A/N: I wrote this at 6 in the morning on zero sleep so please forgive any mistakes. This was just an idea that hit me that I kind of ran away with but I believe it's something everyone deals with at some point or another. The short of it being: I hope you like it.
For KPC, one of the angels on my shoulder.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything remotely recognizable.
She wishes with all she has in her that Timothy could have met Sofia.
Arizona believes that her brother and her baby girl would have been the best of friends. Timothy had always been her greatest conspirator and was constantly dragging her into trouble so she can only imagine the havoc he would have helped Sofia create. She could paint a picture of them on the back of her eyelids; playing in the sand as the sun fades into the oblivion with heads tossed back in laughter.
She wishes that he could have seen Sofia prove all her doctors wrong. They had warned the three of them that it was entirely possible Sofia would never leave the NICU. It was possible that Sofia would never live long enough to even be held by her mommy. That it was entirely plausible she would never function normally. Sofia blew them all out of the water with the progress she made.
She wishes that Timothy could have known the crazy little girl that she loves so entirely. She wishes that he could witness the way she dances around the room to the iPod playlist Calliope had made for her. Or that he could witness the sight of the world's grumpiest four year old demanding she can get her own breakfast only to end up wearing an entire bowl of milk moments later. She wishes he could witness all the things that she carries on about as if she knows all the secrets of the universe.
Arizona wishes that Timothy could see all her dreams come true. She had never believed that she would make a good mother or wife and Timothy had always feared that when he left her for war he would be leaving her alone. She had friends but a lifetime of moving had left her with abandonment issues and walls built with reinforced steel. She believes that he would be proud of his sister for the woman she married and the daughter they're raising.
She wishes that Timothy could meet the woman she calls her wife. Calliope and Timothy were the most important people in her world (besides Sofia who owned every bit of her – consumed her, really) and she wishes they could have known one another. That Timothy could see the way Calliope stands up for her in arguments with Mark or the way she refuses to back down to her mother's pleas to recant her lifestyle. She wants Timothy to know that the good man in the storm has finally found her port.
She wishes that Timothy could see the little patriot they're raising. It was a unanimous decision by all three parents that Sofia should know who her uncle is. Callie was the one who began showing her pictures before she could even talk and by the time she was eighteen months old she could point to a picture of Timothy Daniel Robbins and proudly announce, "Unka" (which has gradually morphed into "Unc-oh Timohfee" in the past two years). Arizona wishes that her brother could see the little girl who is already a good man in a storm.
So, sometimes Arizona needs a moment to mourn her brother and all the things he won't get to witness.
A part of her, however small, knows that Timothy must be witnessing all these things with her because she feels him. She feels him in the cool breeze that wraps around her while she watches Sofia play at the park. She feels him in the sunlight that trickles through the curtains every morning and tickles her nose. She feels him like a warm hand on her shoulder when they take Sofia to the pediatrician for her check-ups. She feels him most when two arms wrap around her legs and two brown eyes look up at her as that little lower lip juts out as Sofia says "love you, mama".
Sometimes she misses her brother and hugs from her little girl just aren't quite enough but she figures that's the moments wishes are for.
