The Broken Ones
Chapter One:
It Hurts So Good
Sleep. Get up. Put on her armor. Face the day and smile. Smile. Smile!
Sleep. Get up. Put on her armor. Face the day and smile. Smile. Smile!
Sleep. Get up. Put on her armor. Face the day and smile. Smile. Smile!
Sleep. Get up. Put on her armor. Face the day and smile. Smile. Smile! Come home and break down. This was the way Darcy Lewis lived her life. Her eyes opened and she sighed.
"God damn it," she slurred. She was awake and staring at her blurred ceiling. She had woken up again. Why? Why couldn't she just not exist? Why couldn't she have passed away in her sleep? At least then she wouldn't have to pretend like there was a point to her life. She wouldn't have to pretend like she mattered. She did the same thing every day, day in and day out. Wake up, get up, go to work, play babysitter, pretend she was fine, come home, cry and sleep. Then she would get up and do it all again. What point was there to her life? She wasn't Jane; she wasn't making scientific discoveries or trying to make the world a better place. She didn't have someone to come home to at night, someone who loved her. She had nothing and no one… so what was the point of living?
Rolling over she squinted at her clock. If she didn't get out of bed soon, she would be late, but she just couldn't bring herself to move. A hollowness settled deep within her chest that began to fill with nothing but despair.
"It's time to get out of bed Miss Lewis," said the aristocratic English voice from nowhere.
"Morning JARVIS," Darcy greeted the disembodied voice and threw an arm over her eyes.
"Good Morning, Miss Lewis," he replied.
There was always JARVIS, he would notice if she didn't get out of bed in the morning. Sighing, she heaved herself up and untangled herself from her blankets. By the time she had managed that, she was already tired again; it just took so much effort. Walking over to the bathroom, she looked at the shower and frowned. Did she have to shower? She couldn't do it, not today… besides, no one would notice if she showered or not. Turning to the sink she began to brush her teeth in circular motions. Her hand felt heavy and sluggish but she forced herself to finish.
Spit and rinse.
She looked up at herself in the mirror and cringed. Her skin was too pale, her under eye circles too dark, her hair looked like a rat's nest and her lips were too big. But the real problem, the real problem, was the dead look in her eyes. The look that said she'd all but given up on life. It was a look that would draw attention. She was a mess. Rolling up her sleeves she got to work. Hair up in a messy bun, concealer to hide the dark circles and glasses to hide her eyes. Bright red lipstick on her lips that yelled 'look at my mouth and not my eyes'. All she needed now was clothing. Trudging to her closet, she picked out an oversized sweater and a pair of yoga pants. Easy. Done. She practically wore the same thing every day. Something baggy that hid her figure. Looking in the mirror, she gave herself a once over and sighed. It would have to do. It was time to go.
"Jane," Darcy said in a tone that would have caught most people's attention. "Jane," she tried a little louder. "Jane," she all but shouted and put the plate of Pop-tarts she was holding down on the table in front of the small woman.
"Darcy, you are stopping science!" Jane glared.
"Science needs a Pop-tart," Darcy said with a grin. "Eat it or I'll tell Thor."
"Slave driver." Picking up one of the thin pastries, she bit into it with a face that said happy now.
"Next time I'll bring my whip," Darcy joked.
"Darcy, why do you have whip?" Tony asked, poking his head around one of the machines he was working on.
"Extracurricular activities."
Over in his own workspace Bruce coughed and tried to hide a smile. Winking she picked up her iPod, intent on ignoring Tony.
"Go on, I'm intrigued," he purred.
"Oh look it's a party!" Darcy smiled, ignoring him as she welcomed the newcomers.
"Ma'am" Steve greeted her as he entered the room. Rolling her eyes, she gagged at the acknowledgment. "Miss Lewis," he tried to correct himself.
"Darcy," she said, like he should know this by now. They had met a handful of times and every time she told him to call her by her first name.
"Darcy," Bucky greeted her from behind the Captain with a smirk.
"Miss Lewis," she corrected him.
"You wound me." He clutched his chest in mock pain.
"Oh, I didn't realize the Tin Man had a heart. Or are you just here for a tune up?" she said, nodding over at Tony.
"Ouch! If I did have a heart, it would be broken right now, that's for sure."
"You'll get over it." She shrugged. "Shoo, before Frankenstein gets antsy that no one's paying attention to him." Darcy waved them in and towards Tony. They weren't here to see her, that was for sure. They barely knew each other. But a girl could dream.
"I can't decide whether to be offended that you compared me to Frankenstein or that amused that you underhandedly called Barnes his monster," said Tony, wiping his hands on a rag.
"Tony!" Steve all but jumped on him.
"No harm done," said Bucky holding up his hands.
"Frankenstein was a genius," Darcy avoided the topic and tried not to blush.
"No, I'm a genius, Frankenstein was a hack," he admonished, his narcissism saving her from an embarrassing moment.
"Don't you have something else to be doing, Tony?" Jane rolled her eyes and pushed the half eaten Pop-tart off her papers.
"Did you know Darcy owns a whip… for extracurricular activities?" he waggled his eyebrows at the two super soldiers.
"Stark!" Jane barked, saving her.
"Alright, alright." He held up his hands. "Right this way gentlemen." He ushered them over to his work area and began picking up random tools. As mortifying as that conversation had been, at least she had some eye candy for the next little bit. Sitting down, Darcy put in her headphones and began to pretend to work.
Darcy's shoulders sagged as she stepped onto the elevator. The last hour had been so unnerving, pretending to work so she could ogle the boys and totally getting caught by Tony. Fortunately for her he had the amazing grace not to say anything. He only winked at her and moved so she had a better view of them. The doors to the elevator began to close when a metal hand stopped them, causing Darcy to grown inwardly. Making their way onto the elevator, Steve and Bucky nodded at her and pressed the button for their floor. Silence surrounded the trio.
"So this is awkward," Darcy said casually, not able to handle the silence. Steve coughed once and looked up a small smile on his face, while Bucky grinned at her. "Listen about that Frankenstein comment… Tony just has a way of twisting people's words," Darcy explained.
"No harm done," he said again with a wink.
"Cool because you're not a monster anymore anyway, you're a real boy now… and that arm is pretty sweet," she rambled. She had a tendency to do that when she was uncomfortable.
"Darcy!" Steve cautioned her, the small smile from earlier gone.
"Relax, Steve." Bucky put a hand on the other man's shoulder as the elevator opened on her floor. With a small sigh of relief Darcy stepped out and onto her floor.
"Excuse me, I'm going to go drown myself now." She pointed in the direction of her room.
"See yah, Doll," Bucky laughed good-naturedly.
"Ma'am." Steve nodded to her stiffly as the doors closed on them. What the hell was wrong with her?
Walking through the door to her room she dropped her purse and plodded over to the bed. Crashing into it she didn't even bother to change as she flung off her shoes and curled up into a ball. Today had been embarrassing and she wanted it to end. Pulling the blankets up over her she lay there replaying scenes from the day. She was so awkward.
The thing was, Darcy thought she shouldn't feel the way she did. There was no reason for it. She had a job most people would kill for. She knew a billionaire, superheroes and a God. She had a family that loved her and she supposed she had what most people considered friends. So why was it that every morning she woke up feeling so empty? She didn't know.
She had the notion once to tell Jane how she felt. She had tried but the words wouldn't come out and then Jane said the words that had haunted her ever since:
"You're always so strong, Darcy."
And the words went away. Darcy wasn't seen as sad or pitiful. She was perceived as the strong, sarcastic girl with the great rack. That was what people expected, no, needed from her. Everyone needed her to be strong, so that's what she would be. Everyone around her had real problems and real issues and they were still working to make the world a better place.
If she couldn't change the world, maybe she could change the people around her for the better. Even if it was only a smile when they needed it. She could be what they needed her to be. Even if that meant she had to keep up an act, she could do it. She was an A+ actor. If anyone knew how good she actually was, she'd surely win an Oscar. So she would keep it to herself. It didn't matter that she went home at night and cried for a few hours or that she had to force herself to do the smallest of things. It didn't matter because she didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was not bothering anybody with her silliness.
A.N: So I don't know how I feel about this story, nor do I have any real plans for it. I just wanted to write something about depression and The Avengers and then I made that graphic and BAM this happened. I have no idea if this story is any good or if I should continue it. If you have any ideas on where to take this drop them in a comment for me to read.
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