Rarity's Wild Night

"Rainbow! Rainbow! Hold back my hair! I -" Rarity put her head into a toilet, a stream of vomit emitting from her mouth. Behind her sat a disgusted Rainbow Dash, holding back her hair. This was a constant problem for Rarity: she never knew when to stop drinking when she was having fun at a party. Passing out, vomiting, and dancing on tabletops singing off-key were the results of her partying. This was always to the chagrin of her friends, who had to babysit Rarity when she had too much fun.

Rarity relaxed her shoulders and leaned her head back. She looked up at Rainbow Dash with glossy eyes and smiled. "Thanks for being a great friend, Rainbow."

"Yeah," replied Rainbow, "no problem. Hehe. Just making sure that you're okay."

"That's why you're element is loyalty, dahling," slurred Rarity. Then, very quickly, the drunken unicorn snapped her head forward and vomited into the toilet, splashing her face. Holding back a retching motion, Rainbow Dash stroked Rarity's mane, doing her best to soothe her friend.

Twilight Sparkle walked into the bathroom and, noticing the scene going on, gave a small smile and asked how everything was going. Rainbow gave an "OK" motion with her hoof while still comforting Rarity.

"Everything's okay," said Rainbow. "Rarity just had too much to drink... again."

"I had a really big dinner," whined Rarity. She retched.

"Well, I'll check up on you two in a little while, okay?" said Twilight. "Derpy's going to sing some karaoke and I don't want to miss it."

"What -" started Rarity, holding back a gag, "what song will she sing? She has a lovely voice."

Rainbow Dash giggled. "Yeah right," she muttered.

"It's called 'Shout', I think," replied Twilight. "Anyway, I'm off."

"Bye," said Rainbow and Rarity.

Head pounding and cheeks encrusted with vomit, Rarity slowly lifted her head from off of the toilet seat - which had been acting as a porcelain pillow for most of the night - and moaned loudly. The unicorn filly's glossy eyes shifted in their sockets while her body ached. She shuddered a few times, like she was shaking off an invisible spider. Moving away from her porcelain pillow, Rarity slowly stood to her feet, stumbled once, and then left the bathroom.

"Why do I do this?" she asked herself. "I represent the Element of Generosity, but I act so selfishly and I hurt myself and my friends." She sighed and entered the kitchen, where Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight Sparkle were making breakfast. Fluttershy and Twilight were very peppy; Rainbow was drinking coffee and massaging her temple with one hoof. Taking up a seat next to the hung-over pegasus, Rarity began to mimic her motions and massage her own temple. Rainbow Dash looked over and nodded.

"Rough night?" RD asked.

"You have no idea," replied Rarity.

"Oooohhh, yes I do; I babysat you for a lot of the night."

"So, you're tired from looking after me all night?"

"Wha -? No, no. After a little while, Twilight here took my place and I - " Rainbow Dash hiccuped. " And I partied a little too hard as well."

Twilight and Fluttershy, who were making pancakes, joined in on the conversation.

"I didn't get too crazy," said Twilight, "Jello shots are enough for me. I feel fine."

"And I'm alright," added Fluttershy. " but I just feel achey-wakey all over. I think that it was the Zap Apple Cider."

Rainbow Dash laughed. "Yeah, if Zap Apple Cider was spelled B - I - G -M - A - C - I - " she was interrupted by Fluttershy stuffing several pancakes into her mouth.

Fluttershy smiled, one of her eyes twitching. "Is that good, Rainbow?" she asked daintily. The pegasus managed a smile; pancakes and syrup were squeezing in between the cracks of her teeth.

"Nummy," said Rainbow, tearing up. "It'th tho good!"

"Now hush, silly," said Fluttershy, holding a hoof to Rainbow's mouth. "You wouldn't want to choke, now would you?"

Rainbow quickly shook her head.

Twilight flipped the last few pancakes out of the pan and onto a plate, and then grabbed some utensils. Rarity sat amazed at the scene that unfolded in front of her between the two pegasi and she cleared her throat.

"Eh-hem, I hate to be the Gabby Gums of this table right now, but what is this about Big MacIntosh and Fluttershy?"

Fluttershy slammed her hoof against the table and the plates, glasses, and syrup bottle lifted about an inch from the surface. All of the other ponies stared at her with eyes wide and bodies frozen.

"That's none of your business, Rarity," retorted the yellow pegasus.

"I'm sorry Fluttershy, I didn't mean -"

"Dude, she totally nailed him in the chicken coop and he passed out!" Rainbow Dash had finished the mouthful of pancakes stuffed into her mouth. "I swear, I was the only one at the party who noticed those two going outside!"

"Rainbow," muttered Fluttershy, "stop it."

"Then, I followed them to the chicken coop -"

"Rainbow, please."

"- And I stood outside; Fluttershy was all, 'Oh Big Mac, shake me like I'm an apple tree! I'm a tree! I'm a tree!' And he was all, 'Eeyup, yes Ms. Fluttershy. You're a tree, you're my apple tree'. And then -"

"RAINBOW!" Fluttershy burst into tears and put her head in her hooves. Twilight dashed over and started to comfort her crying friend, giving the multi-colored pegasus a dirty look. Rainbow's face dropped.

"Seriously Rainbow," butted in Rarity, "the girl said stop. What's wrong with some privacy? And to think that you stood outside and listened -"

"And I snuck a peak," admitted the pegasus shamefully.

"Rainbow!" exclaimed Rarity. "They're called manners. Every civilized pony has them."

"Oh, and you'd know about them because... why? I mean, you showed us all how 'civilized' you were last night. And don't lecture me on your privacy either: you made yourself the center of attention last night."

Mouth open in shock, Rarity stood looking angrily at her friend, struggling to find a rebuttal. She flailed her arms around, hoping that some words would spill out between her teeth. Nothing happened. Then, accepting defeat, Rarity sighed and said:

"I am positive that I acted foolishly last night due to my selfish behaviors and I have no reason to judge you, Rainbow Dash. I'm sorry."

Rainbow Dash began to frown; Fluttershy stopped crying and Twilight gave a sad smile.

"No," replied Rainbow, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things to you." She turned to Fluttershy. "And I shouldn't have told everyone what went on with you and Big Mac last night. I'm so sorry."

The yellow pegasus went over and hugged Rainbow Dash. "It's okay," she said, "I just overreacted. I was just afraid how you would judge me."

"Nopony's going to judge you, Fluttershy," said Twilight Sparkle. "We're all friends here."

All four ponies embraced each other in an enormous hug and let out a collective sigh. After several moments, they went back to their seats and ate their pancakes and drank their coffee or juice. Plates and forks clinked together while they laughed and recalled key moments in last night's festivities. Rainbow Dash sipped her coffee; her and Rarity started to quickly recover from their hangovers. Fluttershy dabbed her pancakes in syrup, while Twilight Sparkle read Pony's Digest and tried her luck at Sudoku puzzles. The conversation about last night seemed to be wrapping up, until Rainbow Dash blurted out the words:

"Wow. That was a wild time."

A thought emerged from to the front of Rarity's mind. "Rainbow, speaking of a wild time, what exactly did I do last night?"

Everypony - besides Rarity - abruptly stopped what they were doing and either scratched their heads, or muttered random words, hoping that any combination of those words would be the correct ones to answer their friend's question. Fluttershy smiled nervously and Rainbow Dash looked around the room. Twilight Sparkle spoke up.

"You really want to know?"

Rarity looked up. "Was it that bad?"

"Well... yes."

"Dude!" yelled Rainbow Dash, "Ya gotta let me tell the story!"

And then Rainbow Dash told her story.

(Rainbow Dash's Recollection of Rarity's Wild Night, as told by the pegasus herself)

Okay, I'm gonna start this story from when things actually got good.

So, everypony was getting more toasty 'cause the alcohol started to hit them, y'know? and CherriLee thought it'd be cool if we sang karaoke. Of course, everypony agreed and we made a little stage so the singers could stand on it at look up at the crowd like they were a rock star or something. I think by this time, Fluttershy was mackin' on Big Mac and she didn't get in until a few hours later (I was the only pony who noticed)... anyways, alot of ponies went up and sang some songs, and Rarity, you were drinking so much cider this entire time. After a few drinks inside of you, you went up on stage and shouted, 'Is everypony ready to rock?!' and they were like, 'Hell yeah!'

and you leaned down and shouted something like, 'Throw up your hands, party ponies!' and then Lyra, Lyra though that you directed that at her, okay? So, she got pissed off - BonBon tried to hold her back - and went up onstage and started screaming profanities and shit at you and you were so confused; you were like, 'Whoa, hold your horses,' and Lyra was screaming nonsense and then, then she pushed you, Rarity, and you like, you like frickin' right-hooked her so hard she fell off the stage and landed

on BonBon. All the ponies in that place - including me - were just hollering and chanting, 'Rarity! Rarity! Rarity!'

Then, you like sang "Sympathy for the Devil" and "Rock You Like A Hurricane", 'cause everypony wanted you to sing more songs after rope-a-doping Lyra. You took a break, slammed a few shots that were being handed out by Apple Fritter and then sang some more songs. After, like, your fourth song, you took a break and started to make out with Donut Joe and then eventually Lyra; you felt bad about hitting her and you apologized, and she apologized too.

Then, when you started to feel Lyra up, you made a beeline to the toilet and puked your guts out. After singing "Cherry Pie" and totally kicking ass, I went to the bathroom and checked up on you. Twilight took over a while later.

"Wow," said Rarity.

"Yeah," said Twilight, "'Wow' is right. I mean, how trashed were you, Rainbow? Rarity didn't punch Lyra. And she only sang two songs. And you, you sucked at singing 'Cherry Pie'. No offense though."

"Pfft," replied the pegasus, "says you! Alright smarty-pants, let's hear your side of the story. What did Rarity do?"

(Twilight Sparkle's Recollection of Rarity's Wild Night, as told by the unicorn herself)

I guess I'll start off at you singing you first karaoke song, Rarity. Rainbow Dash was right when she said that you sang "Sympathy for the Devil" and "Rock You like a Hurricane", but those were the only two songs that you sang; everypony wanted an encore because you did so well. In between the songs, Lyra went up on stage to make out with you... and you did, but you knocked her over into the crowd and she landed on BonBon. After finishing up 'Rock You like a Hurricane', you ran into Donut Joe, who was wearing a tuxedo for some reason, and made out with him.

'I knew that you'd look dapper in a tuxedo, Joe,' you said.

'I'm glad I took your advice,' he said.

Then you two made out when Roseluck was singing some cheesy disco song. You two were getting frisky when Rainbow Dash was screeching the lyrics to 'Cherry Pie', and I think right after Rainbow finished up, you stopped making out with Donut Joe and you ran to the bathroom and slammed the door. Rainbow flew off stage and went in the bathroom. I came in a little later because I ran into Red Delicious, but I had to cut the conversation short because I told him I was worried about you.

As I opened the door, Rainbow Dash was stroking your hair; she gave me an "OK" motion and I left. I took over for her a bit later.

"A bit later?!" exclaimed Rainbow Dash. "I was there for like, two hours!"

"No," replied Twilight, "you were there for TWO SONGS! Derpy sang 'Shout' and then CherriLee sang 'My Endless Love'. I remember because I met back up with Red Delicious and we had some jello shots."

"Alright, fine. It wasn't two hours, but it wasn't two songs either. I was with Rarity for at least - the very least - forty-five minutes."

The two fillies argued for a minute and then they turned to their friend, Fluttershy. They looked at her - both hoping that she would provide some clarity to their conundrum, but Fluttershy replied:

"I'm sorry girls, but I was with Big Mac most of the time. After our, uh, our time in the chicken coop, I feel asleep by his side for... I think a of couple hours. Then, I went back inside and chatted with everypony to see how the party was doing. I went upstairs to get Big Mac a blanket and I went back to the coop and covered him up, and every so often I'd check up on him. Everypony thought he went home and they thought I was checking on my animals, which I did too by the way."

Twilight and Rainbow started to open their mouths, but Rarity held out her arms.

"Everypony," she said flatly, "hold your shit. So, you mean to tell me that the best story you all can agree on is this: I got drunk, sang some songs - quite well I might add - punched Lyra, then made out with her and Donut Joe simultaneously, then threw up the rest of the night?"

The three ponies shrugged. "We don't really know what happened," they all said. "Why not ask somepony who was there?"

Rarity sighed. She tapped her hoof on the table and looked around at the kitchen. Picking up a piece of pancake, she paced in gently in her mouth and chewed it. After swallowing the piece, she looked right up at her friends - who had been waiting for some sort of response - and said very matter-of-factly:

"You know what? I don't really care anymore."

"How do we not know what you did last night?" asked Twilight. "We need to stop getting so trashed."

Dear Princess Celestia,

I learned a few things, but one thing I have learned is that you should never get so wasted that you forget what happened to you. It shows that you will sacrifice your self-control for a moment of pleasure, and that pleasure will come back around and turn your stomach sour. Also, if you have to ask your friends what happened, not only are you cutting in on their time because of your temporary lack of self-restraint, but you're most likely going to get conflicting stories, and sorting out fact from fiction will make anypony's head spin, especially after a dreadful hangover.

Thank you for your time

Your faithful student,

Rarity

My faithful student,

I know exactly what you mean and I'll let you in on a little secret. I threw my own wild party and the next day marked the start of The Thirty Days of Night in Equestria. Luna is still upset about that. The point: cosmic hangovers are the worst. And to this day, I swear that some of my Royal Guards are still checking me out because of that ONE party.

Don't tell or I'll banish you to the Moon

Your Loving Ruler,

Princess Celestia