A first Valentine's Day
FutureCam
A/N:
Me: *Taps four-beat drum rhythm on table* My name is the master...This gas...There is no human race, only the Master race...(many more Random Master quote from Doctor Who later...)
Altair: Hey, what's up with FC?
Ike: He watched the Doctor Who season finale. It may have broken his mind...
Dante: Yeah, he said something along the lines of 'Epicness overload' and even started quoting The Master...
Ike: Should I bring him back to the real world?
Altair: Agreed. We're not meant to be here anyway.
Ike: Okay, get ready to run like hell. AETHER!
ME: What the HELL was that for?!
Dante: *Waves truce flag* Just do the authors notes! Please!
Me: Fine, Fine.
A/N, for real this time:
*leafs through contest rules* Okay...not sure if characters from other franchises count as OC's or not, but I'm going to put them up anyway. Not to mention the fact that Altair is now so OOC due to developments in Reckoning that I don't need to put 'I don't own Assassins Creed' in the disclaimers anymore...
Altair Desmentes Millethant (Fictional last name. Can't spell his real one:P)
Age: 34
Male
Series: Assassins Creed
Description: Tall, thin, pale, gray eyes, short black hair, fast, dangerous (Exceedingly), wears white robes tied with a red sash.
Relationship: Samus (Romantic), Captain Falcon (Roommate, Best Friend), Snake (Roommate), Link;Zelda;Ike (Coworkers type people)
Personality: Serious, tendency to be awkward around subjects he isn't used to.
Dante Sparda
Age: 60. Looks around 30
Male
Series: Devil May Cry
Description: Tall, well-built, blue eyes, white hair, superhuman strength and speed (Half-demon), Red overcoat over black tank top and jeans.
Relationship: Nero (Offscreen, Uncle), Link/Zelda (Co-Conspirators), Altair (Something Approaching friendship...)
Personality: Joker, never serious, complete and utter flirt
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This has got to be one of the longest author's notes I have ever written. This story is kinda sub-fanon for the Reckoning series, and fits in at around chapters 14-15 in SSB:Reckoning. Just clearing that out for you all.
Must...stop...rambling...start...story...
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Chapter one: St. Who's day?
Snake looked up from his copy of 'Guns & Ammo' as Altair slammed the door to their room behind him, eyes wide.
"Hey Al. What's up?"
"Don't call me that" Altair replied instantly. There was a brief pause, before Snake rolled his eyes and repeated his question.
"What's up?"
"The world outside this room has gone MAD, Snake!" Altair said, horror-stricken "The walls are covered in pink...and hearts...and...and oh god, there's statues of little flying children with harps and bows..."
Snake couldn't help it. He fell off the bed laughing.
"Hah...your face...you're actually SCARED by all of that? You, the person who pretty much faced an entire Templar army by yourself and WON?" He chuckled, wiping a tear from his eye.
"It's insane, Snake! Seriously, what's going on!"
Snake shook his head in disbelief.
"Calm down, it's just St. Valentine's Day."
Altair gave his a look.
"St. Who's day?"
Now Snake looked at Altair in horror. "Let me get this straight...you don't know what St Valentine's day is."
"Correct"
"You are currently romantically involved with the most dangerous woman in the mansion, Samus Aran."
"Yes..."
"And you haven't gotten a gift yet."
"Why would I get one?"
Snake looked his roommate in the eye.
"Let me put it this way: You have to get one in the next forty-eight hours, or your girlfriend will be pissed. And we've all seen what Samus can do when she's pissed."
There was a brief pause while Altair took all of this information in, slowly.
"...Crap." He muttered after a while.
"Exactly." Snake replied "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a practice match with Dante scheduled."
Snake got up and left the room, leaving Altair standing in the middle of it with a shocked expression on his face.
***********
*Five minutes later...*
Snake staggered out of the SimPod, shivering.
"Five seconds..." He muttered "Five seconds..."
"Great match!" Dante grinned, sticking out his hand "You've improved a lot!"
"Five...Seconds..."
"Uh, Snake?" Dante asked, waving a hand in front of his face. "Ah, crap, you're in shock. C'mon, let's get you to Mewtwo." He muttered, dragging Snake behind him. "Why can't I have one match against someone other than Nero and souped-up-on-god-power Altair?"
"Because you're broken!" A voice yelled from the banisters above the arena. Dante sighed, pulled out one of his pistols, and let out a few rounds without looking. He was rewarded with a cry of pain and Ganondorf yelling "MY KNEECAP! MY POOR GERUDO KNEECAP! I NEED THAT TO WALK!"
"Still got it.." Dante smirked, heading off with a now-unconscious Snake slung over his shoulder.
****************************
Altair walked back and forth in his dorm.
"Think, think think...okay. Got it." He muttered "There are only four other couples that I know of here: Red and Ruby, Link and Zelda, Mario and Peach, and then Nero and Kyrie." He went through his mental checklist, erasing those he couldn't rely on.
"Nero and Kyrie went back to their world for a few days, whilst Red and Ruby are...well, their teenagers. Not really reliable." He paused. "Why do I get the feeling that somewhere, there are several Authors mad at me?"
A loud explosion echoed in the distance, moments before Master Hand's voice came over the intercom. "No-one panic, it was just the Fourth wall being broken.", which was soon followed by Link yelling "I WON THE BET! Pay up, Marth, I TOLD you we wouldn't break it again for another three years!"
"Well that was random" Altair continued, sighing "Anyway, that leaves Peach or Zelda to ask for advice. Due to my wanting to keep my sanity, I think I'll go ask Zelda for some help."
Mind now set on this course of action, he marched out of the room, heading for Zelda's.
*************
"Target sighted" Dante muttered, moving towards Altair "Preparing Devil Trigger...Hey Altair!" This last part was yelled into the Assassin's ear. Instead of the desired effect of him being startled and Dante getting a laugh, all he heard was a random word in Arabic, before he received a punch to the jaw, two palms slapping his temples and a kick to the abdomen in quick succssion.
"What...did...I...do?" He gasped, clutching his stomach.
"Sorry. Reflexes." Altair apologized. "What do you want?"
"Why, Snake told me about your little problem, and I'm going to help, of course!" Dante smirked "So, let's get cracking – oh, wait a second, we have our third co-conspirator to come first..."
"Who?"
"Captain Falcon" Dante said with a shrug. Altair said the one thing that came to mind.
"This is NOT going to end well..."
**************
A/N: I figured it was going to be easier (And more likely for me to remember to update it) If I did it in a three-chapter format instead of a one shot like my original plan.
