A/N: This couldn't have happened without lots of help. Big-time thanks to Mali Bear's Buddy and Grey Alchemist for their awesome beta skills as well as luvgreen19 and jaytoyz for pre-reading and pointing out plot holes.
This is a supplement to the canon until later on, so assume the canon happened unless the story says otherwise. Enjoy!
Oh, and I don't own any of the characters, the show Chuck, or anything related to it other than the Blu-rays. No profit is being made of any of these scribbles.
Prologue
October 17, 2011
The door clicked shut behind the exhausted woman. She walked slowly into her condo, dropping her bags off beside the door and setting her mail down on the granite counter in the kitchen. Her keys fell out of her handbag and the resulting clatter echoed loudly through the empty apartment. Pulling a bottle of water out of one bag, she took a long drink to re-center and refocus her mind. The last seventy-two hours were the most chaotic she had ever experienced. She sighed, feeling the intensity of the physical fatigue from traveling back to DC compounded by the emotional fatigue from being yanked out of the field.
She slid to the floor against the refrigerator before bracing her elbows on her knees and cupping her head in her hands. Her career was at its nadir. After two wounded partners, two dead marks, and one asset captured by a foreign intelligence agency, even she was willing to admit something was wrong. The Director made all the right noises for her recall, calling it a promotion, saying it was time to pass on her knowledge to the next generation of agents, and other empty platitudes, but she knew the truth: she was washed up. Before California, her career was an unbridled string of successes. After California, she suffered one failure after another. California was the catalyst.
A decade in the field left her with plenty of regrets. People she wished she hadn't had to kill, marks she really wished she hadn't had to seduce, and governments that in retrospect didn't need toppling. However, there was one regret that had haunted her for three years. Whenever the world got its darkest, whenever she felt her loneliest, whenever she hated herself the most, she remembered his eyes and his smile. It made her heart ache with a sweet throb. Leaving him behind had been the hardest thing she'd ever done. She still missed him. She missed the family and friends that became hers over the years she was with him.
She reached into the bag again and pulled out a tattered, faded photograph of herself with him from better times. They looked genuinely happy together, and the candid nature of the shot captured genuine adoration on his face. The photo was lined with the folds and creases of many a hard trip. No matter the cover, no matter her mission, this photo traveled with her.
It was her touchstone on many a cold, empty night. She would pull it out and trace her fingers over his face, wishing the colored paper were flesh and bone, so she could make up for lost time. More often than not she ended those nights clutching the tattered memory to her chest and sobbing herself to sleep.
Maybe now I can go see him, she thought to herself as she gently laid the photo onto the counter. Her new duties weren't supposed to start for a few weeks. The Director himself had given her a month's paid leave to get her head on straight. Will he still want to see me? If I throw myself at his feet and beg, will he forgive me? Will he even open his door?
With a sigh, she reached for the stack of unopened mail and began sorting. She picked up the first – a small, padded envelope. Opening the flap, she shook out a thumb drive with a small note taped around it. She unfolded the paper and read, "Sucker." Shrugging, she took the drive and after finding and booting up her laptop, she connected the drive.
The only file on the drive was a video, which she double-clicked to start playing. It was somewhat grainy surveillance footage, but as the file played, she recognized details. A ball of anger formed in her stomach. Someone hated her enough to send her footage of the night her world collapsed. She was about to close her laptop when at the very end of the clip was something she never expected to see.
Oh shit.
He never lied to her. He was telling the truth and she abandoned him because of her own fears. Her heart told her to trust him – that someone like him couldn't change that much, but her head overruled her instincts and she ran. The last two years of her life – the loneliness, the anguish, and the near-constant second-guessing her decision to leave him were all a waste. Two years of my life and possibly the rest of my career were shot to hell because I wouldn't listen to my heart and trust him.
With her mind made up that she had to go find him and make things right, she moved to book her airfare to Los Angeles when the next item on the mail pile caught her eye. It was a thick, heavy envelope slightly larger than a normal greeting card. Who in the world would think to send me a wedding invitation? She gasped at seeing the handwritten name on the front –a name that had a very specific association in her mind. She opened the envelope and removed its contents in growing haste as her fears kicked into overdrive. After taking out the inner envelope, she ripped through to find the invitation itself.
The papers fell out of her nerveless fingers and onto the counter. No. It can't be. It's impossible. Is it? What if it's real? What if they really are getting married? I have to get there before it happens!
She glanced around her condo in desperation before making up her mind. There was still time. She reached for her laptop and booked herself on the next flight to Chicago before running a quick search to find an address. I can still stop this. I can still make this right. I can still fix us. She grabbed her still-unpacked bags and sprinted out the door.
Mr. and Mrs. Michael and Fiona Callaghan
Request the honour of your presence
At the Nuptial Mass when their daughter
Tara Marie Callaghan
Will be united with
Charles Irving Bartowski
Son of Stephen and Mary Bartowski,
In the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony
At three o'clock in the afternoon
Saturday, October the Twenty-second, Two Thousand Eleven
St. Mary of Perpetual Help,
Chicago, Illinois
Chapter 1
"I need you to trust me, Chuck."
"Bryce Larkin, her boyfriend?"
"It was complicated."
"I thought you were supposed to be good at lying."
The cabin staff avoided seat 1A like the occupant was diseased, which was fine with her. Her trip to California had been an unmitigated – well, maybe not totally unmitigated, she thought with a sly grin – disaster. That nerd Sarah was pretending to date was cute enough to make the trip worth something, but the thought of Sarah made Carina groan and roll her eyes. Sarah had played her! She should have expected something like this from the CIA agent but given how long she'd been Sarah's friend and partner, she hadn't and now her mission objective was being FedEx'd which was something like a sitcom plot device to CIA headquarters, not to her office at the DEA.
This failure wasn't going to enhance her career at all, especially given DC interagency politics. At least she'd managed to do one last thing Sarah would never expect before she left and, with any luck, that little bit of subterfuge would give her revenge in two ways: she'd take what Sarah wanted and have a bit of payback for Sarah stealing her diamond.
Head cradled in one hand, she finally turned to a flight attendant and asked for two miniatures of bourbon and a glass with ice. Hopefully something good would come out of this fiasco, given enough time and planning.
The cool plastic of the steering wheel pressed into his forehead as he leaned heavily onto it for support. In a few short weeks his life had gone from pointless to meaningful, but meaningful in a way that no one would ever know. Then there was the whole element of danger that may or may not have significantly shortened his life span. The coolness of the vinyl brought no peace to his troubled thoughts.
Chuck leaned back in his Herder, taking inventory of his new life. Thinking about his current situation, he was adrift. Sarah had asked for his trust, then turned around and lied about the one thing she should have been honest about. He couldn't tell his best friend, sister, or her boyfriend anything about his new life without potentially subjecting them to torture if the bad guys figured out what Chuck had become and used them to force him to surrender.
He ran his hands through his curly hair in exasperation. Talking to his handlers was out. Casey would most likely just grunt and roll his eyes if he tried to talk about how everything going on in his life was affecting him. And Sarah? Sarah had just proven her concept of trust was a one-way street. Needing to talk yet having no one to talk to, the only time Chuck ever felt more alone was immediately after Stanford.
Then there was the whole issue of how pointless his life seemed to be, dating-wise anyway. In the five years since Jill, there had been no one and, just when things started looking up, it turned out the girl he was "dating" was sent to be essentially a government babysitter. He couldn't date anyone else because then there would be no reason for Sarah to stick around. Since they had to at least appear to be dating, he had to be the dutiful boyfriend, which meant cuddling, kissing, and holding hands. It was torture because none of it was real. Feeling like the oasis he thought would save him was nothing more than a mirage, he pounded the steering wheel in frustration.
His head snapped around at a series of soft knocks on the Herder's window.
"Chuck? What are you doing sitting in your car?" Ellie's face was etched with concern.
Chuck rolled down his window. "Hey, sis. I was just sort of enjoying the quiet for a minute. Work was…intense today." Both jobs, he thought to himself.
"Well come in and relax on the couch with Devon and me. It's chilly out tonight. Come on, Chuck. I'll make you some dinner if you're hungry."
Wow, she must really be worried if she's ready to whip up some food, Chuck thought. She only gets that mothering when she's concerned about my life. I just wish I didn't have to lie to her about what's really going on.
He sighed and dragged himself out of the car, resigned to facing another evening of lying to his sister and her boyfriend. Ellie held the door open for him, wrapping her other arm around her stomach, illustrating how chilly she thought it was.
Chuck walked into the living room ahead of his sister, seeing her boyfriend sprawled out on the couch, still in scrubs from his own day.
"Captain, how's it going?" Chuck greeted as he took in the doctor's tiredness.
"Rough shift, bro; I had a really tough surgery. He totally pulled through, but it was intense for a while." Ellie, standing behind the couch running her fingers through her boyfriend's hair, beamed with pride at Devon's recounting of his skills.
Maybe Devon would be someone to talk to, Chuck mused. If he can repair a heart – literally – maybe he has some experiences that could help sort through my crazy life.
"Something on your mind Chuckster?"
"How…how can you tell?"
"You were staring at the coffee table like it held cheat codes for one of your new video games. Dude, if there's something you need to get off your chest, who better to talk to?"
Chuck stared in surprise at Devon's insight. Maybe he reads minds as well as fixes people.
"All right Devon, I guess I really could use some advice right now."
"Lay it on me, bro. The doctor is in." Devon unclipped his hospital ID and tossed it on the coffee table, kicking his feet up after it. Ellie grinned at the two most important men in her life connecting and floated off into the kitchen to fix some snacks, for once not even caring about Devon's feet on the coffee table.
"A Peanuts line; I'm impressed, Devon. Well, Sarah…I don't even really know how to say this, but here goes. On our first date, she asked me to do one thing: trust her. So, I did, and things had been awes – great."
"Ok, sounds good. I'm with you." Devon brought his feet back to the floor, sat up, and folded his hands in front of his face with his elbows on his knees.
"Then, she has this…friend, Rachel…come into town for a visit," Chuck mentally winced at how he was bending the truth to someone who was only trying to help him, "and during her visit, when she wasn't flirting with me in front of Sarah, she was trying to seduce me behind Sarah's back," Chuck heard the crash of glass falling to the kitchen floor in the background, "You okay Ellie?"
"Fine! I'm fine. Don't pay any attention to me, just go on with your chat," she stammered.
Chuck fiddled with his Nerd Herd pocket protector as he got into the meat of his problem.
"Well, Rachel told me that one of the few things Sarah's told me about herself so far was an outright lie." A gasp, followed by another crash, came from the kitchen. "Then when I asked Sarah about it, she tried to lie again."
"She WHAT?" Ellie practically shouted.
"Hang on babe; this is hombre-a-hombre time. Your bro needs some wisdom," Devon shifted his gaze to the younger Bartowski. "Oh man. Dishonesty is not awesome, especially after asking you to trust her like that. What did she lie to you about?"
"Um, just something from her past. That isn't as important as the fact that she was lying to me already."
"Well, what are you going to do, bro?"
"That's just it. I don't really know. Sarah's friend is already on her way back home and if I push Sarah too hard on something like this, it could really hurt what we have."
"Yeah, you need to be careful bro." Devon opined sagely.
"I think you're right about that one, but at the same time, I kinda feel betrayed by Sarah's lying. It's going to be really hard to trust her completely after this."
"You won't be able to for a while, Chuck. Trust is something that has to be earned. She just knocked over any foundation you guys might have built up until now and, if you're going to stick with it, you'll have to rebuild it. Brick by brick."
Ellie picked that moment to come out from the kitchen with a tray of sandwiches and a couple beers. "You are so right, hon. Chuck, lying to you about anything other than telling you she doesn't care that you still have a Tron poster in your bedroom is no way to start a relationship."
"Ellie…" Chuck protested her belittling of one of his favorite classic sci-fi movies.
"No, Chuck, I'm serious. This is something you're going to have to think about and then have a talk with Sarah if you decide she's still worth pursuing," Ellie put her hands on her hips with an indignant huff, "I can't believe she would do this! I was really starting to like her, too! Do you want me to have a talk with her?" She actually sounded hopeful at this last question.
"Calm down, babe," Devon pulled Ellie onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her waist, "every couple is different. Maybe Sarah was scared the Chuckster would react too badly to something she thought was no biggie, or maybe she was just embarrassed by it. He needs to think about how big a deal it really is to him and, if the lying is a real deal-breaker, he'll have to break it off."
Ellie smiled down at her boyfriend and kissed his nose. "This is why I love you. Chuck, he's exactly right. Why don't you find that quiet time that you were looking for in your car in your room? Think about Sarah's lying and see if you can figure out some answers."
"Sounds like a plan. Thanks guys, this helped a lot."
"No worries, bro. That's what we're here for," Devon boomed, "hey, I know just what you need. Tomorrow: you, me, two paddles, a raft, and some class-5 rapids: the ultimate rush. You in?"
"Not this time, Captain. I think I need to talk with Sarah about all this. Thanks, but you have fun with that though."
Carina stared at her bedroom ceiling, the questions swirling in her mind keeping her from sleep. Tossing and turning on her satin sheets wasn't helping, and her normally reliable pillow provided no respite either. Normally she was asleep within minutes, but tonight was a different story. Her recent unsuccessful mission to Los Angeles had given her more questions than answers.
When she'd received her orders, which included making contact with Sarah and her team, Carina hoped it would be just like old times: she and Sarah fighting side by side, then, after a successful conclusion, hitting some hot clubs to celebrate. Unfortunately, nothing had unfolded like she wanted.
Carina heard about Bryce going rogue, taking out some high-tech project, and getting himself killed in the process. She assumed since he and Sarah were so close some suspicion of involvement would naturally fall on Sarah, but the degree of penance Graham was forcing on her in her current mission was a shock. Her experience with Casey was totally different than her knowledge of Sarah, but despite his tendency to drop his guard with his zipper, there were few better agents, so why where both he and Sarah stuck in that Los Angeles backwater?
Sarah lied to her face, a realization that rocked her to her core. Spies never gave any information away, even to a friend, but Sarah had always hidden the facts behind vague need-to-know statements. She had never outright lied to Carina until she said that Chuck was an analyst. That hurt. She compartmentalized those feelings and went back to the problem at hand. Sarah and Casey's presence made Chuck a hugely important asset. Two of the best agents there were did not sit on their thumbs minding some random asset. The pieces started fitting together – Chuck was vitally important, but why? What was it about him that made Sarah and Casey's mission so crucial?
Babysitting some geeky asset was the last place she expected to find Sarah, even after Bryce's betrayal. She huffed and tried lying on her stomach. Her instincts needed some serious fine-tuning for someone like Chuck to lull her into thinking he was a pushover. The guy didn't seem to have a clue what he was doing and, even so, he'd conned her out of the diamond and gotten it back to the CIA! The black mark in her record for that would take a long time to cleanse. She still couldn't figure how he'd managed to do it. Sarah hinted he FedEx'd the diamond back to Washington.
Sighing in frustration and rolling over again, Carina gave up for now. She wasn't going to be able to figure out this problem without more information. She grinned at her attempt to get that information out of Chuck. He was so cute when she flustered him…wait. Back up. Since when did she think of anyone as "cute?" What the hell? Well, his eyes were a very warm, chocolate-y brown, and the curly hair definitely had its appeal.
With Sarah's lie still stinging, Carina felt no guilt at her attempt to keep a line of communication open with Chuck to try to figure out what made him so important that her longtime friend looked her in the eye and lied to her. Something else wiggled in the back of her mind, just out of her conscious grasp. With her mind still in turmoil from questions that had no answers, Carina finally drifted into a fitful slumber.
Lying on his bed, Chuck stared at his cell phone, scrolling through his games for something to distract himself from replaying the events of the previous few days. Sarah had lied to him about Bryce. Carina had gone through her spiel about people in their line of work not wanting anyone to know anything about them that was real, but Sarah had to know telling him the truth about Bryce would have been better than if he found out…well…the way he did. Sarah's lie drove home one thing: Carina was the only one who'd told him the truth during his brief time in his new job.
There was that comment at the pool party too, telling him how sexy he looked. At the time, that had given him a warm rush of confidence that someone as glamorous as her would call him sexy. However, in hindsight, he started to feel much less confidence at her comment. Chuck knew from her seduction attempt in the hotel room that Carina was a consummate flirt, and was used to using sex to gain her advantage. If she told him he looked sexy, it had to have been to further some agenda she had related to the mission, right? She broke into his apartment and tried to steal the diamond back from him. His eyes went around his room – video game systems, the Tron poster.
Superspies like Carina…and Sarah…were never interested in Nerd Herders. To her, he was just some guy "Sarah wanted." Carina wasn't trying to seduce Chuck; she was trying to seduce Sarah's guy. There were too many conflicting signals for someone new to the spy world to interpret. He couldn't figure her out any more than he could figure out Sarah, so he sighed and gave up trying.
As he scanned through his contacts, looking at the friends he had listed, trying to find someone he could talk to, though he knew outside Sarah and Casey it was a pointless exercise, he saw one that floored him.
Carina Miller
Carina left her number in his phone? For the life of him Chuck couldn't figure out when she'd had the time to take his phone and put her number into his contacts. Even beyond that was the question of why. Why did she bother putting her number where he would see it? Did she WANT him to contact her? It had to be some kind of game. She had to be fishing for more information like in her hotel room.
If she really just saw him as some guy Sarah was stuck with but maybe was interested in – his heart thudded a little faster as he thought about that possibility – and if she really believed in not forming attachments ("you never know when you might have to leave them behind or put a bullet in them," rang clearly in his head), then why did she go to the trouble of leaving a way for him to contact her? Why bother leaving this one connection open? Trying to figure out these spy-women was giving him more questions than answers.
Should he call her? She might be anywhere in the world on a mission, pretending to be some scumbag's trophy. Would she even answer? Why would she bother? The obvious logical leap to the fact that she put her number in his phone because she wanted him to contact her never occurred to him. He was just a computer nerd making $11 an hour at a Buy More. He was nothing special, as Jill, the five years in between, and Sarah's lies after asking for his trust all underscored.
What about a text? That might work. If she put her number into his phone, she knew his number, so she wouldn't think it was some random guy. If she didn't want him to call her, she could ignore a text much easier.
Thank you. Keep the message short.
Across the country, Carina's phone signaled an incoming text message. She groggily muttered a curse under her breath as she was unwillingly dragged back to consciousness after such a brief interlude. She reached for the offending device, then, when she saw the display, she smirked. It was Nerd-boy himself. Interesting. Of course the Nerd Herder would text instead of call. Sarah obviously wasn't nearby, or he wouldn't feel safe contacting her. This was certainly a fun turn of events. He was reaching out to her…
Well, if Sarah wasn't going to do anything about the Chuck situation, she could use it to her advantage. Instantly alert, her thumbs started flying across her phone's keypad.
Chucky! Took you long enough. I was getting worried that you didn't like me. :-) What are you thanking me for?
Chuck's jaw dropped. Carina used an emoticon? Maybe there was more to her than anyone had told him; more than he had even seen for himself. He began to feel a little guilty for judging her so harshly. She couldn't have risen to be an agent on Sarah and Casey's level if she was as air-headed as she came across sometimes. That had to be her act to get people off their guard. Chuck promised himself to take her seriously from now on.
For telling me the truth about S & B. For being the only one to tell me the truth about anything recently. It meant a lot.
Carina smiled. She could tell as soon as she met him in that courtyard that he was no spy. He was too open, wore his emotions too much on his sleeve. Sending Sarah Walker was about the worst thing they could have done to this guy. She'd play him like a hundred other marks before him, keeping him always off-balance, and he'd burn out, go nuts, or both. What was their connection? Sarah had been working with her boyfriend Bryce until very shortly ago – was Chuck connected with Bryce somehow? Bryce gets killed going rogue, and all of a sudden Sarah's stuck in L.A. Hmm. She'd have to look into that angle a little more.
No biggie. You trusted me. It was the least I could do, for a cute-ish nerd and all. Even though I'm still really mad at you.
Chuck grinned again. For some reason, Carina's upfront personality made him smile more than he had since this wild ride started. She was the polar opposite from everything he'd experienced with Sarah and Casey so far, and it was the proverbial breath of fresh air. As for the part where she said she was mad at him, he supposed he could understand that. He did kinda-sorta steal her mission objective.
It is a big deal for me though. Thank you. I won't ask how you got my phone while you were here. I'm sorry you're mad at me.
She smirked, remembering lifting it from his pocket in the car on their way to rescue Casey and Sarah. He was so focused on the road and trying not to embarrass himself with his driving that her finely-honed thievery skills made the pick easy. She'd surreptitiously put her name and number in and then slipped it back into his pocket when they got out of the car, with him none the wiser. For some reason, the image in her memory of him getting out of the car while she slipped the phone back into his back pocket, slightly bent over, started some butterflies in her stomach. He definitely had a cute butt…
She reasoned she was doing this as a favor to her wounded pride, to try to figure out why her best – and only – friend had lied to her, but as she said that, a little voice in the back of her head laughed and said "You're really doing it for him, so he can have a friend in this world." The truth inherent in that statement made her shake her head. When was the last time she'd ever thought to do something for anyone that didn't have some kind of benefit for her? Why was this guy whom she'd met just recently met having this kind of effect on her?
Just then her phone rang, interrupting her musings. She glanced down at the display: Chuck.
Of course, she sighed. He dialed her. She disciplined her voice so he wouldn't pick up on her annoyance and curiosity.
"Hi, Chuck!" Carina forced her voice to sound bubbly as she rolled back over.
"Hi Carina," he sighed, running a hand through his hair.
"Wow. That was such an enthusiastic greeting. I thought I was the one who was supposed to be mad at you. You don't sound that great. What's the matter?" She sat up in bed and pulled her knees up.
He rubbed his cheek. "Just realizing anything I see with Sarah is an act. I didn't think she'd lie to me, but she did."
Carina blew a couple strands of hair out of her face. "You have to know that right now, you're her job. She thinks of you as a job first and a friend second, if at all. Remember what I told you about people like us not wanting anyone to know anything real about them?"
"Yeah, but I thought she was at least showing me glimpses of something else." He got up and flopped down into his computer chair.
"That's because she's the best at what she does. You won't learn anything real about her." Carina's eyes rolled as she saw how late it was, but she stuck to her guns to try to keep this link to Sarah's team open. Her usual smirk came to her face as she imagined what Sarah's expression would be if the blonde knew she'd been talking to Chuck behind her back.
"So what made you decide to tell me all this? Why are you being so honest with me?"
Carina paused. She couldn't tell him the real reason: that she was just trying to figure out why Sarah and Casey were babysitting a lowly asset. That would ruin any chance she had of figuring out who he was. "Like I said, you're kind of cute-ish, and I figured you needed someone to trust. You aren't going to get that with Sarah or Casey. Their job is to protect you, and do whatever they can to keep you safe. That doesn't include always being honest with you. You trusted me. If you ever need someone to talk to at any time, you can call me. Well, text first, and I'll let you know if you can call. I know you won't be able to tell me about the official stuff, but I can help you deal with the people, especially Sarah. We've known each other for years. We just won't tell her when we end up having phone sex. That would really drive her crazy."
He laughed at the last statement, but ignored it, categorizing it as almost routine flirting on her part.
For the first time in a while, he smiled. "Thank you, that really means a lot. The same goes for you. You're pretty unique, you know. You're intelligent, funny, honest, and that's just your non-visible qualities. Thanks for giving me a friend in this crazy new world."
"Thanks Chuck, and my invite is still open. Next time I'm in the area, I don't want to have to fake a Nerd Herd emergency call to get you to my hotel room, even if I don't have too many more clues to take off, okay? Oh and no bouncing a pizza plate off my head this time. You try that again and you might end up handcuffed to your bed."
He could hear her smirk, and it made him laugh, something he would have sworn was impossible earlier in the day.
"We'll work something out."
"Good boy. Now, I have to get my beauty sleep. You should get some rest too."
"Wait, before you go, I have to ask you. At the pool party, you said I was very…well… good-looking I guess, in that suit I was wearing. Was that something you just said to piss Sarah off or did you really mean it?"
"Do you remember thanking me for being the only one to be totally honest with you so far? Let's go with that, okay?"
Chuck's eyes got big as he grasped the implications of what she said. "Wow…um…okay. Thanks, I guess."
She chuckled slyly at his awkwardness. "Now, unless you really are interested in some heavy breathing, I'm beat. Remember the time difference? I'd like to get some sleep."
"Oh jeez, I'm really sorry. I forgot you were a few hours ahead. Thanks for the talk though. It really helped."
"I'm glad Chuck. Oh, and one more thing: you still owe me a diamond," she said.
They said their goodnights, and each turned over to sleep, one finally finding peace and rest after the day's stress, the other finally finding a dreamless sleep after a long, restless night.
