She wakes up in the middle of the night anxiously calling, "mommy, mommy," staring at the glowing stars projected on her ceiling, turning and turning and twisting her heart inside her little chest. Her mouth frowns and she can't help but whimper pitifully while the door of her bedroom opens.

Her mother's eyes are swollen and her voice is hoarse from sleep. She walks to her with a sympathetic look as she sits on her bed and brushes her fingers along her cheek in a comforting manner. "Oh, sweetie," she says, as the child sits to wrap her arms around her chest. "What's wrong?"

The woman bends herself over the child, shielding her.

"Mommy left," the child cries, wetting the top of the woman's pajamas, "She won't come back to me."

The night is so quiet that her child's voice feels like it's piercing the thick silence. Thankfully her husband sleeps like the proverbial dead, so this little heartbreak in the middle of the night will not disturb him. And after years of waiting around for a children to come, for a miracle to happen to her barren womb, holding her little one to soothe her fear away is a privilege she's not ready to share, just yet.

"Oh, baby, no, Mom is right here with you," the woman smiles, rubbing the middle of the child's back. "Here," she says, holding her tighter to make her feel her presence, "See?"

"Not you," the child says, trying to stop crying long enough to say the words, "My other mommy."

The smile falls from Veronica's face, as doubt creeps inside her mind. She can feel a chill in her bones, her muscles going stiff at the revelation. In another moment, from another child, this would be only an odd result of a fervid imagination, but her beautiful child is different.

Veronica tries not to let her little girl feel her tension, because she wants her to feel safe and protected, always.

"Bonnie…" she says, almost breathless, trying hard to keep her voice steady, "Who's your other mommy?"

#

Veronica wakes her husband at five in the morning because she's tired of waiting around for him to wake up on his own. She can't go on two more hours, fidgeting and pulling on her fingers or she's going to dislocate them.

"We need to talk," she says, shaking him awake as he tries and roll onto the other side. "It's important," she says anxiously, walking around the bed to sit on her heels on the bed.

"No, the Hemsworth brothers do not count as one in your freebie list," he mumbles into the pillow as he stubbornly refuses to open his eyes, trying to shush her away with one weak hand.

"Paul, Bonnie is having strange dreams," she tells him, bending over him like someone could listen.

There's a moment of silence before Paul open one eye warily, "You mean, like, sexual dreams?"

"What?" she asks back, "No, I mean, about her mother," she explains, with no little effort. She's given birth to her baby, had her inside for nine months, woke up at the strangest hours with the oddest cravings - like pork rinds, and pancakes and bourbon (a craving she had to ignore for months even after her delivery) – and now calling someone else Bonnie's mother, it's a cutting pain, one she cannot avoid if she wants to ensure her beautiful child's sanity.

Her husband gives her a confused look, before she explains, "The first one," and he slowly pushes himself off the bed, as the notion sinks in and takes actual shape.

"I need a coffee," he says, now sounding completely lucid.

When Veronica goes to wake up Bonnie, she just slips down under the covers making a human ball of herself to try and sleep some more.

"Baby, it's time to get ready for school," she says, raising the blanket so that her voice won't be muffled by the fabric. It took her quite some time to fall back asleep, so upset she was, and now she's understandably tired, but school won't wait for her to catch up on her sleep and they need to talk to her. Make her understand a few things.

It's the only way to protect her.

"I made your favorites, but your dad is so hungry this morning he's not going to leave you any if you don't hurry up."

"Mmmm," the child seemed to ponder, "Pancakes with whipped cream?" she asks, needing to make sure there's an actual reward for this sacrifice they are asking of her.

"And strawberries!"

Bonnie rolls onto her stomach, defeated, then crawls to the head of the bed where her mom is sitting, waiting for her morning hug.

Bonnie complies, and Veronica picks her up, carrying her into the kitchen. She's not a little kid anymore. She's supposed to walk to the kitchen table like all proper girls but today they both need the closeness. Maybe she needs it even more than the child does.

Bonnie is cutting her pancake with the fork and some effort when her dad starts talking. She's too distracted with the food to look up at him. Pancakes always make her happy and her little legs dangle off her seat.

"Bonnie, you remember how we explained to you that our family is different?"

The child nods her answer as she bites her lover lip, moving the fork like it's a knife and making the pancake almost slide off the plate. Her mother comes to her aid with a fork and a knife, cutting small pieces for her to chew easily.

"We're all witches, but we can't tell because it's our secret identity, like superheroes," she repeats, like it's a Christmas poem. Last year her teacher taught her her very first Christmas poem, and she felt so accomplished she recited the poem every day to her mom.

"Exactly," his dad says with a nod, "You remember Superman?"

She nods again, looking at him as she brings the fork to her mouth and chews her food.

"You remember he was from another planet and was sent to Earth so he wouldn't die? And he was raised like a normal kid from his new parents, whom loved him very much?"

"Yes," she replies happily, "And he lived in a farm, and had all sorts of animals and he even had a horse all for himself!" her legs are swinging faster under the table now, so excited she is.

"You're kind of like him, in a way," he tries to tell her, her little mouth frowning trying to catch the resemblance.

"I'm an alien?" she asks, opening her eyes wide. Her mom laughs at her expression, trying to better explain.

"Your dad didn't mean it like that," she says, pulling her chair so she's sitting closer to the child and can easily stroke her curly hair, "But before you were born to us, you were somewhere else."

"Tommy said that babies are all kept in the stork's nest and the stork delivers them to the house of their parents, was I at the stork's nest?"

Her dad smiles indulgently, "No, baby, you weren't."

"Tommy is so silly," she says, "All boys are silly, I think."

"That's a subject for another moment," her mom says, giving an amused look to her husband.

"Remember that, baby, the first time a guy asks you on a date."

Veronica shakes her head, going back to the previous topic of conversation.

"The dreams you have, about your other mother and your other dad and your friends—" she begins.

"Elena and Caroline!" she names them readily, "Next time I go to sleep I will go to Caroline's birthday party. She said she's going to wear a princess crown because she'll grow up pretty like a princess. I think she's right because she's so pretty already, and if I stay her friend then I'll grow up pretty like a princess, too, because princesses befriend each other, right?"

"You're already daddy little princess," her father tells her with a smile. She faintly remembers her other dad, who's sad now because he misses her mom, but when she's awake and with her family her dream is a bit less real.

"Mom, do you and dad have another child when you sleep?" she asks, curiosity and a tiny bit of jealousy sparking up inside her mind as she raises the fork again with another piece of pancake.

"No, sweetie, you're the only one for us," her mom tells her, pushing a strand of hair off her forehead as she chews.

"Those dreams feel very real, don't they?" he mother asks, and she nods her answer, "You'll keep having those dreams for a long time. In those dreams you'll go to school and parties and grow up and sometimes you'll get hurt, but you should know that whatever happens in those dreams, it's okay, because when you wake up you'll have us and nothing bad that happens when you sleep will keep happening when you're awake, you understand?"

"I think so."

"Good," he mother replies, relieved, "And you can tell me everything you do in your dreams, and everything that upsets you, because I'm always going to be there for you and I'm never, ever going to leave you. But you should remember to not tell other people about it, like we don't tell other people about our family's powers. They wouldn't understand, because they don't have friends waiting for them in their dreams and they'd be confused, and maybe scared."

"I don't like to be scared," the child tells her, fingers playing with the pendant at her neck. Everyone who wears that is part of their community.

"So you understand why you can't tell anyone else but us, right?"

"Yes, mom."

#

Bonnie's teachers are always happy with her, saying that she grasps concepts more quickly than anyone else, that she's an hardworking student, but she doesn't seem as enthusiastic of the compliments most of the time. Veronica reassures her that it's not cheating if she's ahead with the program because she studied those things in her dreams already. It's still her who put the efforts into studying, though it was in another life.

Once, when her first mother left her, she put all her efforts into being the best student she could, the best daughter she could, so maybe one day she would come back, one day she would look at her and see someone worth staying for. The sadness of her dreams spreads to her waking hours but Bonnie is thankful for Veronica. Her second mother doesn't let her indulge in her loss – she has her family, she lost nothing, she won't lose anything anymore – instead, since her studying hours are short, everyday she finds something for them to do together .

Bonnie likes cooking. Mostly, she likes the colorful spices, the smells, the different textures of the ingredients. She loves the ghost of white on her fingertips, the powder on the hair of her arms when she works the mixture with her tiny hands, the faint scent of biscuits left on her skin while she's crouched down on the floor to watch the result of her work taking on a golden hue.

The first thing she makes is a tray of biscuits shaped like hearts and stars and butterflies. She's so excited when her mom puts the biscuits on the table that evening that she can't help herself but hold her breath while her dad has the first bite.

"These are the bests cookies I've ever eaten in my entire life," her dad says, holding the bitten heart with green frosting.

"Really?"

From her first bunch of cookies they save a butterfly with pink wings to place inside a little Plexiglas box. Her mom says that cooking is a bit like making a spell, and she will be a great witch one day.

#

Her first birthday is in February, the second is in May. It gets a bit confusing in the beginning but she gets to have two days of cakes and gifts since she's five years old and she likes that. Her new parents give her all the love she never got the first time around. Every day they try and heal a new wound she got during the night, but they are so fresh she learns never to take it for granted.

While she blows on her candles, another little girl is crying somewhere because her mom left or died, because her parents and her little life fell apart, because she feels lonely. She grows looking out for someone to give a smile to, someone to share her cookies with. She grows up wondering what happened to those people she abandons every night when her Disney clock rings and she must roll out of bed.

One day when she's ten her mom finds her looking through the phone book, looking for Elena's phone number but her mom takes the book away from her and grounds her for a week with no phone and no games. She knows it's not safe to try to find her friends but she misses them and it's so strange to have something happening to her and not having a chance to tell them.

She gets used to it when summer comes. During the vacations they both leave with their parents and her dad sends her to summer camp. It's not that bad because she's quiet and flies under everyone's radar. The only one she speaks to is Matt.

Matt is nice, he teaches her to swim and always smiles at her even though his dad left and his mom is a mess.

During the day Bonnie makes new friends for her new life. The one friend she likes the best is Morgan, she wears the necklace. They grow close and stay so despite their distance and the fact that they only meet when Bonnie and her parents spend summer in Hana, an unspoiled beauty dangling from the island's northeastern tip. It's so isolated from the rest of Malibu that the kids are forced to make friends much faster. In such a place shyness is silly and lonely, and Morgan is not silly at all. She has raven hair and a pretty, bratty step brother, one year younger than her.

Their personal ritual is to play pranks on each other during the night. He filled her bed with frogs once, and she's hidden clocks in every corner she could find, setting them up so they would ring twenty minutes of each other for the whole night.

For twenty days they go around Hana, ignore the usual ban and reach the red beaches, closed in between cliffs. A living painting of red and blue that always makes her feel a bit breathless.

For the rest of the year Morgan is one text-message away and it's easier to make new friends when someone is having your back.

#

When she's fifteen, Caroline nags her so much to have her sign up for the cheerleading's audition that she ends up doing just that, while she's awake. She must do the same when she sleeps so Caroline will finally stop rumbling and begging and leave her alone.

She ends up passing both the auditions, but it's hard not to get confused with the choreographies of the different teams. She even shows up to practice during the wrong day and since there's no way she can change a life she's already lived she must give up her new team and her new friends.

She's been able to be one of the cool kids for a month, until it became too much for her. She loved cheerleading. She could do everything her teammates could, and knew the movements better, yet the overlapping made her feel like she was constantly on the verge of screwing up in front of everyone making the whole experience horrible.

She switches to the gymnastic team and gets easily used to her palms white with chalk. She gets to the high school championship her first year on the team and her dad becomes a diehard fan, going from knowing not a thing about gymnastics to talking about scores and rules and watching all the competitions he can, even if she doesn't take part in them.

Bonnie is not the best of the team but she's up there, and though she struggles a bit with the uneven bars she loves the balance beam, and especially the floor exercises. The spring floor provides both a firm surface and an extra bounce so, despite the seriousness she displays on it, she feels like she's still a kid, jumping on the bed though her mom told her not to.

All the concentration she must use during her exercises become useful when her magic starts to act up. The first time it happened she was thirteen and had her first period. Her body refused to have it again, after that. The doctor said it was normal, periods can be unstable in the beginning and she was not eager to worry about tampons and the sex speech. A female teacher gave them all one, one lifetime ago and she absolutely forbids her mom from giving her a second.

Her teammates from the cheerleading squad came to root for her at a few of her competitions. Davin Baker – a popular basketball player – and Chris Cameron – an athlete of the male gymnastic team – were there for all of them, though she never knew why. She could never miss them because the girls were always talking about one or the other while she sat in a corner trying to concentrate on her next exercise.

One day, while she's practicing alone, she loses her balance during a dance element and falls. Chris – on his way out from the gym – throws his bag to the ground and rushes to her. She has sprained her ankle a bit and there are tears in her eyes when he probes her bones with his calloused fingertips, more out of embarrassment than pain. And to his "I'm sorry", she can't reply much because he kisses her out of the blue.

He doesn't ask for her number, doesn't ask her to a date, but he shows up to her competitions. She crosses him at school when they go to their own practices and he always steals a glance in her direction. She doesn't know if he's just shy or if that kiss was some sort of regretful mistake for him, so she pushes the idea aside and pretends it never happened.

To reciprocate her cheerleading squad's support Bonnie goes to the basketball matches every now and then. At the last game of the season her school's team gets a crushing victory and in the general turmoil, when she gets down from the bleachers to celebrate with her friends, someone sweaty and with hard fingers pulls her towards him and kisses her. It takes her a moment for the notion to reach her brain and for her to push him away. Though he lets her, Davin Baker is smiling at her and people are cheering all around and less than one hour later every single student knows what happened.

It's juicy gossip, until Davin and Chris beat each other up in the parking lot. They both get suspended for a week and refuse to say what they fought for.

#

Bonnie's first time is with Tyler Lockwood. Well, her first, first time. It's summer camp and Matt is not around because his sister got into trouble and he's playing the part of the adult. Tyler and Bonnie are sort of friends, and they decide to experiment. He might be an asshole with anyone else, but he's kind to her and she's a practical girl, scared of romance. Her dad fell in love only to be abandoned with a kid he doesn't know how to be around, and is still trying to glue his heart back together though it's been years.

Caroline had sex for the first time almost one year ago, and Elena shared that with Matt. She's the only one left out from knowing what it feels like and having sex out of curiosity, rather than love, seems a good way to exorcize the expectations of first love.

It's a bit messy, and a bit embarrassing, but it's not bad. To Bonnie, now, the fact that she cannot think fondly of that moment, cannot tremble remembering the first touch and the first kiss and waking up next to him, seems like a void.

She decides she's going to concentrate on school, and gymnastic and magic and co-exist with her hormones until she's in love.

#

Her grandmother tells her she's a witch, but she thinks she's becoming senile. The Bonnie she was is actually behind on her learning when it comes to magic. It's the first time she doesn't feel like she's running to catch up with her first try at living.

#

Stefan feels like death, and Caroline is desperate for love, and Elena is doing her best. Bonnie manages to live with it all like a juggler throwing balls in the air, but Damon Salvatore is something else. He can have everybody else fooled but not her.

#

Her first life is as messy and painful and the second is warm and safe. It makes her think Davin is the right one. Maybe they'll date through all high school and college, and get married and have babies; or maybe not. He loves her, or so she feels most of the time, but his popularity seems like a third wheel between them and they fight because of it. They break up once more, but it's nothing new because they always go back.

#

Her first time is with Chris Cameron, on the spring floor of the school, one afternoon they accidentally meet, thinking the gym would be empty. He's very cute, and very blond, and every muscle of his body seems like a cord she can hold on to. He leaves white traces on her stomach when he drags his fingers, and murmurs that he's sorry he was so stupid. She always made him so nervous.

She does not regret it, and yet this was not supposed to happen with him, not here nor now.

It turns out her second shot at life is messy as well.

#

Holly Brooks is always around Davin – not to her surprise – and he's flattered and probably horny. It all gets washed away the moment he realizes Bonnie had her own share of attention, too.

Chris wants to be with her. Chris is sweet, handsome and he loves palms white with chalk. She was not conscious of her own attraction for him until he kissed her again, that afternoon, on the spring floor.

It's too much for her. She can't even count on her past life to begin to know what she's supposed to do in this kind of situation. She was always the friend back then, always invisible, in between the shadows of Elena and Caroline.

She asks her parents to send her to visit Morgan during Christmas break, so they can spend New Year's Eve together. They aren't happy to have her away but she's growing up. She's a teenager and needs her space so they let her.

#

Damon drives her crazy and she starts picking up the bad habit of biting her nails.

He walks around Mystic Falls like he's the knight in shining armor for healing Caroline though all that happened is his damn fault.

She should have burned him alive the first time she had a chance.

#

Everything that happens is his fault, but Elena can't see that. She's too soft, too in love with Stefan, and Damon is charming around her. But Bonnie is not someone he can manipulate.

Bonnie is someone who wakes up crying.

She blames it on a stupid nightmare when Morgan asks and they spend the day pampering themselves and getting ready for New Year's Eve.

Morgan lives in Los Angeles, and she brings her to one of the free events taking place in the city, in Grand Park, beyond where numerous stages are set up with live entertainment. On the tallest building the neon sign 2030 is about to light up. There are food vendors throughout and circumscribed zones where fireworks are arranged. The colors are so vivid, so stunning over the Park, on the walls of the fairytales castles built for the occasion that Bonnie spends her time with her head titling up and her eyes lost on the crowd and the attraction.

She does not realizes she's lost Morgan's hand until she speaks and, not hearing her reply, she turns around not to find her anymore. She thinks someone has called her name but someone bumps into her pushing her away.

Bonnie picks the phone from her pocket, walking to a bench and stands on it to look upon the people, then sends her a message to let her know where she's waiting for her. It's then that she sees him.

It's clearly a trick of her mind. She hates him so much the idea of him torments her even when she's awake. But she looks and looks at him, and though the violet lights do nothing to highlight his perfect complexion or his never-changing appeal, she recognizes him. Damon is staring at a couple—a black girl kissing her boyfriend while she holds him down by the collar of his jacket. The girl giggles against the boy's mouth and Damon just stands there. And it's so easy.

People are calling the countdown, screaming the numbers happily and no one hears her murmur the words. No one notices one of the trench mortars titling suddenly down. The firework explodes and it would take his head off if it wasn't for Caroline pulling him away. There's a groan in the crowd, someone is trying to calm everyone down, and someone pulls Bonnie's hand to call her attention.

Caroline is as pretty as she was the day she got out of the hospital after she was turned. Stefan is at her back with his hands in her pockets. And while she takes both vampires' hands to pull them towards something she can't see, she looks happy.

Morgan smiles up at her, and Bonnie gets down from the bench.

She swallows as she tries not to think about the fact that she could have injured a human being because of Damon. Because of Damon who tries to hurt Caroline and yet makes her happy. She cannot reconcile the two notions, cannot understand what happened a lifetime ago that now her friend is so comfortable with both Salvatores.

She wishes she could go to Caroline and hug her. She tells herself that one day she will.

#

His face pops into her retinas and she can hear him asking, "So, there's no way to increase your odds?" When she wakes up in her bed, the phantom warmth of his chest against her back lingers.

He's probably broken their deal and finished her, letting Elena think that Klaus had gotten to her.

For a moment, though, while he tried ridiculously hard to fake utter indifference for her life, she had believed he cared a little bit.

Her stomach hurt from shame and disappointment for the whole day. She must avoid both Chris and Davin because she can't think of anything but the fact that, for a moment, she had let herself count on him. And she had never counted on anyone in that damn life.

#

Klaus is a problem, and Damon is a pain in the ass, but he saves her life. It irks her to know she own him one.

Her first real date with Chris is something out of a movie, but when he kisses her neck she freezes thinking of vampire fangs, and Damon, and Alaric, and the scars he could find on her skin. Of course Chris finds none, but he thinks that maybe he's rushing her and so he stops. Bonnie finds fourteen messages from Davin on her phone when she decides to turn it on.

#

It's her graduation and she's almost nineteen and top of her class. And she's dead. It's not like she did much with her life, anyway.

#

"You did what?" she asks Morgan, voice shrill with surprise, and maybe a little fear.

"My God, don't be so dramatic, Bonnie, we both know they will jump at the chance to have you, so relax." Her friend's voice is so calm, almost bored, as she shrugs away her worry. "It's been raining for the last week here, and—"

"How can I relax? You just signed me up for an audition without telling me, and it's next week!"

"We should be thankful you're supposed to dance and not sing, because if you keep screaming this way you'll go aphonic soon, sweetie."

"Morgan, I can't do this." There is a slight panic in her collected voice. She's tempted to go hide under the bed together with the monsters that scared her when she was a child.

"I'm not having this stupid conversation with you," Morgan decides, like she decides so many things when it comes to her. Bonnie is a bit of a scaredy-cat when it comes to herself. It appears always so clear to her, where she got it wrong in her past life, how suicidal she was for her friends – for their love – and she tells herself she wouldn't do that anymore, but people never change. Not really. You can scrape away layers, fix a bad habit here and there (she stopped biting her nails) but something in their core stays the same. "You can do this, you're the best, and I saw you staring at those dancers, and I know you've been wondering if you could do it, too, if that could be your life. Well, you're going to find out. And you're going to keep a seat for me at your first performance," she clarifies. "I never went to Broadway," she adds, thinking aloud. In the background she can hear Morgan's stepbrother yelling that she must keep one for him too. He was cute as a child, now he's handsome. Golden hair, square jaw, and that smirk of his that drives Morgan insane.

Sometimes, for old time's sake – or maybe for other reasons entirely – they still prank each other.

#

This time, she knows, she's not coming back. Yet, she's sticking around Jeremy – though she knows now she did not love him as she believed, she's watching over her father – though she can say he did the same for her when she was alive. She's trying to make her friends feel peace over her departure, to leave them some love. That love she should have used on herself.

It is sad that her life was so short, that she never got to be loved, that no one ever fought for her. Maybe that is why she found herself in between Davin and Chris. Because Jeremy cradled her cold body and went to Denver. Because Elena cried for her and went on. Because Caroline was a mess but always of the most beautiful kind.

Because Damon called her an "idiot" and did not bother with her funeral.

Well, it's not like she ever cared for him, either.

#

Her head is so busy trying to wrap around Damon's words—"So, you're really not coming back?", "I fucking hate you", and "You're so not funny"—and the number of his thick, black, absurdly long lashes that the audition comes and goes. They tell her immediately that she has passed it. She got the scholarship.

"I told you so," Morgan says the very moment she answers Bonnie's call.

"You don't even know if they liked me," she tries to protest.

"Did they like you?"

"Yes."

"I told you so," she repeats, flatly. "I'm going to make myself a pretty dress for your first performance. Long, in red silk and gold. I'll steal your spotlight," she threatens playfully. Bonnie feels so light she has no trouble giving it away.

"You always do," she tells her with a smile in her voice.

"How true," Morgan replies, dramatically.

#

She needs to think about her future. About her past. She really can't think about boys now.

#

She has a wet dream about Damon. While she's awake.

"That's called a sexual fantasy," Morgan corrects her.

"It's not," Bonnie replies, her voice shrill. It's all his fault, as usual. She was having a dramatic moment by Jeremy's side and then she bumped into him—half undressed, lowered zipper, giving her a glimpse of his sex, half hard and tucked inside his jeans. And then he began talking to her, though he did not even know she was there. And he called her pretty, and he was angry at her for dying, and he could not stop thinking of her in the most inopportune moments. And it got to her. Okay? It got to her, for a moment.

"And that's your panic voice," her friend says, mercilessly, "Which you have whenever you must face something you know cannot avoid."

"I'm not attracted to Damon," she states, trying to keep her tone under control. She cannot be attracted to Damon. Wherever he is right now, he loves Elena. He would always love Elena. And why is she even thinking about that? She does not care. She has a new life and he's just someone she almost killed once, during New Year's Eve.

"Can you not play the fool, please?" she asks, bored.

"Oh, the pot calls the kettle black!" Bonnie bites her tongue the moment the words slip from her. Of all the things she could possibly say, she said the only one that could hurt her.

There's a moment of silence. Morgan is not like Bonnie. Morgan does not panic. She shuts down. It's something she picked up in the orphanage. When something hurts her, she goes away, disappears behind her green eyes.

Her tone is practical and impersonal when she says, "I'm busy, let's talk another day."

Bonnie has no time to protest before she hangs up on her.

#

He screams that he doesn't care but his mind drags her along though Mystic Falls and has him talking to the her that's in his head. It's so strange that of all her friends, of all those she died for, the one that cannot let go of her is the one that could swear on anything, dead or alive, that he would have killed her with his own hands if it came to that. It's so strange that of all her friends, of all those she died for, he's the one that makes it hard to let go of her life.

#

"I'm so sorry," she sends.

She stares at the phone waiting for her friend's reply.

"I know," appears on her screen five minutes later.

"You were right," she admits with effort.

"I know," she writes back, again. She can see his blue eyes as he stares at her, sitting on his lap in Elena's body, his fingers wrapped around her wrist, holding her like he could grip her soul with bare hands, asking, "Are you gone, then? For good?" like someone stole all the air form his dead lungs.

It takes her while to be able to write the words, because there is a part of her that still cannot believe it.

"I think he missed me."

"Can you tell me something I don't know, already?"

#

She's busy making arrangements for her transfer in New York City. It's exciting and scary and every now and again she must stop herself from calling the whole thing off.

Morgan sends her the same text message every day. You can do this.

#

It's not against the rules. Yes, her mom had forbidden her to call anyone from her previous life, because it could screw them up, but that seemed excessive considering that they were all part of the Your Friendly Vampire Neighbor Club, and she's not exactly breaking them, anyway.

She just likes to hear the sound of the working connection, know that the phone rings into a house in the State of Virginia, but she always hangs up at the third ring.

The Salvatores still have a home phone. It's an ancient house and Damon was a bit fixated with keeping things clean and intact. Strange how little a vampire can like changes.

Every day she calls. At different times, for different reasons, it becomes a comforting habit, like wearing the socks her mom made her whenever she feels homesick.

They probably don't even live there anymore, because someone could notice the little detail about them never getting older, but it makes her feel like there's still a string that holds them together. That's enough for her.

He can never give up on a single thing, and she should know it by now.

She had a daily routine, she had a sound schedule. She had a phone call no one ever answers to.

And he went and screwed it for her.

His voice is a bit flippant, a bit raspy, distracted like he was doing something mundane like writing down the list of detergents he needs to buy for the house.

"Hello," he just says. Her heart beats so fast it gets painful. It knocks the breath out of her and the cell phone falls from her hand like it burned her.

It takes her a moment to understand. It takes her a moment to see, that it actually did.

#

She goes home to pack her bags, wish good luck to the friends that are about to begin college. She makes heart-shaped cookies for her parents, they will last for weeks.

Her dad is the one to cry shamelessly because his baby girl is growing up. He tells her if she can stay nineteen forever he'll raise her pocket money.

#

She's supposed to start at the Broadway Dance Center in four days and she tells her parents she wants to arrive earlier to get accustomed to the city, which she does, after taking a little detour into Virginia.

The Grill has become The Velvet Zone. It's classier and more intimate and she feels out of place ordering a diet coke. In the background an old song is playing (Welcome to the fallout, welcome to resistance, the tension is here, between who you are and who you could be, between how it is and how it should be). She tells the waitress that she's a photography student and she's heard there's a beautiful ancient property in the neighborhood, which she'd like to immortalize.

She tells her she might be lucky, someone of the family always show up during this month, every year and maybe if she asks they would let her take a peek inside. But, she warns her, they are strange people, maybe with blue blood, that would explain the fact that the same names are passed on from generation to generation.

But now that she's so close she cannot bring herself to walk to the Salvatore boardinghouse. She shouldn't have come in the first place, she thinks paying for her coke and leaving the place.

Bonnie is walking to her car when she hears it, voices hissing and then a trash can being pushed to the ground. She can see the lid rolling on the concrete and falling on the ground when it hits the walkway. She walks carefully towards the noise, presses herself flat against a wall, peeking to see him pinned to the wall by two vampires, while a third one holds up a stake.

"Do you need me to draw you a map?" Damon snarls, wide eyes staring mockingly like he's not really the losing party in all this, like he's got a dying wish to fulfill.

"Idiot," she murmurs to herself.

The vampire pulls back his arm only to give more force to his blow, but before the stake can sink into Damon's chest something gives away under him. The vampire leg suddenly breaks making him groan in pain. He falls, almost comically, to the concrete. His partners in crime are so surprised it's easy for Damon to overcome them.

The healing factor kicks in soon enough and though one is left on the ground, grey and about to become a dry branch for kids to stumble on, one manages to grab Damon. He can easily fight him off but the last vampire standing is about to take advantage of his distraction.

Damon tears an arm off of his aggressor while, in front of him, the last vampire left standing catches fire. Damon is confused, stares at the pile of bones and skin burning, watches the vampire scream and thrash on the concrete while he tries, uselessly, to extinguish the fire.

With the light behind him, when he turns around, it's easy for Bonnie to see his face. The high cheekbones, the marble-like skin, the perfect face that leaves her dreams only to hunt her down when she wakes.

She shouldn't be here. This is not her place. (I dare you to move, like today has never happened, like today has never happened before.)

("Bonnie?" he asks, to the empty alley.)

#

She had believed he had been tempted to kill her, she had believed he really did not care. She had even been angry for letting herself trust him for a moment. Until she's one step away from the afterlife and sees it, a sort of alien devotion, something he's not ready to accept, something for which he would die before letting show.

Only, she died first.

#

This is stupid, she thinks. It's been years now. It's been years and she's probably just hiding behind a dream, because she's scared of real life, of real boys.

"Maybe," Morgan tells her with a shrug, breathing in the smell of her dark coffee. "Or maybe not," Bonnie can read in her eyes though she's merciful enough not to say it.

Since she started her year at Parson it's easier for them to meet each other. Her adoptive parents pay almost 40,000 dollars for her tuition but her mother is ecstatic and her father is probably already thinking about the possibility of expanding their empire of luxury cars to add a fashion branch to serve the wives of his wealthy clients.

Morgan always took as little advantage of the family money as she could. It did not feel right to her, being an outsider. One day, when she was ten she saved their only child from a car accident, pushing him away from harm's way. From that she got a scar next to her right eye and a place in a family that adores her, but she likes to be alone. Bonnie knows that a part of her is always bracing herself for the moment when she will be alone again, and it makes it easier to tell herself that – should the moment come – she would be ready.

Her phone rings next to her cup, and she suppresses a smile reading the text.

"You still hate each other guts?" Bonnie asks, feeling stupid in playing this game.

"Of course, it's mandatory," Morgan replies taking a sip of her coffee. Red lips stain her cup. She pushes back a lock of long raven hair and Bonnie can read the words on her the shirt, short sleeves rolled up, I wanna die with you once or twice.

"When you talk to him, tell Arthur I said 'hi'", Bonnie says, shaking her head. She turns her head with a sigh, and meets the bartender eyes.

He always looks at her.

#

"Don't." his begging voice becomes hard. "Don't go. You owe me. You owe me big time and I swear to God if you leave me now I'll hunt you down and ruin your next life, too." In her mind she can see it, what he was looking at that night in Los Angeles. The black girl kissing her boyfriend. The girl that, for a moment, he thought was her. "There's not a rock large enough for you to hide under, Bonnie!" he promises.

He's angry, on the verge of showing his elongated canines, and nothing ever looked so sweet to her.

"I'll find you," he warns her, holding her tightly by the shoulders. "If you try and leave me I'll find you and—"

The words play inside her head again and again, throughout all the day and when she looks inside her purse to take the money and pay for her coffee she doesn't give attention to the receipt. She always orders the same drink, always sits at the same table, in the same corner of the café.

She's always wanted the same thing.

It's the color on the receipt that gets her attention. She can see red ink and a few words on a receipt that reads $0.00 where $3.90 should be. The words read go out with me and the bartender shows up in front of her with the tray at his side, ready to take away her empty cup and her answer.

She's surprised and flattered and for a moment she thinks she's going to say yes.

"I can't," she says, "I have a boyfriend," she lies, and yet she doesn't.

#

She feels a bit like one of those crazy fan girls, waiting under sun and rain to see their imaginary celebrity boyfriend that doesn't know they exist.

Morgan insists that she should meet him, tell him she's alive. It would be quite easy to know where to find him. The witch community has a large network, they know everything – it's the key to staying out of trouble – and they know where Stefan and Caroline live. But it doesn't feel right, showing up at their door like this to ask about Damon.

The moment she meets Caroline, she could abduct her. And though it would offend her friend greatly, she wants to see Damon first. She wants to see Damon most.

It's crazy, and impulsive, but she does it before she can stop herself. She thinks of another way to contact him, a message to send that he alone will understand. Morgan stops outside their favorite café, pressing the newspaper to the glass, right in front of her face. Yeah, okay, maybe not exactly him alone.

The raven haired girl rushes inside, her balance perfect on her heels. The thin material of her delicate shirt falls off her left shoulder while her long braid rests on the other.

"You did this," she whispers, eyes glinting with mischievousness. "Admit it!"

Bonnie bites her lower lip, rolling her eyes.

"I knew it!" Morgan triumphantly says, tapping her pointer finger on the newspaper placed on the table in between them.

"The ghost in the machines(s)," the article on the third page titles. Morgan picks it up to read aloud "Manhattan Bridge Archway Plaza has played host to all kinds of artistic and expressive events in New York City since it opened in 2008, including live music performances art installations, but now it has taken it up a notch. Every night the air fills up with the music of the romantic, soulful ballad 'These arms of mine'. If in the beginning it had been ascribed to some sort of advertisement campaign, and later to a bizarre trick of an ingenious mind, now everyone has been left talking about love stories from another time. People of every age show up every evening, to witness to the inexplicable event; every car radio, TV and musical device of every kind turn on at the same moment, broadcasting the same song for two minutes and half. Rather than being scared about talks of ghosts and horrid deaths, strangers gather together and dance to the romantic tune. They believe someone is calling for their lover, waiting for them to show up to a date long set. Whoever the lonely lover might be, they are determined to keep them company until they can finally meet again. And, in the meanwhile, dance."

"This is one hell of an invitation," Morgan says, beaming.

"He didn't answer it, yet," Bonnie replies, trying not to sound disappointed. Every night she shows up at Manhattan Bridge Archway Plaza and stays in a corner, waiting.

"This is the first article about it, but the news will reach him soon." There is no doubt in her voice or in her mind. "He'll remember the song, and connect the dots." He will come, Bonnie thinks for a second, he will. Maybe that's what scares her the most.

#

But another week passes and he never appears. Every night she's there for two minutes and half, her heart drops a little with every note and when the song is over her step is slow and it takes her forever to be back home. In a way, she feels like she's been waiting forever to be home.

Maybe she would give up if it wasn't for Morgan, for her sudden, unshakable romantic heart. One night, sixteen days after the article was published she's late to show up. People are gathered there whispering, because it's two minutes past the usual time and the music hasn't started.

Bonnie rushes under the bridge with a fast step, slipping the charge of her taxi inside the pockets of her shorts, covered by a flowery swingy tank. It's longer then the cut jeans she's wearing, it has a lightweight fabrication with sweep ruffle details along the V neckline, side vents and rounded hem, making her look effortlessly pretty though she's tired, having finished her practice in theatre later than usual. The hair at the back of her neck sticks to the skin because of the quick shower she took.

She slows down in the middle of the street, wondering why the hell she's doing all this. He's not coming. He's not coming.

But people are there, waiting and hoping and maybe someone will have better luck, maybe someone will ask a stranger for a dance and in those two minutes and half their lives will change for the better.

Every phone, every radio and device starts playing their song. The warm lights under the bridge make for a soft setting. She stands alone in the middle of the street while everyone is dancing, and it's fine, she supposes.

But not everyone is dancing.

She sees him standing there, jet black hair, hands in his pockets. He has his back to her, as he watches about himself and she's walking towards him before she can decide to do so. Maybe it's her steps that he hears, or maybe he can feel her eyes on his back, but he turns around and his eyes are on hers.

The blatantly indifferent expression on his face falters, and his thick lashes tremble around his blue orbs. She can see his Adams apple bobbing up and tries her best to smile at him. She's happy and horribly scared, because maybe he didn't think of her in all those years, because maybe he fell in love and got away from madness, because maybe he realized he really did not care that much about her.

It takes her some effort and all the breath he stole from her to say, "I told you I'd find you first."

Damon releases the breath she didn't know he was holding. There's something almost maniacal in the way he smiles and takes her face to pull her towards his mouth. His mouth is firm and implacable. The song ends and people leave and he's still kissing her, making her lungs burn for lack of air. Making all of her burn. Bonnie fists the leather of his jacket, uses the grip of her slender fingers to keep herself up because her knees are trembling, and when he lets her breathe again his mouth keeps on touching her with pecks and brushes.

Bonnie licks her lips tasting him on her mouth. Her eyes raise to meet his, and her sight is almost blurred because of his feverish kisses. "I take you remember me?" she tries to joke, her voice croaky and her breath labored.

"I don't know," he replies, grinning down at her with a charm she's not prepared for. "Why don't you refresh my memory?"

And he's kissing her again.

#

Note: First thing first, I hope I didn't ruin the story for anyone, but this has been in my head for a long time, since before the end of Preludio and I finally felt okay going back to the story. You probably noticed, I've let my love for a ship from another show make a brief appearance. The words on Morgan's shirt are a quote from the song "Dog Walk" by Pity Sex. The songs I used in this story are "Dare you to move" by Switchfoot and, of course, "These arms of mine" by Otis Redding. In the future (don't ask me when) I could probably come back to this and add one more chapter, but I hope you can be okay with just this for now.