I've reposted this because the typos were killing me. Anyway, some people were arguing about this story in the comments. Basically, both Lily and James recognise that James has a part in the blame of Severus's acts. One main reason as to why Snape had turned to Voldemort was to seek revenge on the marauders. This interaction also, however, leaves Lily owing James an apology. Essentially, they are even, and they can only build upwards.
xo
The marauders map was burning a hole in his robe pocket. If this were any other day, the map would be in his hands, and he'd be searching for her with desire to catch a glimpse of her. Today was no normal day. James's hand shook with emotion – frustration? Anger? – as he sprinted from corridor to corridor, in search for Lily Evans.
He needed to find her, to apologise to her, to beg for forgiveness.
Lily Evans. Lily Evans. James's eyes stung as he thought about her and he slowed his pace, his vision blurred. He was horrid to her – had been for years. Years. His love for her had been going on for years, and years. Because of his childish feud with fucking Severus Snape, he'd ruined her. Snape was in love with her. Any bloke could see it, really. James only saw red, as the thought swam in his mind.
Snape and Lily.
He turned another corner, and his pace slowed entirely into a small shuffle.
Severus Snape.
Between two suits of armour, the crimson-haired girl sat, her knees up to her chest, weeping.
And Lily Evans.
It tore him apart to see her like this. He loved her – no he had loved her. He doesn't love her, he couldn't love her anymore. He couldn't risk her happiness for his own. She didn't deserve that. Lily Evans was so good – so good. She was light were there was dark, she was positivity in a world of death eaters. James Potter had broken Lily Evans. Here she was, curled up in a pathetic ball at his feet. Her beautiful emerald eyes dancing in the lantern light, glassed over by tears.
'Lily.'
She'd seen him, but not really acknowledged he was there. She looked up, and green met hazel. Her blood-shot eyes flashed dangerously, and she jumped to her feet in fury. It was inhuman; unnatural. Her face contorted into such rage that James took a step back. His hand twitched with the desire to touch his hair. She advanced on him, with such power and control and emotion that James was sure that this was the most important thing to happen in history. The way her bottle-green eyes spoke to him; attacked him with so much venom that his own eyes prickled once more. She hadn't even said anything yet, though he could feel the words forming in her brain: what would pop James Potter.
Lily Evans.
Anything that left the mouth of Lily Evans would have taken a toll on James Potter that night. His vision became clouded by tears as he watched with agony as the love of his life shook with anger. Utter anger. Pure hate. It dawned on James, in that moment. It didn't matter whether he loved her or not, because she would never have him. Lily Evans would never be able to reciprocate James Potter's love. She would never be able to even try. Lily loathed James so much that it ached for even her. It hurt and pained her and exhausted her so much to hate him so much, yet she hated him so much that she let it drain her. James knew this, and he always had. He'd been kidding himself for years. Lily's eyes dried. They remained bloodshot and once again, green met hazel. Light met dark. Good met sin. All the same, heartbroken met heartbroken.
'I hate you.' Lily muttered in a very low, very tormenting voice. It echoed is James's head. If the silence following her words was any quieter, you could probably hear the faint ripping noise of his heart 'I fucking hate you.'
James didn't try to scramble for an excuse as to why she shouldn't. He didn't try to apologise. He didn't have the nerve to apologise. He'd ruined Lily Evans. A single tear streaked down his face, though if Lily saw it, she didn't say anything. 'He called you a mudblood.' James voice rung through the corridor, croaky and unstable. Lily's eyes flashed with hurt, with agony. James felt his heart tear as if it were silk. It was as though thousands of knives were ripping in into hundreds – no, thousands – of tiny chunks.
'How dare you?' Lily replied, in a voice that was so hostile and silky that it jumped down his throat and froze his insides. 'Listen to yourself. I know what he called me. I know who he is. You ruined him, Potter.' James flinched, and opened his mouth, 'I haven't finished,' James fell silent again, and his gaze turned to the floor, 'You ruined me, you really fucked with me in unforeseeable ways, Potter. I hate you. You are Vile. You are a cunt, and I never want you to talk to me or anyone that I care about every again. Who the fuck do you think you are? Why do people like you? Stay the fuck away from me.'
With that, Lily turned on her heel and walked back along the corridor. From what James could see, her body shook slightly with silent sobs. He wanted to run after her and kiss her and apologise until his lips were so wrinkly that they refused to move. He wanted to hug and her and Merlin, he just wanted to hold her. He whimpered with distraught. 'I'm sorry.' He murmured to her retreating back. She didn't deserve this. She didn't want this.
Lily stopped shaking and stood rooted to the spot.
She didn't want this.
She turned around very slowly, shuffling her mary janes along the floor as she did.
She didn't deserve this.
Lily's hair glided behind her ever so slightly as she walked back towards James. Her face remained expressionless, and all red had evaporated from her eyes. She walked towards him and then stopped, roughly fifteen centimetres in front of him. James tried his best to ignore all kinds of pain that was thrashing around in his body.
Lily lifted her arm as far back as it would go, and with a rough smack that echoed everywhere in the castle, it collided with his face. James staggered. By the time he'd steadied himself, Lily Evans had already turned a corner, the scent of her still lingering. The sound of her sobs growing fainter and rubbed his bruising cheek. His eyes had become fire hydrants. He leaned against the wall that Lily had previously lent against, let himself slide down it, and he, himself, began to weep.
