i don't own a thing except the clothes on my back thankfully!

this is my first fan fic so please review and tell me what you think and we will see where we go!

Stick a fork in me I'm done!

I am done with my job; all it ever seems to do is cause trouble. Maniacs putting my life in danger, my mother's disapproval and the thing I can not stand is the arguments that it causes between Joe and I. I hate the wedge that it drives between us.

I haven't seen Joe for a week and I feel as if I am going crazy. I can't stand not having him in my life. The reason he isn't in my life now?

We had an argument about my job, the fact that he is sick of worrying about me every time Ranger's Merry Men loose me. I was shocked at the emotion he displayed, normally he just gets angry and you see the muscle in his jaw working, trying to control his Italian temper. But this time there were tears in his eyes, the tough, street wise cop, had tears in his eyes. While those tears sat glistening in his eyes the speech his words cut me like a knife;

"Steph every time you get caught up in one of these cases and you disappear off the radar the fear I get is indescribable, my heart is in my mouth and I can't function properly, all I can think about is what will I do with out you, what happens if we don't find you this time. I can't keep going through this Steph, God I love you so much you mean the world to me but I can't keep putting myself through this."

And with that he walked out the door of my apartment. No ranting, raving and Italian temper bubbling over. He just turned around and left; do you know how weird that was for me? To see him walking out usually it's the other way round.

The past week has been terrible. I have barely slept; I keep thinking that Joe is going to walk through the door. I came home the other night and there was a light on in my apartment and my heart leapt and I thought back to all those nights that I had come home to the delicious smells of Spaghetti Bolognaise, with not too much garlic, Joe standing there looking sexy with a spoon in one hand and glass of red wine in the other, I took the stairs two at a time. When I got inside there was only the squeaking of Rex's wheel. I had left the light on when I walked out this morning.

So since there was no spaghetti and no sexy Italian in my apartment I went out to grab some happy food, a 12 pack of doughnuts. As I was coming out of the bakery Joe walked past. Our eyes met and his cop face was firmly in place not giving anything away, but as I looked at him, his eyes gave him away and I could see that he was falling apart inside.

We had been on and off for ages constantly fighting and walking in and out of each others lives, we fought, argued and constantly left each other. We never got this cut up inside, we just got frustrated with each other and always ended up alright. We lasted for ages without seeing each other. This time however we were going through hell and back.

So I have made my decision I need Joe, as bad as I am with co habiting. I need him in my life. I am going to give my job up it's not worth it any more. Joe is the only that matters to me and if he can't be in my life because of my job then it has to go.