Set right where season 8 left off. Mainly from Mark's POV with some parts in 3rd person.
NOTE: Please listen to Without You from RENT while reading Chapter 1
What just happened?
What just happened?
Did I not just tell her that I loved her? That I had always loved her? Did I not just tell her that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her? I did tell her that right? I didn't just dream it? I did tell her that. I did say that. So why did what just happened, well, happen?
She wasn't suppose to d.. She wasn't suppose t... to leave me. Leave me here alone. I mean, I'm not alone. I have Arizona and Christina and Meredith and Derek all suffering here with me... but I'm alone.
Without her, I am nothing.
I'm not that badly injured. Not really. They're just superficial. I'm not in any pain, apart from the fact that I am, and they're not just superficial injuries. That's just what people always say when they don't want other people to worry. Everyone else is pretty injured too. Meredith's scraped up, Cristina's shoulder got dislocated, Arizona has a freakin' bone sticking out of her leg and Derek's hand may as well have fallen off.
It's dark now. How long has it been since.. since she left? Four, five hours? Feels like it was years ago yet, it feels as though it was moments ago... I did tell her right? That I loved her? I could've sworn that I did, but if I did then why isn't she here? Isn't me saying those words suppose to make her fight that little bit harder to stay? I guess.. my words gave her the knowledge that she could die in happiness...
No.
I will not think like that.
Like it's all my fault. That she's gone. That she left.
It is not my fault...
I need sleep. Everyone needs sleep. We're too weak to stay awake and wait for help. When help comes, they will wake us up...
– –
How many hours did I sleep? Did I even sleep at all?
Too many questions. Not enough answers... What's that? Oh, sobbing. Of course someone's crying. It's a sad time. But, who is it? Wait, there's only one person that can be..
"Derek?"
"Mark!" Derek lifted his head and looked toward Mark's direction. There was just enough moonlight to make out his silhouette.
"You're crying?"
"Huh, you sound surprised." He sniffed, "Everyone else has cried. You think I'm excluded from such emotion?" Derek gave out a short laugh before spitting out a hearty cough.
"Der-"
"Don't worry Mark, I just have a dry throat." He leaned his head back and looked up at the stars. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. For that one moment, everything felt okay. After what felt like an eternity he opened his eyes and looked back to Mark, "Have you slept?"
"Wha-"
"You really should sleep. You need to get all the rest you can before sunrise. We'll have a hard day tomorrow."
"So today wasn't hard?" Derek could feel the tone of anger in Mark's voice. "Today wasn't the hardest damn day of my life?" Mark struggled with his words, "I'm sorry Derek that I'm not sleeping right now, but every time I do.. every time I do.." Mark closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I've finished crying. At least.. for now anyway.."
Derek laughed then began to shout in whispers, "You think this day wasn't terrible for me too! You think that because you were in love with her that you are the worst off!"
"I never said that-"
"She's my sister Mark!" Derek began to calm down "I mean, she was my.." tears began to run down his cheeks, "Not biologically of course.. but I was her big bother. She came to me for advice about you, y'know." This hit Mark hard, "always me. Never Meredith or one of her friends. Me. Always me. I-I loved her like a sister Mark.." he faced the ground with his eyes closed, took a deep breath and began to speak quietly and softly, "I love her Mark. Not like you do. I could never-" he let a tear roll off his chin, "She was brilliant. She was a great surgeon, a great sister for Meredith to have. Zola loves her.."
He kissed the top of Meredith's head that had been resting on Derek's shoulder since she fell asleep six hours earlier. At this she stirred into a different position causing Christina, who had been resting on Meredith, to wake up slightly.
"Wher-"
"Go back to sleep Christina. It's not time to wake up yet." Derek told her with a sniff. And so she did, re-positioning herself against Meredith and starting to snore at a steady pace. Mark and Derek laughed.
"How do they sleep so soundly through this?" Mark asked.
"Maybe they need the sleep more than us."
"Doubt it." He smiled. The first smile he'd smiled since the crash.
"Heh," Derek simply added, also with a smile. There was a looming silence shared between the two of them for around five minutes or so. Mark figured that Derek had slipped into sleep and felt he was now safe to be with his thoughts.
"What am I going to do..?" He thought out loud, rubbing his head as he did so.
"What are you going to do about what?" a familiar female voice spoke. So he still wasn't alone with his thoughts.
"Arizona? H-how long have you been awake?"
"Long enough." She paused then began to laugh, "Well, I mean, I heard Derek's whole speech about love and you two laughing about us lot sleeping, even though I was actually awake and Meredith is probably just pretending..."
"Oh.." He went silent and looked over at Meredith. 'No, she's sleeping..' he thought to himself.
"You didn't answer my question Mark." She said his name rather forcefully, "What are you going to do about what?"
He stayed silent.
"Fine, stay silent. I'm the closet thing you have to a family right now and you're staying silent. Not that this may be the last time we ever get to speak or anything bu-"
"You're bitter, y'know that." Mark interrupted her.
She took a deep breath "Yeah? Well maybe I'm in a bitter mood." There was more silence. "I'm going back to sleep. Maybe it'll get rid of my bitterness." She closed her eyes and took in another deep breath. And in a calmer tone said "You should sleep Mark. If we're going to die, dying of tiredness would be a silly way to go."
"You can't die of tiredness.." He began to object but stopped as he realised she had already slipped into a deep sleep.
