A/N: in the spirit of Toy Story of Terror or Toy Story That Time Forgot, I'm writing my own adventure, this is set two years after Toy Story 2. Woody, Buzz, Jessie, and friends go up against none other than the terrors of the sea themselves: vikings.
I don't own Toy Story or it's characters. The characters belonging to The Vikings of Strangerock are mine and are loosely based off of the 80s franchise He-Man and the Masters of the Universe.
The Reign of Vikings
"I told you that dinosaur documentary wasn't gonna have a happy ending." Hamm said to Rex as the green dinosaur toy moped in front of the TV after a disappointing end to his selection for TV watching. "This sour mood could have been avoided if we hadda just played a video game like I suggested." The piggy bank looked up to the dinosaur. "Ahh cheer up, Rex, it's Saturday morning, 11:30, you know what that means?"
"It's time for a new episode of Buzz Lightyear of Star Command!" Rex exclaimed, jumping out of his sour mood at the thought. Hamm immediately changed the channel to the cartoon station to catch their show. Hearing Rex's excitement, more toys started to gather round the TV.
"Must be nice actually getting to watch your show, Buzz." Sheriff Woody joked as he, Buzz, Bo, and Jessie joined the crowd around the TV. "I never even heard about my show until forty some years after it was cancelled."
"Gather 'round everyone! Grandpa's telling a story!" Jessie exclaimed, taunting the sheriff.
"You're as old as I am, Jess." Woody reminded her.
"Yeah, but I don't act it." She winked.
"It's all part of your charm, sheriff." Bo said softly, looking up at Woody with her big blue eyes.
"Quiet! It's time!" Rex exclaimed. The gang silenced and looked at the TV, but instead of the regularly scheduled programming, another cartoon's theme started to play.
"What in the..." Buzz murmured in response.
"Is today the premier!?" Rex exclaimed. "Oh my goodness, I can't contain my excitement!"
"What is this?" Buzz asked.
"It's the premier of the first ever 3D computer animated Saturday morning cartoon." Hamm explained as the Celtic rock style theme blared. "The Vikings of Strangerock."
"The Vikings of Strangerock?" Buzz asked, tilting his head quizzically.
"Three vikings fighting all sorts of monsters and creatures, accompanied by their trusty dragon!" Rex exclaimed. "There's Vlad, a stout and gruff mechanical genius who builds all sorts of weaponry. Valkyrie, a ruthless viking woman with a giant mechanical claw for a right hand!"
"Why on earth would a viking have a mechanical claw? And I know for sure vikings didn't have laser pistols." Woody remarked, scoffing at the absurdity of the show.
"Who cares!? It's awesome!" Rex exclaimed. "Last but not least is Sven! The rough, tough, and outrageously buff leader!"
"My my... This all seems... certainly very interesting." Bo, who was easily the most timid and passive of the toys remarked, at a loss for anything else to say.
"They're all hardly wearing clothes!" Woody exclaimed. "Children are the audience for this!?"
"A lot has changed since 1957, gramps." Mr. Potato Head spoke up.
"Senseless violence, mindless action, and near nudity are all the rage." Hamm reasoned, adding onto his friend's remark.
"What happened to my show?" Buzz asked.
"According to the TV guide it was moved to another slot." Hamm flipped through the TV guide. "Ehh... ah, here we are. 12:30."
"12:30!? That's when kids are eating lunch!" Buzz exclaimed.
"Oh ho, is Buzz Lightyear getting jealous?" Woody smirked, nudging his best friend.
"Don't worry, I'll tell Andy's new Vikings of Strangerock toys all about you after you've been sold off at next month's yard sale." Potato Head chuckled.
"C'mon, don't even joke about that." Woody said sternly. "We lost the Toddle Tots and Troikas just two weeks ago."
"There's a line, Potato Head." Bo nodded, standing to the side of her boyfriend. "Don't worry Buzz, for all you know, they haven't even made toys of these... brutes." She assured Buzz. Before Buzz or anyone could say anything, Slinky Dog, who was sitting at the door, spoke up.
"Places y'all! Andy's coming!" Slinky yelled out, the group cluttered around the TV quickly turned off the show and ran to their places they last were when Andy left the room. Andy threw open the door and plopped down on his bed, house phone in hand.
"Really? The whole set? No way!" Andy exclaimed. "Yeah, I can make it. I'll be right over Pete!" He said as he hung up The phone. He immediately grabbed his backpack and started placing toys in. Woody, Buzz, Jessie, Bo, Rex, and Hamm. What all of them couldn't help but notice was Andy was humming the them to the cartoon they had just watched. Between that and his conversation with his friend about having the "whole set", they knew what was coming couldn't be good.
"We're here." Buzz muttered after Andy dropped his backpack on the floor of his friend Pete's room. "Bumpy landing."
"It's like sometimes he forgets some of us are more delicate than others." Bo murmured. "I'm okay though."
"What's going on out there?" Jessie asked, pressing her ear to the small hole in Andy's backpack.
"Wow! They're all huge!" They heard Andy exclaim.
"Yeah, this one's even taller than your cowboy. Probably ten times tougher too." Pete remarked. "Speaking of which, who'd you bring?" Andy unzipped his backpack and pulled Buzz and Woody out first.
"The usual unstoppable duo, Woody and Buzz Lightyear. Then there's Jessie, Rex, Hamm, and Bo Peep for the damsel in distress." Andy said.
"You still carry around that porcelain doll?" Pete remarked. "Come on."
"We need a damsel, don't we?" Andy reasoned.
"Fair enough." Pete shrugged. "Here they are." He set the three action figures down before Andy. "Sven: legendary warrior, Valkyrie: baroness with snapping claw action, and Vlad: gruff and tough mechanical wiz." The three action figures were huge. The leader, Sven, stood two inches taller than Woody, Valkyrie was Woody's height at sixteen inches, and Vlad, who was the shorter of the bunch, was still twelve inches tall, reasonably big for an action figure.
"Wow." Andy breathed.
"And last but not least... their loyal dragon: Volcanicus!" Pete exclaimed, setting the tall dragon figure with the vikings, the dragon was over a foot tall and nearly three feet long. An absolute beast of a toy. Woody, Buzz, and the others prayed that this wasn't going to be a "versus" style playtime. Before they'd find out their answer, Pete's mom called.
"Pete, Andy! Lunch time!" She called.
"Coming!" Pete called as he and Andy bolted out of the room, leaving the toys alone.
"Here we go." Buzz murmured. "Greetings, I am Buzz Lightyear, we come in peace." He stepped toward the toys. The three vikings said nothing, just eyed up the spaceman and the other toys.
"He looks kind of like you, Sven. If you were short, bald, and fat." Valkyrie chuckled a bit.
"No need to throw around insults. We're all toys here." Woody said as he stepped forward.
"Speak for yourself, we're the-" Sven began.
"The Vikings of Strangerock!" Rex exclaimed. "Only the leading cast of the hottest new Saturday morning cartoon on the western hemisphere! Well, actually your show is from and animated in Switzerland, but I looked up the ratings and it seemed that..." Rex started to trail off while the three vikings sized him up.
"He's the biggest of the bunch." Vlad, a stout viking action figure with a big red beard remarked. "He's pretty dumb, but that could be used to our advantage... with any luck, he may just help us send a message to the inhabitants of this area.
"Brilliant plan!" Sven, the tallest of them all with plastic molded black hair grinned. "Lizard, perhaps you might like to join us in training, we could teach you how to be a real viking." He offered.
"Really!?" Rex grinned. "Count me in!" He jumped.
"Ehh... Rex?" Hamm asked.
"Valkyrie, why don't you... escort our guests to where they'll be staying." Sven ordered as he, Vlad, Volcanicus, and Rex walked off. Valkyrie looked at the remaining toys with a sadistic grin and snapped her claw.
"Let's go, toys." Valkyrie snarled. Before the toys knew it, they were backed into a far corner of Pete's room with the other toys of Pete's and an empty laundry basket was dropped on top of them.
"Hey!" Jessie remarked. "What's the big idea!?"
"The big idea is that you all being held until further notice. This is a strange new land for our crew, and we're sending a message that we're not to be trifled with." Valkyrie explained.
"We weren't exactly planning on trifling with you." Woody replied.
"How do you plan on sending this message?" Bo asked.
"Destruction and violence perhaps?" Woody crossed his arms.
"That's exactly how." Valkyrie nodded. "By eliminating the toughest looking of your crew, this will deter anyone else here from messing with us."
"Eliminating?" Bo asked. "What do you mean, eliminating?"
"I think I know very well what she means, they're gonna off Rex!" Hamm exclaimed.
"Astute observation, pig." Valkyrie replied.
"You monster!" Jessie hollered. "What gives you the right to be so rotten? You're all nothing but a bunch a bullies!"
"You'd better watch it before I say we make an example out of you too, miss." Valkyrie sneered. "Cloth is far easier to tarnish than plastic."
"If you hurt anyone in this family, I'm gonna..." Woody began.
"You'll what, sheriff?" Valkyrie replied. "Please, don't make me laugh with whatever threat you have in store. The fact any of you think you have a fighting chance against any of us is humorous enough."
"Why do you feel the need to be so mean?" Bo asked. "None of us wanted to hurt you, all you want to do is prove you have power over us."
"Everybody, hear me out, now this may sound crazy, but maybe they don't know they're toys." Buzz suggested.
"Really?" Woody arched his brow.
"I know I'm a toy, Lunar Larry." Valkyrie rolled her eyes. "Trust me, it's evident." She said, turning her back to reveal a switch on her back that controlled her play feature, the claw on her arm. Then when she turned she pressed the button on her belt.
"I am Valkyrie, maker of your annihilation! Hiiiiya!" Her voicebox said in response to the press of her button.
"Not exactly the qualities of the real article, huh?" Valkyrie remarked. "Sven and Vlad still haven't caught on. I guess that's just my female intuition." She quipped.
"Some catch on a little slower." Woody couldn't help but chuckle.
"So just tell us this, if you know you're a toy, why are you going along with them? Why do you insist on bullying the meek?" Bo asked.
"Meek?" Buzz arched his brow. "I'm not meek."
"I don't see you breaking us outta this laundry basket." Hamm spoke up to Buzz.
"Listen, porcelain princess, what else am I gonna do if I drop this act?" Valkyrie asked. "I'm still a viking, a big, strong, brutish, ugly viking." She said, she seemed to have said more than she intended to, as she started to trail off almost in a form of self reflection.
"Gee, who else went into a little fit of moping just like this?" Woody nudged Buzz. "I'm starting to think this is more common than just your franchise."
"Valkyrie," Bo murmured, reaching her hand through the basket to hold Valkyrie's hand. "None of us can control how we're made, do you think I always enjoy being made so delicate?"
"I can't imagine." Valkyrie remarked. "You'd be utterly useless in a combat situation." She scoffed.
"That's not my point," Bo shrugged off her demeaning remark. "My point is even though we can't control how we're made or how our kid plays with us, we can still choose how we act. You may be built to be brash, but you don't have to use that strength for terrorizing people because that's your character, what makes you Valkyrie is a gift, you should use it wisely." Buzz and Woody exchanged looks and approving nods. Bo and her cowboy were certainly a perfect pair.
"And what happens when my friends turn on me?" Valkyrie asked. "They aren't going to be thrilled if all of a sudden I stop being a viking, they could turn on me."
"That's where we come in, we can help." Buzz said. "The sheriff, Jessie, and I have gotten through our fair share of confrontation. Even Hamm here has proven he's tougher than he looks."
"Despite what it looks like, I am made from a highly durable plastic, the ceramic look comes from multiple coats of gloss." Hamm nodded. Valkyrie looked away and sighed before turning back to the group and lifting the laundry basket off of them.
"I'm not saying I have a lot of faith in any of you being a match for them, but if I'm going to do this, I'll need all the help I can get." Valkyrie reasoned as she released them.
"Thank you." Bo smiled.
"Thanks, Val." Jessie grinned, shaking the action figure's hand.
"Don't call me Val." Valkyrie quickly replied. "Your friend has been taken to the chute of laundry, if we hurry, we'll get to him before it's too late." She said, leading Andy's toys out into the hall.
"This is a test, lizard man," Sven explained as they looked down the laundry chute. "A true viking will survive this leap of faith without a scratch." He explained to Rex. "He... won't, right?" He leaned over to Vlad.
"There's a spinning blade situated at the bottom of the chute." Vlad answered quietly. It was a desk fan. "Survival is unlikely."
"Excellent." Sven grinned. "Go on, lizard man, fulfill your destiny!" Before Rex could jump, he heard his friends calling his name.
"Rex!" Woody hollered.
"Don't do it! It's a trap!" Jessie yelled.
"Valkyrie! what have you done!?" Sven yelled. "Why have they escaped?"
"They didn't escape, I freed them." Valkyrie replied. "I'm done taking orders from you, Sven. I'm done using my strength to terrorize those who've done nothing to deserve it!"
"Aha, it's treason then." Sven remarked, jumping down from where he stood to face Valkyrie. "So it shall be you taking the lizard's place in the fall of certain doom."
"Oh shut up." Valkyrie huffed. "That's a laundry chute and a desk fan."
"The wench lies!" Vlad hollered. "These foreigners have gotten to her, sullied her mind with these lies."
"Oh, both of you are insufferable." Valkyrie rolled her eyes. She grabbed Sven by the waist with her claw and pressed the button on his belt.
"Vikings of Strangerock, go forth and conquer!" His voice chip chanted.
"You are not a viking. You are not a conqueror. You are a TOY!" Valkyrie hollered. Buzz looked up at Woody and gave him a playful nudge to his side.
"Where have I heard that one before?" Buzz chuckled.
"Don't listen to her, Sven. You are a viking, her mind has been tainted by these deviants." Vlad insisted.
"I'm gonna take out his batteries and roll them under the bed if he doesn't pipe down." Hamm murmured.
"Valkyrie, if we are not vikings, we are nothing." Sven insisted, clearly the thought of abandoning all that he knew scared him.
"Let Peter decide that." Valkyrie said.
"I can assure you life as a toy offers a lot more fulfillment than pillaging and plundering." Buzz nodded. "Of course, I've never done either, I can only assume." He shrugged.
"It'll be alright, I'm sure of it." Valkyrie said to Sven. Sven was silent for a moment, then he raised his hand and waved over his dragon, Volcanicus.
"Come, noble dragon, let us return to Lord Peter's room." He said to the beast.
"What!? No!" Vlad exclaimed. "Sven, come back here!"
"Rex, c'mon." Hamm waved.
"Coming!" Rex turned effectively knocking Vlad off his footing and causing him to fall into the chute. "Uh oh..." He whimpered.
"It's a twelve foot chute and a desk fan, he'll get a scratch at worst." Woody reassured Rex. "Who knows? Maybe the fall will be enough to knock some sense into him."
"Hopefully." Valkyrie shook her head a bit as the group walked back to the room. "Um, you, meek and delicate shepherdess." She said to Bo, getting her attention.
"Hm?" Bo nodded.
"Thanks." Valkyrie said. "For helping me come to my senses." She added.
"Oh, you're very welcome, Valkyrie." Bo smiled. "Thank you for listening." She added. "For the record, however, friends tend to call each other by their actual names." She spoke up. "Call me Bo."
"Alright, Bo." Valkyrie nodded with a smile.
Less than a minute after the toys returned to the room, Pete and Andy burst through the door, ready for play. This was the first playtime for the vikings, and as Woody, Buzz, and the rest expected, they enjoyed it very much. They didn't even want their new friends to leave when it was time to go.
"Wooden Sheriff, Buzz of Lightyears, do return one day." Sven said courteously to the toys in the backpack when Andy and Peter stepped out for a brief moment.
"We'll do our best." Woody nodded, tipping his hat.
"And Lizard man! Dearest apologies for trying to push you down the fall of certain doom." Sven apologized to Rex.
"Are you kidding? It was exhilarating! Terrifying, yet exhilarating!" Rex exclaimed.
"Ill be happy when we're back home and the exhilarating factor is kept to a minimum." Hamm remarked.
"I sure hope Bullseye comes along next time, then I'd have a steed to put your dragon to the test!" Jessie exclaimed.
"So long, Valkyrie, hopefully we meet again soon." Bo smiled, shaking the hand of her new friend.
"I hope so too, farewell Bo." Valkyrie smiled, the last of the goodbyes said moments before Andy came into the room and took his backpack.
Once Andy got home, he set his backpack down and took the toys out, placing them on the floor by the bed before ducking out, and as soon as the door closed, And's room sprung to life.
"If I ever see that viking show again, it'll be too soon." Hamm bemoaned. "Seeing it is one thing, but living it!"
"You can say that again." Jessie nodded.
"I don't know, I enjoyed myself, what about you, Wooden Sheriff?" Buzz taunted his friend with the nickname given by Sven.
"Ha ha. Hilarious." Woody rolled his eyes before shaking his head fondly. He glanced over at Bo, a smile on his face. "Hey you." He slipped her smaller hand into his. "You did a great job today, with Valkyrie. I don't really think I could have done it any better myself."
"Thanks Sheriff." Bo smiled, resting her head on Woody's shoulder. "Though, I gotta say, if this is what an average Sheriff Woody and Buzz Lightyear adventure entails, forgive me for sitting out of the next one." She sighed of exhaustion. "I do hope we see them again soon."
"I'm sure we will Bo." Woody nodded. "Now, what do you say you and I have one of our average Sheriff Woody and Bo Peep adventures?" He asked with a grin.
"An old western cuddled up on a pillow? I'll always embark on that adventure." Bo grinned, kissing her sheriff's cheek.
