Summary:
FLASH NEWS: Gintoki turned to a girl! Remember Ginko-chan? And wait something's up: an arranged marriage was set up. Hints of FemGinxToshi. Before I disappoint you, I never intend for this pairing to end up with each other. =P
Author's Note:
As I have said in the Summary, I never intend for Gintoki to end up with Hijikata. I just want to mess up with the pairing since you see they really get along.
I don't write yaoi. Sorry. I'm not good at those. If you're interested with romance blossoming between these two, I'm sorry I don't see any possible romance between two guys unless you make the other one a girl. Haha!
Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama but for the heck of it, I really want to own it! It rocks! I want Sadaharu, too.
Pardon for that really short ranting.
Chapter 1: Break Restaurant Windows and All Just Don't Talk Bad behind Shinsengumi's Back
"Toshi, you heard already that arranged marriage for you, right?" Kondo asked worriedly to the man who was busy smoking the last of his tobacco. Hijikata Toshiro, the demonic vice commander of Shinsengumi, glared at him then back to the street they were walking. They were patrolling the boulevards for any unsightly act of injustice. That's their job after all – to maintain peace in Edo.
"Kondo-san, Hijikata wouldn't take a wife seriously. He's homo after all and he doesn't have any will to use those balls of him. However if her wife were as lovely as that gorilla princess whom you were suppose to marry before, I guess I could help you force him to agree with that marriage," suggested Sougo whose eyes were just watching their way.
"What the hell are you talking about? Die, Sougo!" Hijikata shouted at him.
"Die, Hijikata. I will eradicate a million Amanto if you do. Do Edo a favor," he deadpanned.
"Go to hell Sogou. I'd appreciate it if you die first," he replied nonchalantly.
"Die Hijikata," Sogou stated coolly.
"Die Sogou."
"Die Hijikata."
"Die Sogou."
"Die Hijikata."
"Die Sogou."
"Die Sogou. Ah, crap. Die Hijikata."
"Enough of these, you two!" Kondo ordered them.
"Shut up! Die Gorilla!" Both of them shouted at him in unison.
With tears flowing from his eyes, Kondo Isao squatted in front of an electric post hitting his head with it. "I knew it. Both of you hate me. Nobody loves me. You just called me gorilla, too. I thought we have something important. We've been together all these years and this is what I got? Why did you betray me? We promised to be together in good times and the bad, in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part," he continued in his long monologue.
Hijikata and Okita's faces darkened in disgust. Why is he rambling like a he was a woman who caught his husband committing adultery?
Before they were about to offer him their consolation, Kondo's face suddenly lit up at the sight of Shimura Otae. "This is fate! Otae-san!" He shouted as he started running.
"Otae, my love! Marry me!" Kondo screamed on his way causing Otae's face to darken with annoyance. Glaring at her with red eyes glowing on a black background, she gave him a punch of 'if-it-hits-you'll-fly-a-kilometer-away'. Hijikata and Okita were about to follow where Kondo flew but they noticed a woman behind Otae. She was hiding suspiciously from Otae's back as if she doesn't want to be seen by them.
"Oi, woman, why are you hiding?" Hijikata asked looking at Otae intently, rather, the woman who was hiding behind her. He was about to take his step to approach her when…
"Ane-go!" It was Kagura who shouted jumping in the situation while behind Sadaharu's back. The surprisingly large white dog growled and barked at the both of them like they were thieves.
"Oi, China, what's with your pet?" Okita asked pointing at Sadaharu.
"Shut up and die, bastard. Mind your own business aru!"
"Oi, Kagura!" A raven-haired guy called running towards them and has unfortunately tripped over a small pebble of rock causing his glasses to fell on the ground somewhere near he fell off.
"Such a coincidence to see you here, Shinpachi. Here, let me help you," Okita said hunkering down to pick up the glasses. He approached Shinpachi and fixed his glasses then left him still lying in supine position in the ground.
"Oi, what do you think are you helping?" Shinpachi yelled.
"Shinpachi," the reply from Okita came fast.
"What do you mean by that? Can't you see the big difference between a person and eyeglasses?"
"What are you complaining about, Shinpachi? 95% of you are your glasses," Kagura replied.
"That means there's just 5% of the real me!"
"True. 3% garbage and 2% water aru."
"Oi!" He shouted in protest.
" Where is danna?" Okita asked. The question seemed to silence the place. The presence of the unimportant people passing by disappeared in the black background as Otae, Kagura and Shinpachi think of some good reason to cover up where the Yorozuya's boss is.
"He went to buy some strawberry milk for Sadaharu!" Kagura replied. Sadaharu barked as if agreeing to what she said.
"Eh? Wouldn't that make Sadaharu a ferocious monster?" Shinpachi yelled.
"Ah, then, she went to buy a strawberry milk flavored sukonbu for me! No problemo, it isn't like something weird happened to him," Kagura replied with an irking laughter covering her mouth haughtily with the back of her palm.
"What's the big deal with strawberry milk? You blew up our only chance of lying, Kagura!"
"Ah, now you did it, Shinpachi. You just told them that we were lying."
"It was your fault in the first place!"
"Oi, oi, do these idiots know that we aren't stupid people to be talking about a deceitful plan in front of us," Hijikata said to Okita.
"Appreciate it, Hijikata. They are doing that for your sake," Okita replied tapping his shoulders.
"What the hell do you mean by that, bastard!"
"Your idiocy is worser than I thought," Okita deadpanned shaking his head as if disappointed.
"Are you asking for your death, Sogou, you bastard?"
"To tell you the truth," the voice of Otae caught their attention. The woman was wiping her seemingly true tears with a white floral-designed handkerchief. Shinpachi's lips formed a thwarted smile. What was his sister thinking, really.
On the other hand, Kagura was praising her anego with her upcoming ideas.
"He's resting in peace. Six feet underground. He joined the caravan of the never-to-return bastards. What luck that such an annoying guy is gone for good," she continued as she continued drying her eyes, and sniffed afterwards.
"Anego!"
"Anire!"
Kagura and Shinpachi shouted in unison. They can never take that statement. Sakata Gintoki, after all, is a man who means a lot for them. Even though he seemed to be a laidback person, he still was the most important person to them. They don't even know why that useless person who doesn't even give them their monthly pay is so significant. But that person showed them what real home is. They like him for whatever he is. Gin-chan is Gin-chan after all.
"Ara, Shin-chan, why don't we let them met Ginko-chan," Otae suggested as she turned her back to where the silver-haired woman is – was. "Seems like she ran away."
"Eh?" Kagura and Shinpachi yelled as they left the place in hurry. They are going to search for that person, no matter what. Even though Gintoki turned to a girl, that person has still that personality they admire the most of him.
Plus they have a business in learning what made Gintoki turn to a woman. And why did a nonexistent online avatar took his place.
On the other hand, Hijikata and Okita stared at each other and continued on their way as if nothing happened but inside their head, Yorozuya is into something.
"No,no, no,no,no. There's no way I'd let those bastards know I turned to a girl," Ginko said to herself as she walked down the street of Kabuki district. Her mood was drowning in depression as she imagines what the Shinsengumi and others will think when they learned that Yorozuya's boss turned to a damned woman. She stopped by a window pane watching her reflection. She has a short silver hair with a few locks over her forehead. Her signature dead fish eyes were gone and replaced by a pair of cute-looking eyes. She was wearing a black sleeveless waistcoat with red linings. Beneath her vest was a white shirt showing a considerable cleavage and she was wearing a short-length red skirt made with the same cloth of her vest. A sword clutched behind her didn't escape from her eyes.
That was what her online avatar looks like in that infamous online role-playing game in Edo. And now, that avatar completely took over Gintoki turning him into a 'her'. Due to an accumulated frustration, she took her sword and lunged violently at the window pane. She hit it; wrecking it countless times that a lot of people were looking at her thinking how crazy she was.
"What kind of sick joke is this?" She started exclaiming loudly. "Why me of all people, eh? I love beautiful women but I never asked to be one, damn it! I lost my analogue stick again. Is it because I haven't used it for a long time? Are the gods above angry at me for not using it and thus taking it back? I'm so angry I can kill anybody who would try talking to me right now!"
"E-excuse me miss for ruining your filthy monologue but you destroyed a property. We would appreciate if you're willing to pay it," a middle-aged man clothed in a brown kimono called forth his attention. Sigh. The man just asked for an early death. Ginko glared at him. That kind of glare that would send someone an instant feeling of hell.
"Oji-san," Ginko said in a venomous tone. "Do you know how it feels to lose your dignity? And when you lose that dignity, all of a sudden, someone will ask you to pay them for something that person didn't mean to do. I lost my analogue stick. That's how cruel the world is. You understand what I'm talking about, don't you? In other words, I didn't mean to do that." She said giving the man an intimidating ominous smirk together with a red monstrous glare.
"D-didn't mean to do, bah! You destroyed our place! Hurry up and pay or else I'll call the police!" Shouted the overwhelmed man.
"Police? You can't trust such people these days, oji-san. They're an eyesore. Those are just a bunch of freeloaders of Edo collecting taxes just to buy those stupid tobaccos and mayonnaise [insert picture of Hijikata Toshiro here], going to cabaret clubs and stalking [insert picture of Kondo Isao here], buying some kind of red eye wears just to cover up that they're sleeping during their duty and attempting to murder someone for God-knows-why [insert picture of Okita Sogou], and their fancy walkie-talkies."
"Hijikata-san, there's a loud-mouthed bitch in the Kabuki District. Over."
Ginko froze at the sound of Okita's voice. She turned around finding Okita tossing his fancy walkie-talkie in the air. All of a sudden, her right hand was caught in handcuffs. The other end of the handcuff was locked on his hand. And before she knew it, her sword was on his care already.
"You're coming with me in the Shinsengumi Detention Center," the dirty blond Shinsengumi said raising his left hand causing to raise hers, too.
"Oi! Let go of me, bastard! Don't make me laugh. Shinsengumi Detention Center? What the f*** is that? It sounds like a place for Shinsengumi's battered housewives!"
"Oho, so you know?" Okita replied with a devilish grin. His sadist mode was obviously on the run. But that was a lie. Shinsengumi Detention Center was just a fancy name for prison.
"Wait," Okita suddenly paused eyeing him. "You sure look like someone I know. Have we met before?"
"It's not my problem that you're underprivileged mind doesn't seem to remember me!" She argued while the sadist drags her to that police car.
Okita sighed. The loud foul-mouthed girl was cute but she doesn't have any interest in violent girls.
"Oi, Sogou. Who is this woman?" Hijikata asked puffing some smoke inside that interrogation room. He was sitting on a chair with the woman across him as the space between was occupied by a wooden table. His arms were crossed over his chest while veins were evidently hanging behind his head. He thinks that Okita arrested a girl with no reasonable crime. But the sight of her irritates him. He doesn't know why but it does. Like she is someone whom he was itching to kill before. "She looks familiar but I can't remember where I've seen her."
The woman was unbelievably silent when it was like a nagging wife a while ago, Okita observed. "It's not my problem that you're underprivileged mind doesn't seem to remember her," Okita replied stealing her witty response from before. He was leaning over the table.
"You have no originality at all, oi," Ginko said narrowing her eyes to Okita.
"Just by looking at her pisses me off. Why is she here?" Hijikata asked not taking his eyes off her. She, on the other hand, was staring back at him.
"Tell you the truth, I can't stand you either," she replied in irritation.
That turned out as a glaring contest. Okita had even set his stopwatch watching both of them in silence. Five minutes had passed but both of them was still staring at each other, not blinking. Their eyes were now bloodshot.
"Hijikata, that's a new record. However, not blinking for five minutes wouldn't get your name in the World's Guiness Book of Records. Stop it, already," Okita said.
"Who said I was aiming for any Guiness Record, teme!" He shouted at him, breaking his eyes from the woman.
"I won! Ha, you lost mayo freak!" The woman rose from her seat and pointed at Hijikata smirking triumphantly and smugly as if she had done one over him.
This time it was Okita and Hijikata's turn to glare at her.
"Sogo, how many people know that I like mayonnaise?"
"The whole Shinsengumi is disgusted with your eating habits, Hijikata."
"I'm not asking you what they think about that, bastard! Taking that aside, what did she do to get in here?"
"I was about to leave her when she was breaking those windows of that shop when – "
"If that wasn't the reason why you arrested her, what else could be more reasonable than that, eh? You're abandoning your duty, bastard!"
"Well, she bad-mouthed Shinsengumi."
"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" A new voice jumped into the scene. The door opened revealing Matsudaira Katakuriko, a high ranking officer of the government. "You're just too excited with all these things, Hijikata Toshiro. Well, let's break the surprise," he said stuffing his mouth with a tobacco and puffing the smokes afterwards.
"Ah, wait, superior," Kondo entered the scene. "We must speak of things like this in a proper place," he suggested as his gaze roamed from each person inside that room.
"I have a bad feeling about this," Hijikata told to nobody in particular but everybody in that room heard his statement.
Ginko seems like just another OC character. Failure, man.
