Title: Cordelia

Summary: Instead of becoming a higher being, Cordelia was kidnapped at the end of Season Three.

Rating: R (language, content)

Distribution: I would be so flattered. Please, tell me if you'd like it!

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em. Joss does.

Feedback: Please.

AN: I don't know where I'm going with this. Suggestions would be fantastic.

I want him dead. I want to corner him in a very dark alley and rip his throat out with my bare hands, and I don't think I would feel a twinge of guilt.

Oh, God, her face.

Cordelia is asleep now. They gave her drugs in her I.V. There's no way she would be able to sleep without them. She probably won't be able to sleep for a very long time.

The doctor said we should be happy she's alive. I wanted to punch him. She was taken from us--from her friends, her family, her safety. She was taken and cut and raped and beaten. For three months. There's no much rage in my being; I have no room left for gratitude.

Her whole body is cut. The shallow gashes will heal, but she'll have scars for the better part of the rest of her life. The deepest ones--the one's on her back--she'll need stitches for them. They'll hurt every time she bends over or sits down.

Her eyes are red from all the crying she's done in the past months. I haven't heard her laugh in such a long time, and I don't think I will for awhile after tonight.

When I went to hold her earlier, she flinched. She'll never be able to trust again--not really. She'll always be afraid. She'll always feel alone. I need to rip his throat out.

"Angel?" It's Fred's voice. She's been crying, too. Her voice is weak; she swallows hard. "There's a detective here. She wants to talk to Cordelia."

"Cordelia's asleep." I still haven't turned to look at her. I can't take my eyes off the bed. I have to protect her.

"Oh." She's hurt that I haven't opened up to them. She wants me to be part of the group and sit in the lobby with them, but I can't. I just can't. "All right, then. I'll, uh, I'll tell her that." She leaves, not expecting a response from me.

Cordelia stirs in her sleep when Fred closes the hospital door. She tried to close it quietly, but they always thud. Cordy moves onto her back and winces, then moves to her right side, facing me. Her eyes are still closed. She's not ready to wake up.

Connor cried when he saw her. I'd never seen him do that since Quar'toth. He's at the hotel, now. He said he wants to live there. After all this is over, I'll be happy about that.

He hasn't asked anyone what 'rape' means.

Its good that he cares. More good than he knows. He's all she's ever going to have--like me.