A/N: I just loved this series so much I had to write something for it. Second chapter in the works, this may turn into a proper story. :)
Matt Murdock sat on the leather couch his breath condensating in brisk air, his heater is out, again. He's looking at Karen siting on the lounge across from him, well not looking as per the condition of his blindness but with his dark reflective glasses on, it gave Karen the illusion that he was peering at her. Trying to find out her new sharpness of character. Something had happened, something was new about her, Matt knew, he could feel it on her, taste it in her scent, hear it in her heart as the beats quickened with her oncoming anxiety.
Karen on the other hand was nervously looking for an escape from Matt's spacious apartment, the only ones she had come up with so far had been the window and the door, both too far away and she knew that even though Matt was blind he was capable of stopping her, either in a physical manner or with his seemingly honeyed words.
"So, generally Karen I wouldn't be so confrontational, a logical argument is always the best argument but in this case I honestly only have one question." Matt pauses, he repositioning his glasses that had fallen down the bridge of his nose wincing as the cold metal crosses a small nick made by a knife that had barely missed his face. Matt leans forward in concentration. "All I have to ask you is: what the fuck Karen? What's wrong with you? You have both me and Foggy worried sick".
Karen is shocked, a deer in headlights, a butterfly caught in a net by his harsh words, she drops her head. A single tear rolls down her cheek and Matt knows, he can taste it in the air, the distinct saltiness that permeates the space between them. He frowns, although he did wish to shock her to try and get answers, it was never his intention to make her so upset that she cried. He folded his hands over hers, reaching for her in a more intimate way than he normally would with a woman. Karen looks up at Matt, touched by his concern but knowing that there was no way in which she could tell him the ugly truth, the truth of her past and her present. There was no way she could escape the truth but she could protect Matt and Foggy, the lights in her darkness.
"Please Karen, there has to be something wrong, all I want is to help you, I promised I would protect you, it still applies," he's pleading now wishing for her to give him the answers he desires. Karen draws in a sharp breath, as if she is going to say something but she just shoots him a watery smile and a shrug.
Silence.
"I-I I just shrugged," Karen whispers, she feels pathetic. Matt sighs.
"Okay Karen," he heaves himself off his place on the seat with a hiss and grabs his side, his face contorting in agony.
"…Matt?" Karen reaches out for him a look of concern flickers across her face.
"I-I'm okay," he wheezes out dropping beside her like a stone on the couch. He turns towards her, "look Karen, I know we all have secrets, but I know whatever this-" he gestures at her, "is, it's eating you up on the inside, I can tell." Matt tapes his nose and gives a small smile.
"We all have secrets do we Matt? Why don't you tell me yours! Huh?" Matt looks shocked, stunned he remains silent as Karen shouts, "You're always coming to the office with bruises and cuts all over your face! What you fell? A car crash? Someone's hurting you Matt or is it shite Catholic guilt?!"
Matt's face crumples, he knows she has him, of course she had suspicions that something was going on but he isn't ready, not yet.
"This isn't about me," he says half-heartedly although he knows it is partially his fault, he wasn't there for her, he was out punching some man in the gut as she obviously fell apart.
Karen looks at him, looking at the passive way in which he sat next to her, guilt obvious on his young face, he blamed himself. Karen starts to cry in earnest, not tears but ugly sobbing, the kind that comes up from the toes and rips out her heart on its way to her eyes, her body shivers as the violent emotions run through her , "I-I'm so…so sorry Matt!" she wails, "I just…I…I just can't do it," Matt grabs her flailing hands, putting them in his once more, he hears her heart race.
"How about we make a deal?" he says suddenly, he can't see any other way out of this, the best of friendships are made of trust and honesty and neither of them are ready for the consequences but…he can't see any other way, "you tell me yours and I'll show you mine."
Karen looks up from their entwined hands with wet eyes, "show me?" Matt feels the question in her voice.
"Yeah, then we can be totally honest with each other," he looks down the usually confident man, nervous with the prospect of telling one of his best friends as well as what he could learn, "but you're going to have to go first, mine will take so prep."
"Prep?" Karen lets out a watery sob coupled with a giggle. Matt smiles, she hasn't laughed in days.
"Come on Karen," he nudges her with his shoulder coaxing her to tell him what had been eating her alive, "please," he squeezes her hand, letting her know through their physical connection that he cared for her and that there was no way that he would leave her no matter what she told him. Karen looks at Matt he seems genuine in his care, it's been too long since she's seen that look on someone's face. She feels her lips unsealing begging her to unload this deadly weight from her shoulders, her heart pikes and her head becomes light. This is the moment, the moment where she will have to tell someone, she wished it wasn't Matt gorgeous, Catholic, man of the law Matt.
"Matt I…I-" she holds in the sobs that are trying to escape from her insides, threatening to pull her apart, "Matt," she whispers, her voice hoarse she pulls her legs up to her chest, "please," she desperately wants to tell him and she desperately wants to know what's happening with Matt.
Matt hears the panic in her voices and he feels the change in pressure of the couch cushions as she draws into herself. Her body heat comes closer and he leans into her, gathering her up into a hug letting her saturate his shoulder with her weeping. His eyes become wet, "Karen, if it's too much to ask you don't have to tell me, but I want you to know that I will never ever judge you. I love you Karen," a sharp intake of Karen's breath, Matt noticed, "and so does Foggy. We want you to just feel better." He chokes this out, he so badly wishes Karen understood what he wanted for her, he was willing to tell her his biggest secret. His guilt ran through in waves for his decisions but he needed to be Daredevil; the city needed him but he needed the city just as much, he may now need Karen even more. This thought scared him. He needs Karen but he can't give up Daredevil.
"Matt," Karen's voice shocks him out of his revere, he jumps in his seat, surprised to hear her voice, "I-I'll tell you," Matt's heart rate increases, he can feel it beating in his chest begging for an escape. Karen steels herself for the eminent rejection that Matt will surely throw at her as he kicks her out of his apartment for what she has done or worst send her to the corrupt police department, surely signing the letter of her execution, "I…Matt I…I killed someone Matt. I killed Wesley! Matt I killed Wesley!" she works her into a frenzy the violent jerks of a body being shot drifts into her mind's eye as Matt holds her, trying to shush her as best he can, providing comfort, "I looked him in the eye and killed him and the worst part is…I'm not sorry and that makes me a monster!" She pulls at her hair and cries into Matt's shoulder trying to remember the feeling of his touch before it's taken away. She feels him pull away, holding her by the arms.
"Listen to me Karen," shaking her slightly, "James Wesley was a horrendous, hatful man, and I know for sure that you wouldn't have done it if you didn't need to," he speaks with urgency of a man possessed as Karen sniffs and wipes away a few tears. She looks up shocked sure that he would have hated. Matt can hear the alterations in her heartbeat, sound waves and heat waves pouring off her in her distress, he pulls her close to him once more and they sit there crying as they rock together in sadness, lose and comfort, "I think no less of you Karen, what you did was incredibly brave," he pulls his head away stroking her hair and placing a kiss upon her head.
Karen sniffs again wiping her nose and eyes, trying to compose herself, "thank you Matt, but I-I don't think I could ever forgive myself, I ended a life, he would have had a mother and maybe friends, all of those experiences over in an instant of blind terror," she sobs again, putting her face in her hands.
"I believe Karen, that you are so strong and you will work past this with time. You did what you had to, you didn't do it out of malice or hatred, you did it so you could live. I couldn't have lived with myself if Wesley had lived and you had died. No way in the world, because you mean the world to me, you mean to world to everyone who knows you because you are one of the best and kindest people I know. No one can meet you and not love you, no one can meet you and not smile, no one can meet you and feel alone in this world. So there is no way that you should," Matt finishes his tirade that has just spilled from him mouth with conviction and another kiss upon her head. She starts to weeps but Matt senses that these tears are of relief he thinks that she must have thought he was going to hate her, which he never could but he knows that as soon as his secret is revealed, she will be the one who hate him.
"Thank you Matt," Karen whispers but to Matt this thanks was like a shout into the heavens and fog horn into his heart.
"Not a problem Karen, I'd do anything for a friend," except for one thing, but is Karen really a friend to Matt anymore? He cocks his head in thought about a possible change in the complex but oh so simple relationship dynamics of present.
"Anything Matt?" she's enquiring now, although she is hurting and Matt is hurting there is an obvious shift in the conversation towards what Matt has been hiding from Karen, since he'd laid eyes on her, "then tell me what's happening to you, show me…please," Karen is on the verge of another emotional breakdown tears brimming in her eyes. Matt feels the temperature in the room freefall, whilst sure it is his mind playing tricks on him in his dread of the truth that is surely to come out of the depths of hell. His face turns towards the heavens asking for help.
He turns towards Karen sharply feeling her breath on his face coming out in short puffs tasting like anxiety and curiosity in a sensory mixer.
"Do you know how I lost my sight?" he's firm, he wants her to understand.
"You were in a car crash, I remember you told me at the office," she's unsure her answer is slow and her voice wavers.
"That's not quite true, it was a crash but I wasn't in the car I was on the street, a truck was barrelling towards this old man, and I-I," Matt is being taken back to that painful time in his life, his emotions boil below the surface and he hides a sob with a cough, "I pushed him out of the way but before…before the truck could hit me i-it rolled and the acid that it was holding splashed on me and straight into my eyes. It burned, at that point in my life I knew that the fire of hell were real because I felt them, right on that day. God was punishing me, or giving me something but I used to wish that the truck had just killed me. Sometimes I still wish that I had died that day." He sniffs putting his chin on the top of Karen's head he can fell the small tremors that are running through her and he knows that she's crying softly.
"Why didn't you tell me?" she asks him with a quiet mourning in her voice, "it's not a shameful thing you saved someone." She reaches up to his temple and touching the blooming bruise on Matt's temple, he flinches in pain.
"And that's what I want you to remember when I show you what I'm about to do," he disentangles himself from her grasp and puts her hands over her eyes, "I want you to close your eyes because this is where the prep comes in," she hears him walk away with a limp in his step from the injury in his side and open a cupboard, a shifting of fabric can be heard. Her anxiety builds and she feels like she should let a string of swears escape from her mouth for no reason. Matt hears this internal battle from across the room through her heart beating much like the wings of a hummingbird.
"I want you to know Karen, before I show you what I about to show you that I never did this to hurt you, I do this because I feel that I must it is my duty," he's begging her to understand.
"It can't be that terrible Matt," it obviously can't, what can a harmless, blind lawyer do other than defend the innocent through law?
"I wish it wasn't that bad, I hope you don't hate me after this," his voice cracks as salty tears spill over dripping into the cut on Matt's lips, stinging the already sensitive skin.
Karen feels soft hands coaxing hers away from her eyes, very gently, very slowly as if she was made of the finest glass. Matt believes that their relationship was just about to get shattered much like glass of Karen's imagination. Her hands come away and she opens her eyes slowly, a dark figure is standing in front of her, her breath hitches and her body stiffens.
"Daredevil."
