TITLE: The Promise
AUTHOR: Vid Z.
PAIRING: Harm/Jen
WARNING: Fluff
TIMELINE: Season 8, Critical Condition, before they found out Bud would live, after Harm's flight to divert the dirty nuke
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the TV show JAG are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this fic. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: this's been on my hdd for a long time, nearly finished, just needed a final touch. Thank qball, guys, for prodded me into finally getting a move on with posting this baby.
SUMMARY: Harm made a potentionally permanently-life-changing promise to a woman a few years ago, what happens when the time for her to cash it in has finally come?
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Harm threw himself on the bunk, exhausted from the day's events.
Another day, another near-death experience, another interesting and new way he could've died.
He'd been lucky this time, but he knew that his luck was going to run out one day.
He never went looking for trouble, but trouble always seemed to find him well enough on their own. Today it was another such occasion and he'd returned completely exhausted.
Mentally, emotionally and physically.
All he wanted to do was lay back, close his eyes and sleep until the ship dropped anchor in Norfolk.
But he had only a few hours until he would have to get back to work again.
He was just dozing off when he heard a hesitant knock on his hatch.
Groaning, he pushed himself off the bed, out of the warm nest of blankets, and made his way towards the hatch.
'If this is Mac, I wonder if I could persuade her into giving me a back massage.' he thought while trying to stretch out the kinks in his back, reminding him once again that he wasn't as young as he used to be.
The older he got the more grief he was getting from his back. Being in one position for too long caused him pain, if he was sitting on the ground he couldn't get to his feet that easily anymore. This was the price he'd paid for following his dreams and his ancestors' footsteps by becoming a fighter pilot, but he wouldn't have changed a thing.
Well, except for the fact that he was 38 years old and still lonely and alone.
Despite the recent events that had forced them to work together better, there was still noticable coolness in his and Mac's relationship, whatever their relationship was at the moment, there was not much chance of them ever having anything deeper than friendship. The damage they'd done to each other over the past few years would guarantee that any deeper involvement would end up badly and futher drive them apart, if that was even possible anymore.
The mess that had started because she'd interpreted his, admittedly less-than-articulate, plea for more time as a rejection in Sydney and then just continued making it worse with every action she took, had nearly destroyed the bond they'd had. As it was, it was just a single, thin, weak thread now, beginning to fray; the only remnant of a once-thick, carrier-anchor-chain in diameter and strength, steel rope.
The fact that it had taken them nearly a whole year to become something of friends again, nowhere near to what they'd had before Mac had gotten noticably cooler towards him when he'd left for flying, said a lot about them ever having possibility to have a chance for more.
If they were that bad at friendship and Mac that bad at forgiving and good at keeping a grudge and making him pay for what she thought of as his letting her down or betraying her (even though they weren't in a relationship nor had any such commitment to each other), and with him that bad at explaining his intentions and feelings and the way he thought, said a lot about how they'd do in a relationship, how strong they would be and just how they as a couple would survive their fights. Meaning: they wouldn't and it would've been a very messy and nasty break-up.
Harm knew they had a deal, their 5 year deal, but he was no longer sure he even wanted to make good on it. He knew he'd promised, but there was no way that he would help bring a child into this mess, this mostly-unstable relationship.
Sure, every couple has their downs, but with them it seemed that they had only the downs these last 3 years (and it didn't look any better for the future, even worse) and that was no environment in which to raise a baby. It would not be fair to the child to bring it into this kind of a dysfunctional relationship.
But how to explain that to Mac without making her hate him forever and driving them even further apart? Did SHE even want his child still? He doubted it, she'd made sure since having taken Brumby's ring in Sydney that Harm understood that she was no longer interested in him, much less wanted his baby. Brumby's yes, but not Harmon Rabb Jr.'s.
Which is why Harm had decided that this would be the first, and hopefully the only, promise that he'd ever break in his life.
He would hopefully someday be ready to move on and find happiness with someone else.
Start a relationship with a clean slate, instead with one completely dirty.
Give both of them, him and Mac, a chance to move on and find real happiness, because they would never find it with each other. For, as long as they would be orbitting around each other in this endless, destructive dance, there would be no happiness for either of them, just never-ending pain and heartbreak. For them and for the people that would get caught in it. It was time to break this eternal cycle of misery.
He was however very willing to repair their friendship and Mac's answer to his request for a massage would be a very good indicator on how they were standing.
But for now all these issues had to be pushed aside, until Bud's fate was more certain. Bud had to come first.
After Bud's survival and rehabilitation would be guaranteed and he was back home, only then could Harm dedicate himself to assigning resources to repairing his friendship with Mac.
He opened the hatch to come face to face with his late-night visitor.
Jen staggered down the corridor, exhaustion pulling at her.
The events of the last few days had left her completely wiped out.
The emotional stress, coupled with physical and mental, had conspired to rob her of her energy reserves and now she was barely able to walk.
Yet she had to do what she was forcing herself down these never-ending passageways for.
LT Roberts, one of the few people, besides CDR Rabb, that were genuinely friendly to her, had stepped on an AP (anti-personnel) mine and lost his leg.
His survival had been confirmed only a short hour ago and everyone, after hours of anxious waiting for the news, had left to finally get some much-needed rest.
Yet, she couldn't relax.
Her mind was working overtime, preventing her body to relax enough to rest.
The recent events that she herself had witnessed had just served to remind her of how short and how uncertain life is.
We are here one second and dead the next.
Same goes for the people we care about.
Death separating us from them forever.
Death making sure that they would never know how much we care about them, what they mean to us, how much better, more worth living our life is just because they are part of it.
Specifically one Commander Rabb.
She knew she was the one who'd turned her life around, was making strides in her career under her own will and power, yet she was also completely honest to herself that, had it not been for Harm, him being who he was, him believing in her and supporting her, she would now be in Leavenworth serving her time before being released and going back to the life she'd lead before she'd entered the Navy.
It was definitely a life that made her shudder at the mere thought of it.
It's amazing what a difference the right person, at the right time, in the right place, can do. Had it not been for him, her life would've been so much worse.
She was really lucky to have gotten Harm as her lawyer. After her Article 32 hearing she'd done some inquiries.
While her sources all said that HQ had good lawyers, they also all claimed that those lawyers were all, attitude-wise, the same as everywhere else.
Win-oriented bureaucrats that never invested themselves personally in a person's case, but regarded cases as impersonal cases and not people in need, never going above the call of duty, never going to the bat for a person. Oh, they did their job very competently, their investigations were good - mostly, but they never went that extra mile to find out if they were really right, to make sure their client's best wellfare was insured, to insure their clients then returned to their normal lives or even made their lives better.
All except one CDR Harmon Rabb.
Every source she talked to told her how the man always went to the bat for people he believed were innocent, for the people that needed help. He put truth and justice and, most importantly, people beyond everything, even if it hurt his case. Yet, even though she was guilty as sin of the charges brought against her, he'd believed in her and had given her the support, help and motivation to change her life and make something of herself.
She didn't have many friends, actually she had practically none, her roommates all worked in different departments than she and most of the time they didn't even see each other during off-duty hours because of their schedules. As she'd been the Fleet JAG's legalman she also didn't have a co-worker that was an enlisted, spending her days in the company of her boss, a family man officer, with whom she didn't have anything in common.
As they strictly adhered to protocol they never talked about anything personal, thus neither knew that both had had abusive fathers.
Yet, even these circumstances were different, Bud Sr. was an abusive alcoholic, who physically abused his sons, while Conrad Coates was an extremely strict Reverend, who was emotionally abusive of his daughter. Otherwise their lives were completely different.
Harm was the closest to a friend, a best friend, she had and had had in a very long time, and even hewas an officer, this creating a barrier between them. She was all alone in this world, with no-one but him. Thus, he'd automatically become the most important person in her life.
And it was time he found out what he meant to her, regs be damned.
Before she lost him.
Harm stood staring at his unexpected visitor who was standing on the other side of his hatch.
'Well, scratch that massage idea.' was the unbidden, idle thought.
His pleasure at seeing Jen again was immediately pushed aside by Bud's injury and the severity of his situation. Because of the whole mess he'd somehow forgotten to be happy about meeting Jen again, the worry about Bud having taken up all of his emotional and mental reserves.
"Jen!" he said surprised.
She looked unsure, glancing down the corridor to see if anyone was coming. "Can I talk to you for a second, sir?"
"Uh, yeah, sure." Harm moved aside and swept his arm back, indicating that she should enter, realizing only too late that having an enlisted single member of the opposite sex in his quarters at night was already a court-martiable offense. But it was already too late, she was already inside and he didn't have the heart to throw her out especially since she was looking very vulnerable and on the verge of an emotional break-down.
As she moved by him he noticed how tired she looked. 'Are those traces of tears?' he wondered. 'Well, it wouldn't be anything strange considering the past few days...'
Jen stood in the middle of the stateroom undecided for a while, clearly nervous about something.
Harm sealed the hatch and turned around.
Jen was standing there, wringing her hands desperately, and trying to decide how to say what she'd come to say.
"So..." Harm trailed off, not knowing what to say. He was glad to see her, but he didn't know why she'd come to him at oh-dark-thirty and this made him uncomfortable. He never liked knowing what he was facing.
"So..." she echoed, a bleak look in her eyes.
Then suddenly she shook her head. "Nevermind, sir. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you. I'll just go now..."
She'd lost the courage to say what she wanted to say and intended to squeeze past him towards the door when he gently grabbed her upper arm. It was a gentle contact, but the emotions it caused were enough to stop her in her tracks.
"Jen."
She froze at his tender exclamation of her name and a, to Harm unnoticeable, shiver went through her body at the sound of her name on his lips.
"Yes?" she said with a quiver in her voice, not trusting herself to look at him, lest she break down and cry or jump him, both possibilities looking equally possible at the moment. She didn't know which would've been worse.
"What's wrong?" the care in his voice was the straw that broke the camel's back. To her utter and complete humiliation, Jen burst into tears.
For the first few seconds Harm just looked on helplessly. He had never been good with crying women, even with women he was iinvolved with, and he hated to see a woman cry, especially this one who had already experienced too much unhappiness in her short life.
So, in a move that was definitely unprofessional, Harm took her into his arms and started rocking her, trying to soothe her.
Jen turned her head into his chest and just kept on sobbing. Harm had no clue what to do, at the rate they were going, Jen's crying would attract the attention of someone and then they would both be in real trouble.
Being found in private quarters with an enlisted of the opposite sex was a ticket straight to Courts-Martial City. Especially if that enlisted was crying and the person who'd find them there didn't know that Harm had done nothing to hurt her.
Harm continued rubbing her back and murmuring comforting words into her ear, until her sobbing had calmed down gradually.
Eventually her sobs turned to sniffles and reluctantly she pushed away from his body.
She looked at him and saw the big, wet patch on his shirt. "Oh, god, I'm sorry." she whimpered miserably.
Harm shrugged, trying for levity. "Hey, it's okay, they have a laundry service on this boat, you know?"
Jen couldn't manage a snicker, but she did send him a smile, weak as it was.
The crying jag had been carthartical, but the reasons for her breakdown were still there.
"Feel better now?" Harm asked her cautiously.
She nodded affirmatively.
"Wanna tell me what's wrong?"
She nodded again. Harm waited, knowing she would continue when she was ready.
"It's all this senseless killing, this senseless war. They kill us, we kill them, there's no end, it's never gonna stop. If this war ends then I'm sure there's gonna be another. Then LT Roberts stepped on that damn mine and all I could do was watch, it happened so fast. There was so much blood and flesh, parts of his leg! I didn't think he was gonna survive and all I could think about was his kids losing their father in the middle of some dusty country who's name they'd never heard before. Everything that happened from then on is a blur. The next thing I remember is being aboard the Seahawk and someone telling me you've almost died 4 times in the past few days, once even from another mine. I hate those goddamned things! I managed to hold it together until we knew if LT Roberts is gonna surive and after I couldn't distract myself with that I just lost it, came here and had my break-down. Since my mother died you've been the only person to treat me kindly and who cared what happened to me and I can't stand the thought of you dying without knowing how much that means to me. How much you mean to me."
Harm suddenly had a bad feeling that he knew exactly where this was going and tried to cut her off before she said something they'd both regret. "Jen..."
"No, Harm, let me finish!"
He startled at hearing her use his name, it'd always been 'sir' or 'Commander'. 'Harm' was something completely new and, more than anything else, it showed just how far she'd been pushed and just how far she intended to make this go.
There was no way he could stop her or prevent her from saying it without physically or emotionally hurting her, neither of which he was even willing to consider, and could just hold on, hoping they, and their careers, would survive the aftermath.
Seeing he had given up on trying to stop her, Jen composed herself to try to explain. "I have no-one on this planet, which you already know. My mother is dead, to my father I don't exist, I have no other family. I work with an officer, who is also married, which excludes any chance of friendship. All of my room-mates are assigned to other departments and many even have different shifts than I, so I have no friends. Not on this ship and not off it, no-one to care about, no-one to care about me. Except for you. Since my mother died you are the first person that genuinely cares about what happens to me, whether I live or die, who went to any sort of length for me. I'll admit, when you tried to find me shelter for the night, I thought you were trying to palm me off on other people, that you were like everyone else, trying to get rid of me. I was pretty emotional and wasn't thinking straight. Then you came after me into the bar and that's when it occured to me for the first time that, for the first time in 14 years, it wasn't me against the world anymore. I had someone in my corner, a powerful someone, who was able to and wanted to, help me. I was running on emotions most of those first few days, but when I calmed down I also realized you didn't try to get rid of me."
Harm tried to say something, but she just shook her head and he shut up.
"When I was able to think rationally again I knew why you were trying to find shelter for me. The regs. Had you taken me in yourself, you would've been in trouble too, for sharing an apartment with an enlisted. A female enlisted, younger than yourself. So, you tried the next best thing and asked a friend to take me in, a friend you trusted. Then you went out of your way to help me . And to make it all even better, you gave me an incentive, a motivation and, most of all, support, to turn my life around and to start anew. While from then on I did everything myself, I know that I would've never made it had you not been there for me, giving me the motivation to keep on going. Even when you weren't physically there, I knew you'd never want me to quit and that you would've cheered me on, and it gave me the strength to plow on through the obstacles and get to where I am. And, when I had my life back in order, that's when I finally took a deep, hard look at myself and could not evade the truth any longer. I could no longer deny to myself that I love you, because it's true and it's there and it won't go away. And when I saw you again on this ship that's when I knew that I wasn't imagining feelings, that they are really there and even I was shocked by their intensity and strength."
Jen let out a breath while Harm stood there in shock. His knees were giving him away and he sank down on this cot.
Encouraged by the fact that neither did he start screaming, nor had he thrown her out, Jen continued.
"I know you don't feel the same for me, I've always known that your heart belongs to the LtCol and I respect that. I don't expect you to return my feelings, much less am trying to put you on the spot here. I've just gotten to the point where I can't hold my love for you a secret anymore and where I have to tell you. And I won't ever do anything that would hurt you or your career, but I have a request to make."
Harm looked up at her and nodded.
"My enlistment is up in a little less than 3 years. By that time I hope to be transferred stateside and I plan to start evening college, I won't be re-enlisting. What I would like to ask of you is that, if at the time that my enlistment is up you are single, I would like you to go out with me, give a romantic relationship with me a chance."
"Jen..." Harm started, but Jen interrupted him again.
"I'm not asking for commitment here, Harm, I mean I'm not asking you to wait for me, because I do want a committed relationship, but if by some chance you're not in a relationship at that time, I want to have reservations, guaranteed first dibs, for a relationship with you. Nothing more, just a guaranteed chance for more if you're with no-one at that time. Just a guaranteed chance for a future with you. That's all I ask."
She'd run out of breath and courage then, just waiting fearfully for his decision, the decision that would either make her the luckiest woman on Earth, or shatter her heart beyond repair.
Harm looked at her, thinking it over.
She was taking a big chance here, she knew he could report her for this, yet she trusted him not to. Most importantly, she was risking her heart here. He studied her eyes and could clearly see the sincere and true love in them. This woman loved him, wanted a chance with him and was risking her career by even asking him for this small favor, for a date 3 years in the future, when the regulations wouldn't be standing in the way. That's all she was asking for and it frankly wasn't much.
Harm was fully aware of how lucky he was to be loved by Jen, who's inner beauty, beauty of the soul, outshone her even-so-incredible physical beauty by a large margin. He was honest with himself that he would probably never find a better person, a better woman, a better partner, than Jen. Diane was dead, Meg's location was top secret, thus eliminating any competition for Jen in terms of beauty of the soul and these two were the only women that had ever been even able to compare to Jen. And when being honest with himself he had to admit that the woman he'd been waiting for, the woman he'd been pining for, was nowhere near Jen's league, which was something that he'd known for years, but had never been prepared to admit to himself.
He could do a LOT worse and he also couldn't do better. Simply because there was no better.
He just had to know if Jen was really aware of what she was asking, what that would mean and what she was getting herself into.
"Jen." Harm started gently. "Are you absolutely sure you want to be with me? You're young, beautiful and a wonderful person, you can have any man you want. Do you really want someone 12 years older, with a bad back from too many ejections, and with a bad track record in relationships? In 3 years I'll be 41 and you'll still be under 30, only 29. You sure it won't bother you what other people will say about the age gap?"
Jen was touched by the fact that he still remembered exactly how old she was, it meant she did make a big enough impression on him for him to remember such details about her. The way he'd phrased it was also giving her hope. "I don't care, Harm. I love you and the age difference doesn't matter to me."
She was sincere and Harm immediately recognized that fact. He was also sure that by the time her enlistment ended she would've found and fallen in love with someone of her age and would forget about him cause experience showed that no woman had ever been willing to wait for him. Not even a few months, much less years.
"You know that, if I'm still single by then and we start a relationship, I'll be 41 years old. I won't want a casual relationship, I don't want that kind of relationship even now. It'll be all or nothing for me. I'll won't want to wait long before having a family. I hope you're aware of that and prepared to deal with it. I'm just too old to be screwing around anymore."
"Good." whispered Jen. "Cause I don't want a casual relationship either, I never have. I want it all."
There was silence for a few minutes.
"Okay, then. If we're both single by then we'll start a relationship together." finally conceded Harm.
Jen let out a little squeal of happiness and briefly, but tightly, hugged him.
She didn't kiss him, not even on the cheek, they were pretty close to crossing the line as it was, and even as innocent an act as kissing would've pushed them waaay over the line. Considering how emotionally raw they were it was quite possible that they couldn't have stopped at just kissing and things would've gone too far.
Both wanted to have a clear conscience in case they were ever asked whether they had ever fraternized before she left the Navy.
Having feelings for an officer, or for an enlisted, and even making plans for when one of them will no longer be part of the military, is not against the regs; but acting on those feelings before the regs are removed is against them. Dating and sexual relationships, cohabitation, joint business enterprises and gambling are forbidden, but making future plans for after the service is not.
As thick as the military TPTB always have been, they still understand that feelings can't be controlled, but actions can be and thus only actions are prohibited.
"Just one thing, Harm." asked Jen after the excitement had died down.
"Yes?" he asked apprehensively. In his experience such questions never bode well.
"I'll get to be the one to decide the pace of our relationship, okay?"
She could see Harm thinking it through furiously.
It seemed safe enough.
He knew Jen enough to know that she wouldn't do something stupid. Even more, Jen was a woman and a shy one at that, so she wouldn't rush with the physical part, she would take it slow. Besides, she'd made it clear she wouldn't be in the relationship for the sex, but for more. He really was too old to be thinking with his penis and wasting time on purely-sexual relationships. He'd been wanting a family of his own for a while now and it was high time that he made himself one.
Satisfied Jen nodded, grinning happily. "It's a deal."
She stuck out her hand and Harm shook on it.
When he was about to let go Jen used his momentum against him and yanked on his hand, bringing them together.
In his ear she whispered. "In 3 years you're mine."
Then she let go of him and left his cabin in a much better mood than she'd come, leaving Harm stunned at her possessive statement.
Harm secured the hatch and leaned his forehead on it, releasing a deep breath.
What the hell had just happened?
In just a few minutes his life had done an Immelman and then, just for good measure, a few more turns that only the Russian Su-37 is capable of, no other plane in the world, meaning it was a really good additional measure.
He was still reeling from what he'd just found out about Jen, about her feelings for him; and reeling from what they'd agreed.
He didn't regret the promise he'd made to Jen, he'd do anything not to hurt her, he personally knew how much rejections hurt, besides 3 years is a long time and much can happen during that time.
She could meet a man of her own age that she'd fall in love with, marry and have kids with. Maybe he himself and Mac would somehow manage to repair their friendship to the level that they could have a family of their own by then.
But then Harm recognized the error of his assumption, that Jen would find someone else by then and moved on, which was the reason why he gave in and promised her the 'first dibs' on him if he was still single when her enlistment ended.
Sure, he still had hopes about him and Mac managing to repair their relationship by then, but deep in his heart where he was always being honest with himself he knew that there was at least 90 percent chance that when the 5 years were up they'd still be right where they were now. At square one.
The error in his assumption was that he assumed Jen would give up and move on. But then he remembered.
This was the woman who had managed to fully turn her life and career around in such a short time. She'd gone from a criminal to a respected and valued member of the Navy, getting only praising fitreps. Jen had come a long way from that angry young woman he'd first met, to a respected, valued and competent member of the Navy.
All in less than 6 months...
She had an iron-strong will now and didn't give up easily.
Words like 'quitting', 'giving up', 'impossible' were no longer part of her vocabulary.
If she really wanted him she would wait until she was no longer constricted by the regs, just as she had promised. And even though he was panicking over the situation he'd put himself in, Harm had to acknowledge that a warmth came over his heart at the thought that someone loved him enough to wait 3 more years for him, refusing to give herself to anyone else, until she and Harm could be together.
Something Mac had never done, had never been prepared to do, nor was capable of doing. Waiting to be with the one she loved (presuming that she had ever loved Harm).
He didn't know whether to do a dance of happiness for having someone who loved him that much or catch the first COD off the ship, resign his commission and go live with the Inuit in Canada in order to hide. Except for Diane, a woman he'd been involved for almost 13 years with, never had a woman been so committed to him, nor loved him so much, and this was a completely new situation and new feelings that were being evoked and it scared him.
He'd had women pursue him most of his life, but none of those women wanted a deeper relationship. Even Renee, who later on had started becoming vocal about marriage and family, had started off her hunt for him just because of his looks and what she thought he was like in bed.
A woman wanting him, pursuing him, because she wanted more than just sex with him, wanted a committed relationship with him from the start, was something completely new to him and it scared him shitless.
Okay, he'd had that once, a long time ago, with Diane, but with Diane the feelings had been quite obviously felt by both sides.
With Jen the situation was very much different.
Even though he didn't feel brothery-type feelings for her, much less fathery-type, had tried to make himself feel them but couldn't because he was aware of her attractiveness from the start along with the fact that she was an enlisted, he also didn't feel romantic love for her.
Sure, she was an attractive young woman, quite beautiful in fact, but she was an enlisted, which made her off-limits and thus not a sexual being when it came to him.
And now this little world of his had been turned upside down by Jen's declaration that she would be retiring in 3 years and intended to pursue him once free of the regs. Even more, she'd made him promise to give a relationship between them a chance, to reserve her the spot of a significant other if he was still single then.
His whole damn system, his wiev of life and world was coming down around his ears and it was all this brown-eyed brunette's fault!
Jen had broken down the roadblock with her declarations and now whenever he'd look at her he couldn't help but see her as a woman, as a desirable woman, who loved him and wanted him.
And thus the over-at-the-edge-of-his-consciousness knowledge that she indeed was beautiful, inside and out, would no longer be constrained by that roadblock and would make itself known to him whenever she was around or just on his mind.
And, just as it had happened with Meg and Mac, it would start to slip out, bite him in the ass and become obvious that there was something there for the young Petty Officer.
Harm feared that it would become obvious enough that others would see it too, as they had seen it with Meg and Mac.
And if others would be able to see it so would eventually some brass who had a score to settle with Harm and both his and Jen's career would be over.
Jen had no idea of the avalanche she'd set in motion.
When he first discovered that Jen'd been transferred to the HQ in 2003 he was happy for her. She definitely deserved getting such a high profile position that the JAG's yeoman was. What he didn't know was that she'd asked to be transferred there for the sole purpose of being close to him and spend as much time with him as she could.
Then in the coming months she was used against the man she loved, the man she knew would never do something as horrible as murdering someone in cold blood, especially not a pregnant woman! The guilt of having to testify was gnawing at her, eating her from the inside out and she spent many a sleepless night crying into her pillow.
To her it didn't matter that she'd had no other choice, she would've been sent to prison herself had she refused answering, the only thing that mattered to her was that she'd hurt Harm, helped convict him, and that was inexcusable. What she didn't know was that Harm completely understood the position she was in and never held it against her, knowing she was forced into answering.
But had Harm seen how it was tearing her apart, he would've finally understood just how much Jen loved him, so much more than any other woman in his life. Jen had never hurt him before and this only time that she thought she had she was falling apart from guilt, hate and resentment at herself. Mac, the woman who acted as if she had feelings for him only the times when there was no chance for them to have a relationship (like when she was engaged to another man) and was an Ice Queen towards him when they could have a relationship, had never felt even a smidgen of regret any one time of the hundreds she'd hurt him in the years they'd known each other.
By then Harm had completely forgotten all about Jen's promise to him and his promise to her.
This happy little bubble of ignorance lasted only until she'd cornered him in the break room one day after he'd been reinstated.
There was no-one but Harm in the break room when she entered.
She quickly looked back to make sure there was no-one around and swiftly closed the distance between herself and the object of her affections.
Harm was, at that time, just leaning back against the counter, minding his own business and drinking his tea.
When he suddenly felt a VERY feminine body pressing itself against his and he almost choked on the liquid.
Then the cup was taken out of his hand and put on the counter behind him.
His astonished eyes met Jen's as she grabbed him by his tie and yanked his head down to hers, to whisper into his ear. "I haven't forgotten your promise. Almost a year and a half to go."
Against his will, Harm's body reacted to the feel of her curves pressed against him and 'things' started rising to the occasion. It'd been more than 2 and a half years since he was last intimate with a woman and his body was thus very responsive to such a close physical contact with a woman, especially if the woman did it intentionally.
Then, as quickly as she'd grabbed him, she released him and left the break room, swaying her hips seductively, knowing his stare was rivetted to her firm hips and tight ass.
This ambush had been designed to make him remember their promise to each other and to make sure he thought of her as a woman, a sexual being, so he would see her as such when the time came, in order for them to have a successful relationship. An important (but not the most important) part of every successful, long-term relationship is the physical aspect and that would not work if Harm was not aware of her being a woman, a sexual being.
Harm had absolutely no idea how long it had taken Jen to screw up the courage to do this, it had taken her weeks, because this kind of behaviour was not in her nature and she was glad that her back was to Harm because she was blushing so hard that her cheeks were burning hot. The little voice that still remained from her father's upbringing and still managed to control her sexual life was screaming about sinners, eternal damnation, hell and going to a confession.
She managed to push it down, with a lot of effort and energy, but she just knew that she would be blushing whenever she looked at Harm for the next few weeks.
Inside the breakroom Harm was still standing there as if frozen, staring blankly at the door through which Jen had just left. He still couldn't process what Jen had just done.
'Damn.' he thought to himself. 'Guess she didn't forget as I did after all. But if she continues to ambush me like this, my heart won't survive sudden rushes of blood due south and that promise won't be valid any longer.'
Harm then put his every scrap of energy and determination into making the consequence of Jen's pressing against him, to go away.
He succeeded just in time for the Admiral to enter the small room.
While they were neighbors Jen never made another move on him, neither at work nor at home.
What puzzled Harm was the fact that his attempts at reconcilliation with Mac never alarmed or bothered Jen. As if she was fully sure of her, current and future, position in his life and as if she knew something he didn't...
It seemed she did.
Through all of his attempts at trying to re-establish his old friendship with Mac, with every single one of the attempts being shot down, Jen remained cool and confident.
Through all this time Harm also discovered just how much he liked spending his time with her, how much he liked and appreciated her company.
He loved Mattie as his own daughter, but he also needed an adult company.
Jen was a delightful companion, intelligent, witty, friendly, caring, loving, funny, fun-loving and, sometimes, perky.
She was also spunky as hell.
She reminded him of Meg very much, they both had the same qualities and similar personalities, they were different only in their looks, as Jen was a brunette and shorter in contrast to Meg's tall, blonde beauty.
But that didn't mean she was any less hot and sexy than the tall blonde that had stolen his heart the second he'd laid his eyes on her in that chopper...
It had taken him a long time to move on from Meg and what-could've-been's.
Together with Diane she'd haunted his dreams for a long time after she'd left his life and was one of the primary reasons for why Harm had been so reluctant of entering a relationship with Mac.
Through all of his trials and tribulations with Mac and at work that year, Jen stood nearby, confidently observing, faithfully and silently supporting him and patiently waiting for their time to come.
What he'd said to her when he had to leave for Hague, What would I ever do without you?, was so true. By now she had become such an integral part of his life that he really didn't know how he'd get through the day, much less the rest of his life without Jen being there for him, with him. Mac had once been his best friend, but she had never given him as much support and unwavering belief and loyalty as Jen had in just a few short months.
And the more time passed, the more Harm became aware of the fact that it didn't actually matter to him anymore if he and Mac ever fixed their friendship or somehow managed to have something more.
His dreams of the future were still about a brunette, but more and more the brunette of the past few years was being replaced by the new brunette, even though he was in denial about that fact and the truth came out only in his dreams.
His dreams about the future were now about the one brunette that was silently and surely wearing down his walls, instead of using hit-and-run tactics, and was establishing and fortifying her position in his life and in his heart.
That position that was becoming stronger and more integral each passing day.
Harm was fully aware that she was becoming more and more important to him and was powerless to do anything about it. She was becoming essential to him and Mattie and he could no longer imagine life without Jen in it, in one role or another.
Slowly, but inexorably, Jen's role shifted from a neighbor and Mattie's roommate, to a faithful partner and co-guardian of Mattie, with her taking care of Mattie without any complaints when Harm had to leave town.
Jen also became Mattie's unofficial mother figure. Many would think that that was Mac's position, but they couldn't be more wrong. Except for about 3 occasions, Mac stayed clear of Mattie and especially of Harm.
One of those occasions had been when Sadiq came for a visit and Harm was deafened temporarily by an exploding car battery. Mac had made a grave error then, telling Mattie to 'take care of him for me'. Of her own choosing Mac had no rights in Harm's life anymore, or any claims over him, much less the right to ask another female to take care of him for her as if he was hers. Mac had clearly told Harm she didn't want him and would never want to be with him and was now with Webb, so the only man she had a claim over was Webb. And thus the only one who had the position, the right and the claim over Harm to ask Mattie to take care of Harm for her was Jen.
Though only about 15 years older than her 'daughter' Jen helped raise Mattie and Jen was the woman to whom Mattie went when she had a problem, or a question about either female things or just stuff in general.
Jen did, in fact, have much more in common with Mattie than Mac had and stood by Mattie during the times when Harm wasn't home and the grief over her mother's death overwhelmed her. Jen could commiserate, she'd lost her mother at a young age too and knew exactly what the girl was going through.
Harm, Mattie and Jen started spending almost every evening together. They shared dinner and afterwards just talked, played board games or just read their books in company.
Each one of them had been lonely for a long time and every minute spent together as a group, de facto family unit, was like a balm on their souls.
For a family they were.
A child and two parents.
But the fact of this small unorthodox family was that the parents weren't married to each other, weren't even allowed to share a romantic and fulfilling relationship; and their child wasn't of their blood and body. She didn't even look anything like either of them.
But it didn't matter to them. They loved their family as if it was a real one, for they had no other.
Harm was the only one of them that had any real contact, much less a good relationship, with his surviving parent.
Which was another thing which Jen had in common with Mattie more than anyone else, a dead mother and estranged father, and was thus such a good support to Mattie, helping her deal with it and move on without the grief taking her over.
With Jen's de-facto role of being Mattie co-caregiver and practically sharing custody of her with Harm, Jen had grown into a mother role for Mattie, being the one to give her the stable female influence and role model the young girl needed.
This role had even further matured the already mature and dependable young woman, making her thus more attractive to Harm.
Harm had spoken honestly when he'd said to Jen in February when he'd been assigned the SecNav's defence: "What would I ever do without you?" He didn't know anymore, he'd come to depend on her so much, as Mattie's co-guardian and as his own companion. Life without Jen in it had become unimaginable and he was slowly starting to truly realize that.
Trish had met Jen and Mattie when she was in DC that month. Harm had wanted to ask Mac out to lunch that day with the four of them so she could finally meet Trish, whom she'd never during their 8 years of knowing each other met (and isn't THAT saying it all...?), but Mac had shot him down. Just like every time he'd asked her to lunch or dinner or anywhere or for anything since he'd come back to JAG. He wondered why was he even bothering anymore, much less keeping hope alive, especially since the 'never' and everything Mac had done and said since.
Thus, Trish was able to meet and get to know Jen and Mattie without distraction by an outsider, for this is what Mac was now. She was an outsider, in Harm's life, to Harm's family, and it was her own, constantly repeated, choice.
The three women got along famously and Trish had even pulled out his baby pictures!
Harm had never been more humiliated. Since when did his mother carry his baby pictures around with her? He was 40 for crying out loud!
Maybe it was something she'd wanted to do while he'd still been a teenager, but had never been able to. She'd never known his first love, the girl having been killed by a Laotian border patrol before his eyes, and after he'd returned from Nam he was so depressed and otherwise completely messed up that he couldn't even look at girls, it'd just hurt too damn much. Not that that bothered them, for some reason they seemed to avoid him. Must've been the darkness in his eyes, the look of a killer, and the blood on his hands.
Normally girls are attracted to bad boys and to the ones that emmit a feeling of danger, but Harm wasn't a show-off bad boy or one with a chip on his shoulder or just a spoiled rich kid. He was a war veteran, he was a trained killer, with blood on his hands and blackness as his soul and it showed. He was pretty much isolated from the rest of his schoolmates for the rest of his time at High School.
The first person to show any kind of care and interest in him as a friend, and hopefully more after the Academy, had been Diane and she'd been the one to bring him out of his isolation and despair. She'd been the single flame of light in his life and she had also brought him back to life. Not just once, but twice, the second time had been after he'd had the ramp strike and had sunk deep into depression. Diane had given him so much, done so much for him, had saved his life twice, had loved him so much, and he'd never been able to repay her or tell her just what she'd meant to him, how much he'd loved her.
And whenever Diane was around Trish always somehow forgot about those pictures. After Diane, Harm's only girlfriend Trish had met had been Renee and even that had been purely coincidential. Something he was paying for now, with Trish having come prepared and armed to the teeth.
That had to have been a planned action, there was no other way.
While Mattie had gone through the pictures giggling histerically with his mother telling her stories about Harm's childhood (utterly embarrassing stories only, of course) Jen had one picture in her hands and a far-away look in her eyes, a gentle smile playing on her lips. Then she looked at him and he could've sworn he saw some deep, impossibly strong emotion in them, an emotion he'd seen only in the young woman who's life had been so cruelly ended by a crazed Commander.
What Harm didn't know was that, while she was holding on to that picture of him as a baby and his father holding him, she was imagining him holding a child born to them.
Before then she had spent many an hour just imagining how their children would look like, but with this photographic evidence she no longer had to wonder.
Having a child, children, with Harm was something she dreamed about, something she wanted desperately. She loved him with everything she had and that is why she wanted to carry his ring, his name, his child(-ren), to have them grow inside her body, to feel them grow, move and kick inside her; the precious and eternal symbols of their love.
She knew Harm loved her, even if he didn't know it himself, even Trish had caught on to it, but she also knew that he would't do anything about it while they were still bound by the regs, besides the fact that he considered himself too old for her, which was something that didn't bother her at all. She still had about a year to go before her retirement, over a year before she could act on her feelings and fulfill the promise she'd given herself.
And when she was free of the constraints of protocol and regs, watch out, Harm!
She was going to make sure he fully understood what he meant to her, because she meant to show it to him very clearly.
Less than 6 months after her retirement was up she planned on being married to him and having his child growing in her womb.
Their first child.
She was thinking about 2 or 3, but could be persuaded into having more, subject to joint decision.
After all, they were both the only children and with Harm being the last of the Rabbs she considered it her voluntary sacred duty to insure the renewed numerical thriving of the family.
She was also aware of something else, something that Harm was oblivious to.
The large amount of time they were spending as a family was solidifying their relationship, making it stronger and more durable than even the strongest and most durable metal or mineral.
Normally couples go through dating to get to know each other and to determine whether they are right for a relationship, but she and Harm had known each other for almost 3 years and were thus no longer getting to know each other, for they already knew each other, but were just working on their relationship, to make it stronger, able to survive any test that could ever come their way.
It was going extremely well and she was very satisfied with the knowledge that by the time she'd put her plan into action their relationship would be definitely strong and tight enough for it.
She couldn't wait for it.
One day, on a beautiful, warm, Monday morning in March 2005, Jen strolled into the office, dressed in civilian clothes.
She greeted everyone in the bullpen and was halted by some of the personnel, who wanted to talk to her.
Incidentally it was also the exact time that the General was returning to his office from a meeting with the SecNav and he looked at Jen, being surprised to see her there. It was the last place he thought he'd see her on this day.
"Didn't your retirement start last Friday, Miss Coates?"
Harm had been until then so submerged into his paperwork that he hadn't noticed what was happening right under his nose.
But the General's loud question, holding the two phrases 'retirement start' and 'MISS Coates', broke him out of his concentration and he looked up puzzled, as to why the General would be asking Jen that.
Through the open door he could see and hear Jen reply. "I'm just picking up someone for lunch, General. If you'll excuse me, sir, I'll just go collect them."
Then Jen turned towards his office and set off towards him with determination in her step, in her eyes, as well as in the set of her jaw.
Then she was entering Harm's office and hooking what looked like a garment bag on his coat tree.
He rose to his feet, moving around his table towards her, a puzzled frown on his face.
"Jen?"
That one word, her name, held so many meanings and questions.
What are you doing? Why aren't you in your uniform? What's that about you being retired? Why haven't you told me it's already up? Why are you looking at me like that? What are you...
Before he managed to complete his last thought Jen pushed away some documents that were on his desk, grabbed him by his lapels and, using the advantage surprise on his part gave her, overbalanced him, throwing him on his back onto the desk.
Then she cut off his protests and questions by sealing his lips with hers in a passionate kiss.
Out in the bullpen all activity froze as everyone observed, stupefied, Jen's actions.
Nobody was more surprised than Cresswell.
He had certainly not expected THAT when he saw Jen in the bullpen. Suddenly anger filled him and he moved to interrupt the two people and bring charges against them.
Turner stopped him. "Sir, she's a civilian now. The regs don't apply to them anymore. Besides, sir, just look at him! That's not a reaction of someone who is used to kissing Miss Coates. I know Harm, I've known him for 24 years, and I can swear that he never broke the frat regs, much less with an enlisted. Now those regs don't apply anymore and if Miss Coates wants to kiss CDR Rabb, she can. Unless Harm doesn't want her to be kissing him."
Turner's words calmed down the General, they were true, and both men turned their eyes back to the tableau in the office.
Harm had finally shaken off his stupor and was becoming aware of what was happening, but more importantly, of the circumstances and of their new freedom of the regs.
Slowly, his hands slipped up her arms and to her head, tangling his fingers into Jen's long hair, to give him a better angle in his quest to explore the mystery of Jen's mouth.
Finally Jen broke the passionate embrace of their lips and levered herself off of him with a tremendous strength of will. She would much rather stay there for a while, in his arms and enjoy his kisses.
Harm was still on his back on his desk, gazing up at her with wonder and desire in his eyes.
Her lips were so close to his that they brushed against them when she whispered. "I've come to collect on your promise and to fulfill mine. Get dressed. Your dress whites are in the garment bag, you have only about 5 minutes, cause we've got a date with a Justice of Peace."
Harm stared at her with eyes glazed from surprise and passion. "Huh? What promise?"
Jen whispered fiercely. "The promise you made me over 3 years ago on the Seahawk! You promised that if you are still single by the time my enlistment is up, I get the first dibs on you and I decide on how quickly our relationship progresses. Now I'm cashing that promise in."
Harm was quickly recovering from his haze and stood up, leaning against the desk for support. "Marriage!? Immediately? Are you kidding me?"
Jen shrugged "No. I set the pace, remember? And I'm going to take you off the market before some other woman manages to sink her claws into you. Now, I'm gonna close the blinds and you'll change into dress whites and we'll be going. Okay?"
Harm's mouth was gaping in shock at her words. He'd completely forgotten about their promise to each other and was stunned to realise that the time had come to fulfill it. But Jen was right, he had promised her and he was never one to break a promise, unless the person whom he'd made promise to made it impossible for him to fulfill it.
Hundreds of ways he could protest Jen's plans flittered across his mind, but were then silenced by the memory of how blissful those months when Mattie was still living with them had been.
They'd been a true family then and for the first time in his life Harm had known what real happiness and peace of soul was like.
He'd never been as happy as the times he'd basked in the domestic bliss of their little family, during their times he and Jen had managed to forget that they weren't a real family.
He realised a single, but very important, fact that she'd somehow quietly wormed her way into his heart over the past few years, pushing Mac out of it in the process, and was the cause for his having finally realized that there was nothing left for him with Mac anymore, after Mac had continued pushing him away, even after Webb had come back and she'd broken up with the man.
Even when he didn't know that Jen was in his heart and just which place in his heart and life she was occupying, she had helped him to realize that he and Mac had nothing between them anymore, just shadows of a long-dead bond and his past wishes for more with the woman.
While it had been just he, Mattie and Jen he had been happy, having finally found out what true happiness and a real family is.
And Jen had given him that. Without her he couldn't have kept Mattie and she was always the one to take care of Mattie and look after her when he was out on investigations. Like true partners, parents and spouses.
Slowly he'd come to the realization that he could not imagine any other woman with whom he'd want a real family with, with whom he would be as happy to share his life and have children with, than with Jen.
From this realisation also came the realisation that he loved Jen, having come to know her and love her during their family era, not only was this a completely natural progression of their, very, complicated and highly developed relationship, but he wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with Jen as his wife and the mother of his children. Their children, the children that they would create together in her body and would be their's and would as such stay with them until they went to College and not leave them and return back to their biological parents.
All doubts into this course of action disappeared in just a smidgen of a second and a smile started to grow on his face, his eyes joining the action and lighting up as bright as a lighthouse's beacon.
Finally he shrugged. "Well, I've got nothing better to do today..." he said with a nonchalant tone as if they were talking about having a cup of coffee and not doing something that would forever change their lives.
Jen had intently observed Harm's expression changing as the emotions flew over his face from the revelations that were being discovered in his mind. She was relieved to finally see a smile growing on his face, knowing that she'd, that THEY, had won. For it was truly THEIR victory, not just hers.
They'd overcome many obstacles during the past few years, especially during the last year, but they had made it. Life had certainly put up many roablocks for them, but their friendship, the strength of their bond had insured not only their triumph over these obstacles, but had also bonded them together even tighter.
And now here they were, basically just minutes away from getting married and starting a new life together. A life of love and happiness.
"You sure you don't want a big, white wedding with all of our friends there?" Harm asked worriedly.
Jen grinned. "Yeah, I'm sure. I don't need a big wedding, it's never been about that to me, that's just show and bragging with money, to me it's always been about the marriage, a good, stable, loving and full marriage. As for our friends... our wedding is about us, not our friends, and each other is all we need."
Harm groaned as something occured to him. "Mom's going to kill me for eloping, you realise that, don't you?"
Jen smiled enigmatically. "Don't worry about Mom. Besides, who do you think stopped me from giving up when I was losing hope?"
This was news to him. He knew his mother and Jen had really hit it off, but hadn't known that they were still in regular contact, even to the extent that Trish not only knew about Jen's feelings for Harm and supported them, but also encouraged Jen not to give up hope of ever being with him.
This was a completely other matter and Harm was getting the strange sensation as if he was being ganged up upon.
He was still staring at her while she went to close the blinds and lock the door, trying to figure out what must've gone on behind the scenes during the past year.
Jen, meanwhile, was slightly embarrassed to see everyone staring at them as she closed the blinds on the windows and the door.
Even though she was nervous as hell she couldn't wait for the next few hours to come.
Mac and Vukovic had come into the bullpen just a couple of minutes before, flirting, Vukovic leering at Mac and Mac liking the attention.
The reason she'd told herself for encouraging this unprofessional relationship, even at the work place, was that she'd been missing attentions of a man. Well, that reason would've been true had she had not been involved with a man for over a year till the past September and had Harm not been trying for over a year to bring their friendship back on-line and start something more, furthermore, he'd been trying to move their relationship forward even before Paraguay.
Still, she appreciated and welcomed the charm of this man more than she did Harm's attentiveness. Even thought it was a man that had most women that met him feeling like they needed a shower with an industrial-strength soap because he was so slimy and sleazy.
He was younger, there was no baggage in their relationship, he wasn't interested in committed relationships and definitely didn't believe in exclusive relationships. All definite pluses as far as Mac was concerned.
He was a player, put plainly and simply.
There was also no chance of those messy feelings coming into play because, unlike Harm, he had none and she had none for him. It was only about sex and lust. You know, the only good stuff.
After having gotten to know him she doubted that the man was even capable of feeling anything. Well, except self-adoration, arrogance, impossibly large ego and determination to win a case no matter if the truth and justice lost.
She liked that in Vukovic, to go after what he wanted, no matter the cost, no matter if it was right or not and no matter what others thought. Harm's desire for truth and justice to win and his determination to insure this happening no matter what the cost to himself was something she'd always hated in him, because it drew his attention from where it belonged, on her.
But the problem that everyone else but Vukovic had realized was that not only did he have all those flaws of character, but he also didn't have anything to back his arrogance up. He was but a pup in the world of law, yet he believed himself the eagle, better than everyone else.
Yet, Mac was enjoying the thrill of being chased. Amused by his trying to get into her panties and wondering just how far she would let him go before granting him what they both wanted. All the while ignored the fact that she was heading the exact same direction Farrow had with her all those years ago. She was an ad for those who do exactly the opposite of Cicero's De Oratore "Historia magistra vitae est." ("History is the teacher of life.") by learning nothing of their mistakes.
Then they became aware of the silence that had enveloped the entire bullpen and they stopped. They followed the gazes of the others in the bullpen to Harm's office and a lecherous smile appeared on Vukovic's obnoxious face as he admired Jen's behind as she was bent over the table, kissing Harm, who was pinned down under her.
Suddenly Mac felt the green-eyed monster take control of her, as it always had when she saw Harm with another woman, and she spotted the General standing nearby. She couldn't believe that Harm was kissing an ENLISTED in front of the General and the man was doing nothing!
Perplexed she called out to him "Sir!" and pointed towards the office, being the model officer of the court who would report and/or punish breaking of the law, no matter if the perpetrator was a friend of theirs or even themselves. Farrow, Vukovic and her own behaviour in the past and from just seconds ago had completely slipped her mind.
Her CO turned to look at her. "I'm not going to do anything about it, LtCol."
"But, sir!" she protested, not being able to believe that he would let something like this go.
"No, LtCol! Miss Coates has been out of the Navy since Friday and she can kiss Commander Rabb as much as she wants to unless he objects. I can't do anything about it and I suggest that you drop it."
With that said he turned around and marched into his office.
Mac looked back at the office only to see Jen closing the blinds with a smug smile.
Furious, Mac turned around and strode into her own office, angry at Harm for not waiting for her. In her anger and jealousy she ignored the niggling voice in her head that was telling her that over the last 2 years, and even when she'd gotten engaged 5 years ago, she had clearly said and showed Harm that she didn't want him even to the extent of telling him 'there will never be an us'.
She didn't care that she was being irrational, that she'd wanted him to fight her on it even though she didn't want anything with him, that she'd pushed him away and made it clear that she didn't want him then turned around and accused him of losing interest in her, she was jealous and felt rejected once again and a jealous Mac was a completely irrational Mac.
She collapsed into her chair and huffed, running her hand through her hair. Hidden deeply beneath the anger, resentment, hate and jealousy was sadness. Sadness over the fact that she'd finally lost Harm, once again to her own stupidity for chosing other men over him and pushing him away all the time. Making it worse, had lost him to a completely before-unknown competition.
Mac had never even guessed that Jen had designs on the man that Mac had always considered her property. Mac had been blind-sided and being unprepared for any confrontation and thus vulnerable to a failure is something she hated. But what she hated more than that was losing, she hated failures. Not because she then lost something, but because she had to acknowledge that she had yet another weakness, that she wasn't perfect, that she had flaws.
Denial about herself and the pretense that she was perfect, the best in everything, better than anyone, was Mac's way of life, her most basic and all-controlling belief. Thus every time it was revealed she had flaws Mac reacted badly, lashing out at the emotionally-closest person.
But this time that person was no longer there, he was in a relationship with a woman who was everything that Mac wasn't. Age is the most common source of insecurity regarding relationships that women have. Having Harm choose a younger woman had shaken her self-esteem and ego terribly, making her feel that much older than her 36 years of age.
Since the little off-duty time she'd spent with Jen had been tense due to Jen's coldness towards her (Mac had the feeling that it was because of Harm or rather Jen's loyalty to Harm and her and Harm's strained relationship) Mac and Jen had never become friends. Apparently Jen took relationships pretty seriously.
Jen was an easy, open person, had a way with people, was friendly and fun and was neither brooding neither closed off from others. Jen also confused her... here was this young, very beautiful woman who could have any man she'd want, but in all the years Mac had known her Jennifer had not had even one man. This was something Mac couldn't understand. When she'd been Jen's age she'd never lacked for male companionship and had a steady stream of lovers.
What was the point of this contemplation of Jen's love life? If Jen had never had even one man in the age that most people are the most sexually active in their life, then what did that mean about Jen's relationship with Harm?
Only one thing came to Mac's mind and it was scaring the crap out of her. It seemed to Mac Jen wasn't viewing this as a temporary affair. It appeared to Mac Jen was with Harm for the long haul. Was she thinking marriage?
That would explain the smug female smile of satisfaction and Jen's happy gait as the young woman had closed the blinds.
And if Jen was in this for the long haul, as Mac suspected, then Mac was absolutely sure that she'd just lost her chance for eternity with Harm. Mac didn't know how to deal with that.
Harm had been a constant in her life since she'd met him. She'd always needed him to feed her ego and make her feel beautiful with his constant interest. She had believed she'd always have his interest. He had been pretty clear that he'd been in love with her. But the cutting words she'd said to him in Paraguay had finally had the effect they had not had before then... Harm had started the process of moving on from her, the process of leaving her behind to pursue a fuller, more fulfilling, happier and healthier life.
He'd gotten himself a family and even she had noticed that he had become a happier man, but especially a man in peace with himself, something she had never before seen him be. She'd known what that meant, he had found something with a bigger return investment that Mac had ever given him, something that made him happy, something Mac herself had never done. That's why she had accused him of losing interest in her and had told him that he would eventually lose interest in Mattie. She'd tried to bring his focus back on her. But she had failed.
She had believed that it was only Mattie that had brought back the light in Harm's eyes, but she had obviously been wrong. Mattie's roommate, the young Petty Officer Mac had thought years ago had a crush on Harm, obviously had a lot to do with it as well. She had dismissed that notion as dumb, obviously a bad error in judgement. She had made so many with Harm.
Oh, she knew that Harm would never break the frat regs and get involved with an enlisted person, so she was sure at least that nothing had happened before Jen's retirement. Well, now that she'd calmed down, she believed that, but just a few minutes before she had jumped to the wrong conclusion regarding Harm once again.
This explained why Mattie's leaving had not completely crushed Harm as she'd expected.
Yes, it had brought him down considerably, but it had not destroyed him. What had happened after that Mac could not say for she had pretty much lost all contact with him. At Christmas she'd apologized to him for having pushed him away, but once she'd left the hospital she was back to pushing him away.
Her jealous and childish reaction to Inez coming on to Harm, namely completely ignoring Harm and pulling away even more from him, had widened the gulf between them yet again. Then came Vukovic and Mac forgot completely that one Harmon Rabb Jr. even existed, so strongly had her libido been awakened by the strong probing of the younger man.
Because Mac had completely forgotten about Harm she did not even take into account just how her renewed rejection of him in favor of another man had affected him. She had yet again chosen another man and dropped Harm like yesterday's trash. Just like with Brumby and Webb, history had repeated itself.
In the back of her mind she'd been expecting that Harm would continue to wait for her, like he'd been doing for years even through her very clear and very vocal rejections, because she knew that this thing she had going with Vukovic would not last. The man was not the type for relationships, he was the type for flirting and a hot one night stand, after he had cut that notch in his bedpost he'd lose interest and respect in the naive woman and move on to new conquests.
Mac had subconsciously expected Harm to wait for her even through yet another distraction and had thus been completely unprepared for the realization that Harm was still attractive to and very much desired by other women. Other women who would recognize a single, lonely and desirable man who was ready to build a home and family and move in to be the wife he so desperately wanted...
Had it been any other woman she would've been worried, because she knew that Harm himself had been feeling his own biological clock ringing for the last few years and had been wanting to settle down for a long while. Harm's desire to settle down and have a family could be tracked all the way back to Annie. Now he was so much older, almost past his prime and it was quite logical that he would take a chance for happiness and family and hold on to it.
But it wasn't just some other woman. It was Jen. Mac knew that she'd waited too long, had played around for too long, had entertained herself with other men for too long. Harm was now taken, he was off the market, and Mac knew with a certainty that surprised her that Jen would never let go of him and that Harm and Jen would be together for the rest of their lives.
Harm would never hurt Jen by leaving her or breaking up with her. He'd never break her heart, he valued the young woman too much as a friend and it had been obvious to everyone for quite a while now that Jen was in his heart. Mac just hadn't known just how deep in his heart Jen was and had wasted time playing with players.
Because of which she had ultimately cheated herself of the best man she'd ever known.
And now she could only stand there and watch as Harm and Jen would date, marry and as Jen would grow large with their babies, Harm's babies, the babies Mac had once wanted herself.
And for the first time in her life Mac felt regret for how she'd treated Harm and wished she had never been that mean and distant to him.
In the end, due to her own mistakes, actions and words Sarah MacKenzie was the loser.
Having closed the blinds she also locked the door, turned around and leaned back against it, in order to fully enjoy the sight of Harm undressing.
Harm stopped what he was doing when he noticed her staring. "You plan on watching?" he asked uncomfortably.
"Of course." she shrugged. She grinned wickedly at seeing the tips of his ears redden. Deliberately she leered at him and dragged her gaze slowly over his temporarily-bare legs and shirt-clad powerful chest. Harm shifted under her scorching gaze and then swallowed heavily when she locked eyes with him and purred. "I plan on seeing a lot more of you tonight. It's gonna be our wedding night, after all." the implication was as clear as crystal.
Harm's ears reddened even more and Jen was absurdly pleased that she could do that to him. It's not everday someone can affect the collected CDR Rabb that much!
Harm was no way a prude, but he also wasn't used to discussing such subjects with a woman with whom he had yet to make love to, especially since they were currently in his office.
He finished dressing and was cursing softly to himself. Damnit! He hadn't blushed since he'd been a teenager, before shipping to 'Nam, but he'd been blushing constantly under Jen's gaze, ever since he started changing his clothes.
He was used to women looking at him like some particularly appetizing slab of meat, degrading as it was, but he wasn't used to Jen letting herself check him out. With Jen it was different, she knew him, they liked and respected each other, they were best friends, they shared things about each other and with each other that others didn't have a clue of and they were the most important people in each other's lives. And while Jen had never let herself appreciate his body like now, at least that he knew of, there was nothing degrading or humiliating to him in the way she did it. This was so not only because of their bond and importance to each other, but also because Jen was not the type of woman who would be lecherous. Especially not towards him.
But the most important reason why Jen's checking out didn't feel degrading was because Jen had feelings for him, she loved him, opposed to just lust and desire those other women felt.
Love makes a world of a difference.
Jen was meanwhile putting his other uniform in the garment bag, so they could take it with them.
When he was done he called the General to procure some leave time.
"General, CDR Rabb speaking."
"What can I do for you, CDR?"
"Sir, I would like to request a two week vacation. I have months of leave on the books and would like to take two weeks now, starting today."
There was silence on the other end of the line.
"I have finished all of my paperwork, have no court in the next 3 weeks and haven't taken a day off in years." rushed out Harm.
"Very well, CDR, you may have the leave, but I have a gut feeling that this has everything to do with Pett... Miss Coates. If it's something important I want to know about it when you get back!"
"Yes, sir, thank you, sir."
He hung up the phone and grinned at Jen, who grinned back.
"Shall we?" he stood up and straightened his dress whites. Jen stepped close to him and started putting on the medals, insignias and badges she'd taken off his other jacket. Then she straightened his tie and stood back to check if everything was as it should be. Satisfied that it was, she took a moment to just admire the way he looked.
Harm, embarrassed slightly by her obvious appreciation, cleared his throat and bent his arm.
Jen slipped her arm through his and they headed for the door, grabbing the garment bag along the way.
They drew a lot of looks as they strolled down the corridor, Jen's arm in the crook of his.
They sure made a striking couple, both dressed in pristine white, Jen's bronze complexion contrasting beautifully against the virgin white of her dress.
Some people were puzzled, since everybody knew that Jen was an enlisted, but didn't know that she was retired now. The women mainly appreciatively gazed at Harm, liking how he looked in the dress whites, while the men oggled Jen. People stopped and observed them, but they reached the parking lot without problems, even though only a few days before Jen had still been a member of the Navy, an enlisted, and therefore this kind of behaviour would've been punishable by UCMJ.
During the drive to the courthouse Harm veered off course and headed for one of the malls. Jen looked at him, bewildered over his actions.
Harm just smiled at her and put his hand on her knee, needing the contact. "If we're going to get married we'll be needing some little somethings."
Jen looked puzzled, but then her expression cleared and a smile broke through. Then the smile turned mischevious. "Well, I might have something that would help."
She started rummaging through her purse and Harm pulled over to the curb, curious to see what she had.
Finally she revealed a small box that somehow seemed mightily familiar to Harm.
She opened it and showed Harm the contents.
He was astonished to see his family's ring laying there. He turned wide eyes on her and stammered out. "How?"
Jen grinned, happy that her surprise worked. "Mom sent it to a couple of months ago when she finally found out what I intended to do once my enlistment was up. She had already given up on you ever needing this ring, she was well aware that you wouldn't make the first step in our relationship, since she knew about our promises, so she gave the ring to me to use it. Her exact words were 'That boy is too scared of rejection to ever make the first step any time soon, so it'll have to be you. Since I believe you would be getting it nonetheless, when he got over his fear and realised he loves you, I'm sending it to you. But don't let him get away without at least putting it on your finger!'"
Harm let out a snort of laughter, easily imagining his mother saying that about him. The sad fact was that she was right. He'd been hurt so many times in his life, particularly during the last few years in the affairs of the heart, that he'd become hopelessly gun-shy, too afraid of getting his heart broken yet again to act on his feelings, no matter how overwhelming they were. That and, he had only just realised, his feelings for Jen were the reason why he'd finallly given up on Mac, after her hundredth rejection of him since he'd gotten back to JAG.
This also revealed yet another facet of Jen's and his mother's relationship. Trish had conspired with Jen in this and had even on her own given Jen a family heirloom, the engagement ring that had been in his, and now Jen's, family for over a hundred years. Surprising was also the fact that Trish believed that Jen would nonetheless be the one to get the ring in the end. He was also astounded to hear Jen refer to Trish as 'Mom'. They'd sure hid a lot about their relationship from him, he'd namely been unaware of them even being in contact. His Mom sure had a lot of explaining to do.
Harm carefully picked the ring up with his right hand and Jen's with his other hand. He then locked his eyes with hers and slowly slid the ring in place without breaking their eye contact. When that was done he leaned forward for their third kiss.
Finally the meeting of their lips was over and they just gazed into each other's eyes.
A grin suddenly lit up his face. "You and Mom still forgot something. The wedding rings!"
Jen's eyes opened wide and she shook her head in dismay, chuckling ruefully.
Harm grinned back at her, pulled back into traffic and took her hand in his.
In the mall they again attracted rude stares as they made their way to the jewelry store.
In the jewelry store they immediately went by the over-decorated rings to the simpler designs. Finally they found the rings they liked.
They were made of yellow gold with celtic knots.
Nothing gaudy, no diamonds or other rocks, just the knots. Neither of them liked gaudy, over-decorated jewelry, they liked simple things in life and in jewelry, so these rings were as if made for them.
Harm quickly paid them and they were on their way again, this time on the direct route to the Falls Church courthouse.
The staring thing repeated again at the courthouse, but these civilians were much more restrained in their checking out the attractive couple, used to seeing couples looking nice for their wedding. Jen still noticed women leering at her Harm and tightened her hold on him, sending warning looks at them. She felt Harm tighten his arm around her and thought it was his reaction to these lecherous women. In reality Harm responded the same way to the obvious approval of Jen the men showed, by holding her possessively and sending death glares. It worked as neither one wanted to challenge such a big, strong guy, with so many medals on his chest.
There Harm received another shock. Sitting there in the waiting room were Trish and Frank, dressed in their best clothes.
"Mom!? Frank!?"
The other couple beamed and stood, moving to greet them. Trish hugged them and kissed them on the cheeks, chuckling softly at Harm's imitation of a statue.
"Hello, dear. I wouldn't miss this for the world. It's been planned for months and Jen reminded me several times of the actual date. She planned this whole thing, by the way."
"Wait a minute!" Harm interrupted and everyone looked at him questioningly.
"Jen, we need a license and there's a waiting time for it."
Jen smiled in response and pulled out a paper, giving it to Harm.
"A marriage license? But... how? How could you have applied for it without my signature?" Harm stammered.
"I did get your signature." at his strange look she explained. "You signed it last Thursday when I gave it to you to sign along with a few other documents." at his continued strange look a realization struck. "Wait a minute! You mean to tell me how surprised you were at the HQ wasn't an act for the staff? You really didn't know we were getting married?"
He shook his head, thinking himself the worst kind of idiot and insensitive jerk. "No, I didn't look at those papers, I just signed them."
"But, Harm, the application was on the top of the pile!" she exclaimed upset.
"I'm sorry, honey, I didn't expect for you to give me a marriage application to sign, I've completely forgotten about our agreement." he apologized to her and reached out to take her into his arms, which she let him.
"But why did you sign the papers without even checking what they were about?" she questioned from the warm haven of his arms.
"Because I know you'd never give me to sign something that would hurt me." he stated simply and Jen was overwhelmed at the amount of trust this man had for her, had always had for her. He signed paperwork without checking because he knew that she'd never give him damaging papers to sign without warning him.
"I love you, Jen, and I'm even glad that I didn't look when I signed it. It was the best and nicest surprise of my life this way." he lifted her head off his chest to look her in the eyes, his own shining with moistness.
Tears started falling down Jen's cheeks at his words. This was the first time she'd heard him say he loved her and her heart almost exploded from joy and love.
"I love you too." she whispered and captured his lips in a kiss so passionate that it took their breath away.
Then the door opened and a middle-aged woman called out. "The Coates and Rabb party?"
Frank spoke up, since Harm and Jen were 'otherwise occupied'. "Here we are. We'll be in in just a second." Then he turned to his family. "Let's get this show on the road, shall we?"
Harm and Jen finally broke apart, big ass grins still on their faces, and turned to Frank. "Let's do it!"
The ceremony was fairly simple.
Frank was the one to give the bride away and Harm's breath caught in his throat from the sight of his fiancee.
He had not had the time to fully appreciate her dress before, because they had to run from errand to errand and there'd always been something going on, which is why he saw her in her splendor only now.
It was a simple dress, white, form-fitting, reaching down to a couple of inches abover her knees, spaghetti straps, fitting to her flat belly and full breasts like a glove, but showing no cleavage. Jen didn't need dresses or tops with plunging necklines to show herself off, her body could not be hidden not even by the most simple dresses. Besides, she didn't need to dress like that for Harm to know what that cloth covered, the strange new, body-fitting style of female enlisted uniforms had made it all pretty obvious during the last year. Harm had to admit that white definitely suited her, it just made her all the more alluring, as it contrasted beautifully against her bronzed skin, brown hair and chocolate eyes. She was a vision to behold.
He only remembered to take a breath when Frank reminded him that that would not be the best time to pass out.
While Jen had prepared vows for herself, he was left to improvise as he had obviously not known he would need them.
He was afraid that they would be lame or would disappoint Jen, but if the tears in her eyes were anything to go by, she loved them.
He was definitely moved by her vows. Jen's words of love, devotion and promise to spend the rest of her life with him were spoken with passion and absolute certainty and determination.
Then they were declared Mr and Mrs Rabb and finally allowed to kiss.
Which they took full advantage of.
At least until Frank brought them out of their happy, passionate daze by clearing his throat VERY loudly.
Then they broke apart, both as red as tomatoes, which caused the others to laugh.
Harm and Jen gave in, leaned their foreheads together and chuckled too.
Then her eyes got serious and she whispered to him. "You're mine now."
It wasn't meant it in the "you're my property to do with as I please", but in the "you love me and are devoted to me forever" theme, from which she received an immense satisfaction. Just the fact that she was finally able to say it outloud gave her an immense satisfaction.
All of her careful planning, devotion and endless patience had paid off, Harm was hers now and for the rest of eternity no other woman would have the chance to have him.
3 years of waiting, of hoping, of fearing, of love and patience have now born fruit and she was reaping the reward.
"Yes, I am and you are mine." at that she grinned like the cat that got the canary andthe cream.
With identical smiles they let each other go, locked their hands and left the office, ready to start their life together.
2 WEEKS LATER
JAG HQ
Harm stepped into the bullpen grinning like an idiot.
The previous two weeks had been amazing.
Jen was amazing.
He'd never had a more generous and giving lover than her, add to her being a kind, loving, giving, warm, compassionate, loyal, faithful and devoted person and it had him wondering what had he ever done in his life to have her love him. Not just to love him, but love and like him to the extent to want to be tied to him for the rest of her life.
Then there were of course her drop dead gorgeous good looks. These weren't important to him, but he was still a man and that could not escape his notice. He loved how she looked like in her little black bikini, he'd always just ended up carrying her back to the house, sometimes they didn't even get that far (advantages of a house set in a private cove with it's own private beach) but in her strong-yellow bikini she looked like Aphrodite, like temptation personified. Her bronzed skin contrasted beautifully with the glowing yellow of the cloth, showing off her abundant breasts, flat stomach, narrow waist, flaring hips, tight muscular butt and long, toned legs.
Of course she'd worn these bikinis for only the first 2 days, the rest of the vacation she'd been naked on the beach every time all the time. The house was set far away from tourist-overrun beaches and from hotels and towns, set in a quiet little cove, with clear, saphire water, palm trees, peace, quiet and solitude. Basically it was paradise on Earth.
Bahamas had been beautiful, but in his eyes they paled to the wonder that was Jennifer Rabb.
True to being newlyweds they'd spent much of the time making love, either on the beach or in the house (but mostly on the beach. The rest of the time they'd spent with being just another couple among thousands of tourists.
Okay, that had been entirely Jen's fault, he had spent many a summer there anyway and had seen all there was to see. Jen had been the one to want to see the sights, he would've been perfectly happy with them spending their days just making love and sunbathing. Doing either on the warm sand just a couple of feet from the ocean.
But her enthusiasm had been infectious and thus he'd gone along with it. But mainly because he loved her and wanted to make her happy. In the end even he had to admit that they'd had a great time even out in the public.
It was an absurdly normal feeling to be holding hands in public, bestowing occasional kisses upon each other or to just feel his rings on her finger as he held her smaller hand in his.
Hearing Jen be called Mrs Rabb was giving him a completely unconscious, totally primal thrill and feeling of satisfaction.
And now they were home, ready to start the rest of their lives together, as husband and wife and future parents of the next generation of Rabbs. Who knows, after all the love making they'd done over the past few weeks, maybe there was a small Rabb, or even several of them, already growing inside Jen's tummy.
As he walked through the double door of the JAG bullpen all activity stopped and everyone turned to look at him. He could clearly see the questions and demands for answers on the faces of his colleagues, from Bud and Harriet to Ensign Petri, Lieutenant Magley, LTs John and Marguerite Roxton, Mac, LT O'Neill, Ensign Sun, Sturgis, Petty Officer Blair,... Even General Cresswell had come out of his office and was standing there, arms crossed, awaiting answers.
And, for the first time in years, the smile that had endangered the vertical stability of many a woman in the past suddenly appeared on Harm's face, catching everyone by surprise and yet in a strange way answering their questions at the same time.
They didn't know it yet, but that smile would disappear not once from Harm's face in the coming 50 years, through trials and tribulations, because he would have Jen there for him and she would have him there for her.
Because they were together and would stay together.
THE END
