Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.
My name is Stephanie Plum, I'm a bounty hunter for my cousin and sometimes I work for Rangeman, a security firm owned by Ranger, aka Carlos Manoso, but you know that already. You also know that I have had an on-off relationship with Trenton Detective Joe Morelli and have had a deep friendship with occasional sex thrown in, with my best friend Ranger.
I've just returned from Atlantic City after helping Ranger find a man named Vlatco who was trying to kill him. Ranger had tangled with him on one of his top secret government missions. Ranger has been acting strange since the Vordo spell Joe's Grandma Bella put on me. We had sex in his apartment, his 911, Hawaii and Joyce's closet. I think of Morelli as my boyfriend, sort of, so I've stopped allowing Ranger into my bed. Ranger has saved my life several times since Hawaii. I was also targeted by a former Special Forces guy Ranger served with besides the latest guy. I wonder if Ranger is feeling guilty about these recent events.
A few months ago I had been targeted by Joe's godfather, Uncle Sonny. He was Grandma Bella's favorite nephew, at least until he died with a boner for my Grandma Mazur. The women don't get along very well and my grandmother likes to antagonize Joe's Grandma whenever possible, especially when she gives me the eye. The thing is, Joe didn't try to help me get his godfather but instead told me to give the file to Ranger. He didn't believe his Grandmother would try to kill me. She not only tried to kill me but continued to put the eye on me. Funny that Joe claims to want to marry me and want me to be the mother of his children but doesn't try to stop his Grandmother.
Joe called me and asked if I was sleeping with Ranger when I was in Atlantic City. He did this on the same day I woke up in his bed. Why? It would seem he doesn't trust me. When I slept with Ranger the first time we were off. The last few episodes we had decided to have an open relationship. That meant we could date other people, so he never said anything to me and we never discussed it but he seems to have an issue with it. However, as the saying goes, he should've put a ring on my finger if he didn't want me seeing other men.
When Uncle Sonny's men threw me off a bridge, Joe was concerned but ran off when his cell rang. I wonder what he would've done if he was there. Would he have jumped off the bridge into the Delaware after me? I heard a key in the lock, hmmm… maybe I should find out.
"Hey Cupcake," Joe said as he followed Bob into the apartment.
I watched Bob sniff around my apartment and a puddle of drool formed on the floor in front of him. Disgusting, what did I ever see as cute about this dog. He eats everything and either vomits or shits it out. I shook my head, why did he bring the dog into my apartment. He'll get a call and leave him here for me to care for. "Hey."
I watched him walk to my refrigerator and open it and see nothing in there except some bottled water, a quart of milk, a can of coffee and ketchup packets. I saw the grimace as he turned around. "I heard you were pretty cozy with Ranger after that nut jumped off the parking garage." He had used his fingers for quotation marks when he said jumped.
"What are you asking?"
"What's going on with Manoso? You know he's crazy and a cold blooded killer," Joe yelled.
That escalated fast I thought. "You know what was going on; I was helping him find the guy who was behind the attack at Rangeman. The guy jumped rather than face Ranger again," I calmly responded. I decided to ignore the comments about Ranger's mental status and being a coldblooded killer. He was neither of those things, Ranger did what he felt was necessary. Morally right, legally grey. I get it, and I love him more for it.
I watched his face change, like he was trying to regain his calm. "You don't have any food."
"You act like this is something new. I ate in Atlantic City with Lula and Grandma before we drove back."
He looked incredulous, "What were they doing there?"
"They decided to go gambling and happened to be outside after the guy jumped so they drove me home. Ranger is working with the State Department and FBI," I replied.
I watched Joe shaking his head and walk to the phone in the kitchen. I heard him call Pino's to have a large pizza with sausage, peppers and extra cheese and three meatball subs, two pieces of cheesecake and a six pack of MGD. He then walked into the living room sat on the couch, let Bob jump up and drool on it, and flipped on the TV to a Mets game. I hated the Mets. Dad and I were always Yankee fans. He didn't even ask, he was treating me like a Burg housewife and this was my freakin' apartment.
We sat there not saying anything for forty-five minutes until there was a knock at the door. "Can you get that Cupcake? I don't want to disturb Bob, he's sleeping."
I was fuming by now, the dog was drooling on my couch and he got more consideration that I did. I went to my purse and pulled out some money to pay for the delivery and a generous tip for Kenny. He had recently graduated from high school and was trying to save money for an engagement ring. His girlfriend was already pregnant and their parents were planning a big Burg wedding for next month before she began to show but he had taken a second job to pay for a full carat diamond. I set the food on the kitchen counter, and then put the beer and cheesecake in the refrigerator. I turned and almost fell over Bob. "Hey Cupcake, bring me a beer and a sub for me and Bob."
What the hell? I have to wait on him and the dog. I grabbed the bag of subs and threw it on his lap. "I'm not your damn maid."
"What's your problem?"
"My problem is you. You show up with that disgusting mutt, turn on the stupid Mets, who I hate and then demand I wait on you. Ranger would never treat me this way," I yelled.
"Are you comparing me to Manoso?"
"There's no comparison, Joe. Ranger dove off a bridge after me to save me after your godfather tried to have me killed. What would you have done? Would you have dove in after me? Would you have thought about it? Ranger didn't think he just did what he had to do to save me," I argued.
"What the hell are you talking about? I love you, Cupcake and no I'd never jump off a bridge for you," he screamed.
There I had it. Joe didn't love me enough to risk his life for me but claimed to want to spend it with me. Ranger loved me in his own way which included risking his life for me. "Get the hell out of here Morelli; take your stupid dog and those subs with you. I'm keeping the pizza, beer and cheesecake. "
"Listen Cupcake, just calm down before you say something else you don't mean. You don't want to upset your mother. Besides, Grandma Bella will put the eye on you again," he said before giving me his charming smile with bedroom eyes.
Ugh, he's unreal. "I meant what I said – get out!"
He grabbed the bag and Bob and stormed out, slamming the door in his wake. I knew where I stood with him, and I think I know where I stood with Ranger. I looked at the couch and saw where the wet spot was and sat on the other cushion. I was going to have to get it cleaned. I grabbed the remote and flipped through the channels and found Hot Tub Time Machine on the comedy channel. I decided I needed something funny tonight and something that didn't require thinking. I had enough to think about without concentrating on the movie. I got up and grabbed a piece of cheesecake out of the refrigerator and a beer, then moved back to the couch. I sat down to enjoy the movie and cheesecake.
I awoke a few hours later to a man carrying me to bed. Ranger. He was perfect. "You didn't have to carry me," I murmured into his chest.
"Babe," he said as he gently laid me on the bed and slowly stood. "You want to tell me why I got an angry voicemail from Morelli?"
"Ummm… we had an argument earlier and as far as I'm concerned we're in a permanent off period. He showed more consideration for the dog tonight than me," I explained. After a couple minutes of silence I asked, "Did he threaten you?"
"Yeah, Babe he did. He also complained about me being your hero. Wanna explain that one?"
I blew out a sigh, "Yeah, I sort of asked if he would've jumped off the bridge after me like you did. He said he'd never do that and then told me to be careful before his Grandmother put the eye on me and I wouldn't want to upset my mother. I never want to be with him again, that's not the way you treat the woman you claim to want to marry."
"He's a good cop but I think I was wrong Babe. He's not the man for you. I shouldn't have sent you back to him. The truth is, I love you Babe. If you are done with him, I want you to move in with me. I already told you I was willing to share my closet with you, but you need to be sure Babe because one day I'll put a ring on your finger and if I see Morelli touch you, even a hand shake, I'll make sure he never touches you again."
"Jeeze, you need to relax Ranger and if I see another woman touching you, you'll wish you were in a third world country because I'll cut your balls off and stuff your dick down your throat."
I saw his lips tilt up in an almost smile, "That's why I love you Babe." I watched him pull his skin tight t-shirt over his head and unbutton his pants. He was commando, yum.
"I love you too," I said and I meant it. I know that our life would be perfect. I knew we'd be good together and I'd be happy in his apartment and life. There was no more Morelli and he was out of my bed for good. Ranger never takes me for granted or puts anyone ahead of me let alone the dog.
