"Mom?"
"Dean, baby, how are you?"
"I'm good. Actually, I'm great. Listen I need to warn you about something."
"What's the matter, baby?"
"Nothing's the matter, Mom. It's just… you know how I told you I'm bringing someone home for Thanksgiving?"
Mary's eyes widened and she motioned urgently at her husband to pick up the other phone and listen in. John Winchester rolled his eyes and sighed indulgently before he complied. It wasn't like there was any chance of him not doing what he was told. No one had any doubt that Mary Winchester's word was law in their house even with both the boys grown and gone.
"Son," John said.
"Oh shi… um. Hi Dad."
"You said you had something to tell us, darling?" Mary prompted. "About who you're bringing home for Thanksgiving?"
John almost felt sorry for his eldest son.
Mary had been waiting for almost ten years for Dean and his best friend, Castiel Himmlisch, to finally get together. And, yes okay, maybe John wouldn't be that disappointed either. The Himmlisch boy was a nice kid and he'd been Dean's saving grace in more ways than one during their high school and college careers.
John and Mary had both been disappointed when the kid went to Seminary. But Mary's hopes had soon been rekindled when Cas ended up with a PhD and teaching philosophy and theology at the University of Kansas rather than a cassock and priest's collar.
Dean took a deep fortifying breath before continuing. "Sooo… itsaguy." He said all in one rushed breath.
"Sorry?" John said firmly.
Because even if Dean was 26 years old and a successful cop in his own right John was still a cop too and his old man - it was practically his job to make sure his sons remembered it. Also, there was some vindictive joy in making the boy squirm. He'd been more than a handful growing up and parents have to take their petty revenge where they can get it. In this case in the form of a firm tone of voice and a forced repetition. Even if it did earn him a glare from the Winchester matriarch – it was worth it. It wasn't like his chance to rub this in would come again.
"He's a guy. Alright? And um…" Dean hesitated again. "You guys kind of already know him."
John shot Mary a broad smile. She was practically jumping up and down. He loved seeing her like this. The way she threw herself into their children's lives. It might mean their pain brought her pain but their joys more than made up for it. God she was amazing.
"That's wonderful darling," Mary managed. "Who is the lucky boy?"
John would swear he could hear the kid wincing across the line.
"John Constantine," Dean said. At least that's what John thought his son was saying. But that couldn't be right.
"What?" John said. Realized he was crushing the phone in his hand and forced his grip to relax before continuing. "As in Special Agent, John Constantine? From Kansas City FBI? That John Constantine?"
"Yes?" Dean said sounding unsure.
Mary's eyes were wide. She came from a police family. Samuel Campbell had been the Douglas County Sheriff up until his retirement a few years back. And she had been married to a member of the Lawrence Police Force and current Head of Investigations for almost 30 years. She knew all about the ongoing animosity between the Kansas City FBI branch and the local force. And their very different approaches to law enforcement.
Not to mention she was probably just shocked that the boy, no man, that their son was bringing home wasn't Castiel.
"As in the limey bastard who swaggered in and snaked that serial killer case from us last year?" John continued. Trying to ignore Mary's disapproval at his tone.
"Yes," Dean said. And yes, John could definitely hear him wincing that time.
"The guy they call the Hellblazer," John said with as much derision as he could muster. They call him that because he broke up some huge drug and human trafficking ring back in New York. He was everything that John didn't like about the Feds. John had secretly hated the guy since he walked into the department and basically took over half the Investigations office a few years back. All trench coat, cigarette smoke, and nonsense.
"Yes," Dean said sounding almost hopeless at this point. And Mary was looking more and more distressed – and okay that did make John feel bad. But seriously, how was this happening?
"Have I done something wrong?" John asked with a long suffering sigh. Less than half joking. Because had he failed somehow? The guy had to be at least ten years older than Dean and, to be blunt, he was a complete jerk.
"What?" Dean was confused. Well that served him right.
"I mean, are you punishing me for something?" John said. Trying not to let his exasperation overtake his voice. And failing.
"No! Dad, no. I'm just… he gets me okay. I… god…"
"Now now," Mary interrupted. "I'm sure he's lovely." She glared at John who shrugged back. Because Special Agent Constantine could be described a lot of ways but lovely was not one of them. "And we're both looking forward to seeing him on Thursday."
John was pretty sure he wasn't.
Notes:
This was a gift for the unwell wtinp on AO3.
Their prompt was: "I need an AU of this ship where everyone lives and they do the meet the parents thing and Mary is adorbs and John is all grump face and maybe Dean thinks it's bc of the homophobia but really it's bc he doesn't think Constantine is good enough (and maybe he was secretly waiting for Dean and Cas to get together) and Sam is just laughs the entire time. Prolly a little ooc but I just. Want so bad."
How could I resist that! I've also got a second idea from the same prompt (set in a more canon-divergent 'verse) but it is more complicated so I'll write up a taster of that after I finish my SPN Femslash Mini-bang fic.
I've never done the AU thing before! Tell me what you think? I'm a complete comment addict and I really want to know if this hit the spot, as it were. Thanks loves.
If there's enough interest I could write another chapter or two... not sure? Maybe from Johnny C's POV. Yes? No? Maybe?
