A/N:
Hey guys! :) I haven't posted in a while... I blame math. But, I didn't have much homework this week so slowly I wrote this fic and typed it up :) Thank you for your patience and I hope you enjoy this fic!
Please let me know if you liked this fic or any of my others either here, on twitter [inbalabramovitz , BechloeL] or tumblr [inbal-esh-world], i would love to hear what you think and if you have any suggestions for future fics!
ENJOY! XOX
B-
"… I AM TITANIUM…" I jumped at the sound of my phone and suddenly felt a headache coming on, I was in my bed. I groaned and slowly dragged myself out of bed, reaching out blindly for my phone. I find it and croak out a "hello?", "Beca!" Chloe's radiant voice blasted out of my phone, I groaned at the volume and stumbled toward the bathroom as she continued- "Don't forget we have practice in 2 hours!" I groaned in reply and barely caught the happy "bye!" she said before hanging up. I looked into the mirror and saw the clear redness in my eyes and the puffiness around them. It's been a month…
I stripped and stepped into the hot shower, washing off the sleep and hoping it would erase any signs of redness in my eyes. As I stepped out of the shower and dried off, I checked my face in the mirror and was glad to see that the puffiness was gone and that the redness was barely noticeable. I dressed quickly and hurried downstairs to have a quick breakfast before practice-
"Hey! Look at that! She's finally up!" Amy says, from somewhere near the fridge. I walked past her and reached for some cereal, I sat at the table and filled my bowl to the brim with cereal, adding the milk and mixing slowly. Amy plopped down on the chair in-front of me and watched me, I looked up reluctantly and she smiled- "So, how did you sleep?" I mumble a "fine" in between bites and after a few more minutes of quiet she gives up and leaves, but not before reminding me we have practice at 12. I finished the cereal, put the bowl in the sink and put on my shoes, ready to take a walk and go to practice.
C-
I walked out of Russian Lit holding the latest test in my hand, our teacher gave it back to us today and she told me she was very proud of me- I "finally" got the hang of it. I slid the paper carefully into my bag and glanced at my watch- 10 AM. I checked my phone but saw no messages from Beca, I wonder if she's okay… I better call her. I typed her number in quickly and held the phone up against my ear, waiting for her to pick up. After 3 rings her voice broke the static- "Hello?" she sounded tired, I decided to just remind her we have practice in 2 hours and I'll ask her if she's okay later. After I hung up I walked to our practice place and organized all the stuff for practice. At around 11:30 Amy walked in, "Hey Amy!" I said as I was piling up some chairs and dragging them aside, Amy walks over and helps me move the chairs as we talk about excitement towards the Worlds next month and about school.
Everyone arrives by 12, except Beca, we are all seated and waiting for her when, at 12:03, the door closes and she comes in, holding her laptop and wires, heading for the table. She puts the laptop on the table, connects it to all the wires and turns around to face us, smiling.
B-
"Great! Now that we're all here… Let's start!" Chloe says, jumping off of her chair and clapping her hands to get everyone moving.
After 2 and a half hours of running, stretching, singing, dancing and practicing our "hand-shake" we take a short break to drink and calm our heartbeat, Chloe approaches me- "hey..." she says, smiling sweetly, I smile back and take a sip from my bottle, "Um… Are you okay?" She asks, more quietly this time, I look up at her and catch her eyes watching me closely, I look down quickly, still holding my bottle, and say- "Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be?" Chloe's hand falls on my shoulder and I feel a chill running down my spine that makes me look up again, "Your eyes..." I look down again quickly and suddenly feel her warm hand caress my cheek lightly before returning to her side. By the time I look back up she's gone back to the rest for more practicing. I take a deep breath and join them, putting on my best smile and working my ass off one more time before supper.
C-
We finished practice at 5:15 and headed back to the house together, we took turns having showers and making supper. By 6:30 we were all done showering and we sat down to eat. We talked about where we want to go in Copenhagen and about our performance, I was watching Beca closely because she was being extra quiet…
*One month earlier*
"Becs! Beca? Wake up! Someone's on the phone for you!" I opened the curtains and light streamed into her room, "Becs?" I sat on the edge of her bed and shook her lightly, her eyes flutter open and catch me off guard for a second as the dark blue meets my light blue. I smile shyly and raise the phone again- "It's your dad." her hand comes up from under the covers and she takes the phone from my hand, "Hey dad." she says and sits up in her bed slowly, as he talks she mouths thank you to me and I wink, getting up and heading for the door. Suddenly, Beca's voice breaks- "What?! Whe- Why- How?" I look back and see tears in her eyes, I stop in my tracks and wait. Beca listens quietly to her dad on the other side of the phone as tears start staining her cheeks, she nods slowly and mumbles an "okay" a couple times before saying "love you too, see you." quietly and hanging up. She doesn't notice I'm still in the room until she sniffles and looks up, eyes red and puffy. "What happened?" I asked cautiously, she watched me closely, new tears forming in her eyes, and shakes her head. She gets up slowly, turning her back to me and making her bed, her hands shaking but she finishes and walks into the closet to change into clothes. She comes back 2 minutes later but still doesn't look at me as she slides on her shoes. I walk toward her slowly and sit next to her on her bed, she finishes tying her shoes but doesn't look up, one elbow on her knees and her face in her hand, she sits there. My hand finds her other hand and holds it tightly, the other circles her back and pats it lightly, "Becs?" I hear a muffled cry and bring her closer to me with the hand on her back- "Beca, what's wrong?" She raises her head slowly, looking ahead of her, "It's Michael…" she says, "Your little brother? What about him?" I ask, quietly, "He… H- He killed himself." I suddenly freeze. This is the 10 year old boy I met 3 years ago for the first time, he was the happiest kid and loved Beca. He was always so excited to see her and he was so happy to meet us Bellas, he walked in backstage after our first win and hugged Beca tightly, he then turned to me and hugged me too. I used to sit with him and play Mario Kart when Beca dragged me along to her family dinners with her. He and Beca would have the best laughs and Beca… She loved him so much, even though she didn't show it often… I realize Beca is looking at me and that I haven't said anything yet, I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out. This never happens, I always have what to say. How can this be happening?! I meet her eyes and feel tears creeping into my eyes, I swallow hard, choke them back and say- "Oh, Becs… I'm so sorry." Beca nods as more of her tears fall onto her knees. I watch the tears trickle off her cheeks and onto her lap and start rubbing her back in circles, "what else did your dad say?" I whisper, she swallows and answers slowly- "He said the funeral is today, at 1. He suggested to come and pick me up but I said I would come by myself. He wants me to come earlier, though." I nod and pull her closer to me until her elbows are on my thighs and I can feel her tears fall onto my jeans, I place my chin on her head lightly and hug her close to me as she cries silently. After a few minutes of this I say- "Do you want m to come with you?" her mouth opens in objection but she hesitates before nodding and leaning further into me. I hug her tightly and after a few more minutes we get up and walk toward the door. "Just," she starts, "don't tell the others where we're going. Okay?" I am about to object when I see the pained look on her face and just nod and gesture toward the door. She opens it and I follow her downstairs.
At around 8 o'clock everyone finishes eating and it's mine and Beca's turn to wash the dishes, so the rest go toward the lounge or their rooms and we start clearing the table and stacking the plates and silverware in the sink. Once we're done clearing the table Beca grabs the towel while I put on a pair of gloves and put some soap on the sponge. I grab the plate of the top of the pile, wet it and start scrubbing it, once I'm done I hand it to Beca where she dries it and puts it on the plate rack. We go on like this for about 15 minutes before one of us talks. "Bec?" I ask, trying to scrub a certain plate clean, "Hmm?" she inquires as she places another plate on the rack, I am about to say what's on my mind but think better of it and instead say- "so, how did you think practice went?"
B-
I lie in bed, 11 PM, and can't seem to fall asleep, the memories of that day a month ago keep coming back to me. The phone call, Chloe's strong arms around me, the drive there…
"You buckled?" Chloe asks as she turns the key in the ignition, "aha" I reply and she looks up into the mirror as she backs out of the parking space. We're on the highway by 10:05 and turn on some music for the 2 hour drive ahead of us. I watch Chloe, focused on the road and mouthing along to the music, I admire her. How she can stay so calm and collected, even at times like this. She was so close with Michael and here she is, offering to drive me and come with me to his funeral. My 13 year old brother. Last time I saw him… it was a week and a half ago, at one of our family dinners. Chloe couldn't come so it was just me, dad and Michael because the step monster was in LA. We had a blast, hearing dad tell funny stories of us as kids and of how I used to try and play with Michael when he was just a baby and didn't understand why he didn't react other than smile. We laughed a lot and I was sad to say goodbye, Michael didn't want me to leave. He got upset and locked himself in his room. I convinced him to open the door for me and he sat on his bed silently. I talked to him for a little until he started replying. He suddenly jumped up and grabbed something off of his desk. He closed his hand around it and walked over to me. "What's that?" I asked him, he opened his hand slowly and showed me 3 bracelets he had made. He told me that the guys in his class laughed at him but he enjoyed it and made them anyway. He then held out 2 of them and placed them in my hand- "For you. And Chloe." he said, smiling. I gave him a big hug and I helped him tie his onto his wrist, I promised I would give it to Chloe and he hugged me one more time before I left… I should have known…
Tears start filling my eyes again and I wipe them quickly before they can start pouring down, I grab a tissue quickly and wipe my nose. Chloe glances at me- "Hey, you okay?" I nod and she smiles sweetly at me. I look down at my hands and open them slightly, looking at the intricate strings in the bracelets Michael gave us…
I felt horrible that I forgot to give Chloe the bracelet and I didn't know what to do with them at that moment- give her or not? I didn't. I ended up stuffing them into my back pocket and leaving them there. On the nights that followed I either cried myself to sleep alone or crawled into Chloe's bed and fell asleep immediately, only to wake up to nightmares that were full of blood, ropes and his white stoney face. I hoped these dreams wouldn't show up in tonight's cycle as I forced my eyes closed and went to sleep.
C-
It's been 3 weeks since Beca and I talked about anything other than practice and the Worlds. It's been a month since Michael's funeral. I know I should give her some time and space, but I feel like I'm losing her all over again. I fall asleep and start dreaming about one of those suppers at Beca's dad's when Michael and I played Mario Kart, when the dream suddenly changes and becomes dark, we're still in Beca's house but it's right before the funeral…
Beca's dad lets us in and he gives Beca a long hug, he shakes my hand and thanks me for coming, I nod back and follow Beca into the house. I've been to this house so many times but it looks so different without Michael running around or sitting on the couch with a book or a controller in his hands… Beca stops at the bottom of the stairs and looks up expectantly, her dad pats her on the back and nods toward the stairs, she takes my hand and takes me with her to Michael's room. I've only been in his room once- the walls were different shades of blue and he had post-its with quotes on them all over his room. His desk and floor were very neat, everything in it's place. Beca, not letting go of my hand, walks around the room, straightening things here and there. His desk has his pencil case on the left hand corner, a pile of papers on the rights and his tablet and its keyboard in the middle of the table. "He left a note." Beca's dad says from the door, Beca turns to him and he hands her a yellow page. She takes it and we sit down on his bed to read it-
'Dear family,
I'm sorry. Forgive me. I didn't do it to hurt you in anyway. I hope someday you can find it in your hearts to forgive me, I love you guys. I just couldn't take it anymore, life is cruel and demons are even more. Please remember the good times we had, don't think of the depressed me, I love you all. Dad, Beca, you were the best family I could ever ask for. Forgive me. Michael.'
Beca choked down tears and I watched her closely, I raised my hand and tucked a strand of her hair, that fell forward, behind her ear and slowly we got up.
I jerk awake at the sound of a door closing nearby. I squint into the room's darkness and see a shadow walking toward me. It stops in-front of my bed, picks up the edge of my blanket, turns around and slides into bed with me. Beca.
B-
I calm down instantly when I feel her front against my back, I cover myself with the blanket and take deep breaths to calm myself from the dream I just had. I was just starting to feel relieved that I didn't wake Chloe when her hand slides from behind my back onto my stomach and she pulls me in closer, warming me up. I grit my teeth- "Sorry, didn't mean to wake you…" I feel her hot breath on my neck and she whispers- "It's okay, I wasn't having the best dream anyway." my throat chokes up but I swallow hard. How can she possibly make me feel so many things with so little words and movements? Her forehead meets my nape and my breathing slowly returns to normal. "Bad dreams?" she asks, barely audible, but I hear because we're so close, closer than we've been in 3 weeks… I nod and she raises her head, placing her cheek on the back of my neck, I feel myself blushing and I thank god for the darkness. "tell me about it?" she asks, I shake my head and she pulls me in closer. I get my hand out from under the cover and open the fist I've made. The bracelets. They're with me everywhere I go. "Whachyou got there?"
C-
Beca's hand closes into a fist again but before she says "nothing." she turns onto her back and rolls her head toward me. I gaze into her eyes, black in the darkness but I can see my reflection in them, she must have cried before she came to me. I place my hand on her closed one but she jerks it away. I frown, "why did you come here tonight?" I ask, now it's her turn to frown. I sigh and wait for her answer- "I miss him." she says finally, I look away and nod slowly. She turns onto her side so that she's fully facing me, I try hard not to let my tears spill. And not just because of her brother that I loved and I know she misses, I miss him too, but also because she's not here because she missed me, she's here because she needed someone close to him. "Chlo?" Beca's voice takes me away from my thoughts and I look back at her- "yeah?" her hand, not the one in a fist, comes forward and brushes my cheek. I shiver and clutch the blanket, "…I missed you." my mouth opens slightly and I feel the tears threatening to pour as she looks down at her other hand and opens it again slowly.
B-
Chloe looks at my hand and I raise the bracelets slightly so she can see them in the moonlight seeping from the window, she watches them closely and then the realization hits her. She remembers.
We stood in-front of the open casket and the priest told us that if we have any last words then this is the time. I looked Michael up and down, dad was watching his face, I spotted something colorful under one of the cuffs of the suit they dressed him in. I reached over and moved the cuff a little, revealing the rainbow bracelet he made for the 3 of us. Just then Chloe shows up behind me and rubs my back, I don't react, I just keep staring at the bracelet. She follows my gaze, smiles and whispers in my ear- "Rainbow Road, First Place, Highest score with Dry Bones." I manage a small smile and follow her back to our seats.
"The bracelet…" she breaths out, I nod and separate the bracelets, revealing that there's 2. a slight shock registers on her face- "did you…?" I shake my head and explain- "on that last supper when you couldn't come, he gave them to me. Made me promise you will get yours too. I forgot they were in my pocket by the time I came home, but when it happened… I fished them out of one of my jeans' pockets and I take them with me everywhere." Chloe nods understandingly, I take one of the bracelets and hand it to her. She hesitates but I nod encouragingly and she takes it in her hands, looking at it closely and feeling every knot and string. She holds out her wrist and hands it to me, I put mine down and help her tie hers onto her wrist, she then helps me put on mine. We're silent for a few minutes, just watching each other. Until my eyes close again and I fall asleep.
C-
Beca's heavy breathing wakes me a few hours later and I notice she's sweating and thrashing slightly, I sit up quickly and shake her awake- "Beca? Beca?" her eyes fly open and she sits up quickly, looking around frantically before seeing me and placing her hand on her heart to calm herself. "what is it?" I asked her, placing my hand on her shoulder. She looks at me, eyes alert and frightened, "It happened all over again… except…" I wait for her to continue but when she doesn't I nudge her- "except…?" she looks at me again, "except this time it was you." she watches my reaction, frightened. I swallow the lump in my throat and place both hands on her shoulders, she averts her gaze to the bracelet on my wrist and she seems to calm down a little, "Bec… You'll never lose me." I say, confidently, she looks into my eyes and sighs, a small smile appears on her lips. "Thanks." she says and wraps her arms around me tightly, I hug her closely and breathe in her scent. "Anytime." I say. She raises her head and moves it back so she can look at me- "Can I ask you something?" she says slowly, as if testing the words. I nod and smile encouragingly, she smiles too and I think I catch her eyes flicker to my lips when she says- "There's this girl I like… Do you think I should do something about it?" I feel a flicker of hope ignite in my stomach and I answer- "does she like you?" she bites her lip, "I'm not sure… I think so." I think for a second and reply- "Well, why don't you ask her?"
B-
"Alright… Um," I start, feeling my heartbeat speed, "Chlo, do you- do you like me?" Chloe's mouth opens slightly and a small smile forms, she nods and bites her lip, eyes flickering to mine for a second. I move my face closer to hers so they're barely touching, "And… May I… Kiss you?" the butterflies in my stomach are flying frantically and bumping against my sides, her smile grows and she touches her forehead to mine, "yes, you may." she breaths out. I smile widely and close my eyes, tilting my head slightly and my lips meet hers. It's electrifying, a current run through me as I feel her soft lips on mine, she pulls me closer and I run my hands up and down her back, she shivers and I chuckle against her lips. She takes the chance and deepens the kiss, allowing me to taste her lips. They are the most heavenly thing I have ever tasted. My cheeks start warming up and she placed her hands on my cheeks, lightly caressing them with her thumbs. We break apart for breath and one of her hands reaches behind me and strokes my hair as she watches me catch my breath- "I love you." she says, I smile shyly and feel my whole face get red, "I love you, too, Chloe." her face lights up like a tree on Christmas and I hold her face in my hands, cherishing very moment. Chloe is my family, she has been for the past 3 years and now… Now everything is the way it's supposed to be. Michael will always be with us, a major part in our little rainbow family.
