For as long as I can remember I've been different, not on the outside, that still appears as plain as my fraction. I was born into the selfless lifestyle that my brother and I have the unavoidable responsibility of upholding. The mantra and values the abnegation and my family hold come before us, as do the people. Selflessness, we avoid vanity at all costs which is reflected in the simplistic lifestyle we live, basic food, clothing and home, we have no possessions that distinguish us from one another, we're a perfect blend of the environment we live in, almost undetectable. Our Intent is helping others that need it, putting others needs before our own and caring for the struggling fractionless, well at least my brother and family are. My brother Sam has always had an unwavering ability to do what he's supposed to do without a second thought. He's always the first to help, it's in his nature, he doesn't do so because he feels obligated to do it, but because he wants to. That's what I lack, the grey clothes, the plain hairstyle and the unassuming demeanour of my fraction are supposed to make it easier for us to forget ourselves and easier for everyone to forget us too, Sam fulfils the profile yet I can't master it. I'm content watching the wonderful ways of my fraction and their selfless nature yet it's not in the forefront of my mind to do the same. I admire them, I admire everything about the sacrifices we make and nature abnegation has, but my instincts are not the same as Sam's, nor my mother, and especially my father.
Today is the day of the aptitude test that will show me which of the five fractions I belong in, Abnegation, Candor, Erudite, Amity or Dauntless. All specialising in different fields that are meant to eradicate the damaging effects of human nature that lead to the war, that lead to this way of life in the confinements of the fence. As I prepare for the day of the test my mother helps me prepare, there is only one mirror in our house and every abnegation member for that matter. It is kept locked behind a sliding panel in the hallway upstairs, and once every 3 months we are allowed fleeting glances while my mother stands behind me as she cuts my hair with practiced hands and careful precision as my black hair falls to my side. I steal a glance in the mirror noticing my cheeks that have thinned since I was last allowed to stand in front of the mirror, a lot can change in 3 months and apparently a lot has. It's at 16 we choose our fraction and it's at this age where I notice how much I've changed. I'm no longer the little girl who had full cheeks and glistening eyes, my appearance is more defined, nose thin and eyes as dark as the coals of the dauntless. Catching my mother's glance in the mirror she smiles instead of reprimanding me and I allow myself with a simple moment of curiosity and content to hold her gaze in the mirror's reflection with a smile.
"Are you ready?" she asks.
"Yes" I lie, I'm certainly not candor, I lie too easily. I feel a small pang of guilt as she smiles. "Are you nervous?" I take a second before shaking my head and dismissing any qualms she may have about my choice that would lead my mother to believe I will desert the family. Would I? Is the question plaguing me and should I? Will be answered in my aptitude test or maybe I've known all along.
"No" I mutter " the tests don't have to change our choices." And neither will mine, I'm sure my aptitude test will signify abnegation, very rarely does the test show different to the fraction you were born into to, but that result won't matter when it comes to choosing. My mother wraps my hair up into a tightly held bun as I assert my gratitude "Thank you" I smile as my mother nods and spins me around sliding the mirror shut with a clink.
"Let's go, I don't want you to be late for your big day"
Every morning me and Sam catch the bus to the heart of the city, so as we stand clutching on to the poles in order to keep our balance it's almost easy, we know every patch of uneven road, every jolt the bus takes, we apprehend it and expect it, because every morning we give up our seats for another member of another fraction. Me and Sam are nothing alike, not only in personality but also in looks. His blonde hair and green eyes were clearly inherited from our father while my black hair and dark brown eyes closely resemble our mother's. The bus travels under the elevated tracks that hold the trains only the dauntless ride. As we pull to a stop in front of the school everyone starts piling out of the bus, abnegation always waiting till last... I walk side by side with Sam as we enter the building absorbing the last time we will walk through these halls as best we can. "Are you okay?" I ask as he nods before returning the question. "Are you?"
"I'm ok" he nods and I smile as he returns it. "I'll see you later, have a good day San" He turns and heads towards advanced math while I head towards fraction history clutching the inside of my robes as my palms sweat deceiving my previous answers. I envy him to the point where I almost resent his ability to do what he's supposed to do while i appear to have a raging war going on inside my head at every decision. My mind just doesn't work in the same way as his. I catch my reflection in things and stare a second to long, vanity. I have no interest in giving up my seat until prompted to do so by Sam's disapproving glances, selfish. But what distinguishes me most from my brother is my obsession to watch the Dauntless, my wishes to run with them freely. They, unlike abnegation, are in charge of protecting the city, the fence and all the people within in. They're brave, strong, free it seems as I watch them interact with a playful camaraderie that most other fractions lack. I glance at the clock hung in the hall just as it hits 7:45. At this time every morning on que the Dauntless arrive, proving their bravery by jumping from the moving train that transports them to the city. I stare with a fixation that some would mistake for dismay but I know is admiration. They leap from the moving train, some rolling as they land others stumbling but remain standing as they laugh and shout adrenaline fuelled howls as they run towards the school entrance with energy and stamina that I desire. To everyone else they're crazy but to me they're everything I want to be, but can't.
After 3 classes and nervous apprehension that had almost boiled over to the point of insanity throughout the morning, it was finally time for the test that had a major part to play in determining our future, reaffirming what we already knew, or shining a light on a part of us we didn't know was there. We sit at the long tables within the cafeteria as the test administrators call 10 names at a time to go forward and take the aptitude test. Five long tables holding the different fractions, I blend into the mass of grey, plain and simple crowd that surround our table as we sit quietly and wait, my eyes however stray towards the Dauntless across the room. Dressed in black, tattooed and pierced, laughing and shouting, a small smile threatens to form as I blink back the selfish thoughts that occupy my mind at this moment, wishing for myself instead of the family pride, Sam will be abnegation and so will I, it's what's destined for me and to think otherwise is merely foolish practice. At the other sets of tables I notice the Erudite's talking over books and newspapers driving each other's thirst for knowledge, I've never been interested in the black and white print on paper. The group of candor boys are arguing with amused smiles, while the Amity girls in yellow and red are sat in a circle playing some form of game. I wonder if all the Erudite wish to study all the time, or in fact, if all the Amity want to keep the peace, if they don't it wouldn't matter because they can't defy the norms of their fractions anymore than I can. Sam, as he is slightly older is called first before me and I watch as he moves with purpose and confidence as if his steps are taking him one step closer to the outcome he knows will come. My guilt ridden mind takes over as my stomach lurches and I clench my eyes shut until ten minutes later when I hear the sliding doors open and Sam sit down again at the table. This time however, he catches me of guard. He looks different, he's as pale as the walls in our home and his demeanour mirrors my own, I want to ask him if he's okay, why he's so affected by the inevitable but I cannot. We mustn't speak of our results till after the ceremony tomorrow, so our choices are purely our own. After a number of other names have been called finally "From abnegation, Santana Lopez" I reluctantly pull myself up out of my chair, my feet falling into a familiar pattern that I can barely manage, I walk past the rows of tables towards the exit of the cafeteria following the same way the test administrator had left till I'm faced with 10 doors and directed into room 3 where a Dauntless woman waits for me.
She's unlike the other Dauntless I have observed who have fearless expressions and harsh features, her hair blonde that appears to soften her features, although her eyes appear void. I glance in the mirrors that compose the walls, noticing the way the grey fabric hangs stiffly from my body hiding my femininity; I also notice the black and white hawk tattoo that is engraved on her back that spikes my interest though I know I can not ask. I walk towards the reclined chair that occupies the centre of the room with light steps and careful eyes.
"It won't bite" The taller woman states with a pointed look. "Have a seat" She gestures towards the only seat in the room. I nod and place myself down carefully on the cold leather of the chair, moving until my head hits the headrest and I'm reclined much like I would be at the dentist's. "Kitty" she states as she continues to attach the electrodes to my forehead.
"Why the Tattoo?" I blurt out, instantly realising my mistake; it's a betrayal of the abnegation values I'm supposed to demonstrate which clearly doesn't go a miss as Kitty raising an inquisitive eyebrow at me.
"I've never met a curious Stiff before" My cheeks blush red at the slang name adopted by the other fractions for abnegation as she relieves my embarrassment by answering my question. "It symbolises the sun, I figured if I've always got the sun on me I wouldn't be afraid of the dark" she states nonchalantly.
"You're afraid of the dark?"
"I was, not anymore, now it reflects the fear I've overcome" She moves around with graceful ease pressing buttons which I don't care to find out their purpose also tugging the wires already attached to me. My knuckles go as white as Sam as I clench to the chair wishing I was a million miles from this room. A small vile of clear liquid brings me back to the present as she passes it to me.
"Drink this"
"Why, what's going to happen?" I hoarsely manage.
"I can't tell you that just trust me" With a reassuring hand on my shoulder I tip the contents of the vial into my mouth like a shot, and my eyes close.
They open instantaneously although the surroundings around me have changed. I stand in an empty room, with mirrors surrounding the walls, I glance at the table in front of me that two bowls are currently placed on. In one, a slab of meat and the other a knife. I hear a voice command fiercely "Choose" though my instincts tell me to do neither and instead I ask
"Why?"
"Choose" she repeats hastily as I glance to the two bowls.
"What will they do?"
This time she yells, "Choose!" I begin to become frustrated and certainly not in the mood for picking up either of the objects as I hear the voice one last time. "Have it your way" If I was to have it my way I wouldn't be here I thought to myself as I hear the heavy panting and snarling noise behind me, I turn fast, noticing a big dog baring it's teeth. Suddenly I could see why the meat or the knife may have helped me. I'm not strong enough to fight it without the knife nor am I fast enough to outrun it. I attempt to recall all the information I've ever learnt about the behaviour of dogs. I shouldn't look it directly in the eye; a sign of aggression will certainly not help me here. The only option I have is to sink to my knees, and then further on to my stomach, hoping a sign of submission will prevail. The sound of grinding teeth and snarling stops as I exhale the breath I didn't realise I was holding, too paralysed to look up I feel something wet and rough run up the side of my face. Glancing up I see the dog before me is different, no longer large and beast like, I sit up on my heels offering my hand towards the puppy in a slow manner with a small smile.
"Puppy!" A voice of a small girl sounds over my shoulder as my eyes widen in apprehension snapping my hand back towards my side as the Dog prepares to leap towards to girl with sharp bared teeth and gleaming black eyes, as if it was an automatic response I dive onto of the dog wrapping my arms around its neck in a tight hold tackling it to the ground
My head hits the ground and I open my eyes, the dog is missing as is the little girl, I pull myself up, dusting of my grey robes and adjusting to my new setting, a bus and all the seats are taken much like my journeys to school every morning. The familiarity is comforting as I stand with a firm grasp on the pole next to a man with a newspaper.
"Do you know him?" The man inquires gesturing to the picture on the front of the news paper that is situated below the title 'murderer apprehended'. The words fill me with dread as I glance at the picture of the man on the newspaper and i feel as though know him, although it feels like a bad idea to tell the man with the scarred hands this.
"Well do you!" he shouts with anger confirming my previous thoughts. It would be a very bad idea to confirm my familiarity with this man so I shrug my shoulders.
"Well?" He asks once more with more conviction as I once again shrug my shoulders. I shake and my palms begin to sweat again yet I know my fear is irrational, this is just a test, and this isn't real.
"No" I confirm "I have no idea" I manage with conviction. I remind myself it's all not real as he whips the newspaper away from his face revealing a burnt and scared face and close proximity that allows his scent of tobacco and alcohol to invade my senses.
"You're lying!" He snarls "I can see it in your eyes!"
"I'm not!" I state back as I stand up straighter.
"You're lying!" he pleads "if you know him you could save me!" I look away, "You could save me!" he cries.
I turn back to him with conviction as I narrow my eyes and clench my jaw. "Well, I don't"
My eyes jolt open immediately and my senses seem heightened as the smell and the feel of the grasp I had on the chair's sides are almost too sensitive. Kitty is standing next to me with a fierce expression, her eyebrows furrowed as she taps impatiently at the screen. "Impossible" she shakes her head turning to me quickly. "Stand up, quick" Before I even have the chance to do so, a strong hand grabs my arm and hurls me upright, the dauntless really are strong. Much stronger than my feeble excuse for muscles. I take hesitant steps towards the mirrored wall trying to feel for something to hold on to as Kitty continues typing away at the screen in front of her before returning to my side a little too fast for my liking. I've failed a test I wasn't supposed to practice for, i know it. My heart pounds through my skin as I begin to breath in and out much faster tears threatening to spill over as the warm liquid coats my eyes and a blink them back quickly. "Santana, your results were inconclusive" she whispers in a stern voice.
"Sorry?"
"At every stage of the simulation it will eliminate one or more of the fractions based on the decisions you make. You have three left"
"Three?" I ask with a perplexed gaze, the only fractions I have even so much as thought about have been dauntless and abnegation, a third? I shake my head and she nods.
"I don't have time to explain, but you're in danger the longer you stay here. You display equal aptitude for Abnegation, Dauntless and Erudite."
"What does that mean? I don't belong anywhere?" I frowned, as Kitty shook her head.
" You're a divergent Santana" She whispers fiercely as she looks over her shoulder before opening up the emergency exit behind her "You can't tell anyone, never, not after the ceremony not before. No one can know. Divergent's are seen as a threat Santana and it's extremely dangerous. Do you understand?"
"o-okay" I stutter as she pushes me towards the exit.
"I've entered your test results manually, they won't be able to see the results but they will ask questions, there's never a fault in the system. So I'll tell them the serum made you sick and you couldn't finish the test, that up until that point you were showing clear signs of abnegation so I manually entered you for that... go home; if you stay it'll raise more suspicion."
"What if I don't want to be abnegation?" I plead quickly as the door almost closes between us.
"For your own good you'll stick with what you know and your family. Dauntless isn't cut out for you" she quickly haste's and closes the door behind me.
Would you like me to continue or not? It's very similar to the book at the moment but as the story progresses it will change. Or if you'd like i can keep the plot similar but have Brittana obviously. It's entirely up to you although i have already written 20,000 + words so i can update whenever as long as you want to read on !
