Thanks very much to King in Yellow, whose review of "Stick to the Code" inspired this little alternative flight of fancy.
Kim Possible and ancillary characters (including Drakken and Shego) are copyright Disney.
Stick it to the Code
"I…I can't remember anything, Shego. What just happened?"
Drakken, looking lost, gazed imploringly over the top of his cocoa-moo at his sidekick.
The two were back in the old Caribbean lair. Drakken was wearing a black bathrobe with a blue sash and sitting in his command chair, a steaming mug in his hand, his feet in a basin of hot water.
"I warned you, Dr. D, that a weekend in Vegas with the henchmen was not a good idea. But did you listen? Nooooo. Nobody ever listens to Shego." Her forlorn sigh would have made even Mama Lipsky feel guilty.
Drakken's expression grew even more confused. "But…but…I was in the ocean! Dressed like a pirate! And… Kim Possible was there!"
Shego nodded. "Uh-huh, yep. You guys were staying at that new Vegas resort – Port Mystic Cove Haven, or Rockburyport Plum Peninsula, or something like that. Supposed to look like an 18th century New England village. Don't ask me why – if I'm in Vegas, I'm staying at the Bellaggio. Or maybe New York, New York. But I guess that explains the pirate getup, anyway. Boys will be boys!"
"But Kim Possible?" She shook her head. "I don't even want to think about what kind of sick fantasy you guys were playing out…or where you found a stripper willing to impersonate an underdeveloped teenager with miserable fashion sense."
Drakken's face grew pinched, as if he had just tasted something terribly sour. "No, Shego, it couldn't have been like that. A…a stripper? No…" He looked down and shook his head slightly. Then he looked up with a brighter expression. "Maybe we just paid her to be Kim Possible so we could defeat her! You know, savor the taste of victory!"
Suddenly he looked very forlorn.
Shego was having a very hard time keeping the laughter inside. "Oh boy, Drakken. That's even sadder."
His face fell further.
"Now, don't worry, Dr. D. I made it clear to the henchmen," and she lit up one fist menacingly, "that this weekend was never to be spoken of again. Under any circumstances. I think they got the message. Besides, whatever you guys were up to doesn't reflect well on anyone. Why, if you'd only seen the pictures…." She shook her head again and whistled in a low tone.
"There were p-p-pictures?"
"Don't remember that either, do you, Dr. D?" She winked conspiratorially. "Ok, then, that's probably for the best. Again – not to worry! I tracked down the negatives, and all the digital images…I'm pretty sure I destroyed them all…of course, I'm not 100 percent sure, after all, who could be, in this day and age…and not that I wasn't tempted to keep one or two. I mean, that one of you and the circus elephant! Hoo-boy, that's pretty indelible…but don't worry, the secrets of your big bender in Vegas will remain secret."
Drakken stared at her, utterly agape.
"Now, Dr. D, don't look so shocked. C'mon, like you didn't know that inside the evil megalomaniac was an evil party animal waiting to get out? A couple nights in Vegas, a few too many daiquiris – why, it happens to the best of us."
Drakken was struggling to regain his composure. "Yes, Shego, I'm sure you're right – indeed, I am something of a party animal…I suppose…I mean, you've seen me really cut loose on the occasional karaoke night. I guess it's not too far from that to a…a days-long blackout punctuated by stunts with circus animals and concluding with me dressed as a pirate…"
"Exactly!" Shego hoped that her excess enthusiasm – the only way she could hold herself together – would go unnoticed. "Nothing to worry about."
"I suppose you're right." Suddenly Drakken yawned mightily. "Well, uh, Shego… I'm plum tuckered out." He took a last sip of cocoa-moo, then stood up and set the mug down on the workbench. "I'm off to bed. But thanks for…well, filling me in…"
He walked slowly off in the direction of the living quarters, leaving a trail of wet footprints. Just before leaving the room, he turned back.
"Wait a minute," he said.
Uh-oh¸ thought Shego. Here it comes…
"Why are you being so nice about this?" Drakken asked, suspicion written all over his face.
"Nice? I'm not being nice. C'mon, Dr. D, get with the program. You think my evil career makes great strides when the guy I'm sidekickin' for turns up in period dress with a Kim Possible look-alike?"
Drakken contemplated this response, then nodded slowly. "Yes, Shego, quite right. It does none of us any good to dwell on this. Indeed, we must stick to the code."
Shego paused. "The code?" What? Does he remember something? Is he still possessed? "The…the pirate code?"
"The pirate code? What in blue blazes is that? Now who's being silly? I mean the gangster's code. Omerta? The code of silence?"
Shego breathed a silent sigh of relief. "Oh, yes, of course, that code."
Drakken turned back towards the corridor and exited.
Shego waited until she was sure he was out of earshot, and laughed until her sides hurt. Yo-ho-ho, Cap'n Clueless!
