Nothing But The Best
By Laura Schiller
Based on the Seven Kingdoms Trilogy
Copyright: Kristin Cashore
"Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.
I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited,
but I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
that for me, it isn't over …
Never mind, I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
"Don't forget me, I pray,"
I'll remember you say.
Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead.
Adele, "Someone Like You"
The dowager queen's house was not as grand as Liddy had expected: a simple, well-made building whose only spectacular feature was the enormous old tree on one side. All the better, thought Liddy. Lady Fire had never been one for showing off.
She paused with her hand by the door, not daring to knock. Would there be guards? Would she be searched and questioned for daring to intrude on King Nash's most trusted adviser – not to mention Prince Brigan's … whatever she was? Would the lady have time for her? Would she even be there? She hated to turn up out of the blue. She should have sent a note – if only she'd known what to write.
Just as she was about to turn and leave, the door opened. There stood Fire, in all her impossible loveliness, her emerald eyes shining with joy.
She had changed. Liddy saw that at once. With the practiced eye of a lady's maid, she saw that Fire's blue dress, while simple and practical, was not designed to hide her beauty, but to harmonize with it. Her hair was uncovered, there were new scars on her face, and she stood in the doorway with a proud, straight-backed confidence her former maid had never seen her wear.
"Liddy?"
"Y-yes, Lady."
"I can't believe it!" Fire held out both hands, pulling her visitor into the house, with the same delighted laugh she remembered from their nights together, almost as if Lord Cansrel had never separated them to begin with. Bewildered, Liddy allowed herself to be led past the sharp eyes of Fire's guards, three strong, handsome women who disappeared as soon as Fire gave them a nod.
"I told them to stand down," said Fire, as they entered a sitting-room with several sofas, a fireplace, and three walls of bookshelves. "You don't have any hostile intentions, do you?"
The idea was so absurd that Liddy had to laugh.
"It's wonderful to see you." Fire's smile faded as she cupped Liddy's face in her hands, looking into her eyes with the same searching gaze Liddy herself must have worn a moment ago. Did she see as many changes there?
She let go, and Liddy's flushed cheeks became cold.
"Please, have a seat. Shall I call for some refreshment?"
"No, thank you, Lady." Liddy perched awkwardly on the edge of a green sofa, while Fire settled herself on the armchair opposite with customary grace.
"Oh dear." Fire shook her curly head in mock reproach, her voice a little too bright. "I see you've forgotten everything I taught you. I prefer to be called 'Fire', remember?"
"How could I forget?"
Liddy's effort to answer in the same bright tone – to keep up the face-saving pretence that they were nothing but a former mistress and maid, or even old friends paying a social call for the sake of the old days – fell pathetically short. Her small voice dropped into the silence of the room like a stone, swallowed up by a silver-gray monster rug, the crackling of the fire, and the distant shouts of children outside in the yard.
Liddy bowed her head in unspoken defeat, breaking free of Fire's gaze. They never had been very good at hiding things from each other, even without Fire's monster powers. It had been a blessing once, in the days of nighttime whispers and soft touches under the blanket. Today, she would have given anything not to see the unhappiness in her former lady's eyes.
She tried to guard her mind as Fire had taught her, but it was too late: Fire already knew exactly how she was feeling. Only her own tangled emotions, flashing visibly across her face – sorrow for what they had lost, shame about the awkward situation and, worst of all, pity – kept her from speaking. After a small eternity, it was Liddy who spoke first.
Why didn't you write? she projected, certain she would cry if she spoke out loud. It's been five years and you never tried to find me, never wrote a single line –
"Father never told me where he was sending you!"
Hearing the tremor in Fire's voice, the sob fighting to get out, had the perverse effect of making Liddy feel somewhat better. At least she was not the only one thrown off-balance.
Didn't you -
"Of course I asked him! I even tried to pry it from his mind, but that only made him laugh. All he'd tell me was that you were married, far away, and happier there than you'd ever been with us." Fire abruptly swiped a fuschia curl off her forehead, looking furious with Cansrel, Liddy and herself in equal measure. "I might just as well ask you why you never wrote to me."
"I did. Once."
"It never reached me." Fire sighed with grim understanding. "Father intercepted it, I suppose. Or perhaps the messenger was attacked. Those were dangerous times, five years ago."
She sounded like an old woman reminiscing over the distant past, making Liddy wonder once again how many of the wild rumors that had reached her master's estate were true. What had Fire lived through, to mature her so much in such a short time?
I'm sorry, Fire sent to Liddy, her mental presence soft as the touch of eyelashes. I should have tried harder.
No need to be sorry, Lady. Neither of us can change the past.
Liddy thought of that biting autumn morning five years ago, when Lord Cansrel had burst into her little attic room, mentally dragged her out of bed, and bundled her down to the stables like a walking saddlebag with no more explanation than, "A friend of mine wishes a wife, and I've decided you'll suit as well as any other. Don't look so horrified, child. I've known servant girls who'd kill for the chance to marry out of their station." The party of riders already waiting to take her. Fire sensing her fear and bewilderment from across the house, making wild attempts to calm her. Fire running out into the stableyard, nightgowned and barefoot, Cansrel blocking her path with his arm. Her last words, screamed silently to protect them both from the surrounding men: Liddy, I love you! Don't forget me!
How could she forget?
"I haven't even asked you how you are," said Fire, leaning forward with her hands clasped on her knees. "Tell me everything. Where do you live? Tell me about your husband – is he good to you? I've missed so much of your life, I need to know … " If my father has wronged you on my account, I need to know if there is anything I can do to help.
"Oh, Lady." It was Liddy's turn to shake her head. "Still so very kind. Thank you, but no. I am well enough as I am."
"And … ?"
"Well, my husband's name is Wayan, and he was one of Lord Cansrel's poppy growers." Fire's lip curled, remembering Cansrel and his drugs. "But don't worry, Lady, he left that trade years ago, as soon as King Nash made it illegal. He's a game warden on Lord Everett's estate now. We came down to the city to visit Wayan's parents, and I came along to see you. He knows everything about you, so it's all right."
"So you are happy?"
Liddy shrugged. "I suppose. Even though I'm not exactly the wife he had in mind," blushing at the memory of their awkward wedding night, "We get along. He's glad to have me keep house and talk to him in the evenings. His work is rather lonely, you see."
"You must have made your home a lovely place."
There was no trace of jealousy in Fire's voice or the emotions she was sending. After a brief struggle with her own pride, Liddy decided she was thankful. Her lady had suffered more than enough.
"And what about you, Lady?" she asked, changing the subject. "I'm sure your stories must be ever so much more interesting than mine. Is it true that you defeated a swarm of raptor monsters on your own? And that you charmed Mydogg and Gentian's state secrets out of them and helped us win the war? And used your powers to heal wounded soldiers and save the Lord King's life?"
To Liddy's distant amusement, Fire's cheeks turned almost as pink as certain strands of her hair.
"Those stories were blown out of all proportion," she muttered, with a hint of her old prickliness at receiving too much attention. "But … yes, I suppose they're mostly true."
Liddy's breath caught. The Fire she remembered had been so afraid of her own power. To think of her not only mastering it, but using it for the good of the entire kingdom! This time, however, she caught herself early: instead of drowning Fire with her tidal waves of admiration, she kept them behind a solid mental dam.
"And before you ask," Fire continued, still blushing. "Prince Brigan and I really are betrothed." She glanced down at her bare hands, probably thinking of the ring she had refused to wear, then looked up at Liddy with a tiny, irrepressible smile. Even the flames flickering on the hearth seemed dull and colorless next to her.
Fire. Betrothed. She who had feared almost every man she met, with the exceptions of Brocker and Archer. How happy she looked, glowing for this formidable soldier. Liddy had never seen her so happy. Not even after making love.
"Congratulations, Lady," she said, using the strongest mental barrier she could build to protect Fire (and herself) from her aching heart. "I wish you nothing but the best."
She must not be jealous. Never mind that she felt like a child's toy right now, discarded now that someone better had come along; never mind that her idea of Fire's identity had to be completely revised upon learning that Fire preferred men after all. She was foolish and unreasonable, and it had to stop. As she had told Fire only minutes ago, neither of them could change the past.
Liddy was contented with her life, and Fire was more than contented. Nothing else should matter.
There are many different shades of love, you know, said Fire. What we had is no less precious to me than what Brigan and I have. Please don't think that. But I'm not the same Fire you loved back then, and you're not the same either. We can never go back. What we can do is move forward, become something new. I would not like to lose you again, so soon after you found me. I do not wish to lose your friendship.
Friendship. The idea was cold comfort at the moment, but Fire sounded, looked and felt as sincere as ever. They could be friends; it was not difficult to imagine falling back into their old jokes, their old stories over tea and embroidery, their mutual trust. It was a far better thought than losing Fire forever.
No more dreams; no more 'if onlys'. It was time to face reality. She would be the best friend to Fire she could possibly be, starting with calling her by name.
"Nor I yours," she replied. " … Fire."
"Have you heard about the new marriage laws Nash is passing? The one making it simpler to divorce? Or the one that will allow a man to take a husband, or a … a woman to take a wife?"
Liddy nodded.
"I gave him that idea, actually." Fire spoke simply, modestly, as if advising the King on state matters were a common part of her day. "Perhaps someday … if ever you decide to make a change … " Perhaps someday you will find the woman you deserve.
Someone like you? thought Liddy from behind her barrier. I doubt it.
Out loud, however, she only said: "Perhaps."
