Gintoki has never regretted his white, wavy hair until this very moment. Most days, he never minded the attention, relished it, in fact. But when his hair made him stick like a sore thumb and allow a police officer to chase after him every five minutes, he hated his silver, shining hair.

His silver hair was once his trademark, deeming him "Shiroyasha," or the White Demon on the battlefield. The contrast of blood against the white of his hair and pale skin was a sight to behold. Throughout the long war, the silver-haired samurai was one of the greatest rebel leaders, but that was a time long since past.

Now with a country overrun with too many Amantos to kill, he adopted a new way of life. He had lost too much in the war, and he didn't want to lose anything like that again. He was completely fine lounging around pachinko parlors, barely making enough money for food, and ending up shitfaced in a some pissed-filled alleyway. That was his life. He was completely fine with it, regardless of what that old hag Otose said about it.

But everything changed when the bastard Zura barreled back into his life. It had been years since he had since his comrade. Not since the day he had swung his sword for the last time in the Joui War.

That long-haired bastard had dragged Gintoki into a scheme that blew his life-style into smithereens. Literally. Gintoki had unknowingly delivered a package to the Amanto Embassy that had turned out to be a fucking bomb. Now he shot up right next to Zura on the "Most Wanted Terrorist List."

Luckily, Gintoki's wasn't captured on camera since he had been wearing a face mask and sunglasses, but his white hair certainly was. Now wherever he went-a convenience store, a bar, or even his beloved pachinko parlor-someone would report him to the police.

This series of unfortunate events led us to this moment, as once again, Gintoki was dodging the cops, meandering through the streets of Edo. Luckily enough for him, he knew this area like the back of his hand. But the cops were pushing him further and further out of his comfort zone. Before long, he found himself running past the outskirts of his familiar city into a forested area. Hopefully he would have a better time hiding in the trees than in the streets of Edo.

The silver-haired samurai climbed the nearest tree when he heard the telltale signs of footsteps. The police were fast on his tracks. But Lady Luck finally seemed to be on his side today. A large delivery truck was coming up the road and if Gin timed it right, he could climb to the branch hanging over the road and hope onto the vehicle in a heartbeat.

One. Two. THREE. Gin landed onto the metal surface with a heavy thud, but the driver was listening to his radio too fervently, headbanging to the idol, Otsu-chan's, new single. Suddenly the truck came to a stop and Gintoki's heart dropped. Fear sank into his chest as he heard a couple of the same police officers stop the delivery truck.

"Excuse me, sir. Have you seen a silver-haired man in this area?"

The driver shook his head.

"Where are you headed off to?"

"I have a delivery to the Hijikata manor. If this doesn't arrive by the end of the day, my boss will have my ass."

The cop nodded. "Would it be alright if we opened the back of your truck to check?"

"Go right ahead, officer."

The men opened the metal doors to the truck, but the only thing inside was a wooden box that was nailed shut. The inspector tried to pry the top off for good measure, but it held shut. There was no way the silver-haired fugitive could have possibly entered into the wooden box between now and the last time he was seen on foot. Right before the officer swung the doors close, Gintoki slipped in. He mentally slapped himself on the back for such an expert, sneaky move. Perhaps he should look into training as a ninja after this.

Satisfied, the officers sent the delivery driver on his merry way. Gintoki released the breath he had been holding. Didn't they have better things to do than chase after him day after day? If this was where his taxes was going, he was hella pissed. Granted, he didn't pay taxes, but if he did, he'd still be pissed.

Gintoki kicked the large wooden box. It eerily reminded him of a coffin. Curious, he pried the top open with his bokken and almost screamed bloody murder. It WAS a fucking metal coffin as a circular glass window featured a sleeping, lifeless head. The box opened without warning and steam came hissing out of it like a mechanical trap.

Gintoki couldn't help but look at the deceased with a morbid fascination. The body was dressed in formal wear as if it had dropped dead at a gala. Actually, upon further inspection, Gintoki found something inexplicably inhuman about it. Even a dead human had something this odd "thing" lacked. Gintoki pushed back his fear and poked the face only to find the synthetic feel of silicone beneath his fingertip. Wait, looking at the packaging, he noticed that its body laid indented into styrofoam to protect it from damaging during the delivery.

After poking around for a bit, he found an instruction manual with the title "YOROZUYA-G1010: The Revolutionary Robot Butler." Reading further into the description, it said: "Thank you for purchasing our product. We guarantee your satisfaction! The YOROZUYA-G1010 has been programmed with the ability to do over 10,000 tasks, making it the unique Jack-of-All-Trades in our series of robots. The Revolutionary Robot Butler can do anything from household chores to blah, blah, blah," Gintoki finished boredly.

It was basically a robotic slave. The man who never had more than 1000 yen to his name rolled his eyes. This is the kind of shit rich people spent their money on?

A crazy idea came to mind. The craziest idea he'd had since trying to counterfeit pachinko balls. What if he were to take this robot's place as a butler and lie low for a bit? He could pretend to be a robot butler for a couple of days. How hard could it be? Just listen to a couple commands, maybe "accidentally" malfunction, and get sent back to Edo for repairs. Gintoki knows that the entire city of Edo put up a perimeter block to capture him and Zura, so getting back while the cops were on high alert was next to impossible, and he was tired of constantly being on the run. This wasn't his worst plan. Plus this robot looked pretty lifelike. If this machine could pass for a human, Gintoki could pass for a robot.

His heart set on his plan, he carefully undressed the robot down to its boxers and threw him out of the moving vehicle without remorse. He winced, seeing an arm or leg come flying off as it rolled down into a ravine. Luckily the area was deeply wooded so the robot's remains wouldn't be found for a long time. Let the agents of decay take care of it now.

The uniform fit Gintoki like a glove. It seemed like the robot's physique almost mirrored Gintoki. The only difference was that with all the sugar Gintoki ingested, he had a few extra pounds on him. He gulped down his nervousness and step into the metallic coffin-like box. Even with the butler clothes, it was freezing. His bones were about to freeze solid if he stayed too long within the box. Fortunately, he felt the truck come to a halt. The doors open and before long, the box containing Gintoki was carried to its destination.

Gintoki felt a little sick being manhandled inside the box. Shouldn't these people handle him with more care?! He could distinguish the sound of voices, but it was too muffled to understand anything. After what felt like eternity, he finally felt the box being placed on the ground again.

The wooden top came undone and light shone through the small glass pane atop of him. Hurrah! He was starting to think he'd never see the light of day again. Gintoki was dying of curiosity to see what kind of a person ordered a robot butler. He hoped it was a hot, rich heiress; he wouldn't mind too much to be ordered around by someone like that.

But Gintoki kept his curiosity at bay and called on his samurai training to slow his heartbeat to a rate that rivaled the dead. He absolutely needed to or else he'd be caught.

As the metal lid opened, he heard the rustling of paper, possibly the instruction manual.

"Thank you for purchasing the YOROZUYA-G1010." Gintoki almost jerked in surprise. Oh? It was a man? He couldn't pinpoint the exact age, but the deep timbre of the voice put him anywhere between twenty- and forty-years old. The mysterious man continued reading much of the same product description that Gintoki had read earlier.

"You have bought the special Ultimate model of the YOROZUYA-G1010, which includes special combat features as well as sex features. The Ultimate model comes with a fully working penis-WHAT THE FUCK?"

'WHAT THE FUCK, INDEED!?' mirrored Gintoki mentally, who was inwardly having a meltdown. Did he just end up as another man's robotic sex slave?! Oh dear god, he had voluntarily stepped into the box himself. This was single-handledly the worst escape plan Gintoki had ever been a part of and this was coming from the guy who crawled out of the shit pipes with Zura to escape prison.

The silver-haired man heard the mysterious stranger start pacing and dialing a phone. After three rings, the person on the other end picked up.

"WHAT IN GOD'S HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, SOUGO?!" the male screamed into the receiver.

A calm, unperturbed voice replied on speakerphone, "oh. It seems like you've received your new robot butler."

"WHY ON EARTH DID YOU ORDER IT WITH SEX FEATURES?!" the man yelled, his tone indicating that he was about to lose his mind. Gintoki breathe an inward sigh of relief. So this man hadn't specifically bought a robot with the intent of making a sex slave out of it? Oh thank god this guy wasn't a complete sicko. Gin-san still had his pride, you know-what little left of it.

"You specified you wanted a combat type, right? The sex features automatically comes with it. It was a packaged deal. Just think of it as an extra bonus. You don't have to use the features if you don't want to. I mean, I wouldn't judge you if you did," answered the other person on the other line in a nonchalant tone.

"I'M NOT GOING TO USE THEM!"

Gintoki wanted to plug his ears at this point. Did that man have any other volume than "EXTRA LOUD"?

"I swear, Sougo, if anything weird happens, I'll dismember this robot myself and have Kagura throw each of its pieces into all your windows," the man threatened, enunciating every word to make his warning clear.

Hmm. Maybe his new temporary boss was a psycho after all. Things were not looking too good for Gintoki. But to be fair, did they ever?

The man promptly hung up and let out a sigh of the long-suffering. He continued reading the manual. "Your Revolutionary Robot Butler has come pre-installed with a unique name, appearance, and a personality based on the preferences that you had inputted before you bought this model," the man scoffed. "Knowing Sougo, the bastard probably inputted the worst things to make my life harder with this robot. Why did I think to let him order this for me? God, if I hadn't so busy-gah, whatever. The quicker I turn this on, the quicker I can decide whether or not to return it."

"To turn on your new butler, please give him a k-k-ki-" The man couldn't even finish whatever that last word was supposed to be before he chucked the instruction manual into the fireplace, his ears burning in mortification.

After awhile of listening to the man frantically pace back and forth, Gintoki finally felt the lid to his box opened.

The mysterious man hummed in a tone of assessment. "Not too shabby."

The silver-haired samurai felt like that was a backhanded insult. Not too shabby, his ass. Naturally permed, silver hair that looked like a cloud settled on his head didn't come by to easily, jackass.

The man kneeled down to the box, reaching out to touch Gintoki's cold hand. He was finally close enough now that a strong smell of cigarettes wafted into the robot-imposter's nose. He lifted Gin's hand to turn it over and inspect the back of his hand, running his fingers along his skin. Since Gin's had been in the refrigerator-like box for so long, it was actually pleasant to feel heat on his skin again.

"Wow, it's so lifelike."

'That's because I am alive, you dumbass.' Gintoki felt irked about being repeatedly referred to as "it." It was like he was already losing his humanity.

The man slid his thumb over Gin's wrists and down into his palm, drawing a few circles. Gin used every fiber of his being to hold back a shiver. There was something about the way he had slowly dragged his fingers across Gintoki's skin that felt so intimate. The would-be butler couldn't remember the last time someone had touched him like that. His parents died before he could even say his first words and a war was never the right place for something to share such intimacy.

Before he could contemplate about it anymore, he felt the strange man draw closer. Too close . One hand was still curled around Gintoki's while another seemed to be clutching the edge of the box.

Gintoki felt the warm press of lips upon his cold ones. What the fuck just happened.

Wait.

'K-k-ki-' The word that the man couldn't finish. Was it kiss?! Was Gintoki supposed to wake up now? Like some kind of sleeping beauty? Was his life a fucking shoujo manga? Who the hell was coming up with this shit?!

Oh god. He was already in so deep. Might as well play completely along.

Slowly, Gintoki commanded his eyes to open like he just woke up from a thousand-year slumber. His wine red eyes met shocked, crystal blue ones and he almost flinched at how captivating they were. At such close vicinity, he could almost distinguish flecks of indigo swimming in them. The man drew back in surprise and Gintoki finally got a good look at his new master.

A man with hair darker than coal and a blushing face stared speechless back at him. Now Gintoki wouldn't typically say this about another man, but he couldn't deny the fact that the man gaping like a fish was quite… handsome. He was wearing a black yukata with golden swirls at that hem of the sleeves and bottom of the outfit. It was actually eerily reminiscent of his own white and blue swirl yukata that he had hidden inside the box. And it wasn't like Gintoki was paying close attention, but his yukata had opened up to reveal an ample amount of collar bones that trailed down to well-toned abs.

"What's your name?" the man asked in slight trepidation, still not believing that this was happening.

The silver-haired samurai almost forgot the answer to that question. "Gintoki."

"I'm Hijikata Toshiro," the man responded gruffly, "your new master." He said the last words with the confidence befitting of such a word.

Looking at the blushing fool before him, Gintoki wondered if maybe this wouldn't be as bad as he thought.