Artemis Fowl was frustrated to extreme lengths. He was being forced to move to America with his family. He insisted to his mother that he could live at Fowl Manor with Butler supervising, but his mother just wouldn't listen. Now he was sitting on a swinging bench on the porch of the house his parents bought. He would have to attend public school, how utterly revolting. He would have liked to run away and hid out at a friends, but all, well most, of his friends lived belowground. Not very helpful. The house was large, but it was no Fowl Manor. It was a white Victorian. Nothing special.

Today was the last day of his summer, he wasn't sad, or happy, just neutral. Starting a new school a week after everyone else. Starting a new school was hard enough. He knew it was going to be...interesting.

Post Meridiem School Campus, Spokane, Washington

Artemis stepped out of the Fowl Bentley looking around in horror almost. The school was large, abnormaly so. He was dressed casualy for him, shirt all the way unbuttoned, untucked with a blaizer, and denim jeans. And yet he still looked dressed up. Butler rolled down the front window and asked,

"Do you want me to come with you?" He looked almost amused at his young charges' fear of others his age. He could fight pixies four times his age but he couldn't confront adolesents.

Artemis turned quickly and said, "Very much." Butler laughed, got out of the car, and followed the young Fowl up the steps.

Inside the school was worse than outside. As they were about to head upstairs where his mother had told him the student office was, a blonde girl came sliding down the banister sideways, one of her feet got caught in the bars, she flew off, and knocked Artemis over.

"Ouch." He heard the girl who was now on top of him say. Artemis, who had recived a flying tackle pratically, was comepletely out of breath. Butler came over and help him and the girl up. He had a hold of both of their elbows. The girl was smiling as four teenagers ran down the stairs with expressions of awe. They joined the now gathering group and were all talking at once,

"My god, when I dared you to do that I didn't think you'd actually do it!" One boy said with a british accent. "Woah, nice fall clutz." A girl said. "Jesus, that was amazing!" Another said. Artemis was in a daze, head throbbing, voices and colors everywhere.

"Miss Andersen!" They heard a male yell from the top of the staircase as he rounded the corner walking briskly.

"Oh, shit. Sorry 'bout hitting you. Run!" She took off grabbing the four who had come after her.

The man walked over to him and sighed. "I apolgize for them, I've been having trouble from that group since they came here. I'm Dr. Gorman, the principal." He shook Artemis and Butlers hands.

Artemis spoke now he was slightly more stable."That's helpful, I was hoping someone could show me to the student office." Dr. Gorman laughed.

"To the office then." And they headed up the stairs.

The office was arather large room over looking the back of the school campus. A bell rang. Artemis heard the shuffling on hundreds of feet as they passed to office to their classes.

"Just ask Mrs. Winkler for you schedule." Dr. Gorman said dissapearing into his office.

"I heard my name." A blonde woman with a kind face approached the duo. She seemed about thirty six.

"Um, yes, My name is Artemis Fowl, I need my schedule." She nodded and walked over to a filing cabinet. While she was digging through the drawer labeld A-F she asked,

"Would you like a guide, dear?" Artemis thought about it for a moment.

"Yes, actually." She handed him his schedule and pulled up a roster. She clicked is name, then hit a button, and a list of people with simalar schedules popped up. Butler got a call andhad to leave. Artemis was all alone now.

"You'll be wanting a freshman," She said to herself. "Ah, Katie's a nice enough girl. Sort of."


"Katherine Andersen to the Student Office." Miss Tara Chapman said after hanging up the phone. "What did you do today?"

Katie Andersen who had been whispering to her friend looked up. "Huh. Sorry, Chappy, missed that." Miss Chapman sighed and shook her head. She was the most casual teacher, she was twenty eight, and wore T-shirts and Jeans to school every day.

"You've been paged to the office. What did you do?" Katie burst out laughing. When the gales had subsided she said,

"I slid down the banister and hit some kid full on." Miss Chapman grinned.

"What were you whispering about anyway?" Katie got up walked to the front of the classroom, grabbed the pass, and whispered a rumor going around the school in Champans ear, who gave her a look saying, 'Really?'. Katie nodded looking extremly angry. And Miss Chapman looked over at a boy in the back of the classroom who blushed slightly and looked down. The fourten year old started walking out of the classroom, but at the door she turned and said,

"When I find out who started that, I'm killing them." Katie walked out of sight. Down the hallway, down two flights of stairs, and into the office. She entered with a spin and a curtsy and said,

"You rang?" Mrs. Winkler laughed slightly. Katie smiled and pulled up, out of her curtsy. She walked over, leaned on the counter, and continuned. "Alright am I getting detention, suspension, or a lecture?" Mrs Winkler said,

"Neither, your guiding a new student." Katie frowned.

"That's a cruel and unusual punishment. For them. Is the school system trying to scar the poor child for life?" She laughed, "I scare people, haven't you noticed?"

Mrs. Winkler smiled, "That's just because your different."

"Thats the understatement of the century," She muttered, the she spoke louder, "Alright, who's the poor unfortunate soul?" Mrs. Winkler pointed behind her, she turned and started laughing.


The girl walked in did a flourish and curtsy and started talking to the office worker. She was wearing a blackjacket over a white tank top, torn jeans, and aneclace with a razor at the end. After a minute or so, she turned around and started laughing.

"It's the human crash dummy." She said through her laughter.

"Miss Andersen." Dr. Gorman was leaning out of his office with a stern look on his face.

She ran out of the office and yelled,

"Cummon, Crash."

Artemis grabbed his things and followed her out. She was two doors over waiting for him to come out.

"Okay, there you are." She waited for him to reach her before setting out, she walked down the hallway and up a flight of stairs. When she reached the top she sat down. Artemis looked a a sigh about where she was sitting that said F Wing. He checked his schedule and the class room was numbered C163.

"What are we doing here? My first class is three levels down." She looked up at him.

"Do you really want to go to class, eh..."

"Artemis." He sat down.

"Artemis. Katie Andersen." She shook his hand, "So I guess I'm supposed to welcome you and all that shite. Welcome to Post Meridiem School, more commonly known as PMS." Artemis went into a coughing fit. She started laughing.

"Charming." He said. Katie nodded and looked at her wrist, there was nothing there.

"Well, thats as long as we can aviod, Chappy." Artemis gave her a confused look. She wasn't looking at him though. They walked down to C Wing in silence, with the occasional cough from Katie. Artemis stopped in the doorway and Katie kept walking towards the back of class.

"Took long enough, Katie. And who are you?" The teacher asked.

"Artemis Fowl."

Underground, Police Plaza

Trouble Kelp was working double shifts like everyone else in the buliding, more and more people wern't showing up, everyday one more didn't come. Sool was pretending not to notice so he wouldn't have to deal with the problem. Trouble passed his office carrying a pile of paperwork almost and inch thick. He opened the door without knocking and slammed the papers on his desk.

"Major Kelp. Permission is needed to en-" He was saying sternly, Trouble didn't care.

"That's a list of every missing LEP officer, with the last place they were seen, and who saw them."Sool picked it up and flipped through the pages, not actually reading.

"Alright, get someone on it." He said tossing the papers off his desk.

"We don't have anyone open, we need someone on the outside." Trouble slammed his hand on the desk. Sool looked up.

"You will refrain from speaking to me in that manner, major. Fine, you may find someone outside the LEP. But you'll have to do it on your time, with your own money."


End first chapter.

This has been fun to write and there is a plot. Just wait. By the way. Sools a bitch.