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Kathryn stared at the handsome man in front of her. He was a force to be reckoned with; tall, muscular, and dangerous. He wore his dark hair just long enough to be brushed back and his skin had a golden tone just as if he'd had a bit of sun, even when he hadn't. She was impressed with his presence, she always had been, but it wasn't until this moment that she had ever considered comparing the younger man to her first officer. He wasn't as broad shouldered as her XO, his skin was a shade or two lighter, his features more narrow but well defined, and he was a bit taller but more slender. When he arrived Chakotay had been the stronger of the two, or so it had seemed, but today Ayala's muscles were clearly larger and better defined. Maybe he'd spent the last seven years pumping holographic iron on the holodecks. What had made her compare the two; well that was simple really. Mike Ayala was trying to protect her, much as Chakotay had done, during a time that now, seemed so long ago.
Ayala reached out a strong, supportive hand toward her and she took it gratefully. They stood together only seconds away from exiting Voyager to finally set foot upon the Earth. The rest of the crew was already down below, not quite at the bottom yet, waiting for their commanding officers, or at least that had been their intention. Chakotay had surprised them all by making his exit with Seven, leaving Kathryn to the spotlight on her own, or so he thought. No one else had noticed that former Maquis, Mike Ayala, had lingered behind. As the crew waited patiently towards the bottom of the ramp for the Captain to emerge, their families waited patiently, flanked by swarms of reporters, behind a Starfleet security line. Janeway appeared at the top of the ramp holding on to Ayala's arm. She waved at the crowd, then glanced at Mike, bringing her free hand to the arm she was holding she gave him a quick squeeze and they headed down the ramp. The crew clapped and cheered their captain until she joined them at the bottom of the ramp. Suddenly both crowds broke through their respective barriers. All around crewmembers searched for, found, and hugged, their friends and family in a flurry of excitement.
Chakotay took a little longer than most to move, rooted to the spot with leaden legs; Seven at his side. He stood frozen watching intensely as Kathryn gave Ayala that warm gesture that had once been reserved for him. She hadn't told him she was planning to disembark with another member of the crew. He would have accompanied her; after all it was a place he was clearly more suited for than the security officer at her side. Jealously rose up inside him, like a small flame, fanned by the winds of bitterness. Taking care of Kathryn was his job. Not that he'd been very good at it recently. He felt himself redden with anger, but fought it off knowing he had no right to feel that way. Not after his meaningless romp with Seven; if two kisses could be called a romp. SEVEN of all people. Kathryn would never forgive him, he knew it. Kathryn would feel he took advantage of the young borg. He felt like he was going to be sick. He felt Seven's hand on him and quickly remembered why he hadn't offered to disembark with Janeway, he had promised to be there for Seven when they reached Earth. He hadn't even asked Kathryn about her plans at all. He gave up the right to stand by the love of his life for two kisses, and a few dates with a former borg drone. He couldn't have acted any more foolish if he had been trying.
"Is something wrong, Commander?" Seven had reverted to his rank when, realizing that Voyager was actually home in the Alpha quadrant, they broke off their relationship. Seven had tried to break it off while they were still in the Delta quadrant believing that the Admiral would lead them home. But they had gotten their hopes up so many times only to have them dashed time after time that Chakotay decided that it probably wouldn't happen this time either and he didn't want to condemn himself to a lonely, loveless future and, therefore, had refused to dissolve their relationship. If one could call it a relationship. She had asked him to help her expand her social skills in the area of dating, or forming a personal collective, as she had put it. That should have sent him running, given his experience with Riley, but sometimes desperation and loneliness leads to flat out stupidity. He understood that this was a way for Seven to gain experience, not an attempt at a meaningful relationship, but he had been so lonely it hadn't mattered. He was glad to have a connection with someone, anyone, and the young attractive woman's attention had been good for his ego. Knowing Seven was using him, she had been quite clear that it was a learning experience for her, had made it easier for him to pretend it was okay. He wasn't using her any more than she was using him. She was willing to give him the physical contact he craved, sort of. After all Kathryn had had Jaffen on Quarra, didn't he deserve a little warmth, affection, and a bit of physical attention, too? Despite his own mental justifications, he still felt deeply ashamed of what he was doing during the few weeks on Voyager and, therefore, had avoided Kathryn as much as possible. He turned down all her invitations to dine together, and avoided all her efforts to converse outside of work.
"No, nothing. Let's go find your Aunt." Chakotay steered the former drone into the crowd. He had promised to stay with her until her Aunt was found. They found and greeted the kindly older woman, and Chakotay turned Seven over to the woman's motherly care. He had begun to walk away, headed out and away from the reunion site, knowing no one would be in the crowd to greet him. Suddenly a collective gasp rose from the crowd. He searched for a moment before his eye swept over an unconscious Kathryn, cradled in Ayala's arms. Flashes from holoimagers lit up the scene and chaos erupted, but for Chakotay the entire scene before him froze. Ayala held Kathryn securely in his arms, his face looking down at hers with deep concern. Kathryn's arms hung down limply. Her eyes, those wonderfully intense blue eyes, were closed, and her face was pale. Reality snapped back into place and the scene began to move again. Kathryn was regaining consciousness and instinctively wrapped her arms around Ayala's neck. Her ever devoted and loyal crew opened up a path toward the nearest building, creating a human barrier on either side. Voyager's security teams quickly ushered her into the building clearing the path, former maquis standing shoulder to shoulder with their fellow Starfleet crewmen, to protect their captain against the mob of reporters trying to get a story. The senior staff, along with other Voyagers, plus Owen Paris, Gretchen Janeway and Phoebe Janeway were allowed through, the media was kept out.
Chakotay approached the guarded door with only one question. "Is the Captain okay?"
Crewman Celes was exiting and quickly moved aside to let him through, but he declined. He couldn't face Kathryn now. "Just tell me she's ok, I don't want to intrude." Celes looked at Chakotay like he had just grown another head. Everyone knew he was the person closest to Janeway, or at least he had been, until very recently.
VVVVVV
Ayala gently lowered Kathryn onto an over-stuffed arm chair in the Starfleet building. She quickly waved away the crowd forming around her. Admirals Paris, Hayes, and Patterson, all once good friends with Edward Janeway, gathered around and watched her with concern.
"I'm fine. I'm fine. It was just… the excitement… it's been a lot for one day. I'll be alright. Admirals, can I just go home with Mother now? I promise to have the EMH look me over and send you a report by tomorrow."
"I suppose, Katie." Answered Owen Paris. In the days following their unexpected return to the Alpha Quadrant the EMH had completed physicals on the entire crew and sent down medical reports clearing them to disembarked. They were all virus free and relatively healthy, therefore, there was little Admiral Paris could do but take her at her word. "I expect the EMH to contact me first thing tomorrow."
"You have accommodations ready for all my crew members who don't have family or a place to stay?" Kathryn asked Owen.
"Yes, Katie. Just as we promised they all have temporary Starfleet housing, and those planning to stay with us will eventually be able to get an apartment. I expect the entire crew back here the day after New Year for debriefing. No one is to leave Earth." Owen Paris repeated the instructions he had already given several times.
"They are all aware of their orders. I expect them all to be here." Then turning to her mother, Kathryn said, "Let's go home, Mom."
As they walked out Gretchen Janeway turned to her daughter and said, "I hope you don't mind honey we're planning a New Year's Eve party for the entire crew. We were just so happy to hear that you were coming home. I've arranged for Owen to send the invitations tonight, once he knows where everyone has settled; unless you're not up to having a party."
Kathryn groaned inwardly but only managed to croak out, "It's fine, Mother."
VVVVV
Chakotay stood outside while Crewman Celes assured him that the Captain was fine. "Go on in and see her for yourself, Commander." She insisted.
"No, I'll just let her be with her family. I'm sure that's what she would want." He hesitated and thanked Tal Celes before walking away. He needed to check in to the Starfleet housing office and get his quarters assigned. His sister, Sekaya, was in the late stages of pregnancy and was unable to come; no one would be meeting him here today.
Chakotay entered his assigned standard room and dropped his bag on the floor. It landed by a small standard breakfast table with a thump and there it remained for the rest of the afternoon. He didn't bother to unpack. He didn't bother to eat. He didn't bother to bother about much of anything. He simply lay on the standard Starfleet issue bed just where he landed and wondered how he had come to this. He should be out making sure no one was alone, offering support and comfort to all the former Maquis whom he knew had no one left. Instead he was wallowing in self-pity and shame.
Ayala was one of his closest friends, or so he thought. Of his all his crew on the Val Jean, Ayala was the one who had been with him the longest, almost from the very beginning. Mike knew how Chakotay felt about Kathryn, of course. In recent years Mike, however, had made it no secret that he found the Captain to be an amazing and beautiful woman. At the time Chakotay thought that maybe he was purposely trying to rile him; now he was convinced that Mike had also fallen for the Captain. Shit! He thought. All those years by her side, when we finally arrive in the alpha quadrant, where she's free to love whomever she chooses, I'm standing here with an adolescent sac of bolts who regulates her emotions with a freaken computer processor, and of course, Mike was all too happy to step into the space left empty.He sighed as he immediately felt guilty; it wasn't Mike or Seven's fault, it was his own.
