It is his birthday. No one knows though, he never told anyone. I don't think he wanted to remember such an occasion since he has had and will have so many. But I knew, I figured it out last year, he gets quiet and withdrawn on this day. It is different from his normal, it is very un like him. I want this day to be special, even with everything going on. All the hurt that has been caused on both sides. I have been working on this present for weeks, I can't just not give it to him. As much as I hate him right now, I have to, I have to take a chance. I convinced Caroline to help me. I'm surprised she agreed. She left it in his room while he was in the basement. He will find it, hopefully before anyone else does. All I can do is sit here and wait for what he does. I just hope I can take it. Elena thinks as she sits in her room writing in her blank diary, the sun streaming through the window catching all the highlights in her chestnut hair. She looks up again and stares out at the yard, watching and waiting.
Damon walked into his bedroom shutting the door softly behind him, his favorite bourbon in hand. He hated this day, he didn't see the point in celebrating, thank god Stefan didn't care anymore he didn't have to listen to his birthday wishes. He freezes when he notices the small pile on his bed. He walks over scowling until he recognizes the hand writing. It's from Elena. He picks up the folded piece of paper and reads her note, more like instructions really, smirking a little as she mentions that she can't believe she had to discover when his birthday was, that he didn't tell her. He thinks for a minute about just throwing the whole lot into the fire, he is that hurt by her words from the Original Ball. But curiosity gets the better of him. She says she has been working on this for weeks. He glances back at her instructions before shrugging and sitting down next to the pile.
He opens the first three packages wrapped in the blue paper. They are photographs. More importantly they are photographs of the two of them, and only them. There are small notes attached to each one. Describing the day and why she had chosen these particular pictures. A small smile formed on his face as he remembered them too.
Then he opened the next one wrapped in the black and silver paper. He nearly dropped what fell out into his hand. It was her diary. He had seen her writing in it a few weeks ago in front of the fire at the boarding house. He just sat there staring at the blue leather book in his hand. Then he picked up the note on the front cover that just said read me. He hesitated for a second before he picked up the book. He flipped quickly through noting that the entire book was filled. He also noticed the dates were spaced out in the beginning, realizing that this was not her original diary but rather a compilation of several entries he began to read. 4 hours later he stopped. There were tears in his eyes, and his heart which had been shattered so completely a few days ago was slowly starting to heal. He read the last page again before reaching over to the last present wrapped in blood red paper. Opening it as per instructed from the diary, a picture fell out. It was a shot of them, asleep on the couch in the den in front of the fire. Elena was reclined in his arms, curled into his chest and they both had the most peaceful expressions on their faces. If he looked closely he could see the faint tear tracks on her face. It was the night they had gotten back from Chicago, Elena had broken down and had, to his great surprise, let him hold her while she cried. He read the note on the frame I remember this day like it just happened. I think Caroline snuck in and took the picture. I had never felt so safe. Damon smiled at that.
He eagerly turned back to the diary, to the last entry which he noticed was dated for yesterday. He began to read.
Dear Diary,
I hurt him. I said something I didn't mean, and I hurt him. I saw it, in his eyes. I saw his heart break, saw it shatter, and mine shattered too. I tried to tell him I didn't mean it, that I was upset too, but it was too late. I had broken him, the one thing I promised myself I would never do. I can't believe what I said. How could I be so cruel? He just walked away, not letting me explain, not letting me take it back. I hardly blame him though, I would have done the same thing, I have done the same thing. He walked off, thank god though he found Matt before Kol could really hurt him. I thought then that maybe I hadn't broken him so completely, that maybe he would let me explain. Then he broke Kol's neck and I knew it was too late. He wouldn't listen to me now. I had hurt the one person that was always there for me. I had taken his love and shoved it back in his face, the exact opposite of what I wanted to do. He left me there, I had to let Stefan take me home. I was so scared, I don't trust him I don't feel safe, but Damon didn't answer any of my phone calls.
I tried to call him all last night. I was up all night worrying, hoping Kol or one of the siblings didn't retaliate. I was so scared that he wasn't answering his phone. I even called Stefan and begged him to let me know if he was ok. Stefan didn't know. He didn't know where he was. I couldn't sleep. I'm going over there now. I will make him listen to me, give him a piece of my mind for making me worry so much.
God I can't believe him! I know I hurt him, but to go and sleep with her of all people! Why did he do this, how am I supposed to forgive him? I can't I won't! He went too far this time. The way he looked at me as I struggled not to cry in front of her. I was so worried about him and he was alive the whole time, just too busy to answer the phone. God! If he had any idea…but he doesn't. I have to forgive him. He did this because I broke him. I took his heart and I shattered it like it didn't even matter. I am the one to blame in this. I have to forgive him, I just have to. God, we are so messed up, why do we keep doing this to ourselves?
Tomorrow is his birthday. I wasn't going to give him his present. He doesn't even know I know. But I can't not give it to him, he needs to know. He has been so honest with me. Tomorrow he will hopefully read you, read all of my thoughts, my feelings, so I think it's about time I really lay it all out there.
Hopefully he is reading this. If not I understand, I don't deserve him after what I did. After what I said. Tomorrow though, tomorrow his birthday will mean something, tomorrow if he reads this he will remember as the day I told him probably the most important thing I will ever tell him. That even after everything we have been through, all of the fights and all of the times I hit him . All the times I hated him for stopping me, but secretly thanking him when he bailed me out of trouble time and time again. How I have never felt safer than when I am standing wrapped in his arms. I feel him when he is near, even if I can't see him. He is the last thought before I fall asleep and the first thought when I wake up in the morning. I never get tired of his flirting and sarcastic remarks. And the eye thing he does makes my knees go weak and my heart skip a beat. My pulse races when his name lights up on my caller ID and I find myself hoping he will call or txt me every day. Tomorrow he is going to remember as the day I told him that he is my rock, my anchor. If he ever left I would shatter, I would break into a million pieces because I can't handle all of this without him. I wouldn't survive without him. He completes me, body and soul. I need him. Tomorrow he is going to remember as the day I told him, I don't want to live if it means he isn't going to be in my life. Tomorrow is the day that he will finally know that I love him. With every part of my heart and soul I love him. It had always been him, and it will always be him, because I have finally realized he is the one thing I can't live without. I love him. Tomorrow I hope I will finally get to say those three words to him. The question is diary, am I too late? Have I hurt him too much? Does he still love me?
Damon's eyes were widened in surprise as he finished the last lines of the entry. He looked out at the day, thinking for a split second before grabbing his phone and speeding from the room.
Elena jumped when she heard the front door open and close. She knew instantly who it was, so she sat quietly in the window seat and waited. She heard him hesitate outside her door before he pushed it open and stopped just over the threshold. Elena slowly turned and looked at him. Tears forming in her eyes when she looked him over, noting the diary still clutched in his hand, she saw the love displayed in his eyes and she stood. "Is this all true?" he asked quietly holding the book up. She smiled and nodded her head. "You really feel all of this? Every day that is in here, every feeling, it's all true?" She nodded again taking a step towards him. "Then why Elena, did you have to say those words to me at the ball? Why couldn't you just admit it? Why did you destroy me?" he whispered the pain replacing the love in his eyes making the smile drop from her face. She faltered in her steps toward him.
"I…I…" she stuttered at a loss for what to say. She hadn't been expecting this. If he had showed at all she was expecting to be swept off her feet and thoroughly kissed.
"You've already laid it all out there Elena, no need to get shy now." He said smirking slightly.
"I was scared, I guess. I was scared of what would happen. If they found out how much you meant to me. I was scared they would come after you to get to me regardless of their mother's orders. I couldn't stand the thought of them hurting you. I said it so that they wouldn't think it and they would leave you alone."
"I can take care of myself Elena."
"I know, but you risk so much to protect me, why is it such a surprise that I would do the same in return? But that isn't the only reason I said it. I was scared of what Stefan would-"
"Oh so you broke my heart so that you wouldn't break his. Nice Elena, that's very Katherine of you." Damon said anger coloring his voice.
Elena gasped, tears gathering in her eyes. She could take him yelling, or ignoring her but that she couldn't take not from him. Those 6 words and 1 name broke her. She never wanted to be like her evil twin. She had sworn to herself she never would and to hear him say it, after all she had told him, after all they had been through, she broke. Her legs gave and she collapsed down onto the bed. Damon stood resolutely in the doorway and watched her break, it killed him inside to see her hurt, but he had to know, he had to know the truth. She looked up at him tears streaking down her face.
"I was scared of what Stefan would do. I told him I kissed you and he hit you. I was terrified that if he heard me say I loved you, that he would lose what little control he seems to have and kill you, or me, or someone I care about. I didn't want him to do that." Damon was shocked. It wasn't because she cared about Stefan's feelings, it was because she was afraid of what he might do. She was talking again and he tried to focus on her voice. "I guess I am too late, I hurt you too much. I understand. It's okay Damon, I'll move on, don't worry about me." The tears were still falling as she stood and headed back over to the window seat to retrieve her diary. As she turned around her head down so she didn't have to look at him she collided with a hard black clad chest. He tilted her face up. Looking into his eyes she could see, he wasn't shattered anymore, she had healed his heart.
"It isn't too late, Elena. I'm sorry for what I did." She nodded in understanding. " I will always choose you… because I love you." Elena's eyes filled with tears at this and she smiled as she stretched up onto her toes.
"Happy Birthday, Damon." She said before she kissed him. He wrapped his arms around her as he kissed her back. When the kiss broke, she whispered "I love you." He smiled and closed his eyes letting it wash over him.
"I love you too. You were right, I will always remember this day." Elena smiled at that cuddling into his chest as he held her. "It is the day I finally realized what it means to live."
"We can remember together….forever" Elena said quietly pulling back to look at him. His face was shocked but it soon softened into an expression of pure love and wonderment. Elena read the question in his eyes. "Yes Damon that is exactly what I mean." Damon smiled and held her tighter, knowing that he would feel her in his arms for the rest of his life, which for a vampire would be a very long time.
