Hey folks! This is my first fanfic. Sorry if my work is rushed, but I thought that I just wouldn't upload anything unless I just gushed out words, ya feel? Aight, so hopefully you will enjoy this first installment, and maybe, just maybe, I will continue.
Hint: This is not a 8man x Yui fic.
Chapter 1
Friday, Hachiman's Perspective:
"Onii-chan, it's time to wake up! Breakfast is ready, so hurry on down!" Komachi, my favorite imouto said. I looked over to my alarm clock and saw the time – gah, I'm late! Quickly, I scurried over to the bathroom and soon after rushed downstairs, my blazer flowing behind me like a cape. I went over to the kitchen table and sat down to feast my eyes on the wonderful dishes before me.
I dug in and immediately felt the perfect taste of the eggs in my mouth, "Ah, Komachi, you outdid yourself once again. Cook for me forever! Ahahha, that must've scored so many Hachiman points!" As I smiled up at Komachi, who was sitting across the table, and saw a disgusted look on her face.
"Eww, Onii-chan that was gross. No Hachiman points for you," Komachi said before her face lit up and she continued, "But don't you worry, Komachi will always be here for you! Nice! That scored so many Komachi points!"
"Oi oi oi, how come when you do that it's alright? What an unfair system," I groaned as I finished the last of my breakfast. All she did was do that strangely adorable "Tee-hee~" thing that she does. Of course, Komachi is at the top of the Hikigaya hierarchy, so I didn't really mind. I looked at the clock again, oh no! I have to get going now! And so I ran out the door with a quick "goodbye" and cycled my way over to school.
It is another ordinary day for me, your friendly neighborhood loner Hikigaya Hachiman. I miraculously got to class on time, so I was safe from Hiratsuka-sensei's wrath, and the day went by like it normally did. Now, I was sitting in club with the other two Service Club members with a book in hand as they spoke on about some strange new cafe.
"Ne, Hikki, don't you think it would be a nice idea for you to come along with us to the new Pan-san cafe?" Yuigahama says, bringing me into the conversation.
I couldn't help but smirk as I say, "No, no. I'd rather spend my time at home. Besides, I don't think I'd like to interrupt anything between you and your sweet 'Yukinon' kekeke." Yuigahama's face goes red while Yukinoshita immediately brings her hands over her non-existent chest and gives me a cold glare.
"You disgusting man. How could you even say that – and with that face too. Idiot, nincompoop, Hachiman!" she spits.
"Oi oi, Hachiman is not an insult. It was just a joke, yeesh. Anyway, my answer is no, so that's that," I say as I look back at my book. Besides, I already spend too much time around you girls.
I hear a strange gasp and look back up to Yukinoshita, whose face was really red for some reason. That's strange, why is she blushing? Wait, I think I know why. Yukinoshita may not like me, but that doesn't mean I can't have some fun with this, kekekekke… I smirk and straighten my back as I look straight into Yukinoshita's eyes. "Ho ho ho, Yukinoshita you said my first name. Could it be… that you like me, Yukinoshita? Or should I say" my smile grows as I bring my hands to my cheeks, close my eyes, and in a mockingly sweet voice say "Yukino-tan~." I start chuckling a bit but I trail off as I see both Yuigahama and Yukinoshita's burning red faces turn their heads away from me.
The entire room is silent for a whole minute. Oi, what is this tension. Could it be…? Yuigahama quietly mutters, "Hikki..." Huh, I guess I have to break the silence.
"Oi, it was just a joke. You don't really like me, do you Yukinoshita?" I ask her.
Immediately, her head jumped up to look at me. "Of course not! What a terrible joke! How could I like you with those weird eyes, Hikifroggy-kun." Oof, again with the eyes? Critical hit.
"Yea, no girl would like you Hikki," Yuigahama follows. Gah, they're double-teaming me! How mean, Yuigahama. Another critical hit, save me someone!
"Alright, I get it, I get it. Tone down the insults a bit, yea? I can be charming when I want to be," I say in my usual monotone.
"Oh, really, Hiki-no-class-kun? Is that why you are a pathetic loner who will never get a girlfriend?" Yukinoshita says, her face less red. Oh man, the blizzard just keeps hitting me! Man, I've got to do something quick before I get KO-ed!
"Precisely – and you're no different. I have decided that if I am to be with someone, they ought to love me for who I am. Besides, I could probably get a girlfriend if I needed one. I just don't need one right now," I say as I look back to my book.
"Ara, it seems to me that Hiki-chicken-kun is too much of a coward to ask anyone out. Looks like you will never get to be a househusband after all, Hiki-forever-lonely-kun," Yukinoshita bounces back. Wow, she even knows my 6th grade nicknames! My HP is draining at an ever increasing rate! I must protect my dreams of being a house-husband. That's it Yukinoshita, you asked for it!
"Ho? Why are you acting so aggressive all of a sudden, Yukinoshita? I didn't know this was a challenge. Now I'm strangely fired up. Tell you what, I'm going to get a girlfriend soon, and she'll be smart," sorry Yuigahama, "strong," sorry Yuigahama, "beautiful, determined, nice and, most of all, willing to have a genuine relationship with me and accept me as her wonderful househusband!"
Strangely enough, Yuigahama's face brightened. Seems like she's so much of an airhead that she doesn't realize that she has no chance. I'm not dense enough to not recognize that she feels at least something for me. I'm sorry Yuigahama, you are nice and all, but not even your, ahem, assets can make up for your lack in brainpower!
I hear Yukinoshita scoff, "Those are just words, Hikigaya-kun. Who is this person? As you are currently, I do not think anyone will want to be with you, let alone make a move on you. Oh, and by when will you have this imaginary girlfriend by? I estimate that you will not meet such a person in even a month – no, even a year." Come on, Hachiman! Think fast! Maybe I can hold this bluff for a little longer.
"A month? Please, I can find a girlfriend in less time than that. As for who she is," I smirk mischievously as I tilt my head to the side and rest it on my hand and gaze into Yukinoshita's eyes, "I've got someone in mind." I've got no one in mind! Well, I suppose Yukinoshita herself isn't so bad… Nonononono, snap out if it Hachiman! This is just a joke, a bluff. Yukinoshita doesn't actually believe me, right? I don't actually believe me… right?
Both Yukinoshita and Yuigahama's faces turn into tomatoes. "H-Hikki, who is this girl you are interested in?" Yuigahama says. Oi, why are you gulping so nervously Yukinoshita? This room is way too tense. Well, this has gone on long enough, I guess I'll end the bluff here.
"Ah, relax you guys it was just a joke. And even if I really did have someone in mind, you were right in thinking that they'd be too good for me. And, you know me, I treasure my alone time too much. I also have my sister to take care of, so it seems it is impossible," I say. Both of their faces are suddenly filled with anger. Oi, oi… "Yukinoshita, you were right." Her face still has an angry expression. "You win the argument, Yukinoshita." I look over to Yuigahama. That angry pout is just so kawai… No, stay focused Hachiman! "Alright, why are you even mad?"
Yuigahama was the first to speak, "That's really unfair, Hikki. You can't go around scaring us like that! As punishment, you have to either get a girlfriend or come with us to the new Pan-san cafe anytime we want!" This is ridiculous…
"Absolutely not."
"Mou, Hikki you have to make it up to us!"
"I refuse."
"Hikki, you meany! Humph!"
"Ok, hold on. First of all, that's bondage; you are forcing me to chose between two things, neither of which I want to do, and that I really have no obligation to fulfill anyway, so you are the "meany" here. Second of all, I really don't owe you anything; stop trying to place societies stupid standards on me. Third of all, how the heck would I actually get someone? You know that I have no chance! You haven't even given me a time to get it by. So I'm just not going to go along with this," I say clearly.
"Ara, you said less than a month, ne Hikigaya-kun? Two weeks then. You have two weeks to find that genuine girlfriend, o-or e-else y-you will have to c-come to the c-café with us," Yukinoshita declares.
"T-TWO WEEKS? Guys, this is getting out of hand. Yukinoshita, I was joking, it was a joke! No hard feelings, right? Regardless, I still have no incentive to actually do this. There's nothing in it for me. So, once again, I refuse," I sigh.
"In the rare event that you are successful, we will take the burden of doing any Student Council work that Isshiki-san sends your way," Yukinoshita starts. Oi, you know Yuigahama won't do a thing, right? "I think that should be more than enough of an incentive for a rotten laze such as yourself."
"I don't know why you are all so fired up about this. Really, let's just forget this. How about to make up for my insensitivities I go with you to the new Pan-san cafe only once? That should be enough, although I don't know why you'd want me around," I protest once more.
"Fine, then how about along with the Service Club taking care of your Student Council problems, you also acquire the choice to leave the Service Club whenever you wish?" Yukinoshita returns with a smirk.
No, Hachiman, you really mustn't. No, no. It is too good to be true. But what if I succeed? I'll have a girlfriend, no more work from Isshiki, and I'll be free from the Service Club! But I won't succeed. Think about it, Hachiman, don't be a fool. I still don't understand why Yukinoshita and Yuigahama would want me to go to the Pan-san cafe with them, but I do know that it takes energy and money to do that. Just as I thought, it isn't worth it. Hmm, I am strangely interested though. "Say, if I am not successful, will you at least pay for any expenses from the cafe?
"Of course, Hikipoor-kun. I wouldn't want you paying for me anyway," Yukinoshita says. Is it just me, or is Yukinoshita a bit too mean today? I mean, do you really think that it's a good idea to have me around even though you have Yuigahama to come along, Yukinoshita?
Wait, if she pays for me that means free food. So all that is really required is my time. This is turning out to be an actually great deal...NO! Hachiman, do not fall for their tricks! They are simply trying to degrade you into a filthy raiju! Don't -
"Hmm..." Don't do it man! Be smart about this, what will you be getting yourself into? But, the free food! The genuine companionship! No, there is nothing genuine about this Hachiman! You are agreeing to such an unauthentic challenge in order to gain something genuine? You know that is impossible.
"I think..." But what if I do succeed? What if all I needed was a push? And since they are so eager to help me out, it seems, couldn't they be safety net for if things go wrong? No, you can't trust them Hachiman! But it doesn't seem like they have any bad intentions. You know this more than anyone, Hachiman; good intentions doesn't always mean good consequences. This could seriously have some serious repercussions. Oi, oi! Hachiman, don't –
"...that..." I want to try. Maybe, just maybe I can get it – that genuine thing I've been looking for. Maybe…
"… we have ourselves a deal."
…What...
…what have you done...
…you fool, you...
IDIOT, NINCOMPOOP, HACHIMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
Hey, you dumb brain, Hachiman isn't an insult!
Alright, there you have it: the first chapter. Let me know what you think and hopefully I'll get down to reading your comments. Thank you for reading!
