Everyone has something, a light, that they're fond of...when they're in the darkness. Everyone has a light, they follow, to escape the darkness. Most people are too afraid to escape it, some are just that desperate, so they fail.
Me? I dunno...I dunno where I am in this world anymore.
"Revy..." Benny shouts to wake me up. "We gotta move, now!"
"Whaa?" I ask, dazed. I look at the empty bottles of beer on the floor, and gun shell. "Where's dutch...and r-"
"Dutch is waiting on us right now, he told me to wake your ass up, and rock, has been kidnapped." I get up almost immediately, and put my shorts on.
"That idiot, he thinks he can run around everywhere, thinking that he can't get kidnapped, such a baby." I grab my gun, and run out my room.
Everyone has that light.
It's inevitable to lose that light, no matter how happy and fortunate you are. I've lost that light years ago, and gained it again, then lost again, sometimes I stole it, once I killed it. It was a never ending cycle of hell.
That Chinatown manhattan...
my childhood was a never ending cycle of hell.
He threw his bottle of whisky again the wall, and it shattered everywhere.
"YOU DUMBASS!" He screamed at me. "I DONT GIVE A RATS ASS IF YOU'RE 6 YEARS OLD...I TOLD YOU TO GO AND FETCH ME A BEER!"
Who was this man? My father. My drunken, lazy, pathetic, abusive, American father. I'm half chinese and american. God knows where my mother was.
I looked down. I hated this day. He'd come to visit me occasionally, but only to make a mess, and embarrass me.
I hated this day.
"But father..." I mumbled.
"SHUT UP!" He grabbed my hair and threw me against the floor. "YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF GARBAGE IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT. SHES GONE BECAUSE OF YOU." I started to cry. My caretaker walked in, and dragged my father out again. THis happens almost everytime my father visits. Sometimes we had to bring the police.
later that night, my caretaker gave me a bag of chips.
"I'm so sorry, becky," He began. "He's always giving you a fright." In anger, I squeezed the bag
.
"Then...then why do you keep on bringing him in?! If you know I'm scared why does he keep on showing up?!" My caretaker smiled.
"well he is your father...I thought it'll only be right...now I should get this cleaning done..." He walks away.
There was something off about my caretaker. He really didn't give a shit. Sometimes he'd bring women in the house, and then I'd catch them doing the dirty in the living rooms.
I was exposed to all this stuff, way before my 8th birthday.
Before my 8th birthday, I got my first gun.
Kids played kicked the can in the street corner. The kids, who I called my friends, were known to be dangerous. Some were 16, most were 13. I was the youngest, they were my real family.
"Rebecca!" One shouted. "You want one?" He lends me a cigarette. "It eases the stress in life, and it gives you the mightiest powers." I looked at it.
"No thanks..." I said. "Where's Ty?" Ty was the oldest. I looked at him as my older brother. He was smart, and he's the fittest. He got away with everything.
"There he is!" Another shouted. Ty arrived on his bike, with bags and bags of food. All the kids surrounded him in amazement.
"Here we go," He says. "I stole them all down town, but the police won't come here." They all took the candy. Ty smiled and handed me an apple. "You should eat, Rebecca, I know you haven't eaten in days." I felt my face getting hot, and I grabbed the apple away from him. Ty, was very handsome, and I knew I had a small crush on him.
I also started to believe he's that light I've been searching for.
Anyways, I always felt that I owed him big time. I'd go to the grocery store and steal from it all the time. I'd even rob a homeless guy. Everyday, I'd come back with something delicious for my family, it became my worst habit. I don't even remember when I started hanging out with them, it didn't matter.
"Nice job, Rebecca," Ty said. "When you get older maybe you can help me do the job." When I get older he said...
I couldn't wait for that day.
When I turned 7, I got ahold of my first gun. Robby, my one friend gave it to me.
"I got it from my dad," He said.
"Are you sure you didn't steal it?" I ask.
"I can't promise that, aha." I pointed at a can on top of a garbage can, and shot it. I missed about a foot. Robby, laughed.
"You suck, girl...lemme show you how its done." He took the gun and shot series of cans, and didn't miss one.
"WOW HOW DID YOU DO THAT?!"
"Practice, lots and lots of practice. Bullets are hard to buy, so, please don't waste them on dumb things, like robbing a store, you're only 7."
"Sure, whatever..." I ran and picked up can. I knew that was the beginning of my life.
Finally, I turned 11, and my attitude got worse and worse. I walked in my home. My caretaker was drinking some water.
"Becky!" He exclaimed. "How was school?"
'Shut up," I replied. "You know it's the same shit..." I looked at myself in the mirror, and the bandage on my cheek.
"The girls being mean again?"
"I don't care about them!" There was a group of girls in my school who'd see me with Ty. Ty is now 21, but he still hangs out with the gang. They'd spread rumors saying that he was a pedofile. I'd tell them they're wrong, and ty was just my older brother. The age difference was too great I knew we couldn't be together. I didn't attract any guys either. My hair was short and I had a mean facial expression all the time.
I went outside, and saw ty on his bike.
"What are you doing here?" I asked him
"I stopped by to say hello, how was your school day?" I sat next to him.
"Terrible, no one can keep their mouth shut..."
"About what?"
"Nothing nevermind."
"Should I go and take care of this?"
"No it'll make it worse!"
"I know, I know." Ty smiled. "But I'm happy, that you're getting the education you need to survive this world." Ty stood up. "You can't get too far without it."
"What? What are you talkin' about...so what if you never went to school, you're smart!"
"Street smart. But that isn't gonna earn me the money. I'm 21, Rebecca, my life should have begun years ago."
"But, you can steal that money...We, can steal that money!" Ty looked at me and shook his head and placed his hand on my shoulder.
"It won't always work." What happened? What happened to the Ty I grew up with? The fearless...the badass...the...light? I shoved away from him.
"FINE! SO I GUESS YOU'RE LEAVING NOW, HUH?!" I kicked the can. "THEN LEAVE! I HATE YOU! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE HERE! ONLY THE FITTEST WILL SURVIVE!" I kicked his bike. Ty stood there, and stared at me. What did I just do? He came and hugged me.
"I'm sorry...Rebecca, for making you angry..." I could just burst into tears. "Please forgive me."
I ran to my room, and slammed my door. I hated everything. Why did he change? When did he change? I was spending more time in school than paying attention to him. Yeah that's it.
But his voice never left my head, of how he was happy that I went to school.
But things started to change after that day;
"YOU'RE TALKIN SHIT?!" I exclaimed at a group of girls. It's the end of 6th grade, I'm surprised I made it this far. I barely even came to school. The group of girls walked away from me whispering.
The principal called in my care taker to have a talk with him. I could hear everyone talking about me from miles away.
I sat down in the office, and the principal looked at me
then looked at my files
"She missed about 50 days of schools and counting," He began. "We sent letters home but, I don't think you've received it."
"We did," I said as I smiled. "It went straight into the trash. Some of them I used for paper to keep my cannabis wrapped in." I laughed. "This is all a waste of my time, can we just say that I can't go to the 7th grade. It's no surprise anyways."
"Well you can, if you do this summer course-" I slammed my hands on his desk.
"can't you see that I don't give a shit?!" I stood up and walked away. When I walked out, all these kids stared at me. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKIN AT?!" They all walked away.
Ty came to visit me. It seemed like he was getting skinnier and less healthy than before.
"I have to repeat the damn 6th grade," I told him.
"that's bad," He replied. "Are you gonna do the summer program?"
"No? Why would I?"
"I see." He was carrying a brown bag.
"Is that alcohol?"
"No, not this time, sorry, we can't have a drink this time. Its something better." He pulls out a bag with white powder in it. "This stuff is amazing, you wanna try it?"
"uhhh..no thanks..."
'You really don't like trying new things, don't you?"
"I've seen this before, my caretaker had it, and gave it to this woman."
"It's called Methamphetamine. You can get super high off of this stuff."
"How long have you been doing this?"
"For 3 years now...I gotta go, it's getting dark." He got on his bike and rode away. But days later, the worst.
I was caught smoking a cig outside my school, and they kicked me out. That wasn't the worst thing though.
When I was walking home, I saw police cars surrounding my home. I tried to get through but they wouldn't let me.
"I live here you dumbasses!" I exclaim. "Let me through!" I see the policemen drag out someone away from my house, I take a good look, and it was ty. Before I knew it, I was shouting his name.
"TY!" I exclaim. "TY!" He looked at me
"I TRIED!" He exclaimed. "I TRIED TO MAKE YOU HAPPY! I TRIED!" They placed him in the police car. Tried? What did he do?
I ran way past the policemen, even though they tried to stop me. I ran inside my house, and see blood everywhere. What did he do?
Then I realized...the caretaker must of been home. In a panic, I ran to his room, but I see him sleeping. Angry, I grabbed his pillow and shoved it on his face.
"WAKE UP YOU BASTARD!" I exclaimed. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON?!"
I've learned that Ty murdered a prostitute in my house. My light was gone after that day. I felt like I had nothing.
