When I Die
by Oonagh
Disclaimer: At the risk of stating the obvious, I do not own Battlestar Galactica or anything therewith associated.
Author's Note: This story is set after Resurrection Ship pt2 and before Epiphanies and deals with Roslin's take on her mortality. Reviews will be gratefully received, even if you hated every word.
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Death doesn't frighten me, not anymore. Less than a year ago the idea of dying terrified me. The death sentence I was given left me reeling. I couldn't understand it, couldn't accept it. My mind kept replaying the doctor's words – cancer, inoperable, terminal, palliative care – but my heart refused to believe it. I couldn't be dying. I had so many plans, so many dreams.
But in the days that followed, as the world ended and my body weakened, I came to accept the inevitable. I was dying and it would be slow and painful. I accepted it as incontrovertible truth but it still angered me. It angered me that I wouldn't live to fulfil my new duty. That no matter how hard I worked and how much good I did it could all be destroyed by my successor and there was nothing I could do. And it angered me that I wouldn't have longer with the new friends I was making. I would miss them. Billy, Captain Apollo, even Commander Adama. Miss them and miss watching them bring humanity back from the brink, restore civilisation. The world had ended but I had realised that life went on. The irony even amused me sometimes. But, in the end, it was this realisation that ended the anger and the fear. Life would go on, humanity would go on. Even after I was gone. And this gave me hope.
Then came the many-coloured serpents and my introduction to the Gospel of Pythia and to the knowledge that my duty was not merely to be president but that I had been chosen to lead humanity to the Promised Land. To Earth. I would not live to see it – the fact of my death had not changed – but that was alright because my people would. They would survive and succeed in rebuilding our society in their new home. That had been promised. And if I had to die to achieve this then so be it. When we returned from Kobol with the map to the thirteenth colony I felt inexpressible joy. My job was done and destiny dictated that all would be well.
Now, as I lie in my bed reliving the few minutes I spent on earth staring up at the stars, I wait for death. And I am not afraid. Now I know that when I die the pain will be gone. The stress will be left behind. My fight will be done. And I will have won. I can ask for no more.
