I missed my chance at happiness and I'll tell you my story. It was long ago that I unknowingly threw my chances away. If I could go back and change things, I would, but as I can't, I'll wallow in my hatred of my own stupidity. Yes, the king of thieves, Bakura is admitting he made a very unwise choice.
It was about a year ago when it happened. Seto Kaiba and I met two or three times a week for wonderful lust and cuddle time. Kaiba was the cuddly one, surprisingly. One night he asks a question and this is where it all goes wrong.
He held my hand, both of us panting, sweaty and flushed from our recent activities. Our fingers were laced comfortingly by our faces which were directed at each other. Seto gave a small smile and with his free hand, brushed the bangs from my face lovingly. We loved each other more then anything, but it was an unwritten rule that we couldn't say anything of the sort; both of us too proud to admit it. His normally ice eyes are more like a beautiful sparkling ocean and I could drift off in them dreamily. He looked into my blood red eyes before kissing my forehead.
"Bakura?" He called softly. I blink a little as to show I was listening, though I was confused at the time. We never spoke right after sex, another one of those unwritten rules I suppose. Seto looked into my eyes. I could tell he was looking for an answer for a question he had yet to ask. I waited patiently.
"…I know this isn't usual, but this is an unusual request on my part and I'm assuming you're confused." I felt his heart quicken as he spoke and his face tinged just a shade darker. Again I waited for his question.
". . ." He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He furrowed his brows, took and deep breath and looked at me as he gently exhaled through his mouth. ". . .Bakura. . . I want to marry you."
My eyes went wide and my heart had pounded wildly in my chest. My heart screamed at me to say yes and throw my arms around him and kiss him passionately, but my mind told me he'd broken the rules, he'd cheated and caught me off guard; a big no-no for me. So my eyes steeled themselves and my face is suddenly angry and the happiness of his question now brought unexpected anger that flared and ran quickly through my veins.
I sat up from lying down and glared down at him as I reach for my pants. "No." I said coldly. Somehow seeing his eyes fill with that horrified and scared sadness filled my heart with the same feelings plus guilt on top of that. I looked away quickly; making a disgusted and annoyed sound as I quickly dressed myself. I knew even back then Kaiba wouldn't want to see me again and I'd broken his heart. I knew simply because when I looked to say goodbye, his eyes had iced over and had tears spilling over the edge.
"Get out." He stated brokenly. "And never… come back." Seto's brokenness showed me that my one word and actions following with no explanation had hurt everything Kaiba and I had. I probably had held it even closer then Seto did because I had no one. He at least had Mokuba and KaibaCorp. I had no job, no money, no family and my Hikari had disowned me for being with Kaiba. If he knew I broke him so completely he'd have probably killed me. I had nowhere to go, I had nothing now. I had myself and maybe Malik and Marik. Marik was iffy to me though because I saw how he eyed Kaiba when he thought I wasn't looking.
I had left the Kaiba mansion and was looking around. I wondered if I could go ask either Malik or Ryou if I could have stayed with them, but I figured Ryou would have just slammed the door in my face or laugh and then slam the door in my face. So I had no choice but to ask Malik.
Yes, I had lived with Kaiba, despite only seeing him two or three days out of the week. He was a busy man after all. Making sure his brother is safe, running KaibaCorp and keeping me in his arms. The last being something he had a very hard time doing or so he thought. I used to love making him worry about where I was, who I was with and how long I'd be gone.
I used to think of him as a game to be played and thrown away when I was bored, but with Kaiba I couldn't throw him away so easily and I got very involved and I fell for him. Hard, might I add. He was my happiness, my heart, my mind… My everything. I loved him and now I've thrown him away because I was stupid and childish.
I found Malik's house and I was told I could stay there; probably because Malik had an eye on me for a lover. Honestly he could never fill Seto's shoes in that way. He was more like my best friend and I could never do that with him because it would have been rather… awkward. And Marik lives with him here, so that would be unpleasant to deal with.
About a year later I find Marik missing from the house more and more. This particular day he comes home at around three AM. He's happier then I'd ever seen him before and so I looked up from my novel with a brow cocked and took off my reading glasses. "You're sure happy. Can I ask why?" I asked politely. It was still his house and I was still only a guest.
Marik just grinned. "Wouldn't you like to know?" He sounded a bit too happy at my curiousness and a wave of anger or dread surged through me without me knowing what it meant at the time. I looked at him a bit closer and notice something. His golden neck bracers were missing and he surely had had them when he had left the house this morning. In their place, though, was a hickey pretty close to his tanned ear which looked red and had small fading teeth marks. I understood a little more, but not the whole picture.
"Ah. You got laid." I stated and chuckled at myself for getting worked up, but something in my mind still didn't sit well with me.
Marik dropped his grin to a small smirk. "Do tell how you came to that conclusion." He basically had demanded of me and I cocked an eyebrow at his own stupidity.
"Well first of all, your golden neck braces are missing and I know you left with them this morning. You have a hickey right below your ear which has bite marks on it." I stated obviously.
Marik nodded and his malicious grin returned, as did that feeling of dread which crept into my throat. "This person I've committed to fully. He's everything I could have ever hoped for in a lover plus so much more. He's everything to me." The dreadful dryness of my throat became apparent and my eyes were locked onto Marik. "He's mine and I'm his now."
Now. He had said that deliberately and suddenly I was completely aware of the situation. While I was alone, sitting here reading a book, Kaiba was getting back on his feet, looking for someone to keep him safe and who he could protect and give his heart to without having to worry about being hurt like I had hurt him. And of all the people he chose, he chose Marik. Marik. I could feel my blood boiling and my anger was flaring in my eyes I was sure because Marik's grin doubled in size.
"What's the matter, Bakura? You look pretty angry." He had been mockingly as he casually began practically prancing, prancing, to his room. Before I or he knew it I was angrily pinning him to the wall, growling and panting in anger.
"Stay away from him." I hissed angrily. His eyes suddenly go from happy and cheerful to those icy cold violet eyes from Battle City. I could feel the anger showering over him in split seconds and suddenly I'm sent flying to the other end of the hallway with him pointing his Millennium Rod at me. How he'd gotten that back is still a mystery to me as the Millennium Items had been taken by the pharaoh when he had moved back to Egypt.
"Don't try and tell me who to stay away from. He doesn't want you anymore and he never will. You broke him down far too much for him to EVER want you again. I belong with him now. His past self told me I belonged with him. That priest of the pharaoh's. Seto is mine now, Bakura. So just stay the hell away from him. If I catch you near him, I won't hesitate to kill you." The tone of voice he was using I could tell he was serious, deadly serious.
He went into his room and locked the door as I had crawled to the couch. I never knew Kaiba finding love again would hurt so badly. That night, I had a dream about the distant past. About me and the priest.
"Seth!" I chimed cheerfully as I stealthily slid into his sleeping chambers.
Seth was sleeping peacefully in his soft canopy bed and had the cutest trail of saliva coming from his mouth. I smiled as I leaned over, pressing my tongue to his lower cheek and lick away the trail, causing him to jump in his sleep and wake. He looked around and saw me. He yawned and rubbed his eye. "Bakura?" He asked, happy but sleepily.
"The one and only." Just as stealthily slid into his room I gently pinned him to his bed and straddled his hips. "Are you aware of just how adorable you are in your sleep?" My sentence caused him to blush deeply.
"N-No…" He muttered, obviously he had been embarrassed. He looked up at me with those innocent, but justice seeking eyes. They were so big and beautiful; if they had been gems, they would have been ones I'd have stolen. "B-Bakura… you have to keep your voice down… If the pharaoh finds out you were here, we'd both be beheaded. You know that." He said worriedly. His voice was much gentler then Seto's and I smiled at him and leaned forward, capturing his lips and claiming them as my own as I'd done a million times before.
"Do not fret, Seth. You know the pharaoh isn't smart enough to figure these things out." At Seth's silence I knew he agreed, but due to his loyalty, he stayed silent.
After a passion filled night with Seth I sighed contently, playing with his hair absent mindedly. "How I wish to steal you away and never look back." I had stated and he sat up suddenly.
"Bakura you know I couldn't go away with you like that. I have a duty, and my duty comes before my personal feelings."
I looked at him. "So if the Pharaoh asked you to kill me, would you?" I asked, honestly curious.
Seth paused for a moment, his back still towards me. I see he's honestly thinking this over. Finally his answer came. ". . . Yes." Though I don't like his answer, I can't help but feel I deserve the answer I get.
"I see. I cannot say I did not expect it. Your loyalty to your pharaoh is relentlessly sickening." I snort out.
"It is not with the pharaoh that my loyalty lies, Bakura. It is with my country."
I woke in cold sweat and panting. I felt like crying as I recalled last night's dream of Seth. I had had Seto in the past as Seth. Apparently Seth's spirit was still with the Rod and he was speaking to Marik. I rolled over on the couch onto my belly and I silently sobbed into it, warm wetness flowed freely from my eyes. I had wanted to apologize to Seto, but I assumed it was too late. Though I would still try. Tomorrow morning, I will apologize to Seto and try and patch things up and get him back.
