In a dark space, a bright light shines down on a small book with a brown leather cover. The book magically opens, revealing a story with ornate calligraphy.

Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess...but she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle, guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison...but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love...and true love's first kiss.

A green hand rips out a page as the man chuckled. "Like that's ever gonna happen." He mused. In the middle of a murky swamp, toilet paper rustled from inside an outhouse. "What a load of-!" He flushes the toilet, and out came a green ogre with brown hair, a brown hat, and two horn-like ears named Woody. He yawned as he stretched. He tugs at the seat of his pants, then shakes a piece of paper off his shoe. Woody smiles as he gazes upon his house, which is a tree stump.

Meanwhile, Woody scoops up some mud in a bucket as green liquid pools into the word: WOODY. He hangs the bucket of mud on a branch and takes off his clothes, then he pulls a rope, showering mud on himself. Woody scrubs his body with a loofah, and he rinses and spits mud on the ground, forming "Tom Hanks."

Next, at an outdoor mirror, Woody takes a worm out from a toiletry pail, and squeezes it, shooting green gunk onto his toothbrush, a long stick. He brushes them, then shows his teeth at the mirror, which subsequently cracks, revealing "Ashton Kutcher" underneath. Woody leaves the mirror and jumps into a small pond. He grimaces as he farts, as stink fumes and large bubbles rise up to the water. Woody looked sheepish, but he didn't mind. A dead fish floats belly-up and Woody picks it up as pond plankton forms "Joan Cusack".

Afterward, Woody, who's back in his white shirt and brown vest, pushes thick mud out of a tree hollow. He finds a fat green slug, and picks it up, as maggots form "Rob Riggle."

Come late afternoon, Woody paints a sign on a piece of bark. As soon as his work was complete, Woody kisses it, but a little red got stuck to his lips. He sticks the sign in the ground. It reads "BEWARE: OGRE." Woody heads into his house to settle in for the day.

Elsewhere, far from Woody's swamp, a platoon of villagers rush out of a tavern. They come up with a plan to hunt down the ogre. They then grab torches and pitchforks. At Woody's house, he picks up a wooden spoon and eats human eyeballs from a bowl, which he savors.

At dusk, the men advance down a field toward a set of trees.

Back at his house, night came. Woody strikes a match in his dark house. He belches onto the match, casting flames to the fireplace. At the same time, the men light their own torches and move on.

At home, Woody eats a snack while reclining in a chair for the night. As the men continue to the swamp, they trample a Stay Out sign. This disturbance caught Woody's attention. He walks over to the window and looks out suspiciously through the window. He sees the men, and he walks out of his house. Those

As the men approach closer to the house, Woody tiptoes up behind them.

A villager parts some foliage, revealing Woody's tree house entrance.

"Think it's in there?" The lead villager asked.

"All right! Let's get it!" Another villager shouted, charging toward the house.

"Whoa, hold on!" The lead villager said, holding him back. "Do you know what that thing could do to you?"

"Yeah. It'll grind your bones for its bread." Another villager replied fearfully.

A laugh came behind them startling the group. They turn to see Woody the ogre. "Well, actually, that would be a giant." Woody stated.

Woody walked toward them as the group backed away. "Now, ogres-they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin."

"No!" A villager whimpered.

"They'll shave your liver." Woody continued. "Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, that's quite good on toast."

Another villager waved a torch back and forth in front of Woody's face. "Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!" he yelled.

Woody calmly licks his thumb and forefingers, and extinguishes the torch fire. The dark of night creeps in a bit. The villager nervously said, "Right." Woody bellowed a huge roar, and the villagers screamed. As he roars, Woody spits on them. The men cower as Woody's breath blows out the remaining torches, thus covering some of the villager's faces with his saliva. Woody calms down after his roar and wipes his mouth on his sleeve. He smirks waits patiently as the men continue screaming, then stop. They're now in the dark of night.

Woody leans forward and whispered in a scary manner, "This is the part...where you run away."

The scared men gasp, then they run toward the swamp exit and back to their village. Woody laughs triumphantly, then he shouted out, "AND STAY OUT!"

He finds something on the ground. Woody picks it up and read aloud, "WANTED: FAIRY TALE CREATURES."

Woody sighs, then tosses the poster aside as he walks toward his house, once again settling down after having such a long day.