Title: Fall Down or Fly
Author: Pinkcat4569
Rating: G
Character: Jess, slight Jess/Becker (not in a relationship)
Description: Jess struggles with the strain the ARC puts on her everyday life. (Not as heavy as it sounds!) Two prompts were used: Fall Down or Fly song by Lindi Ortega; inner struggles of character
Author Notes:Written For Secret Santa 2013 at Primeval Denial for Dreamer_98
Disclaimer: I don't own Primeval, the characters, the song Fall Down or Fly, or the lyrics. I write only for fun.
4774 words, not including song lyrics. Split into two parts. 2526 words, part one.
Lyrics from "Fall Down or Fly," by Lindi Ortega
"This is your life, you can fall down or fly, you can burn out or shine if you want. This is your life, you can live it or die, you can quit now or try if you want, but don't you give up."
Fall Down or Fly, part one
"And I told her, 'I just select the styles. I'm the buyer. It's your job to approve the prices and follow up on shipping.' After all, what's an assistant for?"
"Oh, Fiona," said the others, laughing and shaking their heads.
Jess and three of her friends were gathered at a small club. It had been so long since she joined them for a mates' night out.
'Since I've been able to,' she thought.
This time though she made it. She was finally relaxing and having a night away from the drama of the ARC. She sat, demurely sipping her cocktail. She looked at her friend Fiona, tall and breathtaking with dark black hair, cool gray eyes and the reddest lips even without lipstick.
She had been a model, and now, thanks to that experience she was a buyer for a large fashion boutique. No wonder Jess liked her.
"That dress is beautiful," Jess said suddenly.
Fiona basked in the attention. Glancing down at the metallic and purple dress that hugged her stately physique. Jess wanted it, so it was short of course.
"Is it from the boutique?"
"It will be," Fiona said with a blinding smile. "Sorry though ladies, it won't be for sale until next season."
"Boo!" cried Jess.
The others threw pretzels and popcorn at Fiona. She just giggled and ducked. "Perks of the profession!"
Jess frowned. 'I should have gone into Fashion,' she thought. 'My only job perks are access to prehistoric or future animals.'
Fiona went back to her complaining. "Lack of communication," she said. "There just isn't any in the office! I mean, I tell the assistants one thing and then others don't follow through. How do we continue to dress London fashionably with no communication?"
Jess giggled out loud. Communication problems? She dealt with them every second of the day it seemed and no offense to Fiona, but her friend had no clue what serious communication problems were.
Take last Monday. Becker and the team were chasing some future type of beaver mutant. The things had adapted their fierce chewing ability to carnivorous life. They were leaner and ran bloody fast.
Jess was trying to keep all five members of the team safe and alert, which was hard because the Beaver buggers were hard to keep track of. Suddenly Becker and Abby disappeared from her screen.
Panic hit. She didn't have time to give in to it though. She had to keep the other three alive. She directed them to the anomaly, verified the position of each and every beaver, and then directed backup teams in.
All while trying not to think about the fates of her best friend and the guy she crushed on horribly.
Thankfully, the two black boxes blinked back to life in the middle of her multi-tasking.
This all led to another issue she had with the ARC: no time to celebrate. She wanted to hug Abby and kiss the heck out of Becker, but they downplayed the whole incident. Plus she was still busy coordinating the mop up, updating the creature files, creating a story to explain the whole thing, and updating Lester.
Then of course she had to pick up his dry cleaning, re-order his scotch, and call his wife to apologize for missing Opera night.
"Don't get me started on the stupid memos," said Fiona, snapping Jess back from her memories.
"Memos totally suck! I hate them so much!" cried Ling Li. She was about Jess' height, and since she was Asian she had light, smooth skin. She wore her dark hair short, cut at sharp angles. "Mum insists on them. She refuses to live in this century too. If she'd send emails I could just delete the stupid things."
"Why does a restaurant need memos?" asked the third friend, a stunning red-head named Shandi. She wasn't as done up as the rest. She wore more casual clothes and her hair in a braid down her back.
"Don't ask me," said Ling Li. "I guess it's one way a tyrant asserts control."
Jess giggled. "Shame on you. So what do you do with them?"
Ling Li grinned. "I wad them up and play bin ball when I'm bored." She smirked. "I guess I don't hate them completely."
Jess giggled. "I wish I could do that. My boss has a great view of my station from his office unfortunately. He spends too many of his oversized words making his memos. He'd freak if I threw them out in front of him."
"You poor thing!" cried Ling Li. "You have to vent!"
Fiona eyed Jess. "Your boss, he's not a pervert, is he?"
Jess spit out her mouthful. They all 'ewed' and giggled. "Sorry!" she cried, mopping her mouth. "No, he's not!"
"Good, because some bosses have too great a view," Fiona said.
"Is the boutique owner still chasing you?" asked Shandi.
"Yes. I'm running out of excuses. He just doesn't get that I'm not interested! I really love this job too," she said, absently posing in her free dress.
"Is that why you do all his errands?" asked Ling Li.
"Obviously. That man has me doing more things that aren't in my job description than are!"
"Oh, my gosh! My boss does too!" cried Jess. "I run to the cleaners so much they know my name!"
Fiona raised her glass and they pity-toasted each other. "I don't know what exactly you do, though," she said, sipping, "but it can't be worse than my boss."
Jess stopped laughing. She sighed. Fiona could be a drama diva.
"Every food truck vender in the district knows me by sight!" cried the ex-model.
They all laughed. Jess smiled politely.
"I swear I run to the post daily. I'm like, can't you handle that online or something? Ever hear of email?"
Jess giggled slightly.
"And I swear, if I have to go to one more cigar shop for those smelly things, he's going to get a whole bucket of nicotine gum for Christmas!"
Jess had to laugh at that. Though, she was annoyed. Fiona thought she had it bad. Jess ran as many errands if not more for Lester. Actually, he wasn't a bad boss at all. He certainly loved to shout and 'fire' her. She found it all funny. She swore he was absolutely addicted to sarcasm.
It was the other 'bosses,' she had major problems with: government types, military brass, and other snooty people. Last month they had an incursion of prehistoric insects at a Government sponsored conservationist park. The headaches for Jess were huge. Lester was on her back because the park's board of trustees, several ministers, and a load of conservationists were all on his back.
She'd gone through no less than twelve chocolate bars that day.
Jess looked at Fiona. She bit her tongue. It took all her strength not to say, "Try handling about twenty bosses all at once, Fiona, and then we'll talk." Instead, she just smiled.
"At least he's not your mum," said Ling Li, causing Fiona to spew.
"Thankfully!"
They all giggled.
"I can't do anything right!" cried Ling Li, "She's way harder on me than anyone else in the restaurant!"
"Of course, you're her baby. She expects more out of you," said Shandi.
"It's not fair," said Ling Li, "and there is just no pleasing her. I should quit. Really. I have no time away from the woman! She knows everything I do, everyone I talk to. She's with me all the time. It's like...I have no life, no secrets from her. I hate it!"
They were all silent.
Jess felt awful, but...she envied Ling Li, in a way. Jess' family had no idea what she did for a living. If they did, they'd worry constantly. Her father would probably forbid her to ever step foot in the ARC again. Her mum would just cry. Lord, if they knew the number of times she nearly died!
Jess shuddered. She wished she had no secrets. She wished her mum could chat with her about Becker, try to help her figure him out.
Jess chuckled sadly at the thought. 'Not even mum could figure him out.'
"I'm sorry," said Ling Li, nearly crying. "She just makes me so mad! Sometimes I feel like...I hate her." Tears started to come.
Jess fought them too. Would her family hate her? When and if they found out about the ARC and her...secrets, what would they think?
"She's amazing. She's kept the restaurant going by herself. Most of her family is in another country. She deserves better. I'm an awful daughter."
Jess wiped a tear. She felt guilty for wishing her family knew how dangerous her job at the ARC was so they could comfort her.
"Don't be silly, L.L," said Fiona, putting an arm around her and pulling her into a hug. "You're fab."
Shandi nodded. "You're being too hard on yourself. It's not easy to work with family."
Jess smiled, pushing back tears. "Right, absolutely." She felt more guilt at thinking, 'you should be grateful she's such a large part of your life.' Then she stopped. "Family is never easy. Never."
Ling Li smiled back and nodded. "Sorry to get us all so depressed."
"No," said Fiona, "It's girl's night. We have to talk about things that bother us."
They all nodded. Jess took a bigger sip. She didn't have that luxury.
Shandi took a big gulp of her drink.
"Uh-oh," said Fiona. "What's up?"
Shandi smiled uncomfortably. "Nothing."
They all exchanged glances.
"No you don't," said Fiona. "Out with it."
"It's too depressing."
Jess smiled sadly. She took Shandi's hand. "If you can talk about it, and it might make you feel better, than you should."
Shandi smiled gratefully.
"Besides we're getting drunk. We can take it," said Fiona.
"Well.." began Shandi. "It's Ollie. He's always on my case. I spend too much time at work. I never cook anymore. I get home too late. I miss too many of the kids' functions. Argh!"
Jess looked at her with sympathy. "It's hard. I mean, I'm not married of course, and I don't have kids but...life...is hard. "
Shandi nodded. "I know I don't spend enough time at home, but it isn't my idea! I have to work, don't I?"
Jess nodded. She understood. Some days she didn't get home til the next day. Personal time? Forget it. She didn't have time to read a trashy romance novel let alone go on a date. She might never have someone in her life.
Shandi cried a little. "I love him. I do. Of course I love the kids. There is nothing more important to me than them. Ollie makes me feel like a bad mum."
Jess was blinking back tears, not just for Shandi but for herself and the life she didn't have. Shandi's life, even with the trouble, looked good in comparison.
"What am I supposed to do?" asked Shandi. "I don't want to quit. Besides we can't afford it. We're barely managing on two of us working." She wiped her eyes. "I don't want to...break up. I want us all together. I can't bare the thought of the kids and...divorce."
Jess held Shandi's hand as she sobbed. Ling Li was still. Even Fiona had nothing to say.
Jess said softly, "I'm so sorry, Shandi."
She sympathized. She thought of the whole mess with New Dawn that nearly tore Abby and Connor apart. It was heart wrenching to watch.
They got through it though. They were getting married. Watching them make up, the smiles, the hand holding, the kisses. It made her ache with envy. She felt so jealous when Emily and Matt stole moments brazenly at work, ignoring Lester's cries of employee fraternization.
Not having a relationship made her want one even more. She sighed. Becker tried to keep his distance, but sometimes she was certain he cared for her, and more than just as a friend. Then he would pull away.
Maybe it was for the best, she thought, looking at Shandi's tears.
Everyone was somber. Ling Li patted her back. Fiona said men were jerks and ordered her another shot.
Finally Shandi stopped crying. She took the new drink and drank it down. "I warned you," she said with a chuckle.
"We weren't much help," said Jess.
"No, you were. You listened. I needed that. You can't fix my life. No one can but me."
The others nodded.
'We all have problems,' thought Jess. Of course, not everyone's problems consisted of things that could eat you in one bite.
Now Fiona was talking about jerk co-workers. "Then there's the new girl. I swear she's after my job."
The others chuckled.
"You always think that," said Ling Li.
"I am the best."
Jess giggled. OK, yes she was confident about her abilities too, but Fiona took things to the extreme.
"She's always watching me. I come back and she's by my computer, looking at the screen."
Jess giggled. "Fiona! If I got mad every time someone looked at my computer screens I'd be angry every second of the day!"
The others laughed. They knew Jess was in the computer sciences.
"She has no business looking, Jess! Besides, it's always when I'm looking at designs. She doesn't know what to order so she's trying to steal my brilliance!"
"Fiona, you're a fashion buyer," said Shandi. "Aren't you always looking at designs?"
Ling Li choked on a sip while Jess laughed.
"I'm serious! I'm tempted to put in a fake order for a bunch of ugly outfits to see if the little hussy copies me."
They burst out laughing.
"You would!" cried Ling Li. "Wouldn't you?"
"You bet I would! Except I have a rep to protect. What if it got out somehow? What if whoever sold the hideous thing logged my time on their site and noticed my interest in that horrible design? They can do that, right, Jess?"
"Sure, but so what?"
"So what? Jeez, Jess! So a lot of things: they could bombard my email with dozens of other hideous designs. Or let other designers know I liked it. They'd send me hideous things or worse: they'd think I lost my stellar taste and stop contacting me completely!"
The table all laughed.
"You're some support!"
"We're...sorry," said Ling Li, laughing.
"You lot just don't understand the pressures of my job."
Jess had her mouth covered, giggling. "No, obviously we don't."
"You're just lucky no one is after your job, Jess. It's too nerdy."
"Fiona, Jess works in some secret government thing," said Shandi, "You don't know what her job is."
"None of us do," said Ling Li.
Fiona huffed. "It can't be very exotic. It's computer related."
Jess giggled. "You're right and it's not. I just...sit all day, watching monitors." She smiled innocently.
End of Part One
