, a tiny worn photograph fluttered out onto the ground. She picked it up deftly, and as she gazed down at it a lump of so many unshed tears rose into her throat. There was her family as it had been nine years before, just days before her life had been torn completely apart. Standing towards the back of the picture were her mother and father holding hands, and right in front of the happy couple was six year old Aijah who was grinning mischievously at the camera with her had clamped firmly on the shoulder of young Niya who was clutching a beaming baby Mikayla. Niya's eyes lingered bitterly on her own picture for a while; the small child was laughing merrily. What the heck was so damn funny? She thought icily, she couldn't think of any reason to have been so happy back then, and the jovial face of the little girl only seemed to mock her foul mood. Maybe back then I didn't really need a reason to laugh, I was just happy.

Sighing, she placed the photograph back in her notebook and stared up at the stars twinkling merrily in the night sky. Sometimes Niya wondered what her life would be like in the future, so much of her consciousness was focused on the day to day struggles that it was hard to contemplate anything too long term; however, sometimes she couldn't help but wonder whether she and her sisters would ever get the chance to lead normal happy lives. Would they be able to grow up in a house and pursue a real career, not the meager jobs that she and Aijah currently held, or would they ever be able to get married and have children of their own. This last thought that crept unbidden into her mind nearly made Niya laugh, but as it was she only managed to smirk bitterly. Maybe if they could get their current living situation under control and build the other aspects of their lives, marriage and starting a family would be possible for her sisters at least, but for Niya… At only 14 years of age, Niya had all but completely closed herself off to the prospect of love; love required one to trust another person completely something that she already knew was impossible. 'The only one you can trust in your life is yourself and your family, and a lot of the time you can't trust them either.' She thought with a bitter laugh.

Feelings of pain, anger, betrayal, and fear filled her heart, and nearly overwhelmed her but instead of allowing herself to be overcome; Niya forced herself to write out her emotions and effectively locked them away in the pages of her journal. Finally, she finished and looked up into the night sky once again; she allowed her exhausted mind and body pull her into the comforting recesses of sleep.

LtL

Had Niya been more awake at the time, she may have been seen the large green and red blur that had streaked across the gap between the two buildings that made up the alleyway.

Raphael had been running for hours stopping every once in a while to keep some punks from stirring up trouble in the city. Another nightmare had driven him out of the lair. Lately, he seemed unable to spend any more time underground with his family, unable to keep pretending like everything was fine and that he wasn't constantly plagued by feelings of self – hatred and loneliness. His brothers wouldn't understand his inner turmoil, and he didn't particularly want them to; he was beyond help or redemption and he didn't want or deserve their sympathy. Out on the streets, he felt better, freer. Out here he could let go of his emotions and more safely transfer his pain onto someone else. Out here, his uncontrollable rage could actually do some good, could save an innocent person's life. So here he was, looking for some crime to thwart in order to distract himself from his own anguish.

His normal head – bustin partner had been whisked away on a romantic vacation with his now – steady girlfriend, April O'Neil. 'Lucky bastard' Raph thought of his best friend, Casey Jones.

Raph finally stopped to rest on the roof of one of his and Casey's favorite hangout spots; he closed his eyes enjoying the feel of the light breeze on his face, the sound of the gentle fluttering of his mask tails over his shoulder calming him. Now he would ever admit it, but Raph was slightly jealous of Casey and his ability to have such an open and burdenless relationship with April; not that he personally had feelings for April of course, she was like an older sister to him and that was it, but he couldn't help wishing that there was a way for him and his brothers to have what Casey and April had.

He and his brothers had accepted a long time ago that there would never be any chance for real love for them; none of them really spent that much fantasizing about it, but sometimes they had to wonder if their reclusive existence was all that there was to look forward to in life. Sure being a ninja and living in the shadows was fine now while they were still teenagers, but to think that 20 – 30 years from now they would still have nothing left for them but that same lifestyle, and without anyone to share it with or to carry on their legacy was pretty depressing.

Raph shook his head violently and jumped up annoyed; he knew that even if a woman were able to look past their outward appearance and learn to love them that he would find it next to impossible to trust himself with another the way required when in a relationship. He had already been down that road once, foolishly and blindly falling in love and it nearly destroyed him. 'Love is nothing more than a storybook fantasy for suckers and saps.'

Raph felt his insides begin to twist and the familiar sensation of fire building up in his chest, growing and spreading until he started to feel dizzy and his vision began to dim. With effort he managed to push his depressing thoughts away again, locking them back into the deepest recesses of his mind. With a frustrated growl, he renewed his search for some criminal that he could beat senseless until he was able to sink back into his comfortable world of numb oblivion; thinking about things that couldn't be changed was pointless and he refused to take the cowardly way out and give into his ever growing urge to end his life over it. He had promised himself never to give to walk that dark road again, but sometimes the memories were simply too much to bear.

Alright so here it is, the very long awaited beginning to my Learning to Love series; I hope you liked it so far. I'm really excited to finally be getting this underway.

The next chapter features more of the guys and will be up soon, but just remember, more reviews equals faster updates ;)