A/N~ Ok this came out pretty angsty but I promised sarcasticghost some angst so I gave angst. Next chapter will probably make up for the angst. I'm not sure if I'll be posting the second chapter yet so let me know what you think at the end fam.

( Reuploaded with the right document this time. I'm so stupid lol. This site was crashing for me all yesterday and uploaded my other story People Change instead so thank to those who pointed it out XD )


Keith felt his eyes go wide.

No.

No no no no no no.

"Keith, you have to," Shiro said, voice clearly up for no debating. He stood tall, arms crossed over his chest and eyes closed. Keith knew that look.

He had no say.

"You are sharing with Lance," he added, eyes going soft. Keith averted his eyes. He knew he couldn't bunk with Shiro. His ptsd got pretty bad some nights and wanted nobody to sleep with him because of it.

He often had to replace his bedside table many times from when he'd wake in a sweat and accidentally smash it with his metal hand. Keith understood, he really did. He could get how Shiro would be afraid of hurting somebody.

Pidge just shook her head saying that he wouldn't get much sleep because she stayed up most nights on her computer, and Hunk said he was told he snored pretty loudly.

But that didn't even mean anything to Keith. He didn't get much sleep anyways and he'd slept through worse than some snoring and computer keys clicking. If anything it would be a nice backgroumd noise.

Still, Hunk had said he'd feel terrible if he was the reason he wasn't getting any sleep.

And Keith didn't want to sleep with the princess or Coran. It just seemed intruding and wierd. Still, he'd prefer them any day over-

Lance groaned from the other side of the table. Keith watched as he scrunched up his nose. "Why? There's plenty of other rooms in the castle!"

It was obvious. There were plenty of other rooms in the castle. So why couldn't he take another room? Shiro knew about his 'crush' on Lance but it was not a crush. No matter what Pidge said.

He just admired the Blue paladin and thought his hair looked so soft and his eyes were so blue they belonged to an art exhibition. His skills on the field were amazing and deserved more praises than he received.

Just admiring a teammate… shut up Pidge.

Shiro blanched, looking over at Allura, seemingly as clueless as they were about the room ordeal. Keith felt a small slimmer of hope blossom in his chest. Allura took one look at him as if humans were a huge unsolvable puzzle.

"Well," she started, "the other rooms in the castle are not equipped for a paladin, especially one of… human genes."

Keith looked away, any hope dying before it had time to bloom fully. Of course. He needed to spend a night with Lance.

"The other rooms have little heating as to preserve energy and it would take a few vargas to find the storage room and work it after all these deca-pheobs. An Altean wouldn't really mind setting their eyes in a cold room as such is a healing pod's temperature. However, humans seem to prefer warmer temperatures." Allura glanced at Coran who raised an eyebrow at her.

"I could find it. After all, I did care for this castle in the time of Alfor and it hasn't changed much at all. Still, I'm trying to fix that ventilation first which would only take a few quintents at most," Coran said, counting on his fingers.

That sounded… almost believable? Still, he didn't like the thought that his room was out of heat. Or why the vent busted in the first place. If anybody even entered his room they'd be chilled deeper than the bone.

Keith prefered warm temperatures like Allura said, but he had lived in the desert for a year. The desert got real cold at night when he was trying to sleep. If Shiro hadn't put his foot down he'd sleep in his own room just to spite them.

Lance sighed loudly. "Only a few quintents. Fine," he said standing, "but after that he can't go into my room at all."

Keith set his face into a cold stare as he poked at his food goo.

Fine with him.


The crimson splashed against the walls of the castle, mixing with the starch white from the artificial lights shone down.

The was a figure sitting against the red stain on the wall, motionless and silent. It was like a sick picture of tranquility. No sound in space and all that, but Keith swore he could have heard a pin drop as he stared at the figure, jaw hung open.

It was Shiro.

The end of his white hair dyed in a dark red, crimson liquid dripping from the forelock, and face set in a peaceful trance, as if he was in sleep. It was almost hilarious. Devastatingly so.

It sort of was a sleep. A permanent one.

Keith felt his hands tremble as he brought one up to his mouth. What the fuck. Whatthefuckwhatthefuck?!

His hands were wet against his face.

He moved them in front of his chest to examine, and they came away from his face sticky and warm. No. His hands were red and warm. Far too warm. The red dripped off the end of his fingers like honey, sickeningly sticky and slow, and the smell of copper stung his nostrils.

Oh god.

His eyes shot back up to Shiro. His face was still stained with the crimson, and there was no source of the blood but it still just kept coming, dripping down in a constant slow trickle. The white light shone off his metal arm and into Keith's eyes.

Bile rose in the back of his throat as the realisation dawned on him. His hands were covered in blood. Shiro's blood.

"Oh my god."

Keith swung round to the voice behind him.

Pidge stood in the corridor, eyes as wide as her glasses as she darted her eyes between Keith and Shiro, to Keith's bloody hands. She looked at Keith, disbelief and betrayal striking across her face. She took a step back, shock etched in her movements.

She had seen Shiro. She had seen the blood on his hands and splashed across Shiro's form. She had peice together a story of the events that had unfolded. Events that even Keith couldn't place.

Pidge let out a scream and tears ran down her cheeks. Keith's eyes widened as she activated her bayard and ran at him, green light reflecting off the metal of the walls.

Green, smashing against the red. The scream, the cackling electric of the bayard. It all smashed together as a merciless pain spread across his abdomen to the rest of his body.

He dropped to his knees and squeezed his eyes shut against the burning smell of his clothes. Pidge had shocked him. The burn lashed against his skin, stabbing like a million needles.

As if on autopilot, he reached out at the green figure. She stumbled back in surprise before advancing again, bayard poised, but Keith was already on his feet. He lashed out and caught the green, knocking her to the ground.

A second pink figure appeared, a cloud of white hair. Keith took them down by activating his knife, swiping across their chest in one fluid swipe. Blood seeped from clothes as the pink fell to their knees, a look of pain and shock pulled at their expression before they fell.

He stopped to breathe but the first green figure jumped at him again, weaker than before but still strong. A part of Keith was screaming at him to stop, to stand down, but an even greater half needed him to survive.

He kicked a leg out at the small shape, sending them across the room. They smashed against the wall with a sickening crack, falling to lay beside the black figure. The black figure covered in red. There was something there, a twinge in his stomach.

He stared at the three bodies, tongue heavy in his mouth and eyes wide. He had no doubt that the blood of the pink one had splashed against his face in a gruesome way like in some sort of horror story. Except this was real.

Pink… green. Black.

Keith blinked hard at the harsh feeling in the back of his skull. There was something there. A vacant feeling of dread and disbelief at what he had done. But what had he done?

He survived.

A series of loud explosions erupted as orange attacked him with a grace and strength he was surprised at. Why was he surprised though? They were just another threat he needed to survive through.

The punches hit against his face causing it to erupting in pain. Keith hissed and stumbled backwards, away from the attacks. Once he found his footing again, he threw his knife at the body. They stumbled slightly but weren't going down.

Keith jumped up, grabbing the knife by the handle, and twisted.

The shriek from the man echoed throughout the room, deafening him. The explosions continued raining against him from yellow.

Yellow, black, orange, pink, black, green, pink.

Something niggled at the back of his skull at the colours.

Harsh pain stabbed in his arm so he activated his shield. He had to take out the yellow if he wanted to survive this. Keith ripped his knife away from the now lifeless figure beneath him and measured his knife in his hand. The knife flew as he flicked out his wrist and sent it at the yellow attacker.

He didn't need to look to know he hit his mark. Yellow fell, like the others. He was finished. He survived.

Black, green, pink, orange, yellow.

The feeling in his skull worsened. He was missing something. But what? He took out his bayard and activated it into the sword. Something was there, niggling at the back of his mind.

Shiro, Pidge, Allura, Coran, Hunk.

Blood was splashed across almost the entire floor, against the walls… on the five figures lying motionless on the floor.

Lying in a pool of blood.

The taste of copper stung his nostrils and hung at the back of his throat. Keith sucked in air but his lungs wouldn't let him. He… he had…

Bile rose in his throat again but he forced it back.

"They're dead." Even to his own ears, his voice sounded distant and detached. They were dead.

Shiro, his brother basically. The one who never gave up on him and believed in him when no one else had. The amazing leader and incredibly strong, not just physically.

Pidge, his friend. The first friend that understood what it was like to be left out. The one who met him in early morning and made him laugh after a rough night. The girl with more courage than anybody he'd ever known.

Allura, the incredibly generous princess who lost everything but still gave everything she had left. The one who taught him different training moves and in return he showed her how to speak earth slang to surprise the rest of the team.

Coran, space uncle. The man who had lost everything he knew and loved but never had time to grieve or show his grieving. Always trying to be upbeat and never left them without hope despite having every reason to.

Hunk, the incredibly caring and strong friend he met in the kitchen or training room. The friend who would drop everything if you needed him. The friend that let him help bake after a particularly tough night despite not knowing why it was tough.

He killed them all.

Keith dropped his sword. It clattered to the floor and the sound echoed throughout the room before it deactivated back into its simple form. Red, it was red. Far too red. So was his jacket, his paladin armour, his bayard… the blood.

A gun clicked in his ear.

"Stand down."

Blue. Lance.

Keith glanced over at the blue paladin. Lance had his gun drawn and aimed at him. Well, he probably looked horrible. The blood of all his fellow paladins and Alteans splashed across his face and torso, blood running off his hands. His knife still stuck in Hunk's chest. It was all obvious enough that it was Keith that happened.

He snapped.

"It's- it's your fault," he said, lips trembling, "It's all your fault. They're dead!"

Keith flinched.

"I can't believe… we trusted you and you killed them!"

Keith didn't try stop him as the shot rang out, echoing through his ears. He fell to his knees, staining the fabric on his knees with blood.

Crimson.

He doesn't think he'd ever want to see red again. The but of Lance's gun connected with his face and the whole world went dark.


Keith woke in a sweat.

He couldn't breathe. Oh fuck, he couldn't breathe. He gasped air into his lungs. What did Shiro say to do?

Okay, five seconds in, five seconds out.

His lungs wouldn't budge but they were slowly allowing him to breathe again, not closing up as soon as he wanted to take a breath.

Oh god, he was so pathetic. It was a dream. A twisted messed up dream. He guessed he'd get used to them but they're just so real. He hadn't had a massacre dream in weeks though. Usually something less brash like just being rejected or killed.

He hated the ones where he had killed his fellow paladins. God, he hated them so much.

After what seemed to be forever, his breaths came easier and his lungs let him actually live. He rubbed the palms of his hands off his eyes.

God he was so pathetic.

The adrenaline wouldn't leave though, it left his hands jittery and shaking with every motion. He looked at them as he raised them up but behind them was what caught his eyes.

A light blue blanket.

Wait.

Why was he on the ground in a blanket and pillow? That wasn't his bed.

Keith jumped up, finally acting on the pent up adrenaline.

Lance was there on the bed, shifting slightly in his sleep. His face mask and eye mask looked ridiculous on him but also just seemed to fit right in. They just were so… Lance.

It was Lance. His room lost the heater. He was sleeping in Lance's room for a few quintents.

Keith grabbed his shoes and ran out the door down the hallway. The training room. He needed to get out all the frustration and adrenaline.

Sure, it wasn't the best methods but it worked… most of the time.

He activated his bayard and set the bot to fight.

The bot was fast but Keith was faster dodging attacks and giving his own. He was like a ballerina on a stage, dancing around a huge force that was trying to kill him…

Okay. Not exactly like a ballerina.

A few minutes into the fight, the bot slipped up and gave Keith an opening. He set his sword and went to finish the level, but the bots face morphed into something else.

Green.

Pidge's face stared at him, tears on her cheeks and shock drawn across her face. He could imagine the blood running from the wound Keith would inflict.

The bot took advantage of his pause and kicked him across the room. Keith rolled across the floor and pain rushed up his side.

"End simulation. End simulation!"

The bot stopped from where it stood beside Keith's form. It's head fell limp before it dissolved into the blue pixels, and drifted back into nothing. Like it was never there in the first place.

Keith sat up and tried to stop the sob from breaking though. Things like this only happened when it was particularly rough, when Keith took a full day to bounce back. He knew he wasn't going to eat much the next day. He knew he'd be victim to Shiro's sad looks.

Shiro knew about his dreams, because of course he did. Keith knew about his. That made it all more difficult when his face appeared in these dreams or on the bot.

Once it was Pidge's face, other times it could be Lance's, or Shiro's.

Pathetic.

He hardly processed the door opening or a blue figure running over to him. Hardly processed as he was hugged into a warm chest. All he could imagine were the faces of his new family as he killed them for the hundredth time. Or as they abandoned him or killed him for the hundredth time. As he woke up in a sweat and tried to look them in the eye the next morning and tried forget about what happened at night when they were asleep.

Lance spoke softly into his ear as tears ran down his cheeks.

Pathetic.

For once, Keith ignored the voice in his head.

Just let me enjoy this.