Disclaimer: All characters are the property of their respective creators, i.e. Naruto is not mine.
Death wasn't at all like what he was expecting.
As a shinobi his outlook on life, while improving, was still relatively bleak. He never prescribed to any major religion, in no small part due to his upbringing, and this eventually led to him approaching life, as well as death, as pragmatically as he could.
Thus Kakashi believed that death was simply the end. Once you're dead that's it. No heaven. No hell. Just nonexistence for the entirety of time before the inevitable heat death of the universe, then who knew what could happen. This, in a way, translated to his belief that the last feeling, sensation or thought a person had, may as well have been what they would feel for eternity, because in the end, the last thing you experience before nonexistence may as well be an eternity.
A rather grim outlook for someone who deals in death, still it always inspired him to kill as painlessly as possible, perhaps hoping that he would be granted the same mercy.
So when he found himself standing in a black void, not impaled through his chest, drowning in his own blood, he was pleasantly surprised.
That quickly faded as he realized he was standing in an infinite black void and would be there quite possibly for all eternity.
Still, with nothing better to do than go mad, Kakashi began to walk, purposely ignoring the implications of an endless void having a floor.
The lack of features in the void made determining the passage of time difficult, so he had no idea how long he had walked before he saw something.
In the far distance, shimmered a light. It was faint, barely noticeable from this distance, and it seemed to flicker in and out of existence.
Kakashi didn't even realize he was running until he was only a few meters from the source.
It was a campfire. Its flames flickered a soft orange as they dance across… Logs? Alright, another thing that made this place weird beyond reason. The most striking thing about this scene wasn't the fire that burned on logs in a place with no trees. No, it was the fact that he wasn't alone.
A man was sitting alongside the fire, his back facing Kakashi. He could see that the man was tall, even from his sitting position. The green flak jacket that draped his frame clearly marked him as a shinobi. The red Uzumaki spiral indicated his village of origin was undoubtedly Konoha. The man's long white hair, kept in a ponytail, told him exactly who this was.
Slowly, he approached, careful not to make any sudden moves, he made his way to the opposite side of the fire, before taking a seat on the conveniently placed log.
The flames illuminated the man's face, confirming Kakashi's suspicions of the man's identity.
This was Hatake Sakumo, the legendary White Fang of Konoha, hero of the second shinobi world war and the spark that lite the Third Shinobi World War. He was also Kakashi's father.
The man made no move to acknowledge Kakashi's arrival, instead kept his eyes fixed upon the camp fire. His silence was matched by Kakashi's own as he failed to wrap his mind around the magnitude of the situation.
Kakashi had dreamed of speaking to him, ever since his father had committed suicide, of asking all the things he had missed. All the advice he had once needed. Of whether or not he had followed his father's example well. If he had made his father proud.
He desperately tried to form words, to say something, anything at all. He had so many questions, so many things he needed to know, yet as he opened his mouth no sound would escape. Panic quickly set in as his body refused to make a sound, to gesture to get his attention or even at least let Kakashi turn away.
"Gennin at 5, chunnin at 6, and jounin at 11. Very impressive Kakashi."
The voice sent a shock down Kakashi's spine. It had been so long since he last heard that voice.
… But how could he have known that?
"Your grandfather came through not too long ago. We didn't speak for an eternity." A small chuckle escaped the older man's lips. Time jokes in a place without time, that was certainly his father's terrible sense of humor. "Those were the first words from his lips. He told me as much as he could. Of your accomplishments and your failings. Your victories and your losses. Of your joy and your suffering. He told me it all." Kakashi had nothing he could say, so he sat frozen, engrossed by his father's words.
"He never trusted me. And after the death of your mother, his daughter, he hated me. He didn't tell me your story as an act of kindness, he did it out of spite, to hurt me as I hurt him. He did it to remind me of what I did to your mother, how my callousness took her from him and you. How my selfishness and weakness, led me to abandon you."
For the first time during this exchange, Kakashi saw emotion flicker across his father's face and saw the pain that laid beneath his exterior.
"He did it to remind me that for every one of your accomplishments, I should have been there to praise you. For every one of your failings, I should have been there to pick you up. For every moment of joy you held, I should have been there to celebrate it with you. For every moment you suffered, I should have been there to comfort you. In my own moment of selfishness and weakness, I took the easy way out and you paid the price. Every great deed, every accomplishment, you completed was done in spite of what I had done. That you had grown into a truly magnificent shinobi, and an even better person, without me and despite the harm I did… I failed you Kakashi. I failed you as a father."
Kakashi's brain almost cease functioning. This wasn't the proud shinobi he remembered. This wasn't the indomitable figure he remembered from his childhood. This wasn't the ideal that he strove for in his adolescence. This wasn't the man he once called father. Before him sat a broken man, crushed by his regrets and incapable of even meeting his own son's gaze.
What could he feel in this situation? Pity? The man before him was once a feared and powerful shinobi, known across the continent, and now he is a mere shadow of his once great self. Anger? This man had let his grief consume him and had left him alone to survive the cruel shinobi world, to face its dangers from every corner. Sorrow? He had been driven down a dark path by his losses and ultimately chose to end it to escape his pain, something Kakashi was intimately familiar with.
All these emotions boiled in his head, as he struggled to deal with this impossible encounter and the emotional baggage it dredged up.
How long had passed? Hours? Days? He couldn't tell, in a place without time did such a thing truly matter. Eventually, his emotions settled and with that, he knew what he was going to do.
"I forgive you, dad."
Whatever Sakumo had been expecting, that certainly hadn't been it. His eyes quickly shot up, meeting his son's eye for the first time in over twenty years, unable to contain his surprise.
"I forgive you, dad… While I can't speak for how I would have turned out had you been around, I can say that who I am today is partially due to having you leave my life. Despite the hardship I faced, I learned to grow as a person and I think I'm for the better because of it. So as much as I am sure I would have loved to have you in my life, I know that who I am today is in due in some part to your absence… When I was younger I had always strived to be like you, to be someone you would be proud of and that could be strong like you. I realize now that making myself be like you made me something was not. That I should not aim to be like you, I should aim to be better than you, to surpass you as much as I can."
The words passed through Kakashi's lips without thought, letting his heart speak for him. His father sat still, completely focused on his words, his face a turmoil of emotions.
"I still have ways to go, but I know that someday I will surpass you, and hopefully I can pass what I learned from this to my own children."
The soft crackle of the fire was the only sound as both men held each other's gaze, attempting to read the other and divine their intent. Eventually, a soft smile graced the elder Hatake's face.
"I think you're further ahead than you think… I am so proud of you and who you have become. I wish I could say more but it looks like our time together is ending. You must go back"
In response to Kakashi's look of confusion, Sakumo pointed directly above Kakashi's head. A small ray of light was shining down from above, slowly illuminating Kakashi's form.
"What about you? Are you just going to say here?"
A soft chuckle escaped Sakumo's lips.
"I once encountered a holy man from some distance corner of the world. He told me of fire and brimstone, and how the only salvation would be found in his god's grace. He was no different from any other priest I've ever met but he appears to have gotten one thing correct. Those that take their own lives will be condemned to an eternity in limbo, the black abyss, until those that they abandon find forgiveness in their heart, only then will they pass onto the pure land."
Kakashi's form began to fade into the light and slowly he began to feel life return to his form.
"Then why are you still here! I forgave you! Go on to the pure land and meet mom!"
Sakumo's features morphed into a sullen smile.
"There is still one person whose forgiveness still need… I believe that those that wander limbo are not kept here by force, but by the burden of their regret. Until they learn to forgive themselves for their selfish actions, they cannot pass on and join their loved ones. Until we meet again Kakashi. Live well."
With those final words, the last of Kakashi's features disappeared into the light, and with that, the light immediately vanished into the darkness. Only Sakumo and the campfire remain. The sole light in the darkness of limbo.
