(The Griffins are watching T.V.)
T.v. announcer:" Now back to Jason 1000"
(the T.v. reveales Jason running toward a women with a paper clip)
Jason:" run away bitch, why arn't you running?"
Girl:" your holding a paper clip"
Jason:" Mother, hid the Kitchen knives from me"
(Back to the Griffins)
(A Storm starts outside, and the power cuts off)
Peter:" come on! Stupid rain!"
Chris:" Dad tell us a story"
Stewie:" yes, fat man tell a story"
Peter:" alright guys, how about the story of Star Wars Part 3"
A Long Time Ago, like, 2 days ago...
FAMILY GUY
Episode 3
Revenge of the Sith
War! The Republic is crumbling under attacks by the bitch,
Count Dooku. Battles...Stuff...Ships...Yoda...Anakin...
Blah Blah Blah BLAH!
(Two jedi Starfighters fly in)
Stewie(Anakin):" Hey Obi Wan look at me I'm spinning in my ship I bet you can't do that"
Herbert(Obi Wan):" Thats Okay,you can think whatever, if you take pants off"
Cleaveland(R2D2):" Thats General Grievous's ship"
Stewie(Anakin):" How do you know?"
(The Ship has a sign that says: This is General Grivous's ship)
(They fly in and land in the hanger of the Trade Federation Cruiser)
(they get out of thier ships and start killing battle droids)
Stewie(Anakin):" wow that was a lot of droids, you know what, I Know we have a dangerous mission and all, but I think its time for a sexy party!"
(The a bunch of girls come in and do the dance with Anakin)
(it ends and the girls go away)
Herbert(Obi Wan):" Thank god thats over, with all those ugly women here, I was getting uncomfortable with them takin my man"
Stewie(Anakin):" Shut up old man, I'm not your man!"
Herbert(Obi Wan):" Mmm! I love it when your feisty"
(they begin to leave and R2 starts to follow)
Stewie(Anakin):" R2 stay with the ship"
Cleaveland(R2-D2):" is it because I'm a Droid"
Stewie(Anakin):" No, I need you to stay with the ship"
Cleaveland(R2-D2):" Oh yeah whatever, the short guy with the football head, and the Pediphile can go, but no Droids allowed, Racist Bastards"
(Anakin and Obi Wan Leave to go rescue the Chancellor)
(They take an elevator and arrive at the room where the Chancellor is)
Carter(Palpatine):" Finally, I thought I was gonna die before you got here"
(Dooku arrives)
Stewie(Anakin):" Wait you 2 look exactly alike, was there no more characters on our show that could have been Dooku?, wow!"
Carter(Dooku):" now that you mention it, I do see a resemblance"
Herbert(Obi Wan):" I wish one of them looked like you, Anakin, then there would be 2 of you, Mmm!"
(Dooku jumps down and starts his Lightsaber, Anakin and Obi Wan start thiers too)
(the fight starts and they clash thier lightsabers together)
(the fight continues, and Obi Wan gets injured and knocked to the ground, Dooku uses the force to make a piece of the balcony fall on Obi Wan's legs)
(Anakin and Dooku continue, when Anakin cuts Dooku's hands off, grabs his lightsaber, holding two sabers to Dooku's neck)
Carter(Palpatine):" go ahead and kill him"
Anakin(Stewie):" DIE, BITCH!"
(he then cuts off Dooku's head)
(a huge noise of the ship being attacked is heard, Anakin runs to Obi Wan to take him with them)
Carter(Palpatine):" Leave the perverted old man here, and lets go"
(Anakin doesn't listen and picks up Obi Wan anyway)
Carter(Palpatine):" fine, Don't listen to me, Douche Bag"
(They run into the nearest Elevator, Obi Wan Wakes up)
Herbert(Obi Wan):" Mmm! I like you holdin me"
(Anakin puts him down, and they get out of the elevator, they run down the hall way and get trapped in ray shields)
Stewie(Anakin):" Don't worry R2, will be here shortly and release Ray Shields"
(A door opens and R2 strolls in fast screaming)
Cleaveland(R2-D2):" Shit!"
(He runs straight into a wall)
(Battle Droids arrive, and escort them to another room)
(General Grievous is there)
Peter(General Grievous):" Hey check it out I actually am a character fans care about, this time! Anakin Skywalker, and Obi Wan Kenobi,
Anakin, your short, I wasn't expecting that"
Stewie(Anakin):" Grievous, your fatter than I expected"
Peter(Grievous):" Touche! I think these lightsabers will be great in my collection"
Stewie(Anakin):" where is your collection? In your fat rolls?"
Peter(Grievous):" Yes, we get it, I'm fat!"
Stewie(Anakin):" R2!"
(R2 creates a distraction)
Cleaveland(R2-D2):" Yea you like my awesome gagets, most of them I got at the space Dollar General, so they might stop working"
(Anakin and Obi-Wan use the force to grab thier lightsabers)
(Grievous destroys the window, and the 2 jedi grab on to anything they can hold on to, Grievous magnetically walks on sides and surface of the ship)
Peter(Grievous):" I can stick to walls, I must be...Spiderman! Spiderman,
Spiderman, does whatever a spider can, spins a web anytime, catch those fiends, just in time, look out he is Spiderman!"
(Grievous launches all escape pods and gets away)
(Inside the ship, Anakin and Obi Wan get away from being pulled by gravity, they go to the control room)
Stewie(Anakin):" all the escape pods have been launched"
Herbert(Obi Wan):" Well how do we get the hell outta here!"
Carter(Palpatine):" you can start by shuttin the F**k up!"
(Anakin flies the ship to coruscant with it in half and on fire)
Neil(Mace):" Chancellor Palpatine, are you alright?"
Carter(Palpatine):" No! Because your here!"
Neil(Mace):" It's because I'm black, right? I get that alot"
(Anakin walks inside where he sees Padme)
Stewie(Anakin):" Whats up, Bitch!"
Diane(Padme):" I'm pregnant"
Stewie(Anakin):" What the hell? I'm being punked right? Okay Ashton,
come on out!"
(She stares at him seriously)
Stewie(Anakin):" Oh! You were serious, so who's the father? Wait, Wait,
its mine isn't it?"
Diane(Padme):" yes"
Stewie(Anakin):" Oh...Awkward!"
(on Utapau)
(a Ship lands and Grivous emergous from it)
Battle Droid:" The planet is secure sir"
Peter(Grievous):" Hey, why do you talk to me? Take off your shirt!"
Battle Droid:" Sir, are you drunk again"
Peter(Grievous):" No, your drunk, you drunk person, I'm not drunk that Taun Taun is drunk"
Battle Droid:" thats a ship, sir"
Peter(Grievous):" STOP YELLING AT ME!"
(Back on Coruscant)
(Anakin is asleep)
(In his dream)
Diane(Padme):" Anakin! Help! Anakin!"
(She dies)
(Anakin wakes up in panic)
Stewie(Anakin):" Holy Shit! I forgot to brush my teeth!"
(Later in Yoda's Meditation Chamber)
Carl(Yoda):" Concentrate, the force flows through you!"
Stewie(Anakin):" Obi Wan always says the force is only in your Penis"
Carl(Yoda):" Don't listen to him, he hasn't even seen American Pie Band Camp, he doesn't know anything"
Stewie(Anakin):" Master Yoda, I had a vision last night of pain and suffering"
Carl(Yoda):" Did you watch The Grudge? That gave me nightmares for a week"
Stewie(Anakin):" no"
Carl(Yoda):" oh then I don't know why you had the dream, so yea go,
I need to masturbate"
(later at the council meeting room)
Neil(Mace):" we do not grant you the rank of master"
Stewie(Anakin):" F**K YOU!...Sorry"
Carl(Yoda):" sorry, Anakin we can't trust Palpatine's judgement"
Kit Fisto:" Yea he could be a Phony, a big fat Phony!"
(Later)
Herbert(Obi Wan):" Anakin, the council needs you to watch Palpatine's every move"
Stewie(Anakin):" Okay, but what if he wants to masturbate?"
Herbert(Obi Wan):" well, then feel free to join him, and maybe put it on video, you can send it to my Email! It's ...Mmm!"
(Later)
Carl(Yoda):" hey Obi Wan, you should head to the Utapou system, Grievous is there"
Herbert(Obi Wan):" will there be any little boys?"
Carl(Yoda):" no, but I know there's a McDonalds with a playground, half way there"
Herbert(Obi Wan):" Mmm!"
(later at a Opera House Anakin walks in and sits next to Palpatine)
Stewie(Anakin):" You called me here, Why?"
Carter(Palpatine):" Because I'm gay"
Stewie(Anakin):" What?"
Carter(Palpatine):" Nothing!"
Stewie(Anakin):" Okay..."
Carter(Palpatine):" Did anyone ever tell you the story of Darth Plagueis the Wise?"
Stewie(Anakin):" No"
Carter(Palpatine):" Good, it was a terrible story"
Stewie(Anakin):" Come on tell me the damn story, I want to hear it now that you mentioned it"
Carter(Palpatine):" fine, he had the power to keep people from dying, he got curious one day, raped 8 women and then his wife killed his and threw him out a window"
Stewie(Anakin):" That's terrible!"
Carter(Palpatine):" Well that's what I tried to tell you"
(Later we see a Star fighter land on an Utpau platform, he jumps out and walks toward an Alien named Tion Medon)
Tion(Roger from American Dad):" Hello, Jedi, Tell me do these clothes make me look fat?"
Herbert(Obi Wan):" Sorry, I don't have time for Alien boys I got my own human boy"
Tion(Roger):" Now what brings you out here"
Herbert:" I was sent because of the War. Do you know a General Grievous?"
Tion(Roger):" He's on the 10th level... Thousands of those Battle Droids"
Herbert(Obi Wan):" Thanks"
(He leaves in his Star fighter)
(We Later see him riding a Boga)
Meg(Boga):" Roar!"
(Obi Wan notices Grievous down below, get's off the Boga and jumps down behind Grievous.
Grievous turns seeing Obi Wan)
Herbert(Obi Wan):" Hello, There!"
Peter(Grievous):" thank god you showed up! I was Dieing listening to these F**king robots talking with thier bland conversations it was really starting to Grind my Gears"
Herbert(Obi Wan):" Okay I don't have much time, the paper boy comes my place at 8 o'clock,
so lets just get this over with"
Peter(Grievous):" I will warn you I was trained by Count Dooky himself"
(Pulls out lightsabers and they begin to fight)
(inside Palpatine's office)
Stewie(Anakin):" Chancellor, Obi-Wan is fighting General Grievous"
Carter(Palpatine):" I don't care"
Stewie(Anakin):" I wanted to fight him too but the council says no"
Carter(Palpatine):" well they probably don't trust you. Oh, and uh, I'm a sith lord and can help you save Padme from death"
Stewie(Anakin):" Ooo! I'm tellin' the Council on you!"
Carter(Palpatine):" go ahead...Bitch."
(Fight Continues, Obi Wan loses Lightsaber, takes gun and shoots Grievous in the heart several times, killing him)
Herbert(Obi Wan):" Damn it! Now I'm gonna miss the Paper Boy"
(Anakin runs up to Mace Windu)
Stewie(Anakin):" Master Windu!"
Neil(Mace):" Oh hey Anakin! We just heard that Obi-Wan defeated Grievous"
Stewie(Anakin):" Palptine is a sith lord"
Neil(Mace):" How do you know?"
Stewie(Anakin):" well he told me he was a sith lord, if that means anything"
Neil(Mace):" I don't know. Did he say anything else?"
Stewie(Anakin):" he said I could keep loved ones from dying"
Neil(Mace):" that's normal, did he say it in an agressive tone?"
Stewie(Anakin):" No he sounded pretty normal"
Neil(Mace):" Hmm...Did he say anything else?"
Stewie(Anakin):" he said the council doesn't trust me"
Neil(Mace):" He told you the truth? Yep he's a sith lord"
(Mace Windu and 3 other Jedi show up at the Chancellor's Office)
Neil(Mace):" your under arrest Chancellor"
(They all turn on thier sabers)
Carter(Palpatine):" Please don't threaten me I don't want to have to call my attorney"
(The Chancellor ignites his lightsaber also then attacks)
(Meanwhile, Anakin jumps in his ship and flies off)
(Back in the office)
(Chancellor Palpatine kills all the Jedi except Mace, they begin to fight)
(Fight continues, a window gets shattered, and Mae holds a lightsaber up to Palpatine on the ledge of the window)
(Anakin walks in)
Carter(Palpatine):" Anakin, he's tring to kill me"
Neil(Mace):" He's a traiter"
Carter(Palpatine):" He's a traiter"
Neil(Mace):" He's a traiter"
Carter(Palpatine):" No, He's a traiter"
Neil(Mace):" He's lying he's the traiter"
Carter(Palpatine):" Wait, which character am I?"
Neil(Mace):" Palpatine"
Carter(Palpatine):" Oh! Yeah, I'm the traiter"
Neil(Mace):" Oh and he has herpies"
Carter(Palpatine):" No! No! You have Herpies!"
(Palptine shoots electricity from his hands, Mace blocks with his lightsaber)
(Palptine stops)
Carter(Palpatine):" I can't hold it any longer"
(Palptine let's out a long fart)
Carter(Palpatine):" that's better"
Neil(Mace):" Now I will kill"
Stewie(Anakin):" No, don't he was gonna take me to space Mcdonalds for dinner"
Neil(Mace):" He's to dangerous to be left alive"
(Mace goes to kill Palpatine, but is stopped when Anakin slices Mace's hands off, Palpatine shoots more electricity, and Mace is shocked out the window)
Carter(Palptine):" Yeah, who has herpies now Bitch!"
Stewie(Anakin):" I can't believe I did that...and now I'm over it"
Carter(Palpatine):" Become my apprentice"
Stewie(Anakin):" What's in it for me?"
Carter(Palpatine):" well I can help you keep Padme from Dying"
Stewie(Anakin):" Meh..."
Carter(Palpatine):" yes, I'll still take you to Mcdonalds"
Stewie(Anakin):" Alright"
Carter(Palpatine):" you are now Darth...Vader"
Stewie(Anakin):" Okay"
Carter(Palpatine):" now go kill some younglings and head to Mustfar to kill the Neimodians"
Stewie(Anakin):" sounds good to me"
(Later)
Carter(Palpatine)(On Hologram):" Execute order 66"
Commander:" But sir. we haven't even executed order 1"
Carter(Palpatine):" just F***ing do it"
Commander:" Yes Sir."
(Clones kill Ki-Adi-Mundi on Mygeeto)
(Clones shoot down Aayla Secura on Felucia)
Clone #1:" So what should we do with the body?"
Clone #2:" I know what I'm gonna do with the body"
(on Cato Neimoidia Plo Koon is killed, we see 2 creatures that are watching)
Creature #1:" Oh No!"
Creature #2:" I Know!"
(Clones shoot Stass Allie on Saleucami while riding speeder bikes)
(Anakin enters a room full of younglings)
Youngling:" Master Skywalker! There are to many of them, what are we going to do?"
Stewie(Anakin):" I'm gonna shove my lightsaber up your ass"
(He ignites his lightsaber)
(Later, Anakin walks up to Padme)
Diane(Padme):" Are you ok?"
Stewie(Anakin):" Yeah, I'm good"
Diane(Padme):" What's Happening?"
Stewie(Anakin):" I'm just gonna go kill some hoes on Mustafar, so don't follow me"
(He leaves)
(Later on Mustafar, Neimodians talk to a hologram of Palpatine)
Carter(Palpatine):" So Yeah my apprentice will be there in a few"
(Anakin walks in the door)
Carter(Palpatine):" I geuss he's early, bye"
(Hologram disappears. Anakin starts killing the Neimodians)
(Back on Coruscant, Obi-Wan and Yoda Talk)
Herbert(Obi Wan):" I need to know who killed the younglings I need to think him for all the little boy bodies added to my collection, Mmm!"
Carl(Yoda):" No don't watch the recordings! Okay you can watch the recordings!"
(Obi-Wan sees Anakin killing younglings in the recordins)
Herbert(Obi Wan):" No, Not Anakin!"
Carl(Yoda):" You have to kill him"
Herbert(Obi Wan):" that means I have to find other ways to spend my saturdays"
(Later Obi-Wan talks with Padme)
Herbert(Obi Wan):" Do you know where Anakin is?"
Diane(Padme):" yes I'm heading there to see him, so don't hide away in my ship"
Herbert(Obi Wan):" don't worry I won't"
(Padme gets in her ship, and Herbert hides away in it)
(Later on Mustfar, Anakin sees Padme's ship land, he runs up to it)
Diane(Padme):" Anakin"
Stewie(Anakin):" I told you not to follow me!"
(He chokes her with the force)
Herbert(Obi Wan):" Let her go Anakin!"
(Anakin lets her go)
Stewie(Anakin):" Whats up Obi! My Man!"
Herbert(Obi Wan):" I have to kill you!"
Stewie(Anakin):" Not if I kill you first"
(They both turn on their sabers)
Stewie(Anakin):" Okay rules are, no cutting off limbs"
(Obi-Wan doesn't say anything just attacks)
(Back on Coruscant, Yoda walks in knocks the gaurds at the door down with the force)
(Turns to Palpatine)
Carl(Yoda):" Heard you have a new apprentice"
Carter(Palpatine):" Well I don't like to brag but yeah I have one, and we're winning"
Carl(Yoda):" Not for long"
(Palpatine shoots lightning at Yoda, he is sent flying back and hits a wall)
Carter(Palpatine):" I've waiting for this moment you little green bastard, you"
(Yoda stands up)
Carter(Palptine):" Ha! The Sith are winning! The Sith are winning!"
Carl(Yoda):" Not if I have anything to say about it!"
(Yoda force pushes Palpatine back. Yoda ignites his lightsaber)
(Palpatine gets up and ignites his lightsaber, they clash them together)
(Back on Mustafar the battle continues)
(On Coruscant the battle continues then Yoda is knocked down, he escapes through a wiring chute)
(He pulls out a comlink, and speaks into it)
Carl(Yoda):" Bail Organa, come pick me up"
(Battle continues on Mustafar, and after several obsticles Anakin is on a floating platform in the lava, and Obi-Wan is on the ground)
Herbert(Obi Wan):" it's over Anakin I have the high ground"
Stewie(Anakin):" Bitch I'll show you!"
(Anakin jumps but Obi-Wan slices all the limbs off of Anakin's Body)
Herbert(Anakin):" I didn't get your Penis did I?"
Stewie(Anakin):" I said no cutting limbs I hate you!"
Herbert(Anakin):" I know I used to tell you this all the time but I love you!"
(Obi-Wan picks up Anakin's Lightsaber)
Herbert(Obi Wan):" Now I gotta find a new little boy to keep me occupied"
(He walks away, as Anakin sets on fire)
(Herbert is leaving in Padme's ship she is laying down on a bed inside the ship)
(He takes off)
(Back at the lava river bank, Anakin is all burnt. Sidious and Clone troopers carry Anakin away)
(Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Bail Organa are in an Obsevation Dome on the meteor of Polis Massa)
(They stand in front of the Medication room where Padme is)
Medical Droid: "Medically, she is completely healthy. For reasons we can't explain, we are losing her"
Herbert(Obi Wan):" She's Dieing?"
Medical Droid:" DUH! That's what I just said! But We need to operate quickly if we are to save the babies"
Stan Smith(Bail Organa):" Babies?"
Medical Droid:" Shes carrying twins"
(Meanwhile Anakin is in the Medical Capsule and droids are working on him)
(Back to Padme, she gives birth to a baby)
Herbert(Obi Wan):" It's a boy, Mmm!"
Diane(Padme):" Luke"
(She gives birth to another)
Herbert(Obi Wan):" It's a girl"
Diane(Padme):" Leia"
(Back to Anakin he is now in his Vader suit, then the mask is put on)
(Then back to Padme)
Diane(Padme):" Obi-Wan theres still good in him, theres still..."
(She dies)
(Back to Anakin who is now officially Darth Vader)
Carter(Palpatine):" Lord Vader, can you hear me?"
Stewie(Vader):" yes"
Carter(Palpatine):" good, what do you want to do"
Stewie(Vader):" I want to go to Mcdonalds"
Carter(Palpatine):" it seems that in your anger, you scared off all the employees"
Stewie(Vader):" I couldn't have! They were there! I felt it! No!"
Carter(Palpatine):" I can take you to Burger King instead, and then we will build our battle station"
Stewie(Vader):" Can I get ice cream while we're there?"
Carter(Palpatine):" yes but you have to finish your nuggets first"
Stewie(Vader):" Yay!"
(Back with the others)
Carl(Yoda):" What will we do with the babies?"
Stan(Bail):" My wife and I will take the girl. We've always talked of adopting a baby girl"
Herbert(Obi Wan):" I'll take the boy to Tatooine, and watch over him as he grows, Mmm!"
Carl(Yoda):" We must disappear until the time is right"
Stan(Bail):" Captain Antilles take these droids, and have the protocol droid's memory wiped"
Quagmire(C-3PO):" hey that means I won't remember last night when I slept with that coffee machine, oh how that burned"
(Later it is Padme's Funeral day on Naboo)
(It switches to Vader and Palpatine watching the Death Star being built, and Vader is holding an ice cream cone)
(Then it switches to Obi-Wan handing Luke to Beru on Tatooine)
Herbert(Obi Wan):" I'll be back when this boy is big and has muscly arms"
(Beru takes the baby over to Owen and shows him)
(The story ends and it switches back to the Griffin Family)
Peter:" The End"
(The light turns on)
Family:" YAY!"
Peter:" Now you know all about Star Wars"
Chris:" What about the Holiday Special"
Peter:" I'm gonna prtend like I didn't just hear that"
End.
