Sick with myself,
But I've got no one else,
So I give it to myself
It's the only thing that helps
I sat on the edge of my bed; tears staining my face. My arms wrapped around my chest. I shock with pain and sorrow. I rocked back and froth, the bed shaking from my sobs. I sat and let the tears and pain show for the first time since forever. I let my sorrow enter the room and my pain sit next to me. His picture sat on the night stand. I didn't look at it. I just couldn't. I knew what he did but I couldn't bring myself to break the frame and rip his picture up. I couldn't bring myself to forget him. I just couldn't, even though I saw him kiss her and hold her in his arms. I began to cry harder. Then I called out his name, "WHY YUKI? WHY DID YOU DO THIS!?"
It's the same thing
This pain thing
That keeps me from sleeping
And screaming that god
I must be mother fucking dreaming
I reached the house like any other day. I took the long way to avoid them. I didn't want to deal with their lovey dovey shit. When I reached the house I kicked my shoes off and walked in. I looked around me. Tohru wasn't cooking or cleaning, she was no where. I shrugged, 'Must have left to go somewhere to make out,' I thought as I placed myself on the couch and began to take a nap. As I drifted off to sleep I heard sobs. I looked around shrugged and closed my eyes. That's when it became louder. I opened my eyes and sat up. They were coming upstairs. I didn't know what to think. I got off the coach and looked up the stairs. That's when I heard "WHY YUKI? WHY DID YOU DO THIS!?" It was Tohru's voice I just didn't see why she would say that. I began to walk up the stairs to see what was wrong with her.
And I can rest in peace
And at least cease to be
Cease to see those things in me
That make me wanna cease to breath
I grabbed the jacket that sat on the floor and began to sob into it. I began to scream into it. My tears soaking the jacket. Was I that stupid and blind? How could not see what would happen? He never loved me. He only used me. Am I truly that stupid? Tears began to soak the jacket. My sobs were muffled by the jacket in front of my mouth. I rocked back and froth with it; screaming "WHY?" I was glad to know that no one was home. That's when I heard a knock at my door and caring voice saying "Tohru, are you okay babe?"
And ceased to need
And ceased to feed,
Sickness that's in me
This is all that I can be,
I can't breathe as I bleed
"Tohru, are you okay babe?" I asked. 'BABE?? She ain't your girlfriend idiot!' There was no answer. 'Now look, you scared her!' 'Shut up!' "Tohru, are you okay?" I still only heard sobs. "I'm coming in," I said. I opened her door to see her crying into the jacket I gave her when she came on the roof on Christmas. "Tohru, what's wrong?" I asked as I walked towards her shaking body. I had a good I idea of what. It to be something with that prick Yuki. I sat down next to her and put my arm around her shaking body. "What's wrong?" I asked again.
"Yuki cheated on me."
I don't know why I cut myself,
God, give me a sign or help
I won't cry it'll be fine,
I'll take my last breath
Push it out my chest
'Till there's nothing left
"Yuki cheated on me," I said between sobs. Kyo said something under his breath. With his arm still around me he pulled me in tight to him. His warmth felt good on my cold skin. I dropped the jacket in my lap and I began to sob into his chest. My tears began to soak his black button up shirt he wore for school.
"It's ok, it's ok," He repeated as he stoke my hair. "It's ok."
"I just can't believe him! Why would he do this?" I smacked his chest, it didn't phase him.
"He did it because he is a heartless dick."
I know that my minds near the end,
God, I hurt myself and fell
I won't cry it'll be fine,
I'll take my last breath
Push it out my chest
'Till there's nothing left
"He did it because he is a heartless dick," I found myself telling her. "He never did care. He was using to get back at Machi."
"I just… I can't stand it Kyo. I just can't!"
"I know that, but he doesn't deserver you. You deserver so much better," I said as I kissed the top of her head.
"Really?"
"Of course."
Have you ever met a living legend,
Just a real friend
Who planned his end?
And where do I began
You said it was pretend.
And when the bullet went through
It took more then just you,
It took two, it was you,
It was me, and suddenly
How can someone say they're helpless?
And then they act so selfish.
You put me through hell with this
So fuck you lets just end this.
And what about our friendship
And what you did was senseless.
You thought you found an exit.
Like I said lets end this.
"Of course," He said. 'Of course.' That's all he had to say. His smile is what sealed it. Did Kyo love me more then Yuki? That's what I needed to know. Did Kyo care about me? What he was doing was showing me who he was. A truly caring man. A man who cared about me, and would do anything for me. I knew that now he meant what he said. I loved him for it.
"You want me to find him?" He said as he looked down at me.
"No," I gasped. "No, no, stay here please."
I don't know why I cut myself,
God, give me a sign or help
I won't cry it'll be fine,
I'll take my last breath
Push it out my chest
'Till there's nothing left
"No, no, stay here please," She sobbed as she clutched my shirt.
"Okay," I said as I scooted us to the head stand part of the bed. I laid my back on it and let Tohru cry her eyes out. My shirt became soaked with her tears. I let my head hit the wall. Her tears stained everything on the bed. I could tell she was here for a long time. I wondered where her friends were at this moment and why they weren't here. But I didn't care. I really didn't.
I know that my minds near the end,
God, I hurt myself and fell
I won't cry it'll be fine,
I'll take my last breath
Push it out my chest
'Till there's nothing left
As my head rested in his lap, tears steaming down my face, I wondered if he cared if I soaked him in tears. I wonder if he cared that I loved him. I wondered if he wondered why I dated Yuki. I wonder why he was doing this for me. Did I care if I got an answer? No. all that matter was that he was with me. And that's all that mattered.
I just wanna say good bye,
Disappear with no one knowing
I don't wanna live this lie,
Smiling to the world unknowing,
"Tohru," I heard myself saying.
"Yes?" She said, tears still in her voice.
"Tohru, why did you date him?" I found myself asking her.
"Cuz, I didn't know if you loved me."
I don't want you to try,
You've done enough to keep me going,
I'll be fine, I'll be fine,
I'll be fine for the very last time.
"Cuz, I didn't know if you loved me," I heard myself saying.
"Well, I do."
I looked at him with my tear stained face. A smile creaked through the tears. I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck and sobbed into the crock of his tan neck.
I don't know why I cut myself,
God, give me a sign or help
I won't cry it'll be fine,
I'll take my last breath
Push it out my chest
'Till there's nothing left
She cried. Not of sorrow or pain this time, but of the feeling that she really loved by someone. The feeling that she meant something to someone. That feeling that he shared with her. As she cried he simply just held her in his arms and kissed he check. Letting her know that he was always there for her. She pulled her head out of his neck and looked at him. He looked back at her and pressed his lips to hers. Her lips tasted salty but he didn't care, to him she tasted like perfection.
I know that my minds near the end,
God, I hurt myself and fell
I won't cry it'll be fine,
I'll take my last breath
Push it out my chest
'Till there's nothing left
