I don't want to get over you. I guess I could take a sleeping pill and sleep at will And not have to go through what I go through.
It was Howard's birthday again and he'd been made swear on Jagger that he wouldn't throw another party. That was some cheek, he'd just wanted him to have a bit of fun. Alright, it had gone a bit tits up last time, what with the decapitations and sexual confusion, but he was sure that he would have been able to do better this time.
He wondered if Howard was still a virgin. It made his tummy twist when he thought that maybe he wasn't, that mabe some jazzy wench had been sexing him up scant hours after Vince had taken his first kiss. He hadn't wanted to have to listen to the conformation of denial of this last year and had gone out on the piss with Leroy afterwards and fallen asleep under kitchen table.
I
guess I should take Prozac, right,
and just smile all night at
somebody new,
Somebody not too bright but sweet and kind who would
try to get you off my mind.
I could leave this agony behind which
is just what I'd do if I wanted to,
But I don't want to get over
you
It wasn't normal, thinking this much about your best mate's sex life, he was sure. Thinking about some slapper groaning underneath him and scratching his back while he- no! His imagination violently shut down.
He told Howard that he was over him, but that was a lie. He may be shallow, but you don't get over something like that all at once. He didn't want to get over it. It would have been easy to relieve some of his 'tension' with that electro girl, or any of the other good looking girls at the party and a goodly proportion of the blokes. It wasn't any comfort knowing that other blokes fancied him though, if Howard didn't.
Cause I don't want to get over love. I could listen to my therapist, pretend you don't exist And not have to dream of what I dream of; I could listen to all my friends and go out again and pretend it's enough,
It had taken a fall from the roof to an uncertain fate, but Vince had figured it out. He did love Howard. All that sentimental shit on the roof had been right on the money. Unfortunately, while the fall from the roof to the bouncy castle had made him realise that he had fallen in love with his best friend, Howard had fallen out of love with him.
He'd never been chucked before by anyone, after all who'd chuck him? For a while he'd had himself convinced that that was what was bothering him. Then one night, when he'd been drinking himself into a coma with Naboo and Bollo (well, he was drinking, they were smoking marijuana from Amsterdam) and they were slagging off Howard and telling him that it wasn't worth it and that he'd find someone else if he even made half an effort that he'd realised. He didn't want anyone else. He would rather be miserable wanting Howard than happy with someone else.
"I'll never love again." Melodramatic words spoken in anger. And they were completely accurate.
Or I could
make a career of being blue
I could dress in black and read Camus,
Smoke clove cigarettes and drink vermouth like I was 17 that would be
a scream,
But I don't want to get over you.
Being depressed was well trendy at the moment. This could have been a whole new source of inspiration, the darkness he'd always lacked even as a goth. He could be the lonely guy that everyone tried to make fall in love with them, but who would never love anyone ever. He could be deep and sad and beautiful. But all he really wanted to do was walk around in one of Howard's shirts and eat chocolate and feel sorry for himself.
"You're sure there's no party, Vince. No more surprises?" Howard asked him anxiously.
No. No sudden declarations of love, no more broken hearts, no more life changing events on a bouncy castle.
"We can do whatever you want," Vince said with a wide smile forced onto his features.
"Will you watch Some Like It Hot with me?" Howard asked, oddly shy, "It's got jazz and cross-dressing, so maybe we'll both like it."
Vince swallowed his heart, which was thumping painfully against his Adam's apple, for the millionth time that day and smiled again.
