Lucky Star-ia Version 1.0
(Fade in on exterior of the Hiiragi family car. Tadao is driving his daughters to school; Tsukasa is riding shotgun, Kagami is in the back seat)
Tadao - Girls, I just want you to know your mother and I realize it's not easy moving to a whole new town - especially for you, Kagami, right?
Kagami - Did we move?
(Please note that everything Kagami says is meant to be taken sarcastically.)
Tadao - (laughs) I'm just saying you don't make friends as easily as... uh, some people.
(Tsukasa turns radio up)
Kagami - Tsukasa, for instance?
Tadao- That's not what I meant... necessarily. (turns radio off) My point is, the first day at a new school is bound to be difficult...
(Kagami turns Discman on and cranks the volume)
Kagami - (shouts) Speak up, Dad! Can't hear you!
Tadao - Uh, where was I? Oh, yeah...
(car arrives at school)
Tadao - Don't get upset if it takes the other kids a little while to warm up to you.
(Tsukasa exits the car, and is immediately noticed by the other students)
Satsuki (Stacy) – Oh my gosh! Is that Kamigishi?
Tsukasa, demurely - I'm…not Kamigishi…I'm Hiiragi.
Shinju (Sandy) - Cool name.
Boy - Will you go out with me?
Kagami, getting a sweat drop - I'll try to help her through this difficult period of adjustment. (exits car)
Tadao - That's my girl! Wait a minute...
Kagami - See you, Dad.
(Kagami walks through the crowd; the students are oblivious to her presence)
(in school hallway; Ms. Li, the principal, is giving the new students a tour of the school)
Ms. Li - As you can see, our Ryou-ou High School students take great pride in their school. That's why you'll each be taking a small psychological exam to spot any little clouds on the horizon as you sail the student seas of Ryou-ou High.
Kagami - S.O.S., girl overboard.
(the girl standing next to her frowns and moves away from her)
Tsukasa, panicking - Nobody told me about the test!
Kagami - Don't worry. It's a psychological test. You're automatically exempt.
Tsukasa, relaxing - Oh. All right.
(in the counselor's office; Tsukasa, Kagami, and the counselor herself are seated at a table)
Counselor - Now, Tsukasa-chan... what do you see here? (holds up a photo)
Tsukasa – I…think it's a picture of two people talking.
Counselor - That's right. Can you make up a little story about what it is they're discussing?
Tsukasa, officiously - I'm not even supposed to be taking this test. I'm exempt.
Counselor - You won't be graded.
Tsukasa - Oh. Okay, then. Let's see... they've been going out for a while, and he's upset because other people keep asking her out, and she saying she can't help it if she's attractive and popular, and besides, nobody ever said they were going steady, and if he does want to go steady he's got to do a lot better than movie, burger, back seat, movie, burger, back seat, because there are plenty of guys with bigger back seats waiting to take her someplace nice!
Counselor - Very good! Now, Kyou-chan, let's see if you can make up a story as vivid as your sister's.
Kagami – Uh, you read that as "Kagami".
Counselor, a little annoyed - I'm sorry... Kagami. What do you see in the picture, Kagami-chan?
Kagami - Uh... a herd of beautiful wild ponies running free across the plains.
Counselor - Uh, there aren't any ponies. It's two people.
Kagami - Last time I took one of these tests, they told me they were clouds. They said they could be whatever I wanted.
Counselor - That's a different test, dear. In this test, they're people, and you tell me what they're discussing.
Kagami - Oh... I see. All right, then. It's a guy and a girl and they're discussing... a herd of beautiful wild ponies running free across the plains.
(The Counselor scowls and slowly lowers the photo as Kagami smirks)
(bell rings)
(in Mr. Temari's class) or Mr. Demartino from Daria
Mr. Temari - Class, we have a new student joining us today. Please welcome Hiiragi Kagami-san. Ms. Hiiragi, raise your hand, please.
(Kagami raises hand)
Mr. Temari - Well, Ms. Hiiragi! As long as you have your hand raised... (chuckles evilly) Last week we began a unit on the First Sino-Japanese war. Perhaps you feel it's unfair to be asked a question on your first day of class.
Kagami - Excuse me?
Mr. Temari – Ms. Hiiragi, can you concisely and unemotionally sum up for us the circumstances that led to the aforementioned war?
Daria – Yes. During the Meiji Era, following the western introduction in 1854, Japan sought to protect its assets in mainland Asia by setting its sights on Korea. Naturally, this action was met with some opposition from its mainland neighbors.
Mr. Temari - Very good, Hiiragi. Almost... suspiciously good. All right, class. Who can tell me who exactly we fought the First Sino-Japanese War against? (spots a boy in a football uniform, who's seated next to a blonde cheerleader) Kevin-kun! How about you, Mr. Foreign Exchange Student?
Kevin – Uh…America?
Mr. Temari - That came a little later, Kevin...a hundred years later. A lot of good men died in World War II, Kevin. I believe we owe it to them to at least get the century right!
Kevin - Uh... the U.S.S.R?
Mr. Temari - Son, promise me you'll come back and see me some day when you've got the Heisman trophy and a chain of auto dealerships, and I'm saving up for a second pair of pants! Will you promise me that, Kevin?
Kevin - Sure!
Patty - Can I come, too? I mean, if Kevin and I are still together.
Kevin - We will be, babe. We will be.
Mr. Temari - (talks as if speaking to a small child) Ahh... Patty-chan. Can you guess who we fought against for control of Korea during the First Sino-Japanese War?
Patty - Mmm... no.
Mr. Temari - (losing patience) Please try, Patricia Martin.
Patty- Uh... the Viet Cong?
(Mr. Temari is now barely restraining his temper)
Mr. Temari - Either someone gives me the answer, or I give you all double homework and a quiz tomorrow. I want a volunteer with the answer. Now!
(Kagami sighs and raises her hand)
Mr. Temari - Kagami, stop showing off!
(Kagami slowly lowers her hand, a look of exasperation on her face)
(at Kagami's house; the family is eating dinner)
Tsukasa - Then they asked me to join the pep squad. They said I didn't have to try out or anything, but I said, "Look, I'm new here. Give me a chance to get used to things." So, for now, I'm vice president of the Fashion Club, and that's it.
Tadao - Sounds like a well-thought out decision, honey.
Miki- As long as you can join pep squad later - if you want. Never know how much we can handle till we try, though.
Tadao - What about you, Kagami? How was your first day?
Kagami - Well, my history teacher hates me because I know all the answers, but there are some interesting morons in my class.
Tadao - That's great!
Miki - Honey!
Tadao - I mean...
Miki - Kagami, your father's trying to tell you not to judge people until you know them. You're in a brand-new school in a brand-new town. You don't want it to be Tokyo all over again.
Kagami - Not much chance of that happening... unless there's uranium in the drinking water here, too.
Miki - I'm talking about you making a friend or two. Don't be so critical. Give people the benefit of the doubt.
Kagami - It all boils down to trust.
Miki - Exactly. It all boils down to trust. Show a little trust.
Kagami - Mom... Dad... you're right. Can I borrow either car?
Miki and Tadao, in unison - No.
(phone rings; Miki gets up to answer it)
Tsukasa – Oh no, I hope that's not the booster society again.
Miki - (answers phone) Hello? (beat) Yes. (beat) Uh, yes, she's my daughter. (beat) I see. Listen, will this require any parent-teacher conferences or anything, and if so, is this the sort of thing my assistant can handle? (beat) Okay, great. Bye! (hangs up) You girls took a psychological test at school today?
Tsukasa - They said we wouldn't be graded!
Miki - Kagami, they want you to take a special class for a few weeks, then they'll test you again.
Tsukasa, amazed - Kagami flunked a test?
Miki - She didn't flunk anything. It seems she has low self-esteem.
Tadao - What? That really stinks, Kagami!
Miki - Easy, dear. Focus. (to Kagami) We tell you over and over again that you're wonderful and you just... don't... get it! (slams fists on table) What's wrong with you?
Tsukasa - Is she going to have, like, a breakdown or something? 'Cause that could really mess me up with my new friends.
Kagami - Don't worry. I don't have low self-esteem. It's a mistake.
Tadao - I'll say!
Daria - I have low esteem for everybody else.
(in self-esteem class; Mr. Oishi/O'Neill is at the front desk, with about a half-dozen students scattered throughout the room)
Mr. Oishi - Esteem... a teen. They don't really rhyme, do they? The sounds don't quite mesh. And that, in fact, is often the case when it comes to a teen and esteem. The two just don't seem to go together. But we are here to begin realizing your actuality...
(Kagami, who had been taking notes, stops and frowns in confusion, then raises her hand)
Mr. Oishi - ...and when we do, each and every one of you will be able to stand proudly and proclaim, "I am." Now, before we...
Kagami - Excuse me. I have a question.
Mr. Oishi - Sorry, question and answer time is later.
Kagami - What the heck does "realizing your actuality"…mean?
Mr. Oishi - It means... look, just let me get through this part, okay? Then there'll be a video! (to entire class) Before we unlock your potential...
(a blue-haired girl leans forward to speak to Kagami)
Konata - He doesn't know what it means. He's got the speech memorized. Just enjoy the nice man's soothing voice.
Kagami - How am I supposed to follow him if I don't know what the heck he's saying?
Konata - I can fill you in later. I've taken this course six times.
(walking home)
Konata - So, then, after the role-playing, next class they put the girls and the guys in separate rooms and a female counselor talks to us about body image.
Kagami - What do they talk to the guys about?
Konata – Hmm…A classroom full of guys and a male teacher?
(both girls stop walking)
Konata and Kagami, in unison – Boners.
(they resume walking)
Kagami - I don't get it, Konata. You've got the entire course memorized. How come you can't pass the test to get out?
Konata - I could pass the test, but I like having low self-esteem. It makes me feel special.
(at Kagami's house; Kagami walks in the front door, and is surprised to see Miki standing in the living room)
Miki – Welcome home, honey.
Kagami - Mom? You feeling all right? It's not even 5:00 yet.
Miki - I'm taking the rest of the day off to work with you on your self-esteem.
Kagami - ("uh-oh") Mom, I'm in the care of experts. Any meddling by an amateur could be dangerous.
Miki – Now, I don't pretend I'm going to cure you, but if a lack of mother-daughter bonding is part of your problem, we're going to remedy that right now. We're going out to do something you want to do.
(at one of the many clothing stores in Harajuku)
(Miki emerges from a dressing room, wearing a blue "power suit")
Miki - What do you think of this one?
Kagami - It stands proudly and proclaims "I am."
Miki - Really?
(at school)
(Kagami and Konata are walking down the hall; they pass Tsukasa and some boy talking by the lockers)
Boy - So... like, what do you like to do after school?
Tsukasa - Oh, nothing special. Go to the movies... or, like, a theme park... or out for a really fancy meal now and then... or maybe go to a concert, if, like, I know somebody who's got good seats and is renting a limo and stuff.
Konata - You hear that? That poor sap hasn't got a prayer.
Kagami - Tell me about it. That's my sister.
Konata - Oh. That sucks.
Boy - So, you've got any brothers or sisters?
Tsukasa - I'm an only child.
(Kagami gets a sour look on her face)
To be continued…
