A/N: This is my first try to write an Orphan Black story. After all those fantastic previews and Sneek Peaks how could I not?
This one is just trying to fill the gap between Episode 10 and Season 2. I know it's done already a hundred times but after one promo I just had to. Turned out I'm really out of practice and edited this story far to much. It was supposed to be longer but when I open it again tomorrow I will just change again the beginnig and never come to end and since season 2 is right around the corner it would be pointless to post it later. I know that it laggs on flow on a lot of parts but I can't change it anymore without confusing me more so, hope you enjoy a little
I CAN'T wait for season 2. I mean..we almost made it! I envy the people in New York right now, season the first episode, meeting the cast, Evelyne you little Ms Perfect! How sweet can one person actually be? SEASON 2 is in two days! TWO! Almost ONE! AHHHH! Sorry.
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. If it did, Cosima wouldn't be in danger and neither Delphine or Sarah, Kira, Felix or Allison, NO one! Who am I kidding? I LOVE the drama as long as no one dies I'm good. ;)
Spoilers: Not really. Just the end of season 1. Maybe from the promos and Sneak Peeks.
"When are you going to say it?" Cosima asked, watching how practiced Delphine seemed as she pulled the syringe out of the plastic bag which was meant to hold it sterile. Ironic in a way, she already had a deadly illness, how much danger could a little bacterium actually provide to her? Would the pathogens fight who was allowed to kill her first? Or maybe motivate each other in a sick competition to do their work faster? Was she beginning to lose her sanity already or was it normal to have such thoughts when reality starts to punch you with its cruelty? Delphine didn't seem to share her thought process in the matter and even wore gloves for Cosimas safety, which only served to make the blondes touches so much more clinical, a little bit of human contact after admitting to a deadly disease would be a really nice change. But Delphine seemed to be in doctor-mode since Cosimas admission and her little breakdown. With deep care she'd wiped away the brunettes tears and gave her a lingering smile before she took a small medical bag out of the trunk she brought with her. Since then they sat on Felix' bed and Delphine was preparing everything to take blood samples from Cosima to see what they'd be fighting against, of course with her permission but that was pretty much the only thing the doctor had said to her since then. The doctor, that's what Delphine was right now, a doctor. Not the cool doctor Doctor Who like kind but more the scary doctor Frankenstein type.
"Say what?" Delphine asked distracted and she just took her attention off the vials for a second to look at the small woman in front of her, only to lay her eyes instantly back to her previous task, not able to look at Cosimas fragile form. It seemed so strange to see her this small, so mortal, so human. Not that she ever doubt her humanity but a person so much larger than life suddenly losing her spirit hurt Delphine more than she wanted to admit right now. She needed a few more minutes to collect herself from Cosimas admission and her own fears before she could face her again.
"That I should go to DYAD, accept Leekies offer and let them help me, let them research a cure for me." Cosima explained, trying again to make eye contact with Delphine to look for any kind of reaction; attempts for a deception, fear, science madness, anger, love, anything to show her what was going on in the womans head. But the immunologist avoided her, put her full attention to her upcoming task. So Cosima had to work with what she saw in front of her and for the blink of an eye she could've sworn she saw the immunologist flinch for a moment when she mentioned DYAD.
"I won't ask you that Cosima." At least she got a reply this time, a very soft one, even if it was a little hesitant and made Delphine seemed to be a little edgy. Cosima had the feeling that she would choose her next words carefully. "You already know that it would be a very wise choice to accept the offer, like you said, they could help you develop a cure. There's no need to tell you what you already know, you're too smart to not consider this option but…" Delphine stopped, not trusting her own voice anymore but of course it just served to attract the other womans attention.
"But what? Have you heard them planning my execution as soon as I set a food in the building?" It was meant as a joke, she knew that, Cosima just tried to ease the situation a little, away from the seriousness which taking blood from your lover brought but Delphines uneasiness and her small flinch made Cosima rethink the situation a Iittle.
"Dude, they plan to kill me?"
"Of course not!" she replied resolutely, she wouldn't work for them if she thought they'd ever do something this drastic. The problem wasn't Cosima herself, they would never kill one of the clones if they could prevent it in any way, they were just to valuable, every one of them. The real problem was the illness that seemed to spread through the clones like a wildfire these days. Delphine was one of the immunologists who researched the reason behind the respiration disorder and until a few months ago they didn't even have an idea why the clones got sick in the first place. They had test subjects to test their treatments on but no cure they developed worked, not even for a short time. The last clone they'd lost was Jennifer a few days before Delphine was assigned as a monitor for Cosima. Leekie suggested she'd need a little space after the clones passing since they slowly started to become friends, until the day Jennifer suddenly died.
A new perspective would help her look at things differently and may help her find a cure if she saw one of them in its own habitat. Thinking of him sayingg this now, remembering his grin and his chose of words, Delphine thougt she was going to vomit. Natural habitat, what did he think the clones were? Some kind of animals you could hunt down and study like tourists on a safari? She couldn't believe how stupid she was for believing him even a second. Jennifer was the first clone she'd met in person and was instantly amazed at the power of science, what it could do without limits of money or laws. It was a surreal and at the same time powerful experience and inspiring on so many levels. Since she got into the project there wasn't a day she didn't put all her energy into her work, trying to fulfil her role in the big picture and see where it got her.
She'd seen the test results from Katja, Nadia, Caitlyn and Ann who all suffered from the respiratory disorder. But even with all the amount of research, tests, data, facts and knowledge they weren't able to save them. All the power of science was useless in their cases; nothing they tried had worked in order to save them. Science was useless for those women; something that made them live couldn't save them from dying.
When they'd treated Jennifer with a new cure-experiment they finally thought they'd developed something, that it would help to save her just to be proven wrong a few weeks later when her condition suddenly worsened and she died within a few days under a lot of pain; much more than the others and far more than she should've needed to.
As soon as the test showed that they wouldn't be able to save this clone the scientists didn't even try to reduce her pain level, just did all the testing and samples done they needed for the next patient they'd get, without contaminate the results. It was then when Delphine started to question her belonging in the project for the first time. Leekies must've noticed her hesitance because just as she wanted to ask for a different job at DYAD, away from the clones, he offered her the position as Cosimas monitor, which was a nice distraction at the time. Now she had to ask herself if Leekie knew; if he knew that Cosima would be the next to get sick, the next they'd test on. If his 'watch her in her natural habitat'-speech, meant the habitat where they get sick, see if they've something in common which makes them sick.
Of course they were under pressure of finding a cure, who knew how many others would die if they didn't but Delphine started to feel like that was something they'd never find. That it was gods way of proving them wrong, that they hadn't the power to create life and that this was his way of punishing them. But why punishing those women? They never did anything wrong, they didn't choose this, they had no choice in their own conception, why punishing them and not the scientist behind the project? Like herself. Was Cosimas illness her own punishment? Did god punish the woman she loved to show her her place in the world, that she was just a small human and had no right to make such a deep intervention in the big concept?
God. Why did she bring him into the mix? She didn't even believe in a great force, controlling and observing everything. She was an eugenicists. She believed in the natural selection, the surviving of the strongest organisms and the genetic evolution of the strongest. Those women had the same genetic and it seemed that ultimately they all seemed to break down sooner or later. There were reports which said that some clones didn't even survive their teenage years, died on the illness in young years. The differences between the outbreaks then and now where still unknown to them. It wasn't possible for genetical identicals to have any differences, it shouldn't be possible for genetical identicals to have any differences beside the ones the scientists willingly implanted into their DNA, at least that's what she thought before she'd met Cosima. She always assumed that the clones were similar, maybe not twin like but at least similar in the basics but she had been so foolish. There were so many differences everywhere, personality, habits, attitudes, likes and dislikes, perspectives, gestures, tastes, everything was different. Beside their looks they were different in every way possible and slowly Delphine started to discover this new aspect and what it actually meant for her research but maybe she was to slow to save Cosima.
How did Leekie knew Cosima would become ill? She had looked at the womans latest test results herself and she seemed perfectly fine, then. Excellent breathing results, pulse, heartbeat, everything as it should be, probably even better. There were no signs that something like this would happen and still he seemed to know, it couldn't be a coincidence. Did she miss something? If so, did she miss something with Jennifer too? Something that could've helped her? That could've saved her? And if this was the case would she also miss something now? Something which could help Cosima and save her life? Which could help all of the clones?
The illness was a threat to all of them and Rachel was scared, Delphine was sure of that. Deep down even someone as cold as her couldn't deny that it seemed to be something that could bring her down. The research was pressed by her, quiet, behind the curtains but it was her, Delphine was sure of it. The woman was scared to be the next victim and probably saw her own future every time they lost one of the other clones.
Rachel was dangerous, a desperate Rachel was deadly and Delphines fear for Cosimas safety increased immensely. She knew that it had been on the clones orders that they reduced the pain medication for Jennifer. 'No need to waste resources in a hopeless case.' She'd said when Delphine confronted her about it but to her it seemed more like Rachel wanted to punish the young clone for being so weak and in the end useless to their research. What would Rachel do with Cosima once she laid hands on her?
"Tell me about it. What are your symptoms?"
Cosima shrugged lightly as it wasn't something deadly she was talking about. "Just coughing up blood and short breath immediate after, the usual clone dying disease, I guess." She tried to sound cool, like it didn't bother her so much anymore but she completely failed to convince the blonde, Delphine saw right through it. The small wrinkles around Cosimas eyes, the small quivers around her mouth, the vulnerable look behind her eyes, Cosima was scared and that was something that worried Delphine almost more than the disease itself. It wasn't like her to be scared of anything, it seemed that the illness already took it's toll and Delphine didn't like that one bit. As soon as Jennifer lost her hope she slowly began losing herself and finally her life.
"So you already know a clone who had the same illness? Is she unreported, like Sarah? Do you think we could ask her for some tests?" She asked eagerly, every bit of new information could help now.
"No." Cosima shook her head. "I don't think she was unreported, but she's already dead so no tests from her." Delphine froze, another dead clone and if not unreported she probably knew her too, it had to be Katja she saw her name on Cosimas list. The German was sick for a few months and who knows how long she could've lasted if they hadn't lost her too. Now there was silence again, it seemed like every sentence she said just served to push Delphine more away from her. Was it because of fear for her life or just pure shock of what eventually would happen to her, she didn't know but she decided to correct her previous statement to keep the conversation going. Everything was better than silence right now.
"No, no not from the disease, even if she maybe would be dead by now, but it didn't kill her." Maybe it was her puzzled expression or maybe she wanted to tell her anyway because Delphine could almost see the apology in the small womans eyes for not being more precise and giving her not all information she needed right away and leaving her confused. "She was killed by another clone which was sent to kill us all." She clarified rapidly, trying to back up her speech with the help of her hands, like she always did, as it would naturally clarify everything and not open the door of another horrifying danger she was in. A clone killing other clones. Why?
"But you're save here, right? I mean she won't come and kill you too, will she?" Even if she tried to sound calm, Cosima could still hear the fear and slight panic in the Frenchs voice and it made her happier than she probably should be at the moment. But how could she not? It was the same tone Delphine used when she confronted her about Leekie. There was a deep caring in her posture, even now it seemed that she tried to get a better feeling for her surrounding to see if any danger was near she could protect Cosima from. The woman in front of her was deeply scared for Cosimas life. That was something you could be happy about right?
Cosima shrugged nonchalant as if the thought of Helena being the reason of her probably early dead never crossed her mind. "Well, I'm not sure, I've never seen Helena before but if she does not finish me off, the clone disease will for sure, so it's probably just a matter of time who gets me first." She sounded defeated, like she already accepted her fate as something inevitable and that she will die soon anyway but Delphine wasn't willing to allow her to give up now, not when she finally found her way back to her. Carefully she laid both hands on each side of Cosimas head, slowly making the young woman face her. Now they could look in each others eyes, without any way for either one of them to avoid each other. It was something they both craved for but were scared of giving for so many different reason. Softly Delphine stroked her thumps against Cosimas cheek, trying to bring some hope back into Cosima, not willing to let the young scientist give up that easily.
"Chéri those symptoms could also be something completely different. Maybe a hard case of pneumonia or a chest cold. You ran out to the store just wearing your underwear and your coat a few days ago, it's possible that you caught something then or it also could be something completely different." Any other illness that doesn't end eventually in death. Delphine prays silently but even in her own ears it sounded a lot like denial. Cosimas words were almost the same Jennifer used to describe her own symptoms as well as the reports of the others said. Coughing blood, short breaths after and it wouldn't take long until she wouldn't be able to breath properly after a fit at all.
"Why are you trying to deny this? We both know that it would be a huge, like really really huge coincidence." In her current position Delphine could see in those dark brown eyes, filled with so much, fear, hope, resistance, desperation and clearance that it she had to break the contact before she'd give into her own fears too. So she took Cosimas left arm in search for a vein she could use.
"I know it's just...let us not assume the worst until we have a proof, alright?" Delphine pleaded and Cosima nodded restrained and watched carefully as Delphine sprayed some alcohol on her arm right before she tried to put the syringe into her vein.
"If you don't assume the worst, then why are you shaking?" She asked softly, catching one of Delphines hands in her own.
After Cosima mentioned it she looked at her hands and noticed that she'd been right, she was indeed shaking and she didn't seem able to stop it. "Merde!" She screamed and let syringe fall before she'd hurt the other woman. "I'm sorry." Cosima wasn't sure for what the immunologist apologised exactly. The cursing or the shaking but she had the feeling Delphine didn't know it herself either. So Cosima just sat still on Felix bed and observed her, took in the sight in front of her, how the other woman took several deep breaths in order to get in control of her emotions again but failed miserable. If it had any effect at all it just seemed to worsen. There were tears forming in her eyes now, slowly falling down her rosy cheeks. Slowly Cosima reached forward, taking Delphine in her arms and rubbing her back like she did before. "Shh Delphine. It's okay. Everything is going to be okay," she whispered but immediately felt Delphine shake her head.
"No it's not! You're dying Cosima! You have a deadly disease I worked years on to find a cure and still have no results, no treatment, no idea, no anything to save you. And now I just have a few months to find a solution before your body will fail you completely." Delphine said and shocking herself as much as Cosima with her revelation. She really wanted to believe there were other possibilities, that it could be a different disease, something normal which didn't had the origin in her lover being a clone and now? Now she admitted that she was lying to herself the whole time, lied to Cosima and destroyed any chance of easing the woman into the progress of the degeneration by telling her about the future progress the illness would take. "It's not fair!" She whispered when Cosima continued to rub her back. She shouldn't break down like this, she had no right to do so but it finally became to much for her to handle right now. What ultimately wracked her was that Cosima still had the strength to hold her tight with all of her strength and didn't fall apart like she did. It should be her comforting the small woman, telling her everything would be alright but the opposite happened. Cosima still had the strength to comfort her even if she was the one with so many possible ways to die in a few months.
Beside everything Delphine couldn't bring herself to regret her current weakness. Cosimas arms around her were the only thing which hold her together or more like stopped her from falling apart completely with her own knowledge of the possible future Cosima would've to face. After all that happened between them Cosima was still willing to be near her, comfort her and seemed willing to forgive Delphine her previous mistakes and this realisation just made her sob harder.
"Hey you said it yourself, let's not assume the worst, okay? I doubt I'm immune to pneumonia just because I'm a scientific miracle." A small laugh from Delphine told her that she was on the right path to clear the dark thoughts the French mind was consumed with. "And even if I have the clone-killing-disease, we still have time to figure something out and we're both brilliant scientists and we will figure it out, okay. We'll be a Science-Mega-Force which will show Leekie that the puppet became it's own master."
"Science-Mega-Force?" Delphine asked questioning and broke the embrace to see Cosimas smile grew wider.
"Yeah totally. Two scientists. One is a scientific miracle herself. The other is such a genius that she's already one of the top researchers in her field. It totally justifies the nickname." Cosima clarified and Delphine saw that lovely smile again. The reason she would endure all of this. The reason she'd go back to work for DYAD. The reason she'd question her own believings for. The reason suddenly all she'd been through seemed to be worth it if she could see this smile for the rest of her life. And she would make sure that she would. But for now she would allow herself to stare at this woman, this scientific miracle, the one who turned her world around in less than a few days. So she looked into those deep brown eyes which always seemed to look right into her soul before her gaze went to her lips just to go back to her eyes again which seemed to shine even more now. Of course the other woman noticed her slip and seemed more than willing to fulfil her request as her grin just got brighter but Delphine hesitated, fearing of reading her signs wrong and making her own desires misjudging the entire situation. So her eyes were fixed on Cosimas, observing her closely, when she leaned forward to capture her mouth with her own. Prepared to stop whenever Cosima showed any sign of discomfort. But she didn't, she even leant forward to meet Delphine halfway before she felt the soft feeling of her lips against her own.
Like the first time Cosimas mouth on hers made her feel a sparkle erupt on her lips and spreading through her whole body, awakening every sense from its slumber to concentrate completely on feeling Cosima, the feeling of her lips, her smell, her touches on her neck, the small bites which just made her desire so much more installable. Like the first time, Delphine grabbed Cosimas blue coat and shoved it over her shoulders and over her wrist so that she could throw it loosely to the floor. This time she accomplished the task faster and more successfully than the last time, where her nervousness had clouded all of her steps but had subsided now, even if just a little. She knew what'd come next, knew what Cosima tasted like, knew how to make her groan and where she needed to touch her to make her tremble. Carefully she leant all her weight on Cosima to press her into the mattress of Felix bed, just breaking the contact when Cosima pulled her shirt over her head before she captured her mouth again. Delphine needed this, needed Cosima close to her. Needed to assure herself that the feeling she felt whenever she was with her didn't just affect herself but Cosima too. She needed to feel her, needed to know that she was still there and would stay with her as long as they had each other.
A/N: Maybe I'll post part two too, now that one is posted no reason to change it anymore. Hope you liked it.
Reviews, constructive critism is always welcomed. So tell me or just talk to me. Season 2 guys! AHHH!
