.Hack//GIFT RETURN
Disclaimer: I do not own .Hack (whether it is manga, game, or animes) or the notoriously funny .Hack//GIFT. Sadly, these are all Bandai-owned.
Now shut up and enjoy my little 'GIFT' fanfic series!
Here, like in GIFT, everyone might/will be OOC, so bear with that. And try to picture everyone looking like themselves instead of their GIFT personas.
--
[Delta Server Root Town Mac Anu; here, we see Orca and Balmung walking, simply talking as if they were long-time chums.]
Orca [as if he just finished talking about something]: And that's how you beat level 4 with Alkaiser!
Balmung [interested]: Interesting. But, can I ask you something?
Orca: Go ahead, fellow Descendant of Fianna!
Balmung: Well, obviously, you know Kite more than I do since you both go to the same school. What's he really like?
Orca: Well, I can simply say that he's just a normal boy, like myself, who probably wants to buy lots of explicit magazines and look at naked ladies.
Balmung: I see. [Double take] NANI!?
Orca: Yeah, but he's a hell of a guy too.
Balmung: Well, I figured that after he saved 'The World' from those Phases.
Orca [taken back]: I'm sorry… did you just INSULT ME?
Balmung: NANI!?
Orca: You have insulted my intelligence! I no stoop! Now, Balmung of the Azure Sky, you will do battle with Orca of the Azure Sea!
Balmung: I'd love to take you up on that honorific deal, but you also seem to forget, that player killing (PK) is no longer allowed!
Lios [appearing out of nowhere]: I WOULD LIKE TO ANNOUNCE THAT, IN THE WORLD VER. 5.3, PLAYER KILLING WILL NOW BE ALLOWED! [Disappears]
[Both Balmung and Orca look at each other; Orca taunts Balmung with his hand, in a 'come and get me style']
Balmung [acting like some gruff ass]: BRING IT ON!!
--
Nuke Usagimaru [looking down at the water; contemplating]: How can I come up with good jokes? I NEED TO FIND INSPIRATION!
A passerby: Shut up you moron! [Pushes Nuke in the water]
Nuke Usagimaru: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--[Splash]
[Meanwhile, a little down the river]
Gardenia [with a fishing pole, sitting on a ledge]: I don't see what that idiot Sanjuro sees in fishing in a digital world. Wish I was looking at some flowers... mmm... flowers... [Her fishing line takes a pull] HEY! A bite! [Pulls out Nuke Usagimaru with the hook right in his mouth]
Nuke Usagimaru [weakly, since, well, he has a hook in his mouth]: Uh, guess I'm not your 'catch of the day'. lol
Gardenia [annoyed]: Ugh, I'm not eating that fish. [Gives the rod a mighty toss and throws Nuke Usagimaru into the wall]
--
[The Chaos Gate of Mac Anu; Kite has immediately warped himself into 'The World']
Kite [depressed]: Everywhere I go, repetition is always happening. [Looks one way] Moonstone is shyly but surely trying to get fresh with Aquamarine; [looks another way] BlackRose is arguing with her little brother Kazu about his 'logging on into The World' rights; [looks ahead of himself] And ever since Player Killing became legal again, Balmung and Orca are having constant duels with each other.
[Elsewhere, Sora cries because he banged his knee very badly in the real world]
Sora [crying]: MOMMY!!
[Now back to Kite]
Kite: I also suspect that Natsume is stalking me... [Turns around quickly; sees nothing] But I think that's just me. But there's only one thing that I know isn't predictable;
Mistral [Logging in; giddy]: KITE!! [Tackles Kite from behind]
Kite: And that's Mistral-chan. So how are you and your baby?
Mistral: Oh my little boy is doing alright! He actually pulled off his first steps! It was SOOOOOOOO KAWAII!!
Kite [sweat drop]: I see... Don't have to over-emphasize that.
Mistral: Right! Sorry about that! [Hands behind her head] So did anything interesting happen while I was gone during the last few days?
Kite: Well, aside from legalizing Player Killing, Balmung and Orca getting at each other's throats, and BlackRose and Kazu about to maim each other with simple and weak techniques alike--
BlackRose and Kazu [out of nowhere]: WHAT!?
Kite: --Nothing really happened.
Mistral: Hmm... We could go to a field, but all of the people that are now the legendary '.Hackers' are all Level 99!
Lios [appearing behind them]: Well, I guess you're all in luck then! The next installment of 'The World' will allow people to reach Level 200! And to accommodate this, [A bright flash surrounds the entire Delta Server] I have now just created the 'GIFT' Server.
Kite: How come you're only telling just us of this?
Lios: Well, I am grateful to you for returning The World back to normality. And I think you '.Hackers' are very deserving to be the first ones to enter the GIFT Server. Sincerely, Lios the Pig-head… [Ignores the fact that he called himself pig-head and gates out] Why did I end it in letter-box format?
--
Kite [in an e-mail to his fellow '.Hackers']: So Lios has spoken to me about letting us, the famous .Hackers, be the first to try out this new 'GIFT Server'. Meet you guys at the GIFT Server in the morning!
[Kite finishes the message, and now begins to type to all of the other people's in the 'To' section (Mistral, BlackRose, Natsume, Gardenia, Ryoko, Rachel, Nuke, Sanjuro, Wiseman, Moonstone, Piros, Marlo, and Balmung)]
Kite: Wow, that's a lot of .Hackers… [Remembers something] Wait, I forgot about Mia and Elk! Nah, they weren't there when I beat Corbenik.
--
[On the bridge overlooking the canal in Mac Anu; here we see Subaru, Ginkan/Silver Knight, and Crim just looking out]
Ginkan: What do you suppose the future will hold for 'The World'?
Crim [calm]: Hmm… that's a good question. But I must ask; why do you put f***ing quotation marks when you say The World?
Ginkan: It is proper.
Crim: Well that I can respect.
Subaru: Player killing has been legalized again as I heard. Will an organization be needed to monitor and control all the random violence?
[As if on cue, behind them, Orca and Balmung are chasing each other clashing their swords in a dramatic style, leaves blowing in the dramatic wind]
Orca: You have offended me! Now you must pay!
Balmung: Indeed! THIS BATTLE IS FOR HONOR!
[They run off still in battle with each other]
Ginkan: … Probably not.
Subaru: But then, what will be of me?
Crim: What are you talking about? You can just be a normal player like the rest of us!
Ginkan: Indeed. To be honest, level 15 is not that great of a level nowadays, Subaru-sama.
Subaru: If I do that, I'll just end up like some loser who has nothing better to do than to play games.
Ginkan: Subaru-sama…
Subaru [smiling evilly]: At least, I'm not some 30-something loser who still works in a video store, wasting his life away with those other people.
Ginkan [insulted]: IS THAT SO!? WELL, AT LEAST I'M NOT THE ONE WHO IS STRAPPED TO A WHEELCHAIR FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE!
[Subaru gasps in shock because he knew about her real-life condition]
Crim [acting stupid]: Dun dun dun… [He gets hit by a Ruem Tornado; looks at his own body] Well, that was stupid of me… [Gets his upper body divided in half from his lower body]
Subaru [demonic Subaru voice]: You have no right to point out my weakness… NOW YOU DIE, GINKAN! AXEL PAIN!
[The former head of the Crimson Knights now cleaves Ginkan down the middle of his body, and into two nice strips]
Ginkan: I'll just come back stronger… [Body disappears]
--
[In the newly made GIFT Server Root Town of 'Bandai Sowa'; the .Hackers appear; everywhere they see a futuristic post-modern setting, contrasting their 'semi-medieval'-ish characters]
Piros: Hark! This is paradise!
Terajima Ryoko: Indeed it is. This is a very fun place!
Gardenia: You just got here. [Mutters to herself] Bitch.
Nuke Usagimaru [happiness in eyes]: Maybe this place will inspire me with ideas for my shtick!
Natsume: Maybe Kite will come here more often! AND THAT'S WHEN I'LL MAKE HIM MINE!
Moonstone [looking at Natsume strangely]: ... You're scaring me, young Natsume...
Wiseman: Hmm... Very nice... I managed to pull out a Lucemon card... Oh, and this server looks very modern and interested. *interesting
Mistral: Hehe... Wiseman messed up his speech! =P
Rachel: Gee, do you think a lot of people will come here? I was hoping of making some money...
Marlo: This is crazy! You're all crazy! I'm gonna get a drink and f*** a stripper! [Looks around] But this is a very appealing Root Town.
Sanjuro: I agree!
[...]
[...]
Kite: Where are BlackRose and Balmung?
Marlo: Forget about those losers!
Piros: Let us begin enjoying this new server and all its wonders, he of fair eyes!
Gardenia: Yes, before the 'normies' come and swarm all over the server.
Mistral: I wanna make a party with Kite! Let's check out some fields! Onegai!
Sanjuro: Heh. Everyone wants to be with Kite.
Natsume [angry]: ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT KITE!?
Terajima Ryoko: Please Natsume-san, you're scaring me...
Nuke Usagimaru: Ooh! I got one! I GOT ONE! Ahem... What do you call a Twin Blade who begins to start stalking the leader of the now famous .Hackers?
Moonstone [eager and giddy]: Ooh! Say!
Natsume [vein in forehead]: Don't... you dare... finish that--
Nuke Usagimaru: You call her Natsume! lol
Everyone else: lol
--
[And now... WHAT THE!?]
A mysterious person: And now you died... Ta... [Bout to log out] Ta! [Logs out]
BT [as she is dying]: I have to start building myself up... And now I'll be in Game Over unless someone comes by and casts Rip Maen on me.
[Who should walk by but BlackRose and Kazu]
Kazu: Wow! I leveled up about 10 times!
BlackRose: Yeah, and you died around 5 times.
Kazu: Arigatou, Onei-chan! For helping me level up and reviving me when I died.
BlackRose [rubs his hair like a little puppy]: No problem, Kazu. Using Rip Maen is a lot less costly than using Resurrect--
BT's Ghost: HELP ME! PLEASE REVIVE ME!
Kazu: Onei-chan, we should revive her!
BlackRose: I'd love to, Ototo-chan (little brother), really, I do; it's just that she's not in our party!
BT's Ghost: THEN PUT ME IN YOUR PARTY!
BlackRose: I don't have you in my member address list.
BT's Ghost: … I'll take the f***ing Game Over… [Body disappears]
BlackRose: I just hate people who just beg for things like reviving or new items.
Kazu: That's what Kite told me about you, Onei-chan!
BlackRose [even larger vein]: Oh did he now? [Notices something on her screen] Ooh, I got mail!
--
[Orca and Balmung are breathing heavily, in the Lambda Server of Carmina Gadelica, after tiring their sprites in an exhausting chain of duels]
Orca [heavy]: Well, this looks like three that I won…
Balmung [likewise]: …To three that I've won.
[Wind blowing past once more]
Orca: This is actually sad on your part, since I'm still Level 70-ish, while you're Level 99.
Balmung: Hey, wait a minute… IT IS! I don't believe this! You should be trembling before me! And I will prove this!
Orca [readying his weapon]: Duel seven?
Balmung: Hold on! I'll BRB; I got some e-mail. Will you wait for me?
Orca [kind and giddy; sheathes sword]: Sure man!
[Balmung temporarily logs out; Orca just sits down, legs crossed, seeming bored. Two minutes later, Balmung comes back on]
Orca: Who was it from?
Balmung: It was from Kite. He said that I'm cordially invited to the new 'GIFT' Server before it is open to the public.
Orca: Because you were one of those '.Hackers'?
Balmung: Bingo. What say we just forget about our duels for now, and just head to the GIFT Server? I believe I can still bring you if you're in my party.
Orca: Ooh! Will you do that for me, your fellow Descendant of Fianna?
Balmung [acting like a home-boy]: F*** yeah, mah homie! Let's go!
Orca: Wait!
Balmung: What?
Orca: This… 'GIFT' server… the name sounds like that 'GIFT' incident we had some time ago.
Balmung: Hey! Our sprites aren't messed up this time!
[Orca and Balmung warp to the GIFT Server]
--
Maybe I'll try something funnier next time! And I might just include Mia and Elk too!
lol
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