Royal Matchmaker
Chapter One
(A/N: This is based on the Hallmark Channel original film of the same name. I have taken the GREAT liberty of changing the millennia and the location, I've added a number of my own scenes, some events and dialogue, and I've omitted a few scenes that weren't really necessary to tell the story I want to tell. See an A/N at the end which you shouldn't know til the end!)
Tucked away in a back corner of the reception hall, Ianto Jones listened to the proclamation, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please be upstanding as I give you for the first time anywhere, Mr and Mrs William and Channon MacIntosh!" and he watched as a radiant bride and her adoring groom entered to the thunderous applause of their many friends and family. It was one of his favourite moments of any wedding, that and the moment when the chapel doors opened and the father of the bride appeared, presenting his daughter to all those attending but most importantly, to her groom who saw her for the first time resplendent in her wedding finery.
Tosh slipped up beside him, holding out a glass of champagne. "I can't believe you pulled this off," she whispered as she saluted him with her own glass.
"We pulled this off," Ianto corrected her. "There's no way I could have accomplished all this without you, young lady. I will never figure out how you got one hundred Brilnation orchids here on time. Never!"
"It wasn't easy, I promise you that. Between the Trilie Embargo and a nasty bud worm that infested the main greenhouse, I'd say about a third of these are replicants. Fortunately, you'd be quite hard-pressed to figure out which are fake and which are real."
"I tip my hat to you, my beautiful Japanese dragon." Ianto leaned over and kissed her cheek. "You are truly brilliant."
She blushed slightly, still a bit unnerved by the praise. There were times when Toshiko Sato wanted to pinch herself, when she wondered how in the Universe she'd gotten so lucky as to be hired by Ianto Jones, the man considered to be one of the very best matchmakers and wedding planners on First Moon Cardiff. It was considered quite an honour to be chosen by him to coordinate the big day, considering there were literally dozens of brides-to-be clamouring for his attention every week, the majority of them coming from other planets and moons in the system, many of them non-human.
'I can't forget to order both fresh and dried catnip for Sister Matga's bonding ceremony.' Tosh made herself a mental note. In four months' time, Ianto was putting on a Catkind bonding ceremony and the catnip was for the couple's wedding night, guaranteeing a successful first mating.
Under Ianto's watchful eye, the reception went off without a hitch and on schedule.
The couple's signature cocktail, the 'Flamin' Mame', was a huge hit amongst the guests who enjoyed re-lighting one another's drinks, and there was only one set of singed eyebrows, thank the Goddess. The drink was taken from an ancient Old Earth film called 'Mame', starring Rosalind Russell, an ancestor of the bride's; the couple had seen the film on their first date at a cinema that specialised in restoring and celebrating very old films and television series.
As always, the catering company Ianto favoured had outdone themselves, with many dishes prepared specifically to please both human and alien palates. Several guests summoned the chef to applaud him and then to ask for recipes.
When the plates had been cleared and the champagne and wine glasses refilled, the toasts were made, the speeches were given, and for a change, no one cried from embarrassment or swore at the speaker and there were no fisticuffs in the foyer. Unlike the spectacular – Toshiko had politely described it as 'robust' in her final report – Shandrick wedding a month ago, no one had to call the security services or the emergency medical services, which was actually an unusual thing for any formal gathering of the Sot-chin race.
Keeping to Ianto's schedule, Tosh spoke quietly to the bride and groom, then signalled the orchestra to begin playing and the newlyweds swept out across the dance floor, their five months of three-times-a-week lessons making their movements seem totally effortless. When the music changed a few minutes later, the guests joined in.
Sometime later, the gentle ting-ting-ting of a champagne glass being tapped brought everyone's attention to the bride and groom, now standing next to their five-tier wedding cake, which was wrapped in gold fondant with Prussian blue accents and featuring a magnificent spray of white roses cascading from top to bottom. It had been baked and decorated by members of Toshiko's relatives, the Sato family being pastry chefs renowned throughout the quadrant for their ability to replicate by hand the flowers and greenery from Old Earth which were now extinct. All that remained were historical documents and images of more than a quarter-of-a-million plant species that once lived on planet Earth.
With great solemnity, the couple cut the cake, selected a piece, took turns bowing respectfully to one another before carefully presenting the morsel and then feeding their new mate. They were telling each other, their spouse's parents and all the guests that they would always provide for their loved one.
Finally, it was time for the newlyweds to depart on their month-long honeymoon to the Medusa Cascade. With Tosh's help, the bride had slipped away and changed from her gown to her travelling ensemble and as she stood patiently on the sixth step up, all the single ladies and even a few men gathered expectantly below her, jostling for a place, hoping to be the one who caught the bridal bouquet.
Ianto nudged his best friend. "You should slip in there, try your luck," he whispered. "I have great ideas for your wedding!"
"Shhh!" Tosh jabbed him in the ribs; Ianto said the same thing every time one of their brides tossed her bouquet, and while she didn't doubt that her wedding would indeed be the finest he'd ever thrown, Tosh had no intention of ever getting married.
The newlyweds were long gone but Ianto and Tosh paid no attention to the die-hard revellers as the party continued around them, instead they directed the clean-up operation. Toshiko was in the kitchen, counting the dishes, glassware and silver as it was all washed and packed away while Ianto was supervising the registering and securing of gift envelopes and the packing of beautifully wrapped wedding gifts. They would all be held in his secure archives until the couple returned and settled into their new home.
As he stood there entering data into his tablet, a woman came up to him, champagne glass in hand. "I don't know how you did it, but I'm so glad you did!" Her face glowed with happiness and perhaps one glass of bubbly too many.
"Oh, they were made for each other," Ianto told her. "I just introduced them."
"You underestimate your talents, Mr Jones." She leaned in closer. "My daughter is very picky."
"Yes, I know," he nodded, careful to keep the annoyance from his tone and the grimace from his face as he remembered the hours spent introducing Channon to over a dozen men, all of whom she refused for the most ridiculous reasons.
"His nose is too big."
"His chin is too small."
"His hair is the wrong colour."
"His country's name is too hard to pronounce."
However, Ianto's personal favourite was, "He smells funny."
Ianto smiled, glad that his time with Channon as over and then he added, "but I also know that when someone has had their heart broken they tend to close themselves off and protect themselves. Once Channon opened herself up and accepted that no one is perfect, she was able to follow her heart."
"Well, I can certainly see why people call you the King of Hearts!" The bride's mother raised her glass to Ianto.
"Actually," Tosh came up to them, "a certain pop star who is famous throughout the quadrant but who should remain nameless is responsible for that one after Ianto found him his dream girl."
Ianto could feel a blush starting and he hastily protested, "Stop! Stop it right now!"
The bride's mother playfully shoved Ianto's shoulder. "Well, I can only imagine what your dream girl must be like!" She drained her glass and wandered off a bit unsteadily in search of a refill, not hearing Ianto's comment.
"You and me both," he muttered dryly.
"Another great day, another happily-ever-after." Tosh and Ianto headed for the cake table, where a few pieces remained, sitting there on paper plates, ready to be eaten and the trash disposed of.
Ianto nodded. "They are a great couple, aren't they."
Tosh selected a slice of cake and nibbled at it, using her fingers as she didn't see any clean forks. "I wish we could find you someone, but I just don't have your intuition."
"Don't be silly."
"I'm not!" she protested. "My matchmaking skills are limited to statistics and analytics."
"Don't sell yourself short, Tosh," Ianto shook his head at her, "you did so much to help me sift through all the frogs to find this woman's knight in shining armour." He noticed that a handsome man who'd been watching Tosh most of the reception was approaching and knew he'd found the perfect moment to slip away. "Well, it looks like this evening is going to be full of potential, so you have some fun and I'll see you tomorrow." He turned to walk away.
"But what about you?" Tosh hadn't yet seen her approaching suitor.
"I have… erm…" Ianto stuttered, floundering for an excuse, "a thing, an umm… important… a very important appointment… thing…"
"No, you don't!" Toshiko knew full well that her boss and best friend was lying because she knew his schedule down to the minute as she was the one who did most of the scheduling.
Ianto hurried away, passing the entry table which held a five-foot crystal centrepiece, with the bride and groom's initials etched around the rectangular bottom, while the large circular piece on top was etched with a design which artists had created by the combining the crests of both their houses. It was quite a striking work of art which would be put on display in the couple's new home. 'Got to make sure that gets delivered later with the gifts,' and he made yet another mental note which would soon be added to his list of things to do.
Shrugging his overcoat more comfortably on his shoulders and buttoning it as he exited the building, Ianto barely made it out the door before he was digging into his pockets, his hand emerging triumphantly with a bar of the best dark Phxtem chocolate made on the six moons. Ripping open the wrapper, he took the first bite of his end-of-event reward and closed his eyes with pleasure, feeling the treat melt across his taste buds. It had been his tradition from his very first event to indulge himself for a job well done. In fact, it had even taken on a bit of superstitious luck; he knew that if the chocolate was waiting for him then things would go along swimmingly.
The one time he'd forgotten to put it in his pocket, things had gone terribly awry. The mother of the bride had deliberately tripped the groom's mother sending her toppling into a bed of carnivorous flowers, the gracefully arched neck of the ice sculpture swan had snapped, dropping the head beak-first into a large bowl of gorm-liver pate, the groom had bent over to tie his shoe and split the seat of his pants wide open – while standing at the altar waiting for his bride, naturally – and the bride's father had developed a very loud case of the hiccups just as he and his daughter started down the aisle.
Ianto's little voice had been screaming at him to check his pocket and when he had finally stopped long enough to listen, he had discovered that the chocolate was missing. Despite a torrential downpour, Toshiko was immediately dispatched to the nearest confectioners and when she returned just as the long ceremony was ending, the rain also ended and the eight-and-a-half-hour reception went off without a hitch.
Now, courtesy of Toshiko, there was a large rather colourful sign on the inside of Ianto's office door saying 'POCKET CHOCOLATE' to remind him to check before he left. Whenever a client asked him about it he'd merely tap his finger aside his nose and wink, whispering, "Good luck charm."
As he strolled down the street, window shopping and nibbling tiny bits from his chocolate, he gradually became aware that there was a trio of young people following along behind him, whispering and giggling to themselves. He remembered seeing them at the reception, so he glanced over his shoulder; he could hear them arguing about who should talk to him first, one of them saying, "It's your question, you ask him!"
After a few more steps he stopped and turned around. "Yes?" and he smiled encouragingly.
It was the brunette female who responded, grabbing her blonde friend's hand and pulling her forward. "She wants to know if you work with teen-agers."
"Looking for a soulmate already, are you?" he teased albeit a bit seriously. One never knew where the next client would come from, so he treated everyone courteously.
"More like a prom date," their male companion muttered.
The blonde rolled her eyes at him before confessing, "See, I have this crush on this really cute guy named Llando, but so far, he thinks I'm invisible."
Mentally, Ianto shook his head. She was probably only fifteen years old but she was already quite pretty, with long blonde hair, big blue eyes, dimples and a smile that made her face glow, and he could tell that she was going to be a stunningly beautiful woman. 'This Llando is an idiot if he can't see her!'
"She's not kidding," the boy grinned, "he doesn't even know she exists!"
"Oh, stop!" Ianto protested. "I'm sure that's not true, but I don't know if you need a matchmaker as much as an introduction. How old are you?"
"Fifteen," she confirmed his first impression.
He nodded and smiled. "Why don't you ask him to help you with your homework?"
Her face lit up as she grinned back at him. "Simple, yet brilliant! Thank you!" She grabbed her friend's hand and they hurried off, heading back to the reception hall.
"Good luck," Ianto called after them as he popped another morsel of Phxtem chocolate into his mouth.
