This story follows some of the show right up to Tara's abduction, but then things take a turn. I own nothing, but this is the way I had wanted the story to go. Tara got a raw deal on the show. She basically became Jax's doormat and let him destroy her piece by piece. I couldn't stand it. So in this story Tara doesn't wait until the very end to try and save herself and her boys.
Chapter 1
Tara knew she didn't have long. Maria would be breaking down the door any second and she knew she needed to be ready for her. She tried not to think about what she was going to do with the jagged piece of glass in her hand, and instead focused on what she would need to do in order to get herself and Margaret out of the fucked up situation they'd found themselves in. After. After she and Margaret were safe, after she found out if her unborn child was still alive and well inside her, then she would think about everything that had gone wrong in her life in the last few weeks. For now she needed to focus.
BANG!
BANG!
BANG!
"What the fuck are you doing in there, bitch!"
Tara readied herself as she remained quiet. Her only hope was to catch the other woman by surprise. And she would have to do it quickly and quietly. Hector was supposed to return any moment and if he heard a fight and came up here before she was ready for him Tara knew she didn't stand a chance. With that in mind she clutched the shard of glass and did her best to prepare herself for what she was about to do.
As expected Maria pounded on the door a few more times before kicking it in. Tara waited for just the right moment before reaching through the shower curtain and making a precise and fatal slice to the other woman's throat, severing her artery and sending a spray of blood arching through the air.
Tara did her best to numb herself to the feel of the hot liquid splashing across her face and chest and instead dove forward to shove the other woman against the wall when she weakly attempted to raise the gun and fire. She didn't get the chance. Tara snatched it from her hand at the same time she slammed her fist into the smaller woman's stomach.
With a forced detachment Tara stepped back and watched Maria's body slump to the floor as blood bubbled and gurgled out of the large gash in her throat while the young Hispanic woman stared up at her with panic in her eyes while futilely trying to staunch the flow from her neck with her hands.
"I'm sorry, but it was us or you," Tara whispered while trying to stay composed. She wasn't done yet. There was still Hector to see to.
Hearing the sound of his car out front and knowing he was only moments away from coming up to the attic Tara turned away from the rapidly fading Maria and ran to Margaret who was starring at her with a horrified expression. Wasting no time, Tara knelt next to her boss and said, "We don't have much time, and the way I see it only one option."
"What are you going to do?" Margaret was scared. More scared than she had ever been in her life, but seeing Tara now. Seeing the steel in her eyes while her pale skin dripped with the blood of the woman she had just murdered, she suddenly realized she was actually going to make it out of this alive. Tara would get her out of this.
"I'm going to kill him. I don't have a choice. Just sit here and stay quiet. I'm going to stand on the side of the door. He won't see me behind it when he opens it. That way when he opens it and comes in I'll be able blow the back of his head off and then we're out of here."
"Tara, you can't—"
"Yes I can. I'm not dying here, and I'm not risking trying to tie him up."
Realizing that Tara was right Margaret nodded her head and said, "Do it. I don't want to die."
"We're not going to."
Tara moved swiftly to stand against the wall by the door. She was positioned so that when Hector opened it she would be behind it. As soon as he stepped into the room and was in her line of fire she would take her shot. Both women waited with baited breathe as they heard their sole surviving captor shout out, "Maria! Donde esta?"
Soon enough they heard his feet on the stairs as he made his way up to the attic, still calling out for Maria. Tara cocked the fallen woman's gun, checked once again to make sure the safety was off, and prepared herself to take yet another life. As the door swung open and Hector stepped into the room she didn't pause to think. She simply stepped out from behind the door and raised the gun.
BOOM!
Tara watched as more blood sprayed through the air and Hector's body dropped straight to the ground, the better half of the front of his face blown off from the close range bullet to the back of the head. She stood over him for a second before leaning down to check and see if he was by some miracle still alive.
He wasn't.
Standing she made her way to Margaret's side and began untying her as she whispered, "Let's get the hell out of here."
A few minutes later the women had made their way downstairs and rummaged around until they found Hector's phone and called 911. The next few hours were a blur of lights, sirens, and endless questions from men and women in uniform as the police and rescue workers came for them. Tara answered all the questions honestly, as in this instance she had nothing to hide, and soon enough she and Margaret were on their way to St. Thomas.
As Margaret held her hand in the ambulance on the way Tara set her free hand atop her stomach and muttered, "The only good to come of this is my realizing how much I want this baby."
Margaret starred hard at the young woman that had just saved her life, the young woman she was coming to respect more and more by the day, and yet realize she didn't know at all, and asked, "Are you sure? If you have this baby you'll never be free of the Sons."
Smiling sadly, Tara said, "I know, but this is my baby, and I'm going to protect him or her. They're the only family I have."
"And Jax?" Margaret didn't know the particulars, but she knew the outlaw biker must have done something horrible to have a woman like Tara considering aborting her own child.
Tara's eyes hardened as she said, "He's not my family."
…
…
…
As soon as the plane landed and it was safe to do so Jax was rushing down the ramp with Abel in his arms. He could see the van parked nearby with Tig standing by the open side door. Wasting no time he hurried to his brother's side and demanded, "Any news? Have they found Tara?"
Jax should have spent the flight back from Ireland ecstatic that he finally had his son safe and sound in his arms, but instead he'd been tortured with horrible visions of all the things that Hector could be doing to Tara. After Tig had alerted him to Tara's abduction in Belfast the only thought in Jax's mind had been finding her. Making things right with her. Doing his damndest to make up for the hurt and betrayal he'd caused her. The memory of her hurt and devastated expression that morning in the club house had plagued him the entire flight home, and he swore to himself that he'd do whatever he had to in order to earn Tara's forgiveness. He couldn't lose her. Not now.
Jax knew he'd been twisted up in Belfast. Spun all around to where he actually thought it was the right thing to do to leave Abel with strangers. To give up his son. But as soon as his mother had told him Tara was pregnant he'd snapped out of his self hate and realized he wasn't supposed to give up his family. He was supposed to fight for them! And fight he would!
Now, facing his brother Jax could only pray the other man had good news for him, because he knew he wouldn't survive if something had truly happened to the only girl he'd ever loved. Sensing the rest of his family move to his side as they all faced Tig waiting to see what he had to say, Jax growled, "Fuck Tig! Tell me you guys have a lead on where she is!"
Tig surprised them all when he announced, "Doc's safe and sound, Jax. Your old lady got the drop on Salazar and his bitch. Took them both out. She's at St. Thomas right now getting checked out and grilled by the feds. They're trying to pin something on her, but Unser said it won't stick. Everyone knows she was kidnapped. He said they're just trying to pressure her into giving something up on the club. Won't happen. Unser said after the feds get done posturing they'll write it up as justifiable homicide. She's safe brother."
Jax could only stand there in shock, his mouth opening and closing several times before a whoosh of air left him and he clutched Able closer whispering, "Oh thank God!"
Gemma smiled and moved to hug her son as she said, "I told you she would be ok. Now let's go get your old lady and go home."
"No can do, Gem," Clay announced, "you know you're still wanted. We'll take Jax to the hospital so we can check on Tara, but you're going into hiding. Now."
"Clay, you can't expect me to—"
"I can and do," Clay insisted, for once refusing to let his wife argue with him until she got her way. "Feds get a hold of you before we get a plan, before we settle things with the Irish, and it could go very bad. You're laying low until we figure out what to do. Tig can drop us off at the hospital and then take you up to the cabin. You'll be safe there."
Refusing to give up entirely, Gemma said, "I'll go to the house."
"Gem, it's not—"
Ignoring her husband Gemma took Able from Jax and climbed into the van, refusing to listen to her husband anymore. Especially when he was trying to tell her to leave her family. Even if it is temporarily.
Glaring after his wife, Clay turned to Jax and said, "Talk some sense into her."
Shrugging Jax said, "No can do, Clay. I already got one fight with an old lady to look forward to. Not about to add another one."
Clay cursed and got into the van, wondering why his wife couldn't make things simply just one goddamned time! Soon enough they were on their way to the hospital. When Gemma suggested that she keep Able with her so Jax could have some time alone with Tara he had been reluctant to agree, but he knew that he and Tara needed to hash some shit out. Mainly shit he'd done wrong, so he reluctantly conceded. Though he did make it clear he and Tara would be by later for him. They decided to drop Gemma and Able off first, with Tig remaining with them until Rat Boy and Phil could show, and then the rest of the Sons headed to the hospital. On the way there Jax tried to think of what he'd say to Tara when he saw her. Tried to think of how he'd make things right with her again after he'd betrayed her the way he had, but he couldn't think of anything.
After all, how did you apologize to the woman you loved for cheating on her with a whore she hated and abandoning her to be taken hostage by a rival? That kind of shit didn't just go away because you apologized. Taking a drag on his cigarette he looked at Opie sitting next to him and asked, "Any suggestions?"
"Don't let her get her hands on anything sharp?"
When Jax simply glared at him Opie gave it to him straight, "You fucked up bad, bro. Real bad. Girls like Tara? They don't take shit from any man. No matter how much they might love him. She's proven she can walk away from you once before, and you've given her all the reasons in the world to do so now."
"This isn't helping, Op."
Shrugging, Opie replied, "I'm not trying to help. I'm telling you the truth. You hurt Tara in the worst possible way when she needed you most, when you both needed each other, and just because you're really fucking sorry doesn't mean she's going to let it go. Honestly, I don't know how you're going to make this right, brother."
"How do I fix this, Opie? This can't be the end. I just got her back."
"Well then maybe you shouldn't have thrown her away."
When Jax glared at him, Opie gave it to him straight. "Jax, Tara loves Able just as much as you do. Everyone knows she loves him like her own son, and not only did you tell her she wasn't your family but you fucking abandoned her. And to make matters worse you abandoned her by fucking that slut Ima. If your roles were reversed how would you feel?"
Jax felt his heart lurch at the brutal truth of his friend's words. He had done everything he could to destroy Tara over the last few weeks. Destroy and abandon her. He could only imagine how she must have felt when he'd screamed they weren't family in that basement. When she was hurting from the loss of Able just as much as he was and all the while carrying his second child in her. Keeping it a secret so he could focus on finding Able. Tara had done so much for him and his son since she'd been back and he repaid her by kicking her to the curb and cheating on her.
His voice was hoarse and filled with pain as he whispered, "I have to fix this. I have to, Ope. I can't lose her again."
Since he had no clue how to help his brother Opie chose to remain silent. In truth he wasn't sure Jax could fix this. Opie knew that Tara wouldn't leave Charming now. She wouldn't leave Able, who everyone knew she loved like her own son, and she wouldn't want to deprive the baby inside her the opportunity to know it's father, but that didn't mean she would stay with Jax. Opie knew Tara just as well as he knew Jax. In fact he'd been friends with her growing up before Jax had. They'd lived a few houses down from each other after all, and Tara had spent many a night when she was younger sleeping in the bunk bed above his after her mom died and her dad was on another of his benders. He knew how closely she guarded herself, and he knew that once someone hurt her, like really and truly hurt her, she never trusted them again. She never let them near her again. And there was no disputing the fact that Jax had hurt her. And worse, he'd done it in front of everyone. Shit like that didn't go away. Not for a woman like Tara.
The rest of the ride was made in silence and Jax all but sprinted through the hospital once they arrived. Coming to the reception desk he demanded, "I need to see Tara Knowles."
While the receptionist, Cindy, recognized Jax, she still asked for his name. Mainly to buy time. Both Dr. Knowles and the head administrator Margaret Murphy had made it clear none of the Sons were permitted into her room. In fact her room was currently being guarded by the hospital security staff Margaret had hired just last night for this occasion.
"I'm Jax Teller. Dr. Knowles is my old lady. I heard she was brought in. I need to see her."
Jax didn't want to waste any time. He needed to get to Tara and see how she was. He needed to make sure the little life they had created inside her was ok. And if it wasn't? He'd go on a bloody rampage that would shock even Tig and Happy.
Picking up the phone Cindy rang Margaret Murphy and announced, "Ma'am, Jax Teller is here to see Dr. Knowles."
As she listened to the other woman on the phone Cindy wondered how she was going to tell the outlaw biker in front of her that he wouldn't be able to see Dr. Knowles … at Dr. Knowles request. When Mrs. Murphy had finished telling her everything she needed to know Cindy set the phone down gently and looked up at Jax as she told him, "I'm sorry, sir, but Dr. Knowles isn't accepting any visitors at this moment. I can connect you to her room for a brief phone call, but that is about it."
Jax expression hardened as he demanded, "Not good enough. I need to see her. What room is she in?"
Shaking her head, Cindy denied, "I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not at liberty to divulge that information. Dr. Knowles has specifically put a bar on any visitors. She's authorized a phone call, and that's all I can help you with at this time."
Hearing that he couldn't see Tara because she'd barred him had a feeling of dread filling Jax. Perhaps naively, he'd hoped that the shit storm they had both gone through would earn him a bit of leeway with Tara, but that was not to be. She was still pissed at him, and while she did have good reason, it wasn't reason enough for her to keep herself away from him. He needed to see her.
Deciding his best bet at being able to see Tara was begging her directly, Jax conceded, "Fine, get her on the phone for me."
It took only a moment for Cindy to dial up Dr. Knowles room and pass the phone to Jax.
"Hello?"
"Tara?"
In her hospital room Tara felt her blood run cold. Where before the sound of Jax's voice whispering her name in that special tone he seemed to save just for her would have made a nice warm feeling fill her body, now it made her feel sick. She couldn't help but think, 'I wonder if he whispered Ima's name like that when he was balls deep in her?'
Refusing to think about what couldn't be changed, refusing to think about how Jax had killed their relationship, and who he had done it with, Tara replied without emotion, "What do you want, Jax?"
Hearing the coldness of her tone, knowing the hurt and anger behind it, Jax closed his eyes and begged into the phone, "Please, Tara, please, babe, let me come see you. I need to see for myself that you're ok."
Ignoring his question entirely, Tara instead demanded, "Where's Able?"
"He's with my mom. He's fine. We got him back safe and sound."
"I'll be by to see him as soon as I'm cleared to leave."
When she said nothing else, Jax pressed, "Tara, please, please let me come up."
Holding tight to her anger, knowing if she didn't her despair would take over, Tara refused, "No. I don't want to see you. We're done, remember?"
"Tara, I don't want—"
"I don't give a shit what you want or don't want anymore, Jax, because now I'm done."
Her words caused him to still, the dread he'd been feeling quickly replaced with bone deep fear, and he hesitantly asked, "Tara, what's going on?"
Up in her hospital room Tara forced herself not to cry as she prepared to lay it out for Jax. She'd done a lot of thinking in the past two and a half days, a lot of thinking, and she'd made some painful decisions. She was done. She couldn't do this with Jax anymore. She couldn't be a part of his world anymore. Especially not now that she had Able and this new baby to think of. She couldn't handle Jax's uncertainty and tendency to fall into bed with whatever woman was handy when shit went wrong. He thought she didn't know about Wendy the night Donna had died, but of course that junkie had called her that next morning to let her know exactly what Jax had done with her, and how many times he'd done her that night.
She'd thought she could get passed it. Especially since he came right back to her at the funeral, held her, kissed her, and promised her a future. She'd given him a pass and never brought it up because it had been a hard night and things with them had been so up in the air, but the shit with Ima? Tara had been hurting just as much as Jax when Able was taken. She'd needed him. She'd needed him so fucking much, and instead of being there for her, instead of holding her and helping her face each awful day as she tried to do for him time and again, he pushed her away and fucked the porn slut she despised so much. Then he'd left her behind to face his enemies on her own. And she'd survived. She'd survied without him, and she would keep surviving without him.
In the end Tara simply couldn't ignore the truth anymore. Jax was weak. He was weak and selfish. He would take and take and take from her until she had nothing left to give, and was left as nothing more than a bitter and broken woman. Tara couldn't let that happen. Not now that she had two kids to think about. And she did have two. Jax might not be her family, as he'd made so perfectly clear to her, but Able sure as hell was. She might not be his biological mother, but she was his mother. She would die for him. She'd held his heart in her hands and given her all to make sure he survived, and she wasn't going to let Jax take him from her.
Readying herself for what she needed to do, Tara explained, "Jax, you were right. You and I don't belong together. After I'm cleared to leave I'll be by to see Able and we can discuss a custody agreement. I won't try and keep you from seeing this baby as long as you don't keep Able from me."
While Jax was infinitely relieved to hear that the baby inside her was ok, he couldn't stop himself from begging, "Tara, babe, no. No. Don't do this. I fucked up. Bad. I know, and I swear I'll do whatever I have to in order to make it up to you, but please don't leave me. Please. I need you. Able needs you. We're a family."
Refusing to let his words move her, Tara stiffly replied, "No we're not. You and I aren't family, you made that very clear, and I'm not leaving you. You threw me away. You threw me away and abandoned me here to face your enemies by myself, and I did, but Able is my son. He is my family."
Hearing how badly he had hurt Tara, hearing the disgust in her tone as she berated him for the failure he was, Jax could do nothing but plead, "Tara, please, please don't do this. Ima was mistake. I was out of my fucking mind with worry for Able, and I fucked up, but I swear it will never happen again."
Jax didn't care that he was begging and pleading on the phone with his old lady while his brothers stood around him. He didn't care if they saw how weak she could make him. All he cared about was getting her back.
"And what about Wendy?"
Stiffening at her words, and praying she didn't mean what he thought she meant, hoping beyond hope that she didn't know about the mistake he'd made with his ex the night Donna had died, Jax played dumb and asked, "What about her? She gave up all her rights to Able. You're right, babe, he's yours. You're his mother. Not Wendy."
"Jax, don't play stupid."
She knew. She knew he'd slept with Wendy. Closing his eyes Jax whispered into the phone remorsefully, "You know about that night."
Back in her room, Tara let out a hollow laugh and replied, "Yeah, I know. She couldn't wait to call me the next morning and let me know how many times you made her come. Three apparently. Tell me, Jax, when you were fucking her that night was it still my face you saw? Or how about when you were slamming your cock into Ima? Did I ever cross your mind then?"
Hearing the disgust and hate in her voice, feeling it slice through him painfully, Jax begged, "Tara, please, please don't leave me."
"You sound like a broken record, Jax, and I'm tired of listening to your tune. You can say you're sorry as much as you like, but it doesn't change the fact you're a cheating bastard. I don't care if it is my face you see when you're inside whatever whore you pick for the night. You can stick your cock into whatever junkie or diseased ridden porn star you want from now on, because I'm done with you and your bullshit. I don't need you, and I don't want you. If it weren't for Able I'd already be gone and you'd never see me or this baby again. You're poison, Jax. All you think about is yourself. What you want. What makes you feel better. What you think is best, and you expect me to just follow. Well fuck that! Time for me to make my own choices. I set up an appointment with a family attorney next week to work out a custody agreement. Again, as long as you don't try to keep Able from me I won't keep this baby from you."
She was breaking him. Completely and utterly breaking him. Each word she said shattered his heart and Jax could feel tears filling his eyes as he whispered desperately, "Tara, please don't say that. Please, just let me see you. Let me talk to you."
Jax knew if he could just see her, put his arms around her, he could fix this. If he could just pull her into his embrace, surround her smaller body with his own larger one, he could reaffirm the connection between them. He just needed to be connected to her. He'd done his best to sever the tie between them, thinking it would be best for her, but he now knew how wrong that had been. Tara was a part of him. Tara was as much a part of him as his own beating heart. The heart that was breaking inside him as she uttered such awful and hateful words against him. Words he deserved, but words that devastated him nonetheless.
Tara knew what Jax was trying to do, and it was part of the reason she had made sure to have him barred from her room. She knew if Jax were to take her into his arms the anger and hurt she was holding onto would dissolve. She'd fall into his arms and let him take her pain away just like he had the night he'd killed Josh for her. She couldn't let that happen. She was a mother now. She had two children she was determined to save from Samcro. She had to stay strong.
With that in mind she let all her rage, all her betrayal and despair fill her voice as she seethed, "Just stop, Jax! Stop trying to make it sound as though you need me."
"I do need you!"
"No you don't! You've made it perfectly clear that all you need is the kutte on your back, and a pussy to slide into when you have a rough night! Well you've got your kutte, and I'll give Ima and Wendy a call to tell them to expect you!"
With that Tara slammed the phone down and promptly burst into tears. She felt Margaret wrap her arms around her and she burrowed herself into the other woman's embrace as she sobbed out her pain and loss. She knew that this wasn't the end. She knew Jax wouldn't give up without a fight, but she also knew she couldn't give in. She had to be strong. She loved him. She would always love him—but they couldn't be together. They were too different. They were part of different worlds. They wanted different things. Needed different things. She couldn't be the type of woman that would turn the other cheek when he had his "indiscretions" like Gemma. She couldn't just slap the whore around and give her man a pass. She just couldn't. And Jax couldn't give her what she needed either. She needed stability. She needed fidelity. She needed safety. All things Jax would never be able to provide her as long as he wore that fucking kutte.
"You cry, Tara," Margaret soothed, "you cry your tears. Letting go of someone you love is hard, baby, I know it is, but you have your children to think about. You have to do what is best for them."
Tara knew Margaret's words were right, and it only made her cry all the more as she clutched at the older woman. Needing to borrow some of her strength.
Back down in the hospital lobby Jax listened to the dial tone for a moment before slowly handing the phone back to the receptionist that was looking at him with pity. He took a moment to compose himself before looking at his brothers, all of who were smart enough not to make mention of the tears in his eyes as he said, "She won't see me. She said we're over. She wants us to meet with a family lawyer to discuss a custody agreement for Able and the new baby."
Clay, not knowing how bad it really was, advised, "She just needs to be pissed at you for a while, son. She'll come around. They always do. We'll get our business handled and then you'll have all the time you need to fix this with her."
Opie, knowing Tara better than that, and having his owns suspicions after hearing Jax mention Wendy, asked, "What does Wendy have to do with this? I thought she was gone? Signed over all her parental rights to you?"
Jax swallowed thickly as he looked at his best friend and brother and explained, "I cheated on Tara with Wendy."
"What the fuck!" Opie was furious now as he demanded, "When? Why the fuck would you cheat on the only woman you've ever loved with the junkie whore that nearly killed your son?"
Hating himself more and more by the moment, Jax replied, "It was the night Donna—I just—I didn't—fuck …"
As Jax's words died off Opie could do little more than stare at his brother in disgust. Jax always had let his dick do his thinking for him, but he'd never thought he'd betray Tara like this. He could feel disappointment filling him along with pain at the mention of his late wife. Shaking his head he growled, "You're a fucking idiot."
When Opie turned around and walked off Jax looked at his remaining brothers and asked, "What do I do? I can't lose her. I just can't."
Clay, Bobby, and Chibs shared a look before Clay said, "You'll figure it out. She's obviously not going anywhere. Let's get our business finished. Once we don't have targets on our back and our shit with the Feds is handled we can sit down and figure out how to get your old lady back."
Jax let his stepfather lead him out of the hospital. He felt numb. Which he was grateful for, because if he wasn't numb he knew the pain of Tara's words, her clear disgust and dismissal of him would break him. And Clay was right. He couldn't afford to break down right now. Too much was going on.
Climbing on his bike he looked back at the hospital one last time as he swore to himself, 'There's no fucking way I'm letting her leave me. No fucking way. Not after I just got her back. I don't know how I can fix this, but I will. I'll fucking kidnap her and tie her up in my bedroom until she sees reason if I have to, but I'm not letting her leave me again. I wouldn't survive it.'
