The plot bunny has been poking me with this one for ages. Here ya go, my first IZ fic. No pairings.
Enjoy, Earth Pigs.
The day was clear and cloudless when the chaos began. It was a perfect afternoon in summer, perfect for kids to play sports, go for a walk, fly a kite, or spy on their enemies.
That's exactly what Dib was doing that day. (Not kite-flying, spying.) He raced through the streets of his town, slipping around like a shadow as he approached an abnormal, nearly glowing green, two story house. He went into 'Ninja stealth mode', recalling all the blind spots for his alien rival's base security (those lawn gnomes hurt when they got to you. He still had the bruises from his last try).
His last plan had failed majorly. It had been a plan to record Zim's transmisions to his leaders- The Almighty Tall guys or whatever- by sneaking in and placing a smoke detector-like camera transmitter in Zim's base. Unfortunatley, Gir found the transmitter and placed it on his head- and after two minutes of monitoring what goes on for that little deranged robot, Dib got rid of the recordings.
This time, he had a better plan, and better equipment. He just had to find a way to...
Oh, Dib thought as his extraterrestrial nemesis exited his house. Great timing. The large headed boy lifted a small, darklike object from a crinkly plastic bag in his pocket and aimed carefully.
"Hello!" Zim announced loudly, almost making Dib think he had been caught until he noticed Zim making elaborate hand gestures to a neighbor watering some plants. "I am recieving a pamphlet of informations! Just like a normal human pork worm!"
"Pork worm..." Dib mumbled to himself as Zim picked up a newspaper at the end of his walkway and the neighbor shrugged the occasion off. "That's a new one."
He shook his head. Stay on task! he reminded himself. He held the dartlike object carefully and aimed, once again, at Zim's PAK. If it lodged correctly, all the codes and things stored in it- all of Zims plans, information, maybe a good recipe for Barbeque sauce- would be downloaded and transfered to the host of another dartlike device, which Dib had in his other pocket and planned to plug into his computer.
Easy...easy... Dib backed up a step and squinted one eye shut for a better perspective. Unfortunatley, as he stepped out of the blind spot where he was hiding, one of the gnomes turned towards him and shot a laser from his eyes.
"CRAP!" Dib cried out a little louder than he meant to, causing Zim and all the other gnomes to turn around. Dib threw the device, not caring where it landed, and ran.
The good news for Dib was that it landed on Zim.
The bad news was that it did not lodge in the PAK, but in the irken's skin. The dart-like part fell off, and only the tip remained, buried like a splinter in the extraterrestrial's green flesh. (A/N: Such a lovely picture XD)
"HEY!" Zim shouted. "DIB-WORM!" More lasers were fired as Dib shot away, racing as fast as he could to his house, not bothering to look over his shoulder. Eventually, he glanced over his shoulder, panting and panicing, and tripped over a rock.
"At least I wasn't being followed," he grumbled as he stood up. He had been running half that time for nothing. He checked his pants pocket to see if his transmitter had been damaged. He pulled out the dart-like grasping part, but the needle point was nowhere to be found.
"Dang it," Dib groaned. It seemed as if the only times his plans went well was when they were to stop any plans that Zim had. They could each stop each other from taking action, but a simple spying attempt never went well. The paranormalist sighed. Another failure.
"I'll get you one day," he muttered through gritted teeth as he adjusted his glasses and walked the rest of the way home.
"Smelly Dib-worm," Zim muttered as he re-entered his base. "Trying to defeat the almighty force that is me! The almighty ZIM!"
The irken smiled lightly as his name echoed off the walls of his house. That was one of the few things he secretly enjoyed about this ball of filth they called a planet- the architecture was similar to that of his home, allowing him to be surrounded by the glory of his own voice.
Not that he didn't scream it everywhere else, anyway.
As he stepped further into the odd green house, he felt a small pain in his leg. Nothing huge, mind you- the same amount of pain you get from a small splinter. It was an irritant over anything.
"Heeeey Master!" Gir jumped on his master's head. "Are you gonna make foooood?"
"Not now Gir," Zim replied blandly to the dysfunctional little robot, "I'm busy planning DOOM!"
"You're always plannin' doom, Master! Can we make CUPPYCAKES?"
Zim raised an eyeridge. He had no idea what these "cuppycakes" were, but they couldn't be any more important than the mission.
"Cuppycakes can wait, Gir."
Gir frowned. "But I want to make Cuppycakes! Cuppycakes with frosting and mustard and HAM!"
"...I TOLD YOU NO MORE HAM!" As advanced as his Tallest had described him, the little robot had seemed very unhelpful during the mission. He could gather information quickly, true, as he watched so much television and knew so much about the food, but those facts were not needed to conquer a planet.
Gir, upset with his Ham-Cupcake deprivation, began to scream loudly before stopping suddenly and squeezing a rubber piggy.
"Filthy planet..." Zim grumbled. "Filthy earthinoids...filthy Dib-head..."
Zim could have plotted a thousand plans that day had the irritating feeling in his left leg not distracted him. At last he threw away his lastest failure plan to destroy the Earth with a complex scheme involving puppets, angry.
"WHY must all my plans be foiled?" he marveled to himself in a dramatic voice, as usual (had he been born a human, he may have been a successful theatre actor, as Dib had noticed). "If it weren't for that Dib-stink and his sister, I would have DEVASTATED this planet ages ago, with all its FILTHY inhabitants!"
"You wanna make mah cuppycakes now?" Gir asked.
Zim raised his three claw-fingers against his head in a facepalm. "Sure," he muttered defeated.
Gir frowned. "Is Mastah feelin' sleepy?" he questioned innocently.
"What? NO!" Zim shouted defensively. "We Irkens do not need these things such as SLEEP! It is under our high and sluuuuuuurgh..."
Whatever Zim was about to say was a mystery, as he was suddenly overcome with a wave of fatigue and collasped on the floor.
