Welcome one and all ladies and gentlemen, to my return to fanfic commentary! Now, I'm unfamiliar with Percy Jackson, but this fic bears so little resemblance to what I understand to be it's canon that'll be irrelevant, and the fic moves to a few fandoms I'm more familiar with in later installments.

Updates may be slow as I tend to forget about my projects for long stretches of time and/or spend all of my free time playing League of Legends.

Believer in Christ: Hello Jesus! Oh! Hi there. I'm Jesus, am I? Want to get into heaven? It'll cost ya.
Jesus: Hello my son. Oh. You were talking to the him.
Believer in Christ: Am I saved by writing this story. That seems like a remarkably low and arbitrary bar for salvation.
Jesus: Yes my son. Ok then.
Believer in Christ: Good. Now should I go hunt down those Satanists. ...No?
Jesus: Yes my son. Because taking orders from a personal conversation with Jesus isn't crazy at all!
Disclaimer: I do not own the Bible, God does. I don't think an ancient omnipotent being cares much for mortal copyright laws. I will not feel sorry for using Percy Jackson as it is evil and should not have a disclaimer. Woah woah woah, I don't like the redundant disclaimers on this site any more than you do, but that's going a little far.

Chapter Title- Being Together The Army

Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. -Proverbs 16:18

But you aren't proud of your purity and fanatical prayeriness at all. Can't be a harbinger of your impending doom. Total fluke.

I am Jerry and I am a prayer warrior. It's so weird knowing he isn't about to say he's also a witch and a vampire. Man, that fic does things to you. I am a servent of the lord Good for you. and will do anything to get rid of evil Gods. Including sin? Lately the Satanic leader Percy Jackson has taken over much of the land, I'm not exactly familiar with PJ, but I don't remember him having any world conquest schemes. along with his Satanic Army Summaries left that bit out too. and his girlfriend whore. Wait, so is her name actually whore? She has sex with other people just to get Satanic money. How else do you expect to get Satanic money? Can't just get it in change at the Circle K now, can you?

That means that I have to get an army together of Christians, I don't see the link there. so that we can defeat the servents of Satan, and defeat his evil puppets, Hey, scary though puppets can be that's a little extreme. the false greek gods, Gonna stop ya right there... who are in fact a lie created by Satan to poison people`s mind. HUMANITY HAS A HIVE MIND?!

Take heed to thyself that thou be not snared by following them, after that they be destroyed from before thee; and that thou enquire not after their gods, saying, How did these nations serve their gods? even so will I do likewise. – Deuteronomy 12:30

Blessed are the cheesemakers.

"Hello my fellow Christian" Perfectly normal greeting. I told Mary, who is named after Jesus`s Mother. Because that's relevant. I and her are not dating, Her no date I. if you Satanic scum Them's fightin' words! think that there is something Satanic going on. So you're only not dating if I think you're a Satanist? We are dating, Don't tell me what I think! but we are not having Sex until we get married. Well, that's no fun. At least leave it on the table. I mean, completely removing the option has a tendency to destroy relationships and/or have the entire thing explode into unprepared, unrestrained sex. But because we are 15, it means that it is going to be while before we do such a thing. Or never, because judging by the rest of this fic, no one can stay with you that long. Especially without sex.

"Yes Jerry, how are you. Have you been doing the lord`s biddings?" Because bidding doesn't sound sinister at all. she asked me. I nodded my head and then she took out the bible and we read the first Chapter of Genesis, which is about the the creation of the world. Naw, really? We talk about how God was so good that he was kind to create a great world as we live in. The world this fic takes place in? That's a bit akin to "Oh how good The Abominable Doctor Lenny was to create this which some call a monster!"

He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him. -Proverbs 18:13

"31. Upon approaching the Hill of Halubedahal-Shalamalamadingdong, Jesus the Lord bid His apostles to form a circle around Him. And there He did speak: 32. 'And now let those of true faith extendeth thine right leg to the center of our Circle of Spiritual Truth. Withdraw thine right leg, then return thine right leg to the Circle, and then shaketh it to and fro. Ye must do the Hokey Pokey, then turn thyself around. 33. Do this is remembrance of Me, my apostles, for this, I say to thee, is truly what it is all about.'" -St. Barney the Dinosaur 6:31-33.

Then we discuss about how Satan had poisoned the world by inventing false gods such as Zeus and Venus, THE DINOSAURS ARE A LIIIIIE! who were sex gods, That is not how the pantheon works. which is against the Ten commandments. Where is that in the ten commandments? They're not the gods of graven images. Hell, if you get a misprinted copy the ten commandments tell you TO commit adultery (Seriously. Google "Thou shalt commit adultery")

"I need an Army to defeat the evil leader Percy Jackson" I asked her. And you're expecting your girlfriend to have one? I wanted an army so that I could defeat this Satanist and his ungodly army. Yeah, we got that. This is America which is a Christian nation, Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof -First Amendment. so Satanist, athesit, hindu, muslims, buddhist, and any other non-god fearing people, Well most of those fear gods, just not your god. Of course from your bizarre point of view, they're afraid of being punished by your god, so... who worshiped false gods, should not be allowed in this God fearing Nation. Yay, theocracy! We must get rid of them, and make them slaves, So you wanna throw out the Thirteenth amendment too? if they agree to being a fellow Christian. That's your reward? Once they truly believe in God and his son, Jesus, then would we release them to bring glory to God and his son. Isn't that what agreeing to be a Christian is, in effect? If they still did not believe, we would burn then, So we'd have the ability to psychically light you on fire? just as their fellow Satanist did when they refused to worship our lord Jesus Christ. Ok, look, if this is about the Romans it's been a long time since that went down and you're kinda grasping at vengeance straws here... "I want to bring Glory to God" Can't an omnipotent being get it's own glory?

Their bows also shall dash the young men to pieces; and they shall have no pity on the fruit of the womb; their eyes shall not spare children.-Isaiah 13:18

And the Great Starship, it's holy designation being 1701-D shalt send thine drones into their sleep and vaporize thine cube into many tiny pieces in the cold blackness of the void, and The Almighty Picard shalt be returned to us and there shalt be much rejoicing. -The Holy Logs of the Almighty Picard, Riker 74:6:56

"Then I will show you my Christian friends. You will not find a ungodly one among them. There are as clean as you can get them" Are they free if I can find cleaner in the tri-state area? she told me. She had a her hair tied back so that it would not get in her I hate it when my hair gets in my mouth. Which you wouldn't think would be a problem for a guy, but somehow... and not look like a Satanic whore. Bangs=Satanic Whore. Simple math. She also made sure that her skirt did not show any of her legs, LEGS! (Faints) or else it would be a sin for a man such as myself to look at it. I imagine people think your women are into steampunk, given how they must dress.

And that was when I got message that a follower of the Satanic leader Percy Jackson. Was...? He was there to force people in believing in false gods Preachers of said gods are seldom aware of that. Except Scientologists. that made their followers get naked and perform Satanic killings. Nudity is an essential part of your standard Satanic killing. Now, the flashy stuff requires war paint, but that's a ways down the line.

Also thou shalt not approach unto a woman to uncover her nakedness, as long as she is put apart for her uncleanness. -Leviticus 18:19

"Buggre Alle this for a Larke. I amme sick to mye Hart of typesettinge. Master Biltonn is no Gentlemann, and Master Scagges noe more than a tighte fisted Southwarke Knobbesticke. I telle you, onne a daye laike this Ennyone with half an oz. of Sense shoulde bee oute in the Sunneshain, ane nott Stucke here alle the livelong daie inn this mowldey olde By-Our-Lady Workeshoppe -Ezekiel 48:5

But the prophet, which shall presume to speak a word in my name, which I have not commanded him to speak, or that shall speak in the name of other gods, even that prophet shall die. -Deuteronomy 18:20

And the Man Jaqen H'gharr did say to Arya of the Noble House of Stark "Valar morghulis" -Arya 7:88

So I went down stair to face the false prophet. We got us a showdown. He was a believer in false nature gods, such as Pan, who is Satan in disguise. I thought that I was in heaven, but I was sure surprised! Heaven help my I didn't see the devil in Pan's eyes! He had big Satanic horns, so that everyone that was Christian could tell that he was a Satanist. Actually that would be hooves, if we want to go back to that level of folklore, with Irish legends saying that the devil could disguise everything but his cloven hooves.

"Believe in my god Pan" said the Satyr. "I am Grover and I am servent of Pan and Satan, Da, da, am servant of gods. Is good god, fix grammar in Russian servant, for fee which Lugash can not afford. who are great gods. And also inherently incompatible. They are better then God and Jesus" Your belief, you have a right to it.

He that sacrificeth unto any god, save unto the LORD only, he shall be utterly destroyed. -Exodus 22:20

25. And the Lord spake unto the Angel that guarded the eastern gate, saying Where is the flaming sword which was given unto thee?

26. And the Angel said, I had it here only a moment ago, I must have put it down some where, forget my own head next.

27. And the Lord did not ask him again.

-Genesis 3:25-27

So to defeat this Satanic scum, me, Mary and one of her Christian friends that was there, Oh, how convenient. Can't take one little dark cultist? her name was Ruth, prayed to God and our lord Jesus Christ, to bring down this false prophet. Instead of the more practical methods of asking him to leave or shooting him. And behold, a group of locus came from the heavens Instant victory, just add prayer. and ate Grover alive. Poor muppet... No part of his body, other then his guts and his brains, was left. Hey, locusts didn't finish the cleanup. Honestly, this is what my tax prayers go toward? No even his bones remained. And yet his guts did. Should probably be the other way around.

And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand over the land of Egypt for the locusts, that they may come up upon the land of Egypt, and eat every herb of the land, even all that the hail hath left. -Exodus 10:12

The quotes this guy in the bold is giving are all totally legit -St. Joffrey of Baratheon to Ser Abraham Lincoln before the attack on the first death star, Commentators 88:42

So we brought glory to God. By killing his creations. We killed a sheep so that we can say thanks to God. Oh yeah, gotta do that, otherwise Poseidon gets pissed and doesn't let you go ho-Wait a minute. Then we went back church and prayed some more. Don't you need to rest your praying arm? We read the Bible and how Paul convert many people to God. You read oddly fast for being illiterate. Then Mary`s friends came and we made them members of the Order of the Prayer Warriors. Well, that was a weird club initiation

Their children also shall be dashed to pieces before their eyes; their houses shall be spoiled, and their wives ravished. -Isaiah 13:16

And said the Sainted Physician to the girl, "Run!" and they did, and when the girl inquired as to his name he did say "I'm The Doctor" And she did ask "Doctor Who?" -The Sacred Book of the Sainted Physician.

Believers in Christ: Thank you for read this and I hope you have turn to the glory of God and his eternal son Jesus Christ, the greatest thing to ever happen to this earth. Refrigeration, the wheel, music, writing, not getting hit by another asteroid and thereby wiping out humanity...I can go on. May all that read this be save. Yeah, I did all this in one run. I'll be pissed if it doesn't save.
Jesus: You done me well son. You done good son. You done good.
Believer in Christ: Thank you my lord for giving me live and allow me to write this. You know, free will is arguably the most important human characteristic. Amen.