Hardcore

You know what really annoys me? The fact that I'm alone in the world. The fact that no matter how hard I try, I can never get anything that I want, let alone what I need. I got a phone call last night. When I picked it up, it was a woman, sounded youngish. She asked for 'Alana'. That's when I knew that this was gonna get messy.

I slammed the receiver down hard, making everyone in the room look up. My brother got up from his chair as I dropped the handset, the batteries jump out on impact. My hands were shaking as a wave of nausea came over me. I felt my brothers' hand on my shoulder. Suddenly, I needed to puke. I ran upstairs, and promptly threw up, wanting to wake up from the dream. The dream. The nightmare that had just told me that my mom had contacted me. The freakish joke that thought that I would want to see them. My parents had given me up when I was three, because they didn't want to look after me anymore. They weren't mature enough. Screw that. If they didn't want me, then they should've thrown me in the ocean with a brick strapped to my ankle, and a note saying 'tough break kid'.

About four days later, a knock came on the door. Ban answered it, and it took several minutes for the message to get to my room that there was someone to see lil ol' me. I pulled on my 'H.I.M' T shirt, and ran downstairs, dodging all the junk that had accumulated on the stair cases. When I got to the front door, it was shut, so I ventured to the TV room, where there sat a couple. The woman had cat ears and tail, with brown layered hair and purple cat eyes. The man had jet black hair, and pointed Elvin ears. He had a large shoulder span, and was quite tall when he stood up, unlike the girl who was shorter. I just stood in the doorway as they came towards me. The woman hugged me tightly. The man just stood in the background. I pushed her off, and backed into the room.

"Who the hell are you? Why are you hugging me??" I demanded, putting my hands on my hips. The woman looked rather embarrassed.

"I'm sorry about that. Well, where to start really...Alana-"

"It's Tora to you"

"Right, sorry – well, Tora, we're...well, we're your parents" Time stands still on few occasions. The first, when you're snogging someone and its pure fireworks. Secondly, when you're in some ones room, and you tred on something, and it crunches. Thirdly, when this happens.

"...what...?"

"Did you not hear us the first time kid?" The man asked, his eyes narrowing. I glared right back at him, although all I really wanted to do was run away, as fast as I could.

"We finally managed to find you. After all this time!" She tried to hug me again. I pushed her off again, and sat down heavily on the couch behind me.

"I don't even know your names...how do I know you're my parents??? And if you are, then why the hell did you decide to come find me now???" The man stepped forward, and knelt down in front of me. He looked me right in the eyes and said:

"If we weren't, then why would we waste anymore time here? You don't exactly look like the type of girl who gives a crap about who she is, so why would we just make this up? Do you honestly think we're that needy for something to do? To hunt down some brat who thinks she's alone, when really she's just never wanted in the world?" I slap him. Good and hard. He slaps me back. At least he's got a back bone. The woman pulls him up, and turns my head toward her.

"I'm sorry about him love"

"Don't call me that"

"Right, sorry – You can call me Tina, or Mom, either way, and his name is Derreck. Again, you can call us whatever you like."

"Tinkerbelle and the mentally screwed wolf" With that, I stand up, push past them both, but my arm gets grabbed by Derreck.

"Now look here kid – we didn't come all the way from the states to be called names. Now you're gonna sit down with us, and you're going to talk to us. Then, you're gonna come back home with us where you belong. GET IT?"

"She's not going anywhere" I turn my head to see my brother, Tarot, standing in the doorway. He comes in, and stands eye to eye with Derreck.

"You might want to take your hands off my sister before I break several of your fingers" He says calmly. Derreck doesn't do it quickly enough, and gets his index and middle finger broken. As he tends to his hand, Tarot grabs mine and leads me out of the room.

"So, they're your parents then? Well, I can see where you get your temper from" I only just hear this over my heart thudding. I feel so strange. A few people have gathered on the stairs to try to eavesdrop. I start to climb back up to my room, when Tarot touches my arm again.

"Shall I get rid of them? If you don't want them here then-"

"Let them stay...I'll be more ready for them tomorrow" I instruct him, before pushing my way past Kurt, Spencer, and Alice. In my room, I change into a shirt that Duke 'loaned' me, which could practically be a mini dress on me. I turn up my CD player up so loud it hurts my ears. But I don't care. I climb into bed, and pull the duvet up over my head, which muffles the music a little. What I do next surprised even me. I cry. I cry loud and hard. I cry out years of suppressed emotion. Years of not being able to cry because I'm the hard core Goth girl who'll gladly beat up your older brother. Girls like that DON'T cry. They do drugs, sleep around although I never have – I'm not that stupid. They have favourite shrinks, they don't have loving parents. They don't care. They yell, and scream, and trash things. They think themselves not good enough for the world. So most of them slit their throats. Again, my common sense surpasses this. I quickly fall asleep, my CD ending sooner than expected.

The next morning, someone knocks on my door. I don't answer. Mainly because I don't want to talk. Tarot lets himself in, and sits on my bed. He strokes my hair as I fully wake up.

"They're still downstairs you know. You've gotta talk to them at some point"

"Will I go to jail if I don't? Electric chair?"

"Yeah...just think of it that way"

"I welcome jail to them" He laughs. Smooth and charmed. Atsuro's not my real brother – I was adopted into his family when I was three. Only when I was 13 two years ago he went nuts and shot his parents and his brothers. And so, here we are. He looks out for me, even if he is a bit of a psycho at times.

"Come on, get up – the day's wasting away while you lounge up here all by yourself. Then again, knowing you, everyone will regret having you awake when I tell you we're out of coffee"

"Whose fault is that?" He holds up both hands

"Guilty as charged, once again – come on, move it!" He says, more loudly, pulling the duvet off of me, allowing the cold morning air to sweep over my bare legs. I hastily tug my shirt down, and kick him in the shins.

"Give that back! It's freezing, and I'm practically giving you a free strip show! Flippin' pervert!" He dramatically covers his eyes.

"Oh thine eye! Tis infected with perverse intent of thou younger sibling! Jeez Kid, this is me you're talking to!" He joked, walking out.

"Oigh...men..." I mumble as I grab the duvet back, and go back to sleep momentarily, before Alice comes tumbling into my room.

"Can no one leave me alone?? Alice, get out!!" The carrot topped girl grins at me, and tries to catch her breath.

"Duke's...here to...see...you...down...stairs..." She then collapses onto my blow up chair. I raise an eyebrow, before getting up, pulling on my old jeans, and kicking Alice out of my room.

"Tell him to wait; I'll be out whenever..." With that, I make my way to the bathroom, and lock the door. I hope to god this new shower stuff will just make my parents magically disappear some how. It stinks badly enough. The hot water fails me half way through. Oigh. I hate this place sometimes. Afterward, I make my way back to my room. But as I close my bedroom door, I quickly zip out again.

"DUKE!!! GET OUT OF MY ROOM YOU FLIPPIN' PERVERT!!!"

"But you said to wait-"

"I MEANT DOWNSTAIRS! NOW GET OUT!! AND LEMME IN MY ROOM!! IT'S FREEZING OUT HERE!!" He comes out quickly, looking terrified.

As he goes downstairs, I poke my head round the door.

"Duke"

"What'd I do??"

"Love ya"

"Oh...cool, same" He says, grinning, before continuing on his way to the sitting room. I roll my eyes, and shut the door.

"So, what'd you wanna say?" I ask, surprising Tina a little. She smiles at me, and sits down. Derreck remains standing. I sit on the couch opposite them, and sweep my hair back.

"Well, when you were born, I was too young for a child. You have to try to understand how hard it was for me to give you up-"

"I don't have to do anything. If you weren't ready, then why did you bother trying? How old were you?"

"16"

"Figures...so, why didn't you just get an abortion? Why-"

"Because I don't like the idea of it...and to answer your first question, we didn't try on purpose...I mean, well...you weren't exactly planned-".

"A mistake" Derreck steps forward, and looks right at me. Tina looks embarrassed and guilty.

"We were both drunk at the time, and I suppose one thing led to another. If it were up to me kid, you would've gone as soon as possible, but your mother wanted to try to take care of you. For a while at least until you just got too troublesome. So, I guess that answers another of questions of 'who am I?'"

"How does that answer anything??"

"All you are is a mistake that wasn't wanted or planned" That hurt. And it hurt badly. It hurt more than I expected it to. Even Tina looks shocked at this comment. He doesn't flinch as I spit at him, and run out, hot tears flowing good and hard. I bump into my brother, who looks ready to kill. As I run out of the front door, I hear him yell up for Duke to come down. The afternoon sun is dim as I slow my pace, a stitch boring into my side. I still haven't stopped crying, even though I've already reached caron lane. Someone's running after me. I don't know who it is. I just hope it isn't Him. I can't believe it...how much of a baby I am. It was just one stupid comment...how could it cut me so deep? I call people names half the time...but a mistake? I suppose it's true. It would explain me so much more clearly. I feel an arm around me. I don't know who it is, but I hug them anyways. They hug me tightly, and I do the same. I hope to God it's not Tina. As it turns out, it's not. When I open my eyes, I see a black ponytail, so I relax. I only know one guy who spends that long tying his hair back so it's just right. So that he looks good for all the other girls out there. So that he lives up to others expectations. I pull away, and turn my back to him. I don't want him to see me so weak. So stupid.

"Tora, what'd they say to you? Please tell me"

"They didn't say anything...I'm fine...just...just leave me alone, okay?"

"But I-"

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" I suddenly feel angry again. I can feel my pent up rage just bubbling to the surface. I don't even try to stop myself.

"WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT ME?? I'M NOT PRETTY, OR SMART! I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!! I'M JUST A STUPID IDIOT!! A...A...A MISTAKE!!!!" I run. I just run.

"Tora. You're late – Johnny won't be happy-"

"Well he can go screw Satan alright? Now can I come in?" Iggy shook his head while smiling, unlocked the door, and let me in.

"So, how long will you be staying for?"

"Just tonight"

"You sure? J will want compo for your lateness ya know. You done it yet? That'll make life easier on both parts" I whack him hard on the arm, saunter past, and down the steep flight of steps. There were easily around 300 to go down before you reach the first floor. The place I'm in is called 'the Ghetto'

A ghetto is an area where people from a specific racial or ethnic background or united in a given culture or religion live as a group, voluntarily or involuntarily, in milder or stricter seclusions

This was a place where near around 18,000 people lived, totally underground. There was everything you'd need; you just need to make a reputation for yourself. Or you'd just melt into the atmosphere. If you were weak, or wimpy, and you came here, you wouldn't last 5 minutes. People get killed in front of you everyday. Babies are born down here. Kids do drugs. Kids weild guns. You need to make sacrifices just to live. The whole place was cut into three pieces. The leader of sector 1, or where I stay sometimes, was named Johnny, or J, and was responsible for everyone, and my 'dealings'. If I wanted to keep coming back to bring my friends things, I'd need to renew my promises, and pay off my drug debt, which, frankly, was far far too high. Past the safety checkpoint. I wrap my jacket tighter around my shoulders and chest as I enter the main part of the first sector. Couples made out, groups of young teenagers were snorting crack in one corner. Any spare eye watches me walk past as I turn a corner, and enter the Girls dormitories. It was kinda like a boarding school. Only no school.

"Tora" I freeze.

"Johnny...what?" A large man emerges from the shadows, and blows smoke in my face.

"So I see you're back...just a one nighter again?" He asks, puffing on his cigarette.

I frown a little.

"You're late you know...I'll be needing that money soon"

"How soon?"

"Oh, I don't know...how about by last week?!" quick as a flash, he springs forward and pins me against the wall. His huge hand is crushing my shoulder as I try not to winch in pain. He draws his face up close to mine.

"Now you listen to me you little bitch, and you listen good and hard. Now I don't just go handin' out smack whenever I damn well feel like. Now I've got a place to run here, and I can't be chasin' after somethin' like a £350 money problem from some outsider. Now either you get that money to me by mid week, or I'll take your face like this" He reaches up with his hand, and encloses my face in his palm, covering my nose and mouth at the same time. Not being able to breath seemed trivial.

"And do this" He then applies extra pressure to his fingers, practically crushing my head at the same time.

"Only I'll do it nice and slow...ya get me?!" Shakily, I nod, despite my jaws new found agony. He squeezes a little harder, and lets me go. He then suddenly slams his spare fist against the wall millimetres from my head, glares at me, and presses the burning cigarette onto my neck. It burns and stings, but I dare not show how much it hurts. He then smiles, and storms off, leaving me quite shaken. I sink to the floor, and feel the hot skin on my throat gingerly.

"Stop being so pathetic. You know that you got off easy" I look up, and see the face of my longest standing best friend. A lot of my good friends have been killed down here. Rayne was a true survivor. She had had a bullet in her head more than once. She'd been violated in ways which would make any rapist cringe. She'd watched her boyfriend be slowly killed in front of her. I know that I had gotten off lightly with a threat.

"How long have you been there?" I ask, trying to get up without my knees buckling. Rayne raises her eyebrow.

"Long enough. Come on, Kayla's been waiting for you" Kayla was the youngest of the three, and, frankly, was an inspiration to most. Unlike some, she had been born down here, but had practically been raised by Rayne. None of them knew about her parents, but it was a pretty safe bet to say they were dead. I follow Rayne through the dark hallways, until we come to room 101 S 1. The three girls also shared this room with another, named Taina.