"I hate myself for loving you, can't break free from the things that you do. I wanna walk, but I run back to you. That's why I hate myself for loving you."

I am very excited about this new story! I have been working on it for a while and finally felt the need to upload it. As a rule, there will be no regular uploads because I do not want to upload something just for the sake of uploading it even if I hate it. I would love constructive criticism for this story. Thank you all so much! Enjoy!


Chapter 1

"Shit…" Marlene rolled in bed to face the ceiling. Her eyes were still closed because her head was pounding. Putting her hand to her head, she slowly opened her eyes and saw a room that wasn't her own. Last night she had come over to help Mrs. Potter put up Christmas decorations and prepare for the Marauders and the eventual New Year's party James would be throwing. James had talked her into staying longer than planned. She had stayed for dinner -much to Mrs. Potter's excitement- and sipped Firewhiskey with James until the early hours of the morning when she stumbled into one of the guest bedrooms.

When Marlene looked to her right, her eyes widened and tried to slip out of bed as quickly and quietly as possible. However, Marlene McKinnon is not known for her graceful manner. In fact, she is known to be the clumsiest girl in her year. So as Marlene rolls out of the bed, she forgets to land on her feet and falls onto the wooden floor completely naked, hitting her head on the nightstand on her way down. "Fuck!"

There is a rustling from the bed. Marlene quietly gathers her clothes from the floor, sliding on her bra and knickers before standing up to put on her skirt and shirt. "McKinnon, what are you doing?"

"Nothing, Black, because this," she motioned between the two of them with her hand after pulling on her shirt, "never happened." She begins frantically searching around the room. "Where the fuck are my shoes?" She feels lips attach to the back of her neck and hands rest on her hips. "What are you doing, Black?"

"Calming you down. You're far too uptight, McKinnon."

"You quite seemed to like me being tight last night."

The kisses stopped. "Thought you said it never happened."

Shit. "Just help me find my shoes, Black, so I can get out of here." She turned around to face him, then immediately closed her eyes, "Why are not wearing any bloody pants, Black?"

She can practically feel him smirking, "Didn't seem to bother you last night."

"Never. Happened," Marlene forced words through her gritted teeth. "Now find my fucking shoes and put on some pants." She stood -silent and still- until she felt and heard something land beside her feet. "Are you wearing pants?"

"You'll just have to find out."

Marlene reluctantly opened her eyes, not seeing Sirius in front of her at all, she slipped on her shoes and headed for the door.

"If you go out that way, Mum will see you. It's only a few minutes to nine, so she'll be waking me and James up soon."

"Well, I'm not jumping out the fucking window, this is the third floor." Marlene turned on her heel, seeing Sirius lying bare on the bed, with his hands stretched out behind his head and his legs far apart. "Merlin, Sirius!" She looks up to the ceiling. "What is it with you and pants?"

"Too constricting. I like to be free."

"Of course you do, you little shit. Now how am I going to leave if the hallway isn't a viable option?" Marlene found herself very content with counting the little white dots that littered the white ceiling, but she had to leave. She was meeting Lily in half an hour at the Leaky Caldron to buy last minute Christmas presents for their yearly get-together with the other Gryffindor girls in their year.

When she heard him get off the bed and walk towards her, her chest tightened and her mind reeled.

"Look me in the eyes, and I'll think about getting you out of this house so that you can meet Lily."

Her eyes snapped to meet his. He stood a good six inches above her and wasn't far away, so it was easy to look into his eyes and not anything else. "How did you know about that?"

The ever-present smirk on his face grew, "You mentioned it last night. I had to convince you not to floo home because it was four in the morning, and you tend to ramble nonsense at four in the morning."

It took her a few moments to respond because she didn't know what to say to the person she had sworn herself she would never sleep with, but did.

"Well, I'm looking at you now. What is your brilliant idea to get me home?"

Sirius took a few steps closer, and Marlene's chest tightened even more, her eyes determined not to leave his. "As soon as we walk out that door, everything that happened in here never happened. That's what you want?" Marlene nodded with the most confidence she'd ever had. "Alright then." He leaned down and kissed her passionately once more.

Marlene wasn't sure what to do at first. But in seconds everything crashed upon her like a wave crashes into the sand. She put her hands on his face and pulled it closer. Her tongue battled his for a moment before he pulled away with a smirk.

"I'll go put on some pants."

Marlene's heart was beating as if she had just run a marathon. She turned to face the white door and waited on Sirius. His lips reconnected with the side of her neck for a few minutes, sucking and biting, trying to make her moan. And as soon as she let out the breath she'd been holding -which was fast and thin- he stopped, smirking into her neck and saying, "C'mon McKinnon."

He stepped outside the door and motioned her out. She followed him silently to a set of stairs she had never known existed.

"Mr. Potter will have left for the Ministry ages ago, so his office will be empty. It's on the second floor, and his fireplace is connected to the Floo Network," Sirius says emotionlessly as he leads her down the stairs and down the hallway. They walk in silence for a few minutes after that before Sirius points to a door on his left. "In here." The pair slip inside, Sirius closing the door behind Marlene.

Beside the fireplace is a pot of floo powder. Marlene takes a pinch in her right hand, but she quickly points to Sirius as if she's forgotten something. "Nothing happened." A small smile makes its way on his face. She turns to the fireplace and tosses the powder in, emerald flames now before her. "McKinnon Household!"

Keeping her elbows tight to her side, she steps into the fire, and after a few hundred whizzing fireplaces before her, she lands in her own. From the fireplace, she can see her parents in the kitchen.

"MARLENE MARIE MCKINNON, WHERE THE BLOODY HELL HAVE YOU BEEN!?" Her mother was always the one to yell. Her father was usually very quiet.

Another thing Marlene is known for is her rambling.

"Mum, I meant to owl you. I'm so sorry. You know I was at the Potters. I was helping Mrs. Potter with decorations and preparations for all of James' shenanigans. You know how James is with all of his shenanigans. Everything has to be perfect. Anyways that's really just how James is, gets it from his mum he does. But we got to talking, and by the time we quit it was half one in the morning, and I didn't want to wake you guys up, so James let me stay in one of the guest rooms. Please tell me I can still meet my friends and buy presents with Lily in," Marlene pauses from her rant momentarily to look at the clock on the wall, "fifteen minutes."

Her father chuckles and walks towards her, embracing her. "Of course, sweetheart. I believe you, and even if I didn't, I wouldn't ask because you lot do some weird things."

Marlene giggles. "Yeah, but those weird things are how you fell for mum, wasn't it?" Her father was a muggle, whom her pureblooded mother had met in the summer before her seventh year and had gotten disowned for marrying.

"You know it," he winks at her, "now go get bundled up. Never did know if you lot could get colds, but I'd rather not find out. I'll have something for you to eat real quick before you leave. Right, love?"

"Thanks, dad," he kisses the top of her head before she bounds up the stairs and goes to the very end of a quite long hallway. Marlene was the last of six kids: four boys and two girls. William was the oldest, then there was Michael, next was Michelle, then Allen, Justin, and Marlene. Justin was two years older than her and had graduated from school this past June.

So now it was just Marlene and her parents and their house had never seemed more roomy. Until tomorrow, when they all start arriving with their significant others and children (if they had them) for their yearly Christmas Day celebration. Everyone always arrived throughout the day on Christmas Eve to help sort through everything and prepare for the next day.

But tonight was her yearly celebration with her friends. Two days just before Christmas, like always, and Marlene and Lily had yet to finish their shopping, like always. They would get all the presents they needed to get, come back to Marlene's, get ready, then head to Alice Fortescue's house. It was tradition and had been ever since the Christmas of their second year.

Marlene quickly changed into warm, covering clothing with her Gryffindor scarf around her neck and a black hat -knitted by Lily- over her curly blonde hair. Quickly running back downstairs, money pouch in her gloved hand, she ate the bagel her father had toasted for her, kissed both her parents farewell before flooing to the Leaky Caldron.

"Marlene!" a redhead attacked Marlene in a hug, causing her to almost stumble back into the fire. "It's been too long!"

"It's only been a week, Lils, calm down." Lily releases her hold on Marlene just so that she can slap her on the arm.

"A week is a long time not to see your best friend. Especially when you live in a house with Petunia."

"Don't worry, dear," Marlene smiles at the redhead and links their arms together, "we have all day together."