Chapter One
Prank Maker ~ Heart Breaker
The lavender haired girl stroked her long pigtails nervously with her angular blue eyes fixed on nothing in particular. Cars zoomed by her noisily, their shiny metallic surfaces winking at her beneath the vibrant city lights. Her mind was totally blank as her fingers continued to work absently through her hair but her gut was all aflutter with butterflies. Her toes wriggled around nervously beneath her shoes and her every nerve tingled with a heightened sense of things. This was her moment. She was going to show everyone that she wasn't a total loser. She knew all along—way deep down her gut—that she wasn't as ugly the mirror told her. She was a desirable girl too like her mom and her sisters. Like Miss Kuroi. Like Miyuki. She was just as pretty as the rest of them. Her eagerness rose to a whole new level when she thought of how she would be able to go back to the hotel, her head help up high with her new boyfriend, and wipe that stupid smug cat grin off Konata's face. She would be so jealous!
Her heart skipped a beat when the constant drone of the cars passing by was disharmonized by the sound of shoe soles dragging across the pavement…dragging towards her and eventually coming to a sharp stop. Her head perked up, her eyes coming to life and displaying every ounce of euphoria her body felt at this most life-changing occasion.
A rather handsome looking boy stood before her dressed in a navy blue school uniform. She didn't quite recognize the boy but most of his features were difficult to make out in the luminescence of the city. Maybe it was just her but everything seemed to be glowing. Everything was perfect. The stars were out. The mood was just right. And the boy…perfect.
Not wanting to waste a minute, Kagami Hiiragi stood up from her bench eagerly; almost too eagerly as she noticed when she almost stumbled forward but she quickly regained her composure. She bit her lip nervously, hoping the boy had not noticed her clumsiness.
"Y-your note said in front of the hotel so I figured this was okay…" stammered Kagami, her body burning like a humid June afternoon.
The boy put a hand behind his head and another in his pocket, avoiding Kagami's gaze timidly which for some reason made him all the cuter. "I hope you weren't waiting too long," he said in a somewhat doting tone.
Kagami shook her head, even though she had been waiting for quite a long while after the agreed meeting time she could tell now more than ever that it was all going to pay off. "So…what did you want to talk to me about?" she said in an uncharacteristically soft voice that she did not intend.
The boy looked down, his hand still resting on the back of his neck as he fixed his eyes on his shoes. She wished she could see those eyes, she bet they were as handsome as his voice.
"Well I—I don't know how to say this…but I…"
Kagami's whole body tensed up as she drew a sharp breath of excitement. This was it! This was the moment she had waited all night—no!—all her high-school career for!
As the boy made his confession, she heard a passing car let out a long, drawn out honk that only made her ears want to hear more, causing every cell in her body to stir with incomparable excitement. And then…
The boy clapped both of his hands together in front of his face as he made a humble, pleading bow and cried out all too quickly: "I was wondering if I could have that doll!"
It took Kagami some time to process what her would-be confessor just said; both because of how quickly it was said and because of the unfathomably stupidity of what was said. "You want a doll?" Kagami said slowly in her natural cold voice, as everything that was beautiful about that night crumbled away like brittle cheese.
"Yeah!" the boy exclaimed, sounding as giddily excited as Kagami felt just seconds ago as he straightened out his back and held one finger up. Kagami couldn't help but notice how very unattractive this boy looked now. "You know. It's the one that you bought back at that shop in Kiyomizu Temple!" He gave Kagami a few seconds to stare at him in sheer disbelief before he elaborated further, as if what he was requesting was quite normal, saying, "The little Yatsuhashi doll!"
Kagami would have slapped him right then and there but she was so angry that she didn't really realize she was angry, much like when you touch something so ungodly cold that you think it feels hot. But whether she realized it or not that is what she felt in that instant. Ungodly fury.
"Yatsuhashi-kun?" she added, still in shock.
"Right!" confirmed the boy exuberantly. "That's him! I love that little guy! And I really want one but—but I was afraid of what the guys would say if they saw me buy it so…" he clapped his hands together again, resuming that begging pose he had earlier, "can I have yours? Pleease?"
"Oh…sure." She didn't know why she agreed. Her mouth was probably just saying whatever it thought would get this repulsive boy away from her the quickest.
His eyes lit up like a firework show and he wrapped both his hands around one of Kagami's and for one split second she thought maybe he was going to laugh and tell her it was a joke and that he was just nervous which is why he made up that stupid story about the Yatsuhashi doll and that he really did like her and that she really was beautiful. But her hopes were crushed yet again when the boy shook her hand up and down violently with a stupid grin plastered to his face. "Thanks a lot Hiiragi! I owe you one, man!"
"Man?" echoed a deadly voice in her brain, which was on the verge of snapping.
And with that he gave laughed happily and gave her the thumbs up before turning and leaving. As he walked away, he waved goodbye with his back facing her, not even having the courtesy to look her in the eye as he added, "Don't tell anyone about this, 'kay? Later!" It was almost like he couldn't wait to get out of there.
And then he was gone. Kagami didn't know where to nor did she care. She just stood there motionless, her face devoid of emotion as her spirits sunk to the bottom of her gut.
Konata watched the scene unfold from a nearby alleyway, bundled up in a heavy hood jacket that concealed her distinguishable long blue hair and cast a shadow over her emerald eyes. The only thing that could have given her away was the victorious cat like grin plastered on her face.
She chuckled at the sight of Kagami's vapid expression and as the boy she had been talking to drew closer she motioned to him, beckoning him to join her in the alley. His gleeful smile fell more abruptly than Kagami's spirits had and he shot the short, blue haired girl a dirty, dirty look. "You know, Izumi," he began in a sharp whisper, "there is a fine line between teasing and bullying and I think you just stepped way over that line.
They both went deeper into the alleyway, Konata disturbing a stray cat when she accidently treaded upon its tail. "Oh don't worry your pudgy little head, Satoshi-kun. Kagamin's a tough cookie. She'll be back to her normal scary self in no time."
The boy, evidently named Satoshi, looked back towards Kagami who was now sitting down with the same lifeless face. "I don't know…I almost couldn't do it. She looked so hopeful and excited. She practically tripped over herself when she got up to talk to me. It was…" he smiled dumbly from ear to ear, "…moe."
"Woah, down boy," chided Konata with a tiny frown. "And by the way, Satoshi-kun, you really need to start dieting. You're fat was blocking her face the entire time so I couldn't see her reaction. Ohhh I wish I could have been in your shoes! How was it? I bet she looked like she just got hit by a flash grenade!"
Satoshi sighed and sulked back into the alleyway, guilt weighing down his droopy shoulders. "I don't know. I guess you could say that. I was doing my best not to look directly at her face but she looked pretty…stunned." He slumped down against the wall, burying his head in his knees. "I feel dirty."
"There, there. You'll feel all better when we get back and I hook you up with the Staff of Oni-baba."
Satoshi hung his head. "That doesn't make me feel better at all. I mean I just broke a girl's heart just to get a weapon in a video game. And it was a real girl too! In real life! I'm not even sure I want the staff anymore," he whined.
Konata bopped him on the head. "Hey! I farmed all day and night by Razorhead Caverns waiting for that sonofabitch to drop. You should be kissing the ground I walk on whilst carrying my schoolbags after what I went through for you."
Satoshi perked his head up and gave Konata a look of disbelief. "Yeah that's been bugging me. Why would you work that hard just so you could manipulate me into tormenting poor Hiiragi-chan?"
She shrugged her tiny shoulders in response, her cat grin unwavering. "It was just a bit of fun!"
Satoshi narrowed his eyes. "That was fun for you? What are you? Some kind of tiny…midget sadist?"
She gave him another bump on his head. "I won't bother explaining it to you, Satoshi-kun. I wouldn't expect a guy to understand my sophisticated tastes, especially one with a demon priestess that has no DPS whatsoever."
"D-don't make fun of my character like that! And besides, you're the one that geared me! If my DPS blows it's because you do!"
Konata was about to offer a rebuttal when she heard a piercing yelp that was clear even from inside the narrow alley. She and Satoshi exchanged befuddled looks and poked their heads out from around the corner. "What was that? Did someone hit a dog?" said Konata; her tiny body crouched down beneath Satoshi's bulky one with their heads hovering only a few inches on top of each other as they craned their gaze from side to side.
"No I don't think so," replied Satoshi as he continued scanning, "I would've heard a—oh…"
"What?" She glanced up at him with her narrow eyes inquisitively and he just pointed over to the street corner where Kagami was sitting in her bench, a hand covering her eyes as her shoulders bobbed up and down with each whimper and yelp the pig-tailed girl made. Konata wasn't sure what she was looking at. Sure, she figured Kagami has gotten upset before. She'd even seen her get a little teary eyed about something as silly as putting on a few kilos. But she never expected, not in a million years, for the Kagamin she knew to have this kind of reaction to her harmless little prank.
"What is this feeling?" she thought, her entire body going cold as a new and strange sensation overwhelmed her. "Is this…guilt?"
She watched as a young woman passing by stopped, lingering by Kagami's bench and regarding the lilac haired girl with concern.
"Um…Miss?" stammered the woman. "Miss? Are you alright?"
Kagami looked up at her and what Konata saw then left both her and Satoshi looking on completely slack jawed with alarm. There were…tears. Actual tears smeared across Kagami's crimson cheeks and more still leaking from her puffy eyes. Apparently, Kagami did not realize she was crying either because when she noticed the palm of her hand damp from her tears she gasped and sprang up, dashing away along the road and leaving both the girl and Konata feeling very perplexed.
"You…you made her cry…" gasped Satoshi. "I can't believe it, you actually made Kagami Hiiragi cry."
"M-me? You're the one that did it!"
"Don't you put this on me! I was just a pawn in this whole thing! You wrote the letter telling her to meet up here! Not me! This was all your idea!"
"I—well," Konata was actually having a hard time thinking of a comeback. "Y-you were the one who called her 'man'! Talk about tactless!"
"I was nervous! I couldn't help it!"
At that point they were both giving each other deadly glares but after a while Satoshi gave up with a sigh and looked off in the direction Kagami had ran off in. "Still think she'll bounce back to her regular old 'scary self'?"
Konata didn't answer for a while. For the first time in her life, she was actually seriously worried about Kagami and that worry was beginning to swallow up the better half of her thinking. "Y-yeah," assured Konata quickly as if coming out of one of her naps in Miss Kuroi's class, speaking more to herself than Satoshi, "she'll forget all about this. I'm sure she's really not all that upset anyway."
Satoshi raised an eyebrow at her.
"I mean I know she was crying but maybe she just stubbed her toe when we weren't watching or…or maybe…she's just…she's just…"
Satoshi shook his head hopelessly, "See this is why I don't hang out with you outside the gaming world. You're like a little boy crushing on the cute girl in his daycare class. Why don't you just sneak up behind her and yank her hair or wipe a booger on her sleeve? It'd be a much easier way of getting her attention than this."
Konata gave him a dangerously narrow look. "I really don't think you have room to talk when it comes to advice on getting dates."
Satoshi's frown deepened, displaying his overt indignation. "Okay you know what? To heck with you. I'm going to go find Hiiragi and sort this all out."
That last comment was enough to get Konata back to her old loud self. "No! No you can't! She'll kill us both!"
"No I gotta make this right. I'm going."
Before Satoshi's foot was out into the sidewalk, Konata pulled out her trump card. "If you tell her, you can kiss the Staff of Oni-baba goodbye."
Her threat hit Satoshi like a semi, causing him to freeze in place and turn around with a murderous glare. "That's…but I already filled my end of the bargain. I helped you prank Hiiragi like we agreed! As a gamer, you have to come through!"
"Uh-bup-bup!" silenced Konata, wagging her finger. "Who said the prank was over? I never said it was over. And that means you still have to play along."
Satoshi looked at Konata, then to the sidewalk, then back at Konata. "Damnit…" he grumbled beneath his breath. "Fine, you win. I'll keep quiet. But honestly, Izumi, you're going to have to tell her sooner or later. No one's ever seen Hiiragi-chan really cry. You really hurt her bad."
Konata once again waved his comment away dismissively, apparently back to her old self. "Oh like you would know anything about hurting people. You hit like a feather when it comes to DPS."
Satoshi frowned, looking fed up. "You know it's seriously a wonder you have any friends at all, Izumi." And with that he made for the crosswalk and head back to the hotel, leaving Konata to her guilt ridden self.
Lucky Channel!
Akira: Hiya Luckies! Did you miss me?
Minoru: I'll bet they did! It's almost been four whole years since we wrapped up the anime in 2007. Can you believe it! Four years!
Akira: I know! Isn't it exciting? Although I'm kind of nervous since I haven't been on screen in such a long time…I bet you all can tell I've grown a lot since then…Can you guess where?
Minoru: Uhhh…Akira-sama? Akira-sama?
Akira: What is it, Shiraishi? Interrupting me in the middle of a pose isn't very polite…(Loud thump, followed by squealing from Minoru)…is it!
Minoru: Aghk! Of course not, A-Akira-sama. I just…didn't the producer tell you?
Akira: What? Whatever do you mean, Shiraishi? Tell me what?
Minoru: Th-that we're not going to be appearing on film?
Akira: Silly Shiraishi. We were never on film. We're only animated!
Minoru: Ah…I know. What I meant was…visually speaking we won't be appearing on the Lucky Channel segments anymore…ever
Akira: Oh so this is like our radio show?
(Long pause)
Akira: Hey!
Minoru: Well…not exactly…
Akira: Huh? What the hell is there other than the anime and the radio show? Are we showing up in the manga now? Figures. The show didn't really have anything going for it without our segment. I knew it was only a matter of time before Yoshimizu wrote us in.
(Long pause)
Minoru: Did you really not get the memo?
Akira: I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.
Minoru: W-we're in a fan fic.
Akira: …
Akira: What?
Minoru: Yeah…
Akira: A friggin' fan fic? About Lucky Star? People actually write fan fiction about that crap? It's an anime based off a four panel comic strip! What the f*** is there to write about?
Soup: Er…well Konata and Kagami have a strong yuri fanbase made of both males and females.
Akira: Who the flip are you!
Minoru: Oh that's right. Ehem. Ladies and gentleman let me introduce to you the author of this fan fiction: Yoshimizu Soup! (Applause from Minoru)
Soup: H-hey everyone! I'm Yoshimizu Soup! But you can all call me Soup if you'd like just so you don't confuse me with the original author of Lucky Star: Kagami Yoshimizu. Thanks for having me on the show by the way, guys.
Akira: Like we had a choice…
Minoru: Anyway! Today's chapter was a pretty good start to this fic, don't you think so Akira-sama?
Akira: Pfft. Not really. He just ripped off a scene from the English Dub of the anime for the first half of it and the rest was just rambling garbage. I mean that whole schpeel between the OC and Konata about the MMO was just obnoxious.
Soup: Well I was trying to help the characters stay as close to their original selves as possible…
Akira: Yeah good luck with that. And what was with that "You're like a little boy crushing on the cute girl in his daycare class," comment? Oh gee. I wonder what he could be hinting at there? Yeah. Real subtle there, chief.
Minoru: Hey guys…
Soup: Um well… fan-finction(dot)net already tells the audience who gets paired together in the fic so it's not like I was trying to be subtle.
Minoru: Guys…
Akira: Whatever. And why did you even bother putting this in here?
Soup: This?
Akira: Yeah. This. This elaborate author's note. It's just annoying and you know no one's going to read it. What? Are you trying to jack up your word count or something?
Soup: That's not it at all! I'm merely just trying to stay as true to the anime as possible!
Minoru: Er…guys we really need to wrap this up.
Akira: So what are you going to do next? Are you going to start putting in the lyrics to the opening song of the show before each chapter for authenticity's sake? Or maybe you'll write lyrics to your own opening and start calling this "Lucky Star Season 2"?
Soup: …
Minoru: …
Akira: …Wait…were you?
Soup: N…NO!
Akira: Wow you're even more pathetic than Shiraishi…
Minoru: H-hey!
Soup: W-well that's all the time we have for today…I guess. Have any criticisms? Comments? Just wanna tell me how wonderful I am? Then leave a review and we'll be sure to address it in the next segment! I'll be refreshing my browser with unwavering dedication until one of you leaves a comment so be sure you make one soon I can get some sleep tonight!
Akira: Yeah…and be sure to tell him how freaking stupid this segment is too. Maybe he'll spare me the anguish and will leave us out of it next time.
Minoru & Soup: Byeeee!
Akira: F***ing schizophrenic retard.
