New Feelings
Chapter 1
A waiting room is never really a cheerful place. It's always dull and quiet. Every waiting room is the same; white walls, white chairs, horrid childish posters over the walls and sometimes light music on in the background, not enough for it to actually be heard but just enough for the room not to be totally silent. Everyone in the waiting room were all distressed, panicky or just generally impatient.
All three were the feelings of Tala, Kai and the blonde girl that were all waiting at this time of the night. It had been four hours ago that Bryan had gone into surgery, a dangerous one at that and while they'd all been hopeful that he was going to survive, the two most negative people in the room were losing hope at an increasing speed. Tala wasn't much of a patient person, especially when it came to his best friend's life.
The surgery had been to take out all those implants that were keeping Bryan from feeling emotions. Tala had been the lucky one, his were more the kind that just wore off, Bryan's were built into his brain. After about two months of considering things, making a list of pros and cons, Bryan saw no harm in taking the surgery, deciding that life wasn't all that worth living if he could feel nothing for the rest of it.
"Would you stop tapping your foot like that?" The girl asked Tala sharply, "You're making me nervous." She whispered softly, sitting down beside him.
"My watch stopped," Kai stated, having just looked at it to check the time again, "maybe it's some God trying to tell us something."
The girl rolled her eyes, "Yeah; He's telling you to take that watch to be repaired." She tried to glare at both when they looked at her a little defeated, "Besides, if someone died within the time I've been here then I'd feel something."
"I still don't know how this empathy of yours works but I hope you're right."
"You two have been really shaken up about his whole decision, what's wrong?" She looked at both Kai and Tala, coxing one of them to speak before she decided to pry further, "Kai, if you want yesterday's agreement to fall through then you have to tell me sometime or another."
--Flashback--
"You rang, Kai?" She asked, raising her eyebrow at his pacing in the living room.
"I need to ask you for a favor."
"Shoot."
Kai sighed and sat down on the sofa, "I have to go back to Japan soon; I can't keep lying to my friend's about why I'm here, they think that I came to check on the mansion."
"And?"
"And I need you to look after Tala and Bryan for me. I want you to move in from the backyard house to this one so that you could be closer to them. I'll pay you to do the cooking and such things for them. You already did these things for me, I just ask that you do it for them now, and that you move in here instead."
"Of course I could do that but you don't need to pay me for it. I get paid just for keeping an eye on your house."
"But I want to pay you. Otherwise I'll just feel guilty for leaving them with you and for ditching you with the work."
"Cooking and keeping a place in order really isn't work for me, Kai, you know that." She sat down on the coffee table in front of him, resting her head in her hand with the thought that there was more. "It's more than that, isn't it?"
"I need you to help them. There really isn't anyone I think that's more suited than you for this."
"I can try but…"
"I know you'll manage." He cut her off, "Really, just do what you normally do and things will work out fine." He picked up an envelope from beside her and tossed it into her lap, waiting till she opened it and her eyes widened before explaining further, "It looks like a lot but it isn't. You need all that for groceries, clothes and whatever you need for the house. That's just for the next two months."
"You're really serious." She mumbled, thumb tracing through the bills in the envelope.
"I am. You have to look after them."
"I will."
--End Flashback--
At least Kai had already spoken to Tala about it and so her comment hadn't come to all that much of a surprise to him. The two males exchanged glances, leaving her to sit there and raise her eyebrow at them, "So?"
"Concerns that this surgery might kill Bryan aside; we're worried that memories will also come with the emotions and we just think that we'd be a lot happier if some memories stayed at the back of his mind." Kai admitted, maybe just a little shameful once hearing him say that out loud, and to someone that wasn't a person in the Abbey.
She raised her eyebrows, pursing her lips and shrugging, "So?" she got two shocked expressions and so further explained her reason for 'so?' With a silent exhale, her features softened, "You're both here panicking about something that has not happened yet, something that may not even happen at all and you're already blowing things way out of proportion. If he doesn't get bad memories then that's great, if he does then he'll manage to deal with them. The reason he wanted to get the chance to feel emotions again is because he knows that out of the Abbey, it's the real world and in the real world, people without emotions are usually psychopaths and I definitely understand his concern with that but he wants to be human, like everyone else and that includes having bad memories."
"Most people have even a few happy memories though. Bryan has none." Tala reminded her sternly. "I have memories of my mom, she died when I was a baby but at least I know she was there and she loved me. Bryan's mom abandoned him, he knows it but he can't feel anything right now but when he's out of surgery he will."
The girl smirked suddenly, raising an eyebrow, "Right there." She whispered and pointed at him, "You said 'when' which means you don't really mean to be this negative and thinking that Bryan will die."
Tala turned red in the face; not quite sure if it was out of some embarrassment or if it were from anger. Still, he remained silent, tightening his arms across his chest and concentrating on the ground. Kai smirked at how the girl had put him in his place so easily; thinking that he had been right to ask her to take care of his two Russian friends.
The doctor showed up on the other side of the waiting room, walking over to them. Kai and Tala stood up and stepped forward so quickly they knocked the seventeen year old back into her seat, just allowing her to sit forward to listen.
"He's fine." The doctor stated hurriedly to ease their concern.
"Told you." The girl grumbled from behind Kai's back, hitting the small of his back lightly with the back of his hand.
"He's awake so you can see him now; he should remain awake for the next hour before he can rest."
"And how long will he be in here for?"
"Four days in the hospital, assuming things remain as good as they are; total recovery time will be about two weeks at the most."
Kai and Tala were not able to say anything so the honey blonde behind them pushed them aside slightly, standing up and smiling at the doctor, "Thank you."
He smiled back at her, nodding slightly, "The nurse at the desk will give you his room number."
He left them alone after that and she stood in between Kai and Tala, looking from one to the other, shaking her head, "How do you ever make it in this world with an attitude like that?" she sighed at the end of the statement, walking to the receptionists desk to ask for Bryan's room number so that they could see him, since she most definitely didn't trust Kai's social skills. "You two should go back home." She stated suddenly, turning to them.
"What?!" They asked in unison.
"Give me some time alone with him to get close to him. You both look exhausted, he could probably tell in a heartbeat that you were here the whole time; the last emotion you want him to feel first would be concern."
"I want to see him." Tala stated, determined.
"And he'll want to see you too," She smiled, putting a hand out to him and onto his forearm, "but let him realize he wants to see you first."
"Maybe she's right." Kai whispered in Tala's ear. The redhead in no way wanted to leave, especially since he was so close to seeing his friend again but Kai slowly began to pry the boy in the other direction, "Come on."
Waiting in the middle of the hallway, the girl remained there until they were completely out of sight before walking down the long hallways. She got to his room, the door was slightly open and dark inside. She knocked on the frame, "Don't do that." Bryan bit out through gritted teeth, holding his head even tighter.
"Sorry." The girl opened the door just a little further, slipping inside before closing the door so no light got in.
"Vera Volkova…" Bryan murmured softly at the realization, "The first face I actually recognize." Another wince of pain crossed his features and his body writhed uncomfortably beneath the covers.
"Well that's a good thing." The blonde smiled, "How are you feeling?"
"How about you give me some time to give these emotions a test drive before asking me something like that?"
"Fair enough." She laughed, stepping closer to the foot of the bed and picking up his chart, "It's probably a throbbing pain in your head; drugs can only do so much with the physical pain."
"While they were at it they should've just taken out my appendix, tonsils and any other unimportant organ; would probably save me a lot of trouble later."
Vera laughed at that, sitting down at the foot of the bed and still reading the chart, "By the looks of it you don't even have an appendix or tonsils for them to remove in the first place."
"Maybe I should be thankful for that."
Vera sighed and placed the chart back, whispered so quietly that Bryan probably couldn't even here her with the throbbing going on in his thick skull, "Yeah well Boris really did rob you of everything; your childhood, your innocence, your emotions, turns out your appendix and tonsils too."
"Where are…?"
"Kai and Tala?" She asked to save his strength, "I sent them home a while ago. They were getting so tired so I told them to just go home and that I'd call them when you were out of surgery. I could always call them to come see you if you'd like."
"No…" Bryan began hoarsely, turning over onto his side weakly, "no…leave them alone, they need to get some sleep. They shouldn't have been here in the first place, they didn't need to..."
"Hey, hey," Vera interrupted, putting a hand on his side hurriedly, "Let's not have you feeling self-loath just yet, shall we?"
"So if I can't sleep, what am I supposed to do for the next hour? I believe I'm feeling…boredom?" he raised his eyebrows and smirked, looking at her at the foot of his bed as much as his painful head would allow him to.
She moved to sit in a chair by his bed instead, that way he'd be able to look at her better and without arching his neck. She nodded in agreement, "Yeah, hospitals usually do inspire boredom." Murmured then shrugged a little bit, "Well hey, at least it hasn't inspired depression in you yet."
"Yeah, at least." He opened his eyes properly, looking at her while she stared at the ground, "I'm curious about something," he began hesitantly.
"What about?"
"How you and Kai met. He doesn't seem like the type that came across a girl and actually made conversation and a friendship."
"You've got good instincts." She laughed, nodding, "You're right, it was nothing like that. Him and I were more like enemies."
"I never would've guessed." Bryan retorted sarcastically, still smirking even though the use of those muscles caused his head to only ache more.
"For starters, I've been living in that cottage at the back of Kai's yard since I was a baby."
"I thought you only moved there recently."
"No way; my mom worked for Kai's grandfather by maintaining the mansion. My mom passed away when I was ten from cancer and I've been living there ever since because…well because I didn't have any other place to go, and in all honesty I'm pretty sure that Kai's grandfather had forgotten I even existed." She exhaled heavily, "Then Kai came into control of the whole land since his grandfather was in prison and is going to stay there. I couldn't stand Kai and that obnoxious amount of self-confidence he had and he told me that if I were so sick of it then I should move out. Trying and trying, I got about three jobs all at once so that I could afford to leave."
"You're in the way, poor girl." Kai informed, walking down the steps that Vera was sitting on. "Wow." He mumbled, despite the hot take away food in his mouth, "What are you wearing?" having noticed her in a neat pretty black dress and proper heals, as opposed to her usual jeans, shirt and jacket. He stood there, still biting down on his warm food, under the safety of the umbrella as she stood in the trickling rain. She stared at the food, a look of desire on her features as her stomach quietly grumbled at its scent. "Want to have some?" he asked, lifting the bag he had in his hand with the umbrella.
"It's just the way that he even offered things to a person. He just sounded so…full of himself and I hated that!"
"No."
"Like I said, I'll help you with living expenses if you need it." He said, sitting against the railings.
"It's okay."
"He couldn't help but point out the obvious to me."
"You're so stubborn."
"And you're so afraid of happiness."
"Is that what you are now? A follower of happiness?" He asked with fake interest.
"I believe you're avoiding it. It's not okay for people to give up happiness. Yet…you have quite easily given it up. You're not fighting, you're running away. It's because you find that it's much easier to hate." He sat up from the banister once again, turning to leave down the stairs now that she was out of his way but she ran up to him hurriedly, "No matter how painful it is, it's not okay to give up happiness."
"You really are one of them, aren't you?"
"Pardon?" She asked, confused by his reference.
He grit his teeth slightly, moving closer with his hot breath touching her skin as opposed to the cold wind, "People who think that Cinderella has a happy ending." He placed the umbrella carefully on her shoulder, bringing her hand up to wrap around the handle before he ran down the steps, "That's wonderful, that's wonderful." He repeated to himself.
"What did Kai mean by 'people who think that Cinderella has a happy ending'?" he asked, just as confused as she probably had been in the beginning. "Maybe it'd help if I actually knew the whole Cinderella story, wouldn't it?"
"Cinderella and the prince got married and lived happily ever after." Vera repeated the final narration of the fairy-tale. "Everyone is satisfied with this ending, and thus, they shut the book. But ultimately they may not be able to get over the barrier of their status difference. The prince may have an affair. Their life begins after the story ends."
"Begins after it ends?" Bryan started to think that all this confusion was causing his head to hurt more but this story was good to keep his mind off the aches and pains in his body, his lack of knowledge on emotions, and good at keeping him awake.
"When something happens; let's say, when the culprit is caught, society will deem the case closed but to the victim, and to all the ones that are involved, they will continue to live on forever in this incident." For a long time she seemed held up in the story, only now did she look up at him with an actual sparkle in her eyes and a soft smile on her face, "Once I understood what he meant, and the two of us found some common ground, he told me that he'd improve his attitude toward me, on the condition I didn't give him a hard time about his emotions. After a little…cooking incident he had in his kitchen trying to make himself dinner, he was a lot nicer to me, but I think that was only because I was his only hope at a decent home-cooked meal from then on."
"What were you even thinking trying to cook?" She asked him with a heavy sigh, tossing the burnt frying pan into the sink and opening the water faucet, the whole room starting to fill with smoke.
"I almost always ate well when I was in this house; maybe I assumed my family were good cooks."
"Trust me, your family weren't good cooks, they had good wallets which helped hire good cooks."
Bryan laughed softly at that, especially with her facial expression that really backed up her statement, "You know, your laugh no longer sounds so…"
"Evil?" Bryan filled in the blanks for her, smiling to indicate that if she agreed then it wouldn't hurt his feelings.
She laughed as well, shaking her head and relaxing in her seat, "Maybe something like that." She watched that smile slowly fade from his features and her grin reduced to a kind smile, "We should stop talking for a while; this is taking a toll on your body."
"I need sleep…and yet I'm not allowed to have it. How unfair is that?"
"Do you want me to call a doctor? Maybe they can give you something for the pain…" She put her hands on the arms of chairs, gripping them tightly and preparing to stand.
"No, it's fine. It doesn't hurt too badly right now."
Vera sighed softly, settling back into the seat, "Well is there anything I can do for you? Get you something from the mansion or something to eat?"
"No, nothing." Bryan almost emitted a quiet laugh, trying to bite it back because he knew it hurt too much, "Maybe you should go home and rest too; if Tala and Kai got tired then you probably did too."
"I'm certainly not leaving though. I hear you've got a fear of hospitals."
"It's not a fear!" Bryan exclaimed, though sounding unsure at the end, "I don't think it is at least. It's just a great…distrust of hospitals."
The blonde teenager had to admit, she found his stubbornness quite adorable. Usually stubbornness angered her; Kai being a good example of that but with him she found it sweet, maybe because he was innocent and untrained when it came to emotions. The only reason he was stubborn was because he didn't want to label something an emotion he wasn't certain about. "I'm going to remain here, Kai and Tala will be here later and then I will go and get some sleep. Rest for a while…"
He shifted his body a few more times, trying to find a comfortable position. He watched the girl as she shut her eyes and bowed her head a bit, looking like she'd fall asleep at any moment too. He lay back, shutting his eyes slowly and in his mind quietly trying to assess each of the feelings that were overwhelming his weak heart.
Sadness was predominant in his heart and mind; he wanted to see his friends again. Having emotions was so confusing. Usually whether he did or didn't see his friends at a particular time didn't matter at all but right now there was a desperate feeling for them. Still, if they came back and were tired he may be concerned. While a part of him found it great that they gave up their time for him, he hated himself for allowing them to get so concerned about him.
"You're beginning to self-loath again." A voice broke through his thoughts.
"How do you know that?" he asked in a weak whisper, not caring to open his eyes to look at her, finding his mind growing hazy.
"Your face scrunches like that in distaste when you self-loath." She grabbed his hand carefully, giving him a fright and taking him by surprise; he was unable to hear quiet movements with all the throbbing going on in his head. She waited till he relaxed before squeezing his hand supportively, careful not to touch any of the I.Vs that he himself had been trying to keep his attention off of, "It must be difficult not to think about the emotions when you're feeling them all for the first times but if you try to evaluate each and every one now and by yourself then you're just going to confuse yourself." She brushed her thumb over his knuckles, "And probably give yourself a worse headache." She murmured with a silent laugh at the end. "An hour is almost up; you can allow yourself to sleep then."
--Three Days Later--
Kai sat around Bryan's hospital room, watching him sitting up in bed and holding his head between his knees, his palms pressing hard against his temples and his fingers clawing at his hair. The youngest probably felt like he was going to go insane but there was no point in trying to comfort him. At a time like this the youngest didn't want to be touched. He had been having lapses like these for the past day and a half. Once his body had overcome the pain of the surgery, all the emotions he could possibly feel began welling up in his chest.
Tala had gone to get Bryan some hot chocolate. They'd been told that coffee wouldn't be a good idea because it would make him more anxious but they'd discovered from experimentation that Bryan quite liked hot chocolate, and it did aid in putting him to sleep without medication. Some medication had been making Bryan ill lately, they weren't sure if it was an actual allergy to it or if it was his body that was just so nervous that he vomited any of it. Thankfully the redhead returned after little time, placing the hot chocolate on the nightstand. Last time he tried to hand it to Bryan the younger knocked it over when trying to reach for it and burnt his hand when it fell so they saw it as best to just wait for him to get it when he could calm himself.
Raising his head, he stared at the ceiling for a second, inhaling deeply before turning to the nightstand and picking up the cup. He drank shakily, shifting hands at time so that he didn't drop it or squeeze the cup too hard. That had been his latest bad habit; grabbing people too harshly. He had never really realized his strength in the past, but now whenever he hurt someone with that strength he actually felt a little bit upset about it.
"Well we can't say you weren't warned; the doctors did say this was going to be a huge transition for you." Tala mused aloud, exhaling heavily.
Bryan immediately took that wrongly and glared at his lifetime friend, "Is that supposed to make me feel better or something?"
"Sorry." Tala hadn't been the most gentle with him. He tended to be a little inconsiderate, possibly because he didn't know how the boy really felt. Tala was expected to be the person that would understand Bryan the most but he really didn't. Tala's effects of brainwashing just wore off really, Bryan's took a lot more work. He had a painful surgery to go through, and then needing to adjust to actually having feelings. Tala actually knew some feelings, being gifted with the chances to feel them once in a while in the past.
A head popped into the doorway, a bright smile on the pale features, "Evening…"
"Ouch! Don't do that!" Bryan grumbled, forcing his head deeper into the pillows, one hand going over his ear.
"I'm sorry," She apologized softly, closing the door behind her, "I take it things aren't any better."
"What tipped you off?" Kai asked, covering his mouth as he yawned, "He's been like this all day." He watched her sit at the foot of his bed, her head watching him intently as he got under the covers a little more. "And where have you been all day?"
"The store in the morning and then I went grocery shopping. Your fridge was practically empty. Though while shopping I was sort of having to bite back the urge to buy streamers and balloons."
Tala smirked, "Why? Are we celebrating Bryan coming home with emotions?"
Vera shook her head, trying to hold back an unnecessary exhale, "No…we'd be celebrating Kai going back to Japan in two days. I never work harder than when he's here; talk about anal."
Kai put his hand in his glass, pulling out an ice cube and holding it out to her, "Look, Vera! I found your heart!" he exclaimed, a hint of bitterness in his tone.
"Oh goodie Kai," She clapped her hands, grinning with fake glee, "Melt it and we'll have your brain!"
"You're too loud." Bryan whispered, his foot under the covers gently coming in contact with the small of her back.
"Sorry sweetheart." She apologized, sounding really apologetic, putting her hand on his side in a kind gesture, "So what did you do here all day?"
Bryan shrugged, unable to bring himself to look at her, "Lay in bed, ate some awful-tasting green jelly,"
"Screamed and thrashed around in bed like a possessed person." Tala added casually.
Vera glared at him for a second, then turning to Bryan again, jerking her thumb in the redhead's direction and asking, "This is your best friend?" in a serious inquisitive tone, making the boy's body shake with a quiet laughter.
"Slow down on the laughing, Bry, we're still trying to get used to it here." Kai moved over to the window, peering out through the blinds at the snow falling out there.
"Hey, Kai, just 'cause you don't know a good joke and can't laugh, doesn't mean you have to ruin it for other people."
"Bite me, Vera."
The bickers between them went on and on for about another hour, Tala moved over to Bryan's bed and sat closer to him, the two watching the eldest Russian and the blonde seventeen-year old girl continue with their little arguments, sitting, watching and enjoying as though it were a movie. After all, what better things did they have to do in a hospital?
A/N: First chapter of my new fic! I told you I'd be quick in posting it. So this fic is getting me really excited since I have a lot of plans for it in the future and generally, I think it'll be quite interesting. I've worked out any flaws with my OC, and this was just the intro so people may not like her just yet but you all may or may not in the future. I've worked hard on this so let me know what you think and I'll get the next chapter up as soon as possible.
