Summary: Voldemort has a pet snake named Choker. Harry's gonna meet him. :D
Warnings: ... Don't read it, it will drive you insane? :3
I love you: O: WE WILL GET MARRIED.
NOTE: I seriously suggest that if you are easily offended you do not touch this fanfiction with a 50 foot pole.
If you have a brain, do not touch it with a 50 foot pole.
If you have virtualy no brain, and are offended by anything EVER, do not touch this with a 50 foot pole.
... And I appologise to any half human, half snake freak-children in advance.
On with the story then.
--
We all know about Voldemorts main pet snake, Nagini, right? Well, it's a little known fact that he has a second snake, Choker. This snake is white, 14 inches long, and this story is about the day that Harry Potter met him.
The day started like any other. You know, annoying birds you want to shoot, the sun shining in your eyes, and Harry Potter not dying... Or like any other for Voldemort, I mean.
The only thing different about this morning was the mass of little boys running around Slytherin castle. Draco, Blase, Theodor, Vincent, Gregory, Seamus, Dean... You get the point. Voldemort likes little boys over for a sleep over... Not like it's illegal.
... It is? Oops.
Well, anyway. Running along with the little boys en-mass was one Harry James Potter. And Voldemort had his eyes on the boy, as always.
Whilst Voldemort was watching all the boys running around in their underpants, hitting one another with pillows, one of the boys, just the one Tommy-boy wanted to see infact, ran straight (Or not so straight, as that would ruin the story) into him, causing him to land on his back with a scantily clad Potter youth stradling his lap. Voldemort then said the first thing that came into his head at this point.
"Would you like some candy, little boy? It's in my room."
Now, we all know that Harry Potter, saviour of the wizarding world is too smart to fall for that...
"Sure I would, Tom! Where is it?"
Or not.
--
Well, seeing as how Harry Potter isn't as smart as was previously thought, he was led into The Lord ped... Voldemorts room, to get the candy he had asked for.
And this is when Voldemort pulled down his pants.
... And there was Choker. His 14 inch snake, wriggling about where there should have been an important peice of male anatomy.
"Harry Potter, I comand you get on your knees and kiss my wonderful pet snake."
"Wow, your snake is so big, Voldie. And prettier than Nagini, too. Is it poisonus?"
And Voldemorts reply to young Harry was one of epic proportions. "Well... It can impregnate you with a half snake, half human freak-child?"
-Hisshiss, hello kiddo. Hisshiss, you're quite adorable. Hisshiss, I think I will slither upwards so I can look up at you easier. Hisshiss-
"Oh, wow, Voldie, it talked to me!"
And that it did. Voldemorts Snake took an instant liking to Harry, sometimes spitting in his eye, which Harry did NOT like all that much, though.
--
And from that day on, Harry spent a lot of his time between Voldemorts legs, talking to his snake, and popping out half snake, half human freak-children.
THE END.
