Warnings: ( kinda): This is my first Fan fiction, ever. ALSO, I do not curse, I do no not swear, if my characters are occupied in "bed-side" activities, reader admittance stops at the traditional door-kiss thing. In short: I'm absolutely positively boring, so if you like slash and well-written stories, go get yourself another author.
If you blatantly believe I possess Invader Zim you belong in The Crazy House For Boys
--
It was raining. It was raining hard. It was raining so hard the School had been forced by an angry mob of parent/guardians to scrape up their limited budget and order the Union-owned bus-drivers out into the catastrophic water-wall of calamity. Needless to say the bus drivers were not happy about these state events and did not hesitate, in the psychological abuse of the children whenever they had the courage to respire too noisily.
They rolled their government-own urban assault vehicles through various unsuspecting neighborhoods, great deafeningly-yellow sharks patrolling blood-saturated waters, occasionally running over lawn-gnomes, mail-boxes, and innocent passersby. At long last the vehicles pulled away from their individual bus stops, and into miles of bumper to bumper traffic.
THUMP THA-THUD!
Dib, who had been heroically endeavoring to terminate the last few problems of his current events assignment on the school bus, gave the source of the commotion a fleeting glance, double-took, then gawked, transfixed at the sight that met his childish, awe-struck eyes.
No way this was just too weird…
It was…a dinosaur…no, not just any dinosaur…a Tyrannosaurus Rex…roaring up and down the interstate in the middle of Monday morning traffic!
He stared at it numbly for what felt like hours, riveted by the sight of a prehistoric creature that had not existed on earth for billions of years. Then, as he watched the living fossil tread heavily on cars as people screeched shrilly, ran for their lives, took pictures, and get eaten he realized something was amiss.
"Where's Zim?"
Unbeknownst to him, the alien in question was cackling passionately as his Voot-cruiser soared high above the crowd delightedly jotting down notes for his own homework-mission.
OH-NO! It's in the middle of the humans' Monday morning traffic phase and there's a T-Rex on the freeway! The stink-beasts on the frontline are the first to go.
How ironic that they had sadistically spared amongst one another just to be there. Pandemonium ensues. The filthy human-monsters squeal for support from their pit-i-ful hyuman law enforcement officers, dubbed the poll-ice who unsuccessfully attempt to accomplish tranquility and order but they are unsuccessful as they in turn are eaten like MacMeaty's' chic-ken MacMeat-cakes. With a earsplitting snap, their loud lighty flashy thingies are ripped off by the reptile's great glistening gapping jaws and are thrown twenty-five feet into the air and striking a nearby helicopter, a joke of contemporary engineering that had clearly been fashioned by piggies who had been driven crazy by the constant experimentation of their brain-meats by hideous earth scientists with far too much time on their filthy five-digited hands.
...
Dib vainly inspected the bus-riders for the diminutive alien for the fifth time before concluding that Zim was most definitely not on the bus. There was no way he would be stupid enough walk to school in the rain. This would mean he was up to something evil and diabolical. Since he usually enjoyed screening the fruits of his labor from a comparatively secure distance and seeing as something was already up, the logical hypothesis would be that this dinosaur mess was the work of his extraterrestrial arch-nemesis. And as the news chopper crashed down in a fiery wave of doom and destruction, he wondered what on Earth he was supposed to do now…
Gaz was infuriated. She just had to make it to level 53 and then she'd take out that poor excuse of human being that nature had been so unkind as to label itself brother. Four levels to go before his death. What was up with him and his stupid little- "DIE YOU STUPID DEMON DOG!"- friend Zim? Three more levels to go prior to his demise. It was almost as if they-Two more levels to left proceeding to his annihilation. There he was ranting over the list of scientifically 'advanced' technology remaining in his arsenal, before methodically striking the names off the list. "TASTE MY CLOVEN HOOFS OF DOOM!"
...
Dib looked at his little sister, dumbfounded. People were being crushed and consumed and all she cared about was the worthless game on her stupid game-slave 2.5. "Gaz," he muttered sternly, unable to suppress that small beseeching tenor outside the exasperation he regularly articulated. "People are getting hurt."
...
She glanced at him, not bothering to eliminate the antipathy from her voice "So? That's the way it goes, life stinks and then you die"
His eyes dilated indistinctly, he knew by now he shouldn't be surprised by his sisters' reaction, but still…a teeny tiny part of him had wanted to think… "SO?! This is the FATE OF MANKIND we're talking about here not some stupid-"
"-I hope you realize that if you do not go away NOW, you're only two more levels left till to your utter annihilation." She said the last bit in an eerily calm voice, as if describing the weather to some passerby.
...
He exhaled noisily, crushed yet again by his little sister's rejection, What else was new. and then slowly backed away. Fine, if she didn't fancy helping him, he would press onward in his despondent, dangerous, and demanding duty as Earth's one and only protector from the alien menace.
...
Zim was really enjoying himself. What was it about human beings they were just so fun to engage in recreation with? Oh how he loved being an Invader! Their pitiful fearful screaming! How glorious. He quickly pressed the record button, exasperated that his magnificent brain-meats had not thought of this sooner. He would record the final screams of the fading hyuman dirt-creatures…Every last sob, scream, and sniffle would be replayed at his leisure…he smiled, it was one of those disturbing frighteningly large smiles. Oh such sweet calamity… His monstrosity was stacking the little Roach's pitiably weak automobile machines like giant honking building boxes. Oooh now he's-CRACK! -stepping on the machinery while their operators are still trapped within. An operetta chorus of inhuman screams pierced the morning air. "It's truly the simple things in life you treasure."
...
Dib glowered as he stuck his head inside his brief-case. All he had were his school supplies, his trusty laptop, and an object (which looked suspiciously like a laser pointer) he had inadvertently taken from last nights recon mission inside Zim's base. He had blocked Zim's plan but now owed Gaz the next Game-slave version "Pork-chop's Revenge" Enough about that it was time for some action. He could always use the missiles Dad had been making for the Government; sure they were in the experimental phase but what were a few minor technicalities compared to the saving of all civilization. "Sorry, Dad" he repented softly "but the world needs my help!" and with that he hacked into his father's mainframe and seized control of the computer-guided weaponry. Killer breathing fossil's quadrants were deftly plugged into the machine's target-program.
Two minutes… three minutes…nothing… Five…still what was that? YES! There they were speeding toward the great colossal beast…those grand fangs would never hold up to the awesome power of his father's technology…
WWHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMM!! Disgusting brown sludge poured out nowhere iwith such force it sent the bus sprawling on its side, banishing the still-conscious riders to the rain-filled realm of pain and misery. it was on this day that most students at the Skool officially decided that rain was a force of pure evil and needed to be destroyed. Dib was rather pleased with himself. How many twelve-year-olds could claim they caused they defeated a real-life dinosaur? To his knowledge, he was the first. Cool. Ignoring the death-rays shot in his basic direction, he began to navigate through the sprawled and shattered wreckage. Head held high, "Once again the world is saved by-"
"RRRRRROAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!!" The T-Rex rose shakily to its feet battered but not beaten.
Dib's eyes, wide as the saucers he had chased since babyhood, were in danger of swallowing his face. Why hadn't that worked? Wait… His father had been experimenting with dirty bombs yes… but… he'd also been discussing ways to aid the poor in impoverished countries with poor soil by replicating… horse manure… whichmeant… he was covered in…EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!! Then as REALITY STRUCK, namely the hunkering monster's saliva, he did the most logical thing he could think of: HE RAN
...
Dib's plight was not missed. In fact the scene was watched almost obsessively by the Union-owned bus drivers. They were not happy. The stupid lizard was preventing them from being paid. How were they supposed to get their pound of flesh if the thing was determined to eat theirs? Well, enough was enough. The school would pay for dragging them out in this weather, oh how they would pay.
They lined up in a swarm each walking in-step with their fellows, one mind, and many parts, a true collective. Then in one fluid synchronized motion, out came the protest signs.
They spoke as one.
Advancing slowly forward, it was made self-evident that either they or the T-Rex were to be overcome; no reparations were to be made just cold uncomplicated victory.
That Poor creature never had a chance.
They drove it out of town and in the end it plummeted to its doom in the form of a large cliff on the outskirts of town.
The victors then went about directing the students to the school, slowed considerably by angry students who paused every couple minutes to throw things at a dejected Dib, who had discovered that he'd left his stuff back at the wreckage.
At school, Dib glowered to himself how could he have forgotten. And why didn't Ms.-As if sensing he had almost questioned her authority, Mrs. Bitters bent over his desk peered into his soul, eyes narrowing dangerously as a low warning hiss escaped her throat.. Feeling acutely creeped out, Dib sat straight and thought positive thoughts toward her repeatedly until she sat at her desk. Zim smugly goose-stepped into the classroom, holding what appeared to be a large loose-papered manuscript. Dib glared at him, and to his surprise, received a jovial wave in return. "Nice job, with the dinosaur, Space-boy, too bad it didn't work!"
At this Zim smirked "I have no idea what you are talking about Dib, and you know, the same thing can be said about you."
"What do you mean, my destiny is too save all society." He didn't understand… was Zim trying to insinuate that he had created that mess?
"I mean, pathetic Earth-monkey, that if it hadn't been for the untimely intervention of your 'Lay-bor Union', the only 'destiny' you'd be serving is Dinosaur food." His Coat of arms-purple contact-covered eyes gleamed in triumph.
"Well, you still didn't take over Earth!" Dib shot back, projecting indomitability in the face of his competitor.
"That's because I didn't try… all I did was complete Homework assignment #3423, however Zim does only what he wishes so Zim added a little twist to make things interesting. Did you complete your assignment-noticing Dib defeated stance-didn't think so. I win Dib-worm."
"You did all that stuff just to get out of watching a few stupid news stories?!" Dib began outraged that anyone could have such a cavalier view of human life. Zim was an alien menace he reminded himself severely.
"Yep." And with that turned Zim turned his attention to the Bitters-human, who had begun yet another lecture concernining the hopeless state of the hopeless planet. When the Homework-checking moment of truth occurred Zim failed utterly in suppressing his amused chuckle. Dib had not forgotten his homework; Zim had simply taken it using his ships tractor-beams. Smeetish, yes, but Dib made such an easy little target.
--
Ultimately the Tyrannosaurus Rex carcass was never located, so the authorities simply put it down as yet another case in the growing Mass-hallucination epidemic, perhaps it was something in the air? Only time and future studies (paid for by government subsidies) would tell.
--I like criticism… it's the only way I'll learn…
